


save me, i'm falling

by playthetyrants



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Be patient, Domestic Violence, Harry is a patient, Hospitals, I watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy, I'm basing all my medical info off of a TV show, Liam is a surgeon as well, Louis is a surgeon, Louis really cares about Harry aw, M/M, Niall is Niall, What Did You Expect, Zayn and Niall are interns, Zouis is alive in this, also Ziam - Freeform, also the Tomlinson and Styles families, closeted sexuality, coming out stories, i'm adding other Grey's characters as I go, it has a happy ending, there's a lot of surgeries as well, there's some fighting, yes there's smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-03 18:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 106,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5302802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playthetyrants/pseuds/playthetyrants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis rubbed his head closing his eyes again for a moment. God damn this patient coming in and lying to his face. God damn him for being so hurt and scared and for crying. God damn him for being so beautiful and so broken. </p><p>He scratched his head before looking back up, scanning Harry’s face very carefully. He merely stared back at him, sniffling slightly before holding his hands up in a pleading gesture, his fingers crossed in a praying stance. </p><p>“Please, Dr. Tomlinson…” His voice cracked and Louis couldn’t help but sigh in distress. He shook his head, gritting his teeth as he struggled to remember his duties as a doctor. Harry whimpered softly and Louis knew more tears were falling without even having to look. He bit his lip, closing and opening his eyes one more time, staring Harry down.</p><p>“You and I both know that you didn’t get this hurt from falling down some stairs.”</p><p>or, Louis is a doctor. Harry is his patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I watched 2 seasons of Grey's Anatomy in less than a week and I love Larry. This was the result.

When he was in high school, Louis Tomlinson was known in his household for breaking 4 alarm clocks his senior year. The first time was an accident, completely, he swears on his mum’s life. He had hit it too hard with his palm and the damn thing had broken. It was old as it was, and Louis was pretty sure he didn’t possess the strength to completely demolish it with his bare hands anyway.

The second time, it was on purpose. He had been up all night studying for his advanced Biology exam the next morning and had fallen asleep for maybe 20 minutes before it had started beeping, that stupid, incessant blaring noise that also buzzed loudly due to the fact that the tiny machine vibrated against his bedside table as well. He had grabbed the thing and thrown it across his room, smashing it to pieces against the plaster wall and sending his little sisters into screaming fits in the next room. Needless to say, he made it to his exam on time anyway.

The rest of the times...well, high school was a rough period. He liked breaking things sometimes.

College was better for him; sure, he still had a hard time waking up for class sometimes, but he never broke another alarm clock.

Looking back on it now, Louis knows for a damn fact that nothing, not even that alarm clock that haunted him for years, could compare to the shrill, rhythmic screeching of his pager that was attached to his belt at all times. Even at home, the damn thing haunted him, sometimes going off at godforsaken hours of the night and sending him straight back to work, eyes still sleepy and hurriedly chugging down cold coffee as he made his way back to the hospital.

Being a surgeon was never something Louis had considered before high school. Only freaks and really fucking smart kids ever wish to be surgeons when they’re young. Doctors and nurses, sure. That’s completely fine. Pediatricians, the ones that take care of you when you’re younger and send you home with huge stickers, that’s the one your 5 year old kid is rambling on about as they cover you with band-aids and wave around their plastic stethoscope.

But surgeons? No way. That word is foreign to them. Hell, bring it up to an adult and watch the face they make.

“So you like...cut people open to save them? Sounds backwards to me.”

“Doesn’t all the blood gross you out? And touching people’s...guts?”

“Surgeons kill a LOT of people. Their patients just die on the table. How can you handle that?”

Louis realized halfway through his first year at uni that he was one of the only people in his program that didn’t completely fall apart when studying the duties of surgeons. His original major was trashed immediately (he was going to be a psychologist; fuck that) and began schooling for surgery. His friends called him crazy and frankly, he probably was. But did he regret it now?

Nah.

Well, maybe sometimes.

It was true, people did die on his table, under his hands, sometimes. The first time it happened, Louis didn’t speak for a week. He nearly got fired for it, but he couldn’t bear to think of anything else without feeling immensely guilty. It had been a young woman, in her twenties; he had performed a simple appendectomy but she started hemorrhaging due to a blood clot and they couldn’t pump enough blood in her veins fast enough. In all honestly, it wasn’t his fault at all. She was weak, and her body had turned against her. He had frozen in shock, his gloved hands still covered in her blood and a scared intern still holding the woman’s appendix in a shiny silver bowl. One of the nurses had cleared her throat several times before she finally got his attention, asking for him to state the time of death. Louis had blinked several times before finally realizing what she was asking, and proceeded on.

Part of becoming a surgeon meant finding that section in your brain that turned off your emotions completely. No one had told him that before he arrived in Seattle, and it took him an embarrassingly long time to figure it out. But once he had, it was finished. His mum argued it made him less human, less “Louis”, which was probably true. But he wasn’t going to risk his ranking as one of the top surgeons in the country all because his mum thought he acted a bit different.

As well as his sisters.

And some of his co-workers.

And his various boyfriends.

Well...ex-boyfriends.

Louis wrapped his scarf around his neck with one hand and grabbed his keys with the other as he walked out of his closet and back into his bedroom, rolling his eyes and groaning audibly at the mess of dark brown hair that was sticking from beneath his black comforter.

“I have to go to work, will you get up?” Louis reached for his pager on the side table as the man rolled over and grabbed his hand, smiling sleepily up at him. His eyes were a light blue color, almost aquamarine, and they sparkled as he ran a fingertip against the top of Louis’ knuckles.

“Last night was...great.” Louis pulled his hand away (a little too sharply, probably) and forced back a grin. “Yes it was. But now it’s over, and I have a surgery that starts in half an hour. You need to get out like, now.” Louis yanked off the blanket as the man (oh Christ, what was his name?) yelled loudly in protest.

“Hey!”

Louis rolled his eyes, throwing the blanket on the floor. “We fucked 3 times last night and now you’re shy about your body?” He strode into the kitchen down the hall, grabbing a thermos and filling it with coffee as his date came shuffling down the hall, trying to button his jeans while holding his shirt between his teeth. Louis took a sip of his coffee, watching him amusedly pondering last night’s events as his pager went off a second time. He sighed in frustration and turned it off.

“Okay look, you need to leave right now.” Louis had him by the collar of his shirt as he grabbed his bag from the kitchen counter and all but shoved him out the front door, turning and locking it behind him as his date struggled to tie his shoes.

“So listen, can I call you toni-”

“Can’t, I’ve got another surgery this evening.” Louis was jogging to the elevator, eager to get away from this man and his flat as fast as possible.

“Oh, okay. Well, maybe you can text m-”

“Yeah yeah, I will!” Louis’ gaze was on his phone, scrolling through all the messages and notifications he had missed the night before, stepping into the elevator and hitting the close button as soon as he could. He looked up just in time to see the bright brown eyes of his soon to be forgotten one night stand right before the doors shut, muffling his cry of “I’ll see you soon!” with a loud ring.

Louis sighed in relief, his back hitting against the metal wall behind him, closing his eyes for a moment. This seemed to happen more and more often; why couldn’t they realize all he wanted was a quick fuck? The hospital was stifling sometimes; it stressed him out more times than not. A hookup was a great method of therapy, in his book. He slipped his phone inside his coat pocket and rubbed his eyes with one hand, still holding his coffee in the other. As he reached the ground floor, he took a quick sip and a deep breath. All he needed to focus on was getting to work and saving his patient, and a particularly young one at that.

An annoying, traffic filled trip later had him sprinting through the doors of Mercy Hospital, the usual crowd of young interns standing around chattering away before immediately straightening up (some choking on the food they were trying to consume) and ringing out “Good morning, Dr. Tomlinson!” as he raced past. He always managed to respond back, whether it was stopping and smiling at them, asking how they were, or yelling out a “Good morning!” in response trying to get to the elevators. This morning it was the latter, and he barely made it into an elevator before the doors closed. He smiled to himself happily, adjusting his scarf and turning to face a smirking Zayn Malik leaning against the elevator railings, already decked out in his blue scrubs and long white coat.

“What the hell took you so long, Tommo?” Louis rolled his eyes, taking another long sip of coffee.

“I got my dick sucked last night, and was trying to kick the guy out this morning.” he stated matter of factly as Zayn laughed, shaking his head.

“Dick sucking is not an excuse you can provide to chief when he grills your ass about being late.”

“Oh! Speaking of ass, how’s yours? Heard you and chief got it on in the nurses’ supply closet last night while I was performing that heart transplant.” Zayn’s face turned bright red, Louis raising his eyebrows at him. “Nurses tell me things, Malik. They think I’m cute and give me all the juicy gossip when I ask for it. Actually, I don’t even have to ask. They just tell me.”

Zayn shook his head, chuckling nervously and looking down. “Me and Payne? Nah, I mean, it’s just like, a stupid thing-”  
“Ah, a stupid thing with the chief? I’ll be sure to tell him that sometime.” he mused, turning around swiftly and smacking Zayn in the face with the end of his scarf.

The elevator doors open and Louis was down the hall before Zayn could recover, running to the locker room to put on his scrubs.

“Don’t lie to me, Zayn! I’m expecting a wedding invitation by next week!” The sound of nurses giggling rang in his ears as the locker room door shut behind him, grinning happily as he yanked off his scarf and began undressing for his scrubs. He slipped them on quickly, as he had done so many times before, and grabbed a random surgery cap from his locker, tying his behind his head as he closed it shut with his elbow, walking back to the door.

His pager began beeping loudly on his belt, and he reached down to shut it off again before his head smacked into the chest of none other than the chief of surgery himself. Louis cursed loudly, rubbing his head before looking up at him.  
“Tomlinson! Watch where you’re going!” Louis saw Zayn fighting back laughter out of the corner of his eye at the nurses station, his face buried inside a patient’s chart as Louis grimaced.

“Sorry, sir…” Liam smiled a bit, standing back and folding his arms.

“I was coming to find you- your surgery was cancelled.” Louis’ head shot up immediately, his eyes nearly bulging from his head.

“What, why?! He HAS to have that surgery-” Liam stopped him with a hand to his shoulder, sighing a bit.

“His parents changed their mind. The risks were too much; they’d rather him just succumb to the cancer at home rather than him possibly dying on the table. You know he only had a couple weeks left, if that.”

Louis groaned audibly, running his hand over his head and pulling off his cap in the process. “Yeah, I know…” It was the sad truth; a lot of parents ended up pulling this card. And since he was under 18, he really couldn’t do anything about it. Knowing Liam, Louis knew that he had tried his hardest to convince them, and most of the time he succeeded. But there were always those few, those handfuls of selfish parents who couldn’t hand their kids over to doctors, no matter what.

“It’s a shame...I’ve performed that surgery a few times before, and it’s always been successful. I could’ve saved his life,” he added angrily, Liam shrugging and patting his shoulder.

“We have to earn their trust...some parents just can’t take that risk.”

Louis sighed and leaned against the wall, folding his arms before a nurse came frantically running into the area.

"We need everyone down in the pit! There was a huge car wreck this morning on the freeway- loads of ambulances coming in.” Louis perked up; car wrecks meant potential surgeries. Maybe this day didn’t have to suck. Liam waved his hand impatiently at the crowd of nurses and interns around him.

“To the pit, to the pit…” The crowd began their shift down the hallway, following the nurse as Liam went back to his office. Louis shoved his cap into his pocket and began to follow them; if he didn’t have surgery, might as well help. He made it to the nurses station before a heavy binder was shoved against his chest, Zayn smirking at him.

“They can’t take everyone to the pit; someone has to stay and help the people already here.” Louis rolled his eyes and shoved his hand away.

“Zayn, I’m going to the fucking p-” Zayn’s hand was back against his chest in a flash, shoving him forward with the binder before turning and racing back towards the giant crowd in front of him.

“That’s for blabbing about me and you know who this morning! Have fun!” Louis gaped at him as a blue blur of scrubs disappeared around a corner down the hallway, still holding the binder in his hand. Damn him, the stupid bastard. Just because Louis had taken a liking to him this year didn’t mean he could dump regular patients on him; he was an intern, for Christ’s sake.

Gritting his teeth, he looked down at the binder before opening it, scanning the patient’s profile quickly. He scoffed, turning the page. Sounded like a dumbass to him: various bruises, random cuts all over his body, possible concussion and need of stitches. Probably fell out of a tree or something stupid like that. Why couldn’t he have gotten someone interesting, someone on the brink of death, maybe? He looked up, making eye contact with the nurse.

“Where’s Harry Styles located at?” She gestured down the hall without looking up from her computer, pointing to a door located at the end of it. Louis somehow managed to grit his teeth and not make a bitchy comment in response before turning his heel and stomping softly down the hallway. Work was already testing him this morning. He got to the door and peered in, eyeing his patient briefly.

His binder suddenly hit the tile floor below him, sending papers flying everywhere and the hallway around him into complete silence. Louis cursed again (how many times had that been now?) before frantically scooping everything up around him, the nurse from earlier eyeing him amused. His cheeks were flushed,he could feel it, and he cleared his throat as he tried to shove the papers back in as neatly as he could. He looked up through the window again and swore to God his heart stopped beating. The patient- Harry -was looking at him now, his big green eyes staring at him with a mix of what Louis thought was confusion and shock.

Louis swallowed thickly, idly beginning to wonder if his coffee had suddenly decided to kick in. No one fucking told him Harry Styles was absolutely BEAUTIFUL.

He cleared his throat before reaching down and turning the handle, strolling in almost too quickly. Harry was completely silent, his hands folded in his lap as his long legs dangled from the bed. He was dressed in a pair of tight denim jeans, a pair of scuffed boots and a sheer black top, covered with different kinds of flowers, halfway unbuttoned with his chest and large collection of necklaces showing. He was fidgety; his leg was bouncing unconsciously and he was picking at one of his fingernails. He had long, shoulder length curly brown hair that fell in ringlets, although it did look a bit disheveled. Louis had been taken aback by his shocking green eyes, a soft emerald color, but his stomach suddenly dropped when Harry turned his face away nervously, a large purple bruise suddenly revealing itself on the side of his face.

Louis immediately snapped back into doctor mode, shaking away any thoughts he had had previously. He walked over towards him, extending his hand. “I’m Dr. Tomlinson, I’ll be taking care of you, alright?” His voice was soft and gentle, hoping Harry would just stop looking at him that way, all scared and hurt like a kicked puppy. Harry nodded quickly, reaching out and shaking his hand.

“I’m Harry Styles…” His hand fell slowly back into his lap and he turned his face back down, his voice faltering. Louis pursed his lips awkwardly before dropping his own hand and turning back to his binder.

“Alright let’s see…” He scanned it once more before setting it down on the bed beside Harry’s leg and taking the stethoscope that was hanging around his neck, putting it on. “Can I check your heartbeat, Mr. Styles?”

Harry nodded again as Louis walked around behind him, “It’s gonna be cold, I apologize…” He felt Harry flinched beneath the cold metal, and he stayed quiet as he moved it around to different places. “Can you tell me what happened?” Louis felt Harry’s entire body suddenly tense, his heart rate speeding up almost immediately. Louis stayed expressionless, taking off the stethoscope.

“I uh...I fell.”

Louis nodded slowly, walking back around in front of him while hanging his instrument back around his neck. “Where did you fall at?”

Harry was visibly scared now, his hands on either side of his thighs and his fingernails sinking deeply into the mattress below him.

“I was…” He swallowed audibly, closing his eyes as if trying to remember. Louis sighed, cocking his head to the side.

“Don’t be embarrassed, people fall all the t-”

“I fell down my stairs.” Harry’s voice cut over his own, loud and panicked sounding. Louis blinked at him, his hands sliding in his pockets.

“Well that’s okay. It’s happened plenty of times before.” he replied softly, watching him carefully. “Mr. Styles, I’m going to need to examine you properly before I can help you. I’ll see what the damage is, and give you the care that’s needed. There’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he added in carefully, knowing for damn sure he hadn’t fallen down some stairs.

 Harry was still tensed up, chewing on his pink bottom lip and tapping his foot against the tile floor. “I fell down the stairs.” he repeated, his voice a tad firmer now. Louis nodded again, patiently.

“I know you did, but I still need to examine you.”

Silence filled the room around them, Harry’s gaze falling back down to a spot on the tile floor beneath his shoes. Louis stayed quiet, his arms folded again, waiting for some type of response. Finally, Harry’s head bobbed with a slow nod, Louis dropping his arms and walking over. He reached out carefully and took Harry’s arm, pulling it outward before Harry gasped out loud.

“Ouch!”

Louis grimaced, closing his eyes for a second. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He opened his eyes and began gently rolling up his sleeves, the soft material sliding smoothly against Harry’s skin. Harry turned his head away, facing an empty white wall as Louis frowned immediately, his brow furrowing as he dropped his hand. Harry’s arm was nearly completely covered in bruises, all hidden from the shirt he had been wearing. Blotches of grey and purple smattered his skin, all in varying shapes and sizes. Louis turned his arm ever so slightly, his heart sinking when he began to form the pattern of a handprint around his upper bicep. Louis cleared his throat softly, blinking rapidly before gently setting his arm down and turning towards the next one.

“I’m assuming this one looks the same way…” He reached over to touch it before Harry flinched away, bobbing his head quickly.

“Yeah, it does…” he answered nervously. “No need to look at it, too…” Louis stayed silent for a moment, watching as Harry rubbed at the side of his rib cage gently, his face still turned down.

“Alright, but I do need to examine your chest and sides…” Harry’s hand fell from it’s spot on his ribs, looking up quickly at Louis.

“Well, can’t you just take my word for it?” he asked frantically, his green eyes popping again. “I mean, I fell and it bruised me, I really just need some pain medication if that’s alright, there’s really not a reason to have to look at them at all, you understand…” Louis raised his eyebrows, shocked at how fast Harry was speaking.

“Mr. Styles, I know what happened, but I still need to look at y-”

“No!” Harry stood up immediately, pulling down his shirt sleeve. “Doctor, I’m really fine, I just came for some medicine and then I’ll be on my way, so if you could please just give me the medicine...”

Louis sighed, shaking his head and holding his hands up, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “Mr. Styles, I can’t do that without proper examina-”

“PLEASE!” Louis jumped at the sound of Harry’s yell and his eyes widened, taking a step back and pulling his hands off. Harry was visibly trembling now, standing up in front of the bed and a good 6 inches taller than Louis, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to catch his breath. Louis swallowed thickly as Harry’s face began to glisten, silent tears rolling down his cheeks and down his bruised neck. Louis rubbed his head closing his eyes again for a moment. God damn this patient coming in and lying to his face. God damn him for being so hurt and scared and for crying. God damn him for being so beautiful and so broken.

 Louis scratched his head before looking back up, scanning Harry’s face very carefully. He merely stared back at him, sniffling slightly before holding his hands up in a pleading gesture, his fingers crossed in a praying stance.

“Please, Dr. Tomlinson…” His voice cracked and Louis couldn’t help but sigh in distress. He shook his head, gritting his teeth as he struggled to remember his duties as a doctor. Harry whimpered softly and Louis knew more tears were falling without even having to look. He bit his lip, closing and opening his eyes one more time, staring Harry down.

“You and I both know that you didn’t get this hurt from falling down some stairs.”

His voice was soft, stating facts that both of them knew to be true. Harry’s lip began to tremble, Louis watching his Adams’ Apple bob as he swallowed nervously yet again. The silence in the room was deafening, and Louis wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle this. He was a fucking surgeon, and a famous one at that. He was paid over $2 million a year for saving people’s lives, and here he was arguing with a patient in the ER. He scratched at his jaw absentmindedly, suddenly realizing Harry had sat back down on the bed and began to unbutton the rest of his shirt. Louis watched him almost lazily, his eyes lingering over the way Harry’s fingers messed with the buttons before the shirt was slid off his shoulders and Louis had to choke back a gasp.

Harry had a wide variety of tattoos that would normally be pretty on any other day had they not been crudely destroyed with the sickly colors of bruises and dark red of dried blood all over them. Louis sucked in a breath before hurrying over, his small hands quickly but efficiently examining Harry’s body, from the bottom of his torso to the top. His fingers lingered over marks on his neck, some of which looked like hickeys. For some reason, that sent Louis’ blood boiling and he felt his pulse quicken before he dropped his hands. He turned around and reached over for a small stool that was in the corner of the room before pulling it over, placing it between his legs and sitting down.

“This, in particular, is concerning me…” Louis reached out to a long, deep cut that reached from right beneath Harry’s armpit to the hip chub at his waist, frowning. “It’s deep, which means it could get infected and will probably need stitches…” Harry was completely silent, holding up his arm obediently for Louis so he had better access. Louis turned once more, this time to his left and began gathering an array of cleaning cloths and alcohol. Harry turned his head slightly.

“That’s gonna burn, isn’t it?” His voice sounded emotionless, as if he was numb. Louis nodded apologetically, slipping on a pair of latex gloves before ripping open a sterile package of wipes.

“Sadly, yes. But the stinging means that it’s working, and I really need to clean it of any germs.” Louis very gently began wiping along the cut as Harry sucked in his breath, clenching his teeth and groaning.

“Yeah, it’s working…” Louis smiled faintly before looking back up to his patient. “How long have you had this cut?”

Harry thought for a moment, wrinkling his nose. “It uh, it happened last night, or technically early this morning, so…” He shrugged. “A few hours, I guess.”

Louis nodded in response, carefully cleaning out the rest of the cut before pulling away. “Well, good news is that I don’t think you’ll need stitches. Just a good bandaging, is all.” He flashed Harry a warm smile and Harry’s facade began to crack. Louis saw the faintest hint of a grin before he mumbled a “thank you” in response. Louis stood back up from his chair, throwing away his used materials. “As for the bruising, though, I’ll need to do an x-ray just to be safe…” He ignored Harry’s soft groan of disdain as he scanned the chart once again. “Oh, I do need to check your head. Says here you bumped it pretty bad, complaining of a headache when you came in?” Harry nodded to him, reaching up to scratch his neck.

“I mean, it’s gone now but yeah, it was hurting earlier…” Louis’ stomach flipped at that comment, his mind suddenly racing at all the possibilities. Internal bleeding in the brain, a hemorrhage, his career had taught him to always suspect the worst. He tried to restrain himself from grabbing Harry’s head too quickly, carefully beginning to part his soft hair around, looking for the damaged spot. Harry’s hands had fallen back to their usual place in his lap, clutching at his now wadded up shirt as he stared at the floor, Louis’ gentle fingertips running along his scalp to feel for any raised bumps or bleeding spots. Louis felt his heart skip a beat as he found a spot right by his temple, already turning a sickly yellow color and sending him into a silent panic.

“Well, this is a bit concerning…” Harry squirmed uncomfortably away from his touch, grimacing.

“Yeah, that’s where it was hurting before...:” Louis lifted his hands and stepped back, his mind racing through a list of things he needed to get done.

“Okay, I need to do x-rays, as well as an MRI and possibly a CT scan, I need to see exactly what’s happening inside your brain and, lucky for you, I’m a surgeon who specializes in neurology in case we find any issues.” Louis was scribbling away in his binder, rambling on as Harry stared at him, his mouth slightly open.

“You’re a surgeon?” His eyes fell down to the label on Louis’ white jacket and he hummed in surprise, raising his eyebrows. “Then...why are you taking care of me? Shouldn’t you be cutting someone open right now?” Louis blinked, finishing what he was writing before peering at Harry through his eyelashes.

“My surgery this morning was cancelled, and the regular nurses are busy with a huge influx of ambulances. I just...came to help.” Harry nodded slowly, pursing his lips in thought. Louis scanned him up and down once more before he closed his binder shut, sliding his pen back into his chest pocket. “Okay, I’m gonna send an intern to bring you to get x-rays and MRI, then I’ll come find you in the CT room, sound good?” He walked over to a closet by the front door, grabbing a hospital gown before Harry could form a response. He tossed it over gently so that it fell in his lap before he found himself out the door in a split second, nearly slamming the door behind him. The loud noise caught the attention of a couple stray interns by the nurses’ station, and he had shoved the binder into one of their chests immediately.

“Horan, take him for x-rays, and get me the prints as soon as you can,” he spat out, already making a beeline towards Zayn, who was in the middle of stitching up a woman in the lobby, a long cut along the side of her cheek.

“Don’t worry ma’am, you’ll be just fine, no more bleeding…” Louis grabbed his elbow a little too hard, Zayn yelping in surprise and turning to face him. “Dr. Tomlinson? What’s the matter?”  
Louis licked his lips impatiently, turning his head and scanning the room for any wandering eyes. He leaned in towards Zayn, whispering with what he hoped was a soft tone into his ear. “We need to talk.”

Zayn rolled his eyes and huffed in response, turning back to his patient. “Give me a minute, I’m nearly done…” Louis’ foot was bouncing rapidly against the tile floor, his hands perched on either side of his waist and sighing in annoyance.

“Look, this is fucking important and I just...I need to talk to you.” The woman sitting in front of Zayn raised her eyebrows in surprise, her brown eyes moving back and forth between the two slowly. Zayn grit his teeth, finishing up his last stitch before forcing a small smile at his patient.

 “I’ll send someone over to discharge you, Emily. Have a good day, hun.” He barely had time to gather his things before Louis had him by the coat, yanking him down the hallway to the supply closet on the other side of the lobby. He shoved him in immediately and shut the door, Zayn angrily dropping his things on a shelf beside them.

“What the fuck, Louis?!” he bellowed, Louis’ hands quickly covering his mouth to muffle the sound.

“Can you shut the fuck up, Malik?!” he hissed angrily, peering over his shoulder out the small window to see if anyone had heard. Zayn narrowed his eyes at him, crossing his arms across his chest but staying silent. Louis dropped his hands after a moment, rubbing his palms along his thighs as he took a deep breath. Zayn merely followed his movements with his eyes, cocking his head to the side as he waited for some sort of explanation.

Louis sighed, reaching up and rubbing his eyes in exasperation, shaking his head. “That Harry Styles guy, he...he got the SHIT beat out of him. Like, really really badly, Zayn.” He frowned at the ground, his mind filled with the images of Harry’s destroyed body. He looked up and saw Zayn staring at him in confusion, one eyebrow raised questioningly at him.

“Okay...and? We see shit like that all the time, Louis. Just call the cops, he can file a police report.” Louis shook his head in annoyance; sighing in frustration.

“No, you don’t get it. He...I’m sure he doesn’t want to, I can tell. He was scared to even show me and tried to lie about telling me what had happened.” Zayn’s face was really confused now, Louis beginning to pace as he grilled him with his gaze.

“Patients usually lie about stuff like this...they’re embarrassed. He’s not any different from the other violence cases we’ve seen. Louis…” He had a grip on his arm suddenly, stopping Louis from moving and forcing him to meet his eyes. “Why are you so freaked out?”

Louis swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, wondering what the fuck he had done to deserve such a shitty and confusing morning at work. Maybe it was that guy he had taken home last night, out seeking revenge for kicking him out so early. He pulled his arm away from Zayn’s grip softly, his back hitting against the wooden door for support as his mind continued racing. Really, why WAS he so freaked out? Why the fuck did this Harry guy have so much impact on him? Not even his longest running patients, not even people whose lives he had saved, made him feel anything like this. He was a goddamn ER patient, for God’s sake, not even his responsibility, really. He was never supposed to have come in contact with him at all, and yet here he was, locked in a closet with Zayn, struggling to find words to describe what he was feeling.

Zayn was quiet, with that stupid confused look still stuck on his pretty face. Louis raised his head to face him, his head beginning to pound with the start of a headache. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to explain himself but to no avail. And then it hit him.

He had broken the number one fucking rule of being a doctor: don’t develop feelings for your patient.

That was it, it had to be. He was worried sick over a 25 year old man he had met not even half an hour ago and he was sick to his stomach thinking about all the things that could possibly be wrong with him. Louis choked out a laugh, the noise coming from his mouth sounding distressed and upset. He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head rapidly and felt Zayn’s soft hand press against his shoulder.

“You like him.”

Louis’ head snapped up and his eyes opened, Zayn’s stupid grinning face meeting his gaze. His tone was condescending, mocking him playfully as if this were a fucking joke.

“Zayn, I can’t fucking like him. That’s breaking rule number 1, do you get that?” he snapped angrily, Zayn nearly giggling at him.

“You have a crush on an ER patient who you’ve known for 10 minutes and you’re WORRIED about him!” Zayn was now sounding more astonished, his eyes wide and round. “Oh my God, you ARE capable of human emotions!” Louis nearly growled at him, narrowing his eyes angrily.

“Just shut up, Zayn. I need him taken care of, alright? I can get you fucking fired if I wanted to,” he added in threateningly, Zayn letting out a loud cackle.

"Yeah, try and get chief to fire me. See what happens,” he responded sarcastically, Louis clenching his fists in anger and turning to face the door, peering out the window. Everyone was still busy, thank the fucking Lord. Louis took a couple deep breaths, trying to calm down as Zayn came to his side, touching his arm gently. “Louis, come on. It’s not the end of the world. So you care about someone, big deal. I’ll make sure he’s well taken care of, and we’ll find the asshole that abused him. Okay?”

Louis chewed on the inside of his cheek, still annoyed but reassured at his co-worker’s words. He finally nodded in agreement, his body relaxing slightly and unclenching his fists.

“I sent him off with that blond intern, with the weird name…” Zayn smiled, patting his shoulder. “Niall’s great, he’ll take good care of him, I swear.” Louis pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the window on the door, sighing for what seemed like the millionth time that morning.

“Alright, alright…” he murmured, Zayn facing the trashcan and peeling off his latex gloves.

“Do you want me to call the police? They can talk to him after he’s done getting checked on.” Louis nodded in agreement, his forehead sliding against the window painfully. Zayn slipped his hand beneath Louis’ arm and quickly opened the door, grabbing Louis’ coat and pulling him back to keep him from falling flat on his face. He smirked, winking at him as he strode past. “Better go find Harry.”

Louis felt his blood pressure spike suddenly as Zayn made his way back to the lobby, slowly walking out of the closet and shutting the door behind him. He fingered nervously with his pager on his belt, begging the gods above to keep it silent as he made his way down to the CT room. He pushed the door open and was met by the technician as well as Niall, who hopped out of his chair anxiously as he arrived.

“Dr. Tomlinson! He just got here, they’re getting him ready…” Louis smiled amusedly, finding his nervousness to be quite hilarious. He walked over, Niall immediately thrusting a brown envelope out towards him.

“Here’s the x-ray images; he’s got a few broken ribs and a broken wrist, but nothing too mad. Also, his MRI came back and one of the ribs is close puncturing his lung, but hasn’t yet, and now they’re gonna look at his head.” Louis pulled out the images carefully, holding them up against the soft white light of the lamps above his head, frowning slightly.

“Yeah, I see that…” he murmured, scanning it quickly. He dropped his arm and looked back at Niall, smiling softly. “Thank you for taking care of my patient, Doctor.” Niall’s face flushed a bright pink color, the scan technician choking back a laugh as Louis walked swiftly past him and into the CT room, where Harry was now laying on a long mattress, his legs barely covered by the gown.

“Thank God you’re here, I have to kick your ass.” Louis grinned, meeting Harry’s playful eyes and gentle smile. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Harry pressed his index finger against the bottom of his chin, making a thoughtful face as the nurses swarmed around him, working on getting the machine ready.

“Well, for starters, this gown is entirely too small for me and frankly, I feel exposed out here.” Louis couldn’t help but laugh out loud, Harry’s smile growing wider. Louis suddenly saw a pair of dimples appear on his cheeks, and he silently vowed to murder Zayn Malik with his bare hands for putting him into this situation in the first place. “And secondly, I have not yet been informed of what’s wrong with me. Dr. Horan wouldn’t tell me shit.” He jerked his head towards the huge window in front of him, separating the technician’s room from the scanning room. Louis smiled, leaning his knee against the bed, his scrubs brushing up against Harry’s arm.

“Well, he was just doing his job, following the rules. See, the doctor in charge is the one that gets to relay patient details, not him. I have all your results here.” He waved the brown envelope playfully in front of him and Harry rolled his eyes.

“Fuck those rules. In my mind, rules are made to be broken.” Louis nearly choked on his own spit, his heart skipping yet another beat as Harry grinned mischievously at him, wiggling his eyebrows.

He had no fucking idea about breaking rules. Louis made a sort of high pitched noise as he turned and tried not to run into the other room, the nurses following him as they finished prepping Harry. He dropped the envelope back onto the table and placed his palms on the counter, leaning forward and pressing a speaker button beside the various computer screens.

“Alright Harry…” He thanked his lucky stars that his voice had decided not to crack and he continued on. “We need you to stay as still as possible so we can get some accurate pictures of your brain. It won’t hurt, just takes a few minutes, alright?” Louis watched as Harry raised his hand up and gave a thumbs up sign before dropping his back to his side. Louis let go of the button and stood back up, watching silently as the technician began the scan, Harry’s bed moving slowly into the machine.

Niall turned his head up to face Louis, spinning back and forth awkwardly in his swivel chair. “He’s gonna be okay, right? I mean...he looks awful, but he was cracking jokes with me and laughing. He can’t be that hurt…” Louis remained quiet, his index fingernail tapping along to the noises that the machine was making. He looked at the still blank computer screens before turning his gaze down to Niall, nodding.

“He’ll be fine. If anything’s seriously wrong, I can get him into an OR immediately.” Louis’ stomach suddenly churned at the thought of having Harry in his OR, on a cold metal table with a breathing tube shoved down his throat and his eyelids closed in an eerie deathlike way. He swallowed nervously and tried not to think about his gloved hands cutting into Harry’s chest, or even worse his brain, which was highly possible at this point in time. The technician waited patiently as a series of images began loading onto his screen, Louis sucking in his breath and holding it as his eyes frantically scanned them.

“He’s in the clear...no major bleeding in the brain, probably just a concussion…” Louis sighed in relief, Niall fist pumping the air quickly as Harry was pulled out from the machine, the nurses walking back in to help him back up and into his wheelchair. Louis smiled happily, clapping Niall on the back. “I’ll take it from here, Doctor. Thank you, again,” he added as he grabbed his envelope and jogged out the door, where Harry was lounging lazily in his chair, smiling up at him.

“Did I do a good job of staying still?” he teased, Louis smiling and grabbing the handles behind him.

“As a matter of fact, you did. I’m quite proud, honestly. A lot of people freak out in there,” he replied, pushing him down the hallway and into an elevator. Harry grinned happily, looking pleased with himself as the door shut in front of them. “I must be a special patient, then.” Louis gripped the handles a bit tighter than needed, his heart rate speeding back up at his words.

You have no fucking idea, Louis thought to himself.

Louis had Harry in his own room, hooked up to a morphine drip and on a heart monitor within the next 10 minutes. Harry was obedient and smiling and well, the complete opposite of the man he had met earlier this morning. Louis wasn’t sure why but was extremely thankful for it, and as he finished inserting Harry’s IV he caught sight of the bruises on his arm and suddenly remembered why he was here.

“So, Harry...can I make a deal with you?” Harry cocked his head to the side, flashing him a cheeky grin as Louis taped up the needle.  
“For you, Dr. Tomlinson? Anything,” he murmured breathily, Louis struggling to find the willpower to not scream out loud. Louis smiled softly, pulling his hands away and meeting his gaze.

“I will tell you all the results of your tests and scans...if you tell me exactly what happened that caused all of this damage.” He gestured briefly across Harry’s entire body, and notice a hint of fear flash across his face. Harry maintained his cheeky smile, though, and raised his eyebrows slightly at Louis.

“Now that doesn’t seem fair, does it?” he mumbled playfully, but Louis could hear the sudden sadness mixed within his deep voice. “You’re supposed to tell me regardless…” Louis didn’t hear a tone of defiance, nor did he believe Harry was actually arguing with him. He shrugged, still watching Harry fixedly.

“That’s true, I suppose, but…” His voice trailed off, his mouth falling shut slowly.

But I’m worried about you. I care about you. I want to know who did this.

Harry’s smile was gradually fading, but he looked more worn out than angry. The bruise on his cheek seemed worse than this morning, and his exposed neck looked even worse in the harsh white lights of the hospital room. Louis stayed silent, swallowing back all the words he wanted to say out loud, waiting for a response.

“I painted my fingernails.”

Louis blinked, confused by his statement. Harry watched him wearily, the rhythmic beeping of his heart monitor filling the silence between the pair. Louis opened his mouth to respond, but Harry cut him off.

“I painted my nails, and my boyfriend didn’t like it. Thought it made me look too feminine.” Harry’s gaze fell from Louis and instead in front of him, staring blankly at the TV screen hanging on the wall opposite him. “He got mad, so I ran to the bathroom to take it off really fast. Didn’t make it in time. He was really drunk, and...he yanked me back and threw me down the stairs to our apartment. I hit my head on the concrete, could barely fucking see. Before I knew it, he was down there trying to choke me while beating the shit out of me. Had a knife and everything…” He gestured to his side. “Hence that nasty cut…” He sighed, blinking rapidly as Louis stood completely frozen, shell shocked.

“My neighbor heard me screaming and ran out to help. Tackled him to the ground, giving me enough time to escape, God bless her soul. I kept running until my side started killing me, and found myself in a park. I found a safe spot beneath a tree, and no one was there because it was 3 am. I managed to clean myself up with my jacket and fell asleep for awhile...well, I probably blacked out, my head was pounding.” He began tracing invisible patterns into the hospital blanket, his eyes now turned down to watch. “When I woke up, I felt like shit, so I decided to come here. It was still early, so not a lot of people saw me. And then I met you.” He suddenly looked back up, meeting Louis’ horrified expression. “And you helped me.” he finished. “End of story.”

Louis’ heart was racing, his blood pumping loudly in his ears. His hands were clenched into fists that were hidden within his coat pockets, struggling to form a coherent thought in his brain. How the fuck could someone do that to anyone, much less Harry fucking Styles? Harry Styles, who was without a doubt the most beautiful man he had ever seen on the planet? Harry Styles, who had dimples in his cheeks that sent Louis’ stomach into flips? Harry Styles, undoubtedly the only patient that had ever made him feel this way in his entire medical career? The only patient he had ever completely fucking fallen in love with?

His pager sent him and Harry both jumping, the annoying beeping suddenly bringing him back to reality and out of his thoughts. Louis cleared his throat before grabbing it and glancing at the message, blinking rapidly.

“It’s a 911, I need to go…” He quickly dropped the patient chart into it’s holder that was hanging off the front of the bed. “I’m sorry, it’s urgent…”  
Harry smiled weakly at him, leaning his head back against the pillow. “Go save some real lives, surgeon,” he teased as Louis turned to go. Louis frowned at his comment, opening the door and turning his head again.

“Yours is a real life too, Harry. It’s just as important as everyone else’s.” He tried to ignore the shocked look on Harry’s face and the way his cheeks turned bright pink as he bolted out the door and into the OR down the hall, ready to get the hell away from him and right into surgery.

Seven and a half hours later, Louis found himself scrubbing incessantly at his hands in a large metal sink, still breathing heavily into his medical mask as nurses and interns chattered excitedly around him. Thanks to him, this guy with a huge brain tumor was now cancer free and expected to live a great deal longer than when he had first come in. He was exhausted, for sure, and his previous surgery had been bumped over to Liam so that he could find some time to rest afterwards. Zayn appeared beside him, pulling off his own mask and tossing it in the trashcan as he rolled up his sleeves and turned the other faucet on.

“Good work as always, Dr. Tomlinson,” he commented, flashing a bright smile and lathering soap on his arms. “That guy was a goner before you came in.” Louis hummed in agreement, turning off his water with his elbows and reaching for some paper towels, drying off his arms and hands. He yanked off his mask and tossed it away before rubbing his eyes tiredly, turning towards Zayn.

“Thank God he got here on time, one more hour and his wife would’ve found him dead instead of passed out,” he mused, pulling off his surgical cap and shoving it in his pocket. The crowd was slowly subsiding, the soft chimes of people congratulating Louis beginning to fade as they made their way out, leaving Zayn and himself alone. Zayn dried off his hands, turning and leaning against the sink and making eye contact with Louis. “Kind of rude to dump your heart surgery on Liam last minute, though.” Louis rolled his eyes, smirking slightly at him.

“Liam? Not chief? Getting brave, aren’t we Malik?” He laughed at Zayn’s flushed cheeks before reaching over and ruffling his hair gently. “Chief can handle it. Besides, I’m fucking tired and would like to get some more coffee before my next surgery in a couple of hours.” Now it was Zayn’s turn to laugh, nodding along in sarcastic agreement.

“Yeah sure, coffee. That’s code word for Harry Styles, innit?” He dodged Louis’ attempt to hit him and giggled as he stood back up. “Come on, Louis! It’s fine! You like a patient, so what? He won’t be one forever. Then he’ll be free game.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully, and Louis smiled softly in response.

“Yeah, whatever. But for right now, he’s my patient and I need to take care of him, so please excuse me.” He made his way past Zayn and walked out, ignoring the growling of his stomach. All that he had had today was coffee, yet he found himself ignoring this completely as he realized that going to get a late lunch would cut into his time for seeing Harry. Oh Christ, what the fuck was wrong with him? This man had him completely fucking up his entire schedule just to get a glimpse of him. Maybe he was sick, suffering from the plague and making him hallucinate and make stupid decisions, he wondered idly as he reached Harry’s door and pushed it open slowly.

The TV was droning on softly, playing a rerun of an X Factor episode from a few years ago. Harry was fast asleep, his chest rising and falling slowly as Louis struggled to shut the door silently behind him. His heart monitor beeped slowly, relaxing Louis immediately as he scanned the screen. Nothing out of the ordinary, thank God, and his eyes grazed over Harry’s body quickly, seeing that his sides had been carefully bandaged and wrapped him, his morphine drip refilled and an empty tray of food sitting on his bedside table. Thank God for nurses.

Louis very slowly and carefully reached for his patient chart, eager to see if any small progress had been made while he was gone. He scanned it silently, not realizing Harry’s sleepy green eyes were now fixated upon him, a smug smile appearing on his lips.

“‘M feeling better, Doctor…” Louis’ heart swelled at the sound of Harry’s voice, thick with sleep and even deeper than it was before. Louis couldn’t help the grin that appeared on his lips, his face beaming with happiness as he turned to face his patient.

“I’m very glad to hear that, Harry…” He set the chart back down and found himself sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed, suddenly wanting to hold his hand but resisting the urge completely. Harry rubbed his eyes with one hand, yawning and dropping his hand back down, his fingers dangerously close to Louis’.

“How was your surgery? Did you save someone’s life?” Louis smiled and nodded, shifting his body weight slightly. “I sure did. Took awhile, but I did.” Harry grinned happily, a truly genuine smile that showed all his teeth and sent Louis into heart palpitations.

“Good, I’m glad…” He suddenly moved his hand and took Louis’ own, rubbing his thumb along his knuckles gently. “You’re really good at saving lives.”

Jesus Christ, why couldn’t Louis suddenly breathe? He felt as if an invisible pair of hands were wrapped around his lungs, crushing them between their palms as Harry kept a soft grip on his hand, never breaking his gaze. Louis blinked rapidly, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find something to say in response. Harry smiled and let go, leaning back against his pillows before closing his eyes again. “The cops came while you were gone...I told them everything.”

Louis sighed in relief, not only glad for the subject change but glad that Harry had been able to speak up.

“That was smart, Harry, now they can go catch that lowlife bastard that hurt you…” Louis flinched at the sudden anger in his voice but Harry didn’t seem to notice, running his fingers through his hair slowly as he nodded in agreement. “Yeah...it was hard, but it was the right thing to do.” Louis watched silently as Harry dropped his hand, his long curls falling back against his shoulders and onto the pillow. The room filled with an awkward silence and Louis frowned slightly before standing back up a little too fast.

“Well I uh...I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’ll check on you later, er well...I’ll probably send a nurse in, I have another surgery in a couple hours so….” He was rambling, he needed to shut up because he sounded stupid. “I mean, you’re fine now so...I don’t really need to keep checking…” Harry was biting his lip to prevent himself from laughing, grinning as Louis began turning for the door. “I need to go, uh...eat, I gu-”

Louis felt a strong grip on his wrist suddenly pull him back, nearly tripping in the process as he fell back against the bed with a soft thunk. He blinked in surprise, turning to face Harry in confusion.

“What’s wrong, are you hurting? Do you need somet-”

Louis swore his lungs gave out in that moment. This was some sort of fucked up dream, a fantasy that was playing out in his mind as he was sleeping in the back hall of the hospital on a random bed before his next surgery, the result of a coffee induced brain playing tricks on him. This was not happening, no way in hell this was happening.

Harry pulled his lips away from Louis’ with a soft smacking noise, opening his eyes and scanning his face carefully. Louis suddenly felt Harry’s hand pressed against the back of his neck, trying to take in what had just happened. Harry kept quiet, refusing to break eye contact him him as Louis struggled to catch his breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

His patient had kissed him. Harry Styles had just pulled him in for a kiss. He was sitting on his bed, kissing this gorgeous and broken man whom he had known for maybe 10 hours of his life.

And yet, it was different. It was unlike any other kiss Louis had shared with a man before. Not even his long term boyfriends of the past had sent him into the blissful haze of awe he was feeling right at this moment,

Harry’s hand dropped from his neck and Louis snapped back to reality, scanning Harry’s face immediately. He was still smiling, letting go of Louis’ wrist with his other hand, dropping it against the blanket softly. “Thanks for saving my life.”

Louis couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

“Thanks for saving mine.”


	2. point of no return and now it's just too late to turn around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought you were my doctor, you said you’d take care of me.” Louis’ heart was racing, his free arm crossed against his chest and gripping his other bicep almost too hard.  
> Get him out of here, his mind cried anxiously, his lips sealed tightly. What he wouldn’t give to be deaf right about now.  
> Zayn’s voice chimed in again, still arguing with Harry and Louis heard the faint noise of metal against tile, the sound of Harry’s mobile IV being turned around and back to his room. Louis swallowed anxiously, finding it increasingly hard to not turn and see what Harry looked like this morning, to see if his bruises had faded at all or if the swelling of his cheek had gone down. He wanted to see what his hair was like, if it was still messy from sleep or if he had attempted to tame it. Were his lips still as pink as they were last night, when they were pressed against Louis’ own? 
> 
> louis is almost positive that surgeons aren't capable of love. almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all wanted a part 2, so here you go. RIP.

The best thing about being a surgeon, in Louis’ opinion, is that sweet sense of relief you get after finishing an extremely long shift. In most of his cases, a 48 hour one.

Doctors, nurses, surgeons, basically anyone working in the medical field are all taught from the very start that their time no longer becomes theirs once they start working. There’s no such thing as a set end to a work day, nothing really look forward to once they begin. A possible snack break, maybe? A chance to sleep in that very back corridor where they keep all the empty hospital beds for a gracious 10 minutes? Nah, nothing really promising.

Except now, there was.

There was something more amazing than the feeling of clocking out after 3 different surgeries, one that took a whopping 8 hours and another that ended with him covered in some random man’s blood. The feeling of success when he gets through a day without any of his patients slipping into a coma, or going into cardiac arrest or dying on the operating table. The joy of walking into a hospital waiting room and being able to tell a family that the operation was successful, and that he expects a full recovery.  
There was something better than that, and his name was Harry fucking Styles.

Except, of course, Louis couldn’t let him know that.

Doctors, surgeons especially, were known for their lack of emotions. The development of feelings at all began to cloud your judgement, impair your abilities as a doctor, and therefore ruin your entire career. Why the fuck would he risk his career over a patient that didn’t even matter? A minor ER one, not even any of his concern?

The day Harry had kissed him, he somehow managed to make it out of the room with a straight face before absolutely panicking the moment he got out. Thankfully his shift had ended right after that and he only received a few weird glances from the nurses (who cared honestly, they all thought he was fucking crazy anyway) and had stumbled into one of the supply closets, still in shock. Never had he felt so...dirty, and it wasn’t Harry’s fault. The kiss was absolutely incredible, the best one he had gotten, and that his stomach into flips. He was going against everything he had been taught in medical school, metaphorically shredding all those documents he had signed as an intern and later on as a resident and then a surgeon, promising to NEVER develop anything CLOSE to a relationship with a patient. And for all those years, he had never had a problem.

Then suddenly, some curly haired fuck with amazing green eyes and the body of a Greek God comes in with his stupid broken ribs and shitty boyfriend issues and his skin is painted black and blue and Louis is FORCED to be his fucking nurse even though he is a very powerful national surgeon and he’s finding himself locked in a supply closet, gasping for air in a latex glove, watching the thing blow up and down as his knees knock together from shaking so much.

He can’t remember the last time he’s cried. He just doesn’t, really. He never has, not when he was left behind by multiple dads, not when he missed the birth of his new brother and sister a few months ago, not when he had to tell a man last week his wife was dying of breast cancer. Tears were a sign of weakness.

And somehow, as soon as he cleans himself up enough to clock out and steps into that freezing Seattle night, they come. They start falling before he can stop them and he barely makes it to his car in time.

And that’s where he is right now, locked in his shiny black Mercedes, crying into a maroon scarf he had gotten for Christmas one year by one of his sisters because it was “the IN color right now”.

Why he was crying, exactly, he wasn’t sure. All he knew that this point was that he felt weak and dirty and unprofessional and all he really wanted was a nice, long fuck with some random guy he didn’t know, or maybe to just get really drunk. Or both.

After using his surprisingly absorbent scarf to wipe away his tears, Louis found himself across the street at the local bar everyone visited frequently. It was an unwinding spot for the staff, and since so many disasters seemed to happen there, no one really talked about it at work. It was a safe haven of sorts, a place to come and act stupid and have no one judge you. Well, from work at least.

Half an hour later, Louis had somehow managed to snatch up an entire bottle of Grey Goose from the counter in front of him, lugging it around with him as he floated from table to table, hiccuping between every word.

“Can you BELIEVE that? He has the fucking NERVE to kiss me? I practically save his damn life…” He swallowed another mouthful, the alcohol burning his throat and dripping down the side of his mouth. “...and he kisses me?” He slid an arm around the man’s shoulder, whoever he was, and leaned his forehead on his shoulder.

“Sounds...fucked up, if you ask me. He’s just leading me on...he knows I can’t...have a relationship..with him…” Niall Horan’s wide blue eyes stared at him in what seemed to be pure shock, even Louis could register that while being completely hammered.

“Um, Doctor Tomlinson, I really don’t think you should be h-” Louis smirked at him, holding up a finger to his lips, shushing him for an extremely long 30 seconds, the feeling of air bubbling between his lips sending a wave of giddiness crashing over him. Niall fell silent again, his entire body rigid and his former group of friends all gone and out the door. Louis shook his head rapidly, squeezing his eyes shut.

“No no no, don’t call me that, ‘m not a doctor no more…’m a shitty doctor and I should...quit…” He hiccuped again, grabbing onto the table for support before opening his eyes again, his pupils dilated and vision swimming. “You wanna know something? My mum, she…” A loud giggle suddenly escaped his lips and he reached up quickly to cover his mouth, smacking himself with the bottle. The shock of pain sent him into even more laughter, shaking his head more and his face flushing a deep red. He faintly heard Niall asking for help from someone, anyone, to get him away from Louis before he felt a violent tug on the back of his jacket.

His head snapped back immediately and he stumbled backwards, barely able to catch himself before he was face to face with Zayn Malik, his dark brown eyes filled with something Louis couldn’t quite register. Anger, maybe? Disgust? Sadness? Eh, it was something bad.

“Louis, what the fuck are you doing?” His voice was low and sounded almost livid, and Louis had to choke back a laugh. A fucking intern, getting pissed off at him? He should be beating the living hell out of Zayn for even getting him into his mess in the first place. Louis clumsily slid his nearly empty vodka bottle beneath his armpit, freeing both of his hands and grabbing Zayn gently by the shoulders, swaying slightly before finding his balance again. He smiled at him, blinking his eyes rapidly before leaning in.

“I was telling Niall…” Another hiccup. “...my mum used to call me Boobear.” This time the laughter came and he couldn’t stop it, his hiccups getting worse as Zayn continued to practically seethe beneath his hands. “Boobear! Can you believe it? I want him to call me that now,” He gestured towards Niall’s now bright red face. “...and you…” HIs finger swung around to point directly at Zayn nose. He let go suddenly, turning around rapidly to face the rest of the bar and waving his arms around violently. “And any other doctor or nurse in here! I’m not a doctor anymore! Just call me Bo-”

Louis’ voice was muffled as Zayn covered his mouth with his jacket sleeve, immediately yanking the bottle from his arm and setting it on the table besides a still shocked Niall and tugging him outside, where he was yet again met with the harsh rain and brisk air that always accompanied this city. Louis blinked, nearly slipping on the concrete sidewalk before Zayn had his palm across his face, a loud smack filling the music filled air.

“FUCK, Zayn!” The sharp pain in his cheek brought him back for a moment, and suddenly his head was pounding and his mouth tasted sour and he felt like he was gonna vomit all at once. Zayn was still glaring at him, shaking his hand out slightly before wiping the water from it on his pants. Louis swallowed slowly, trying to find a way to make a face at him to convey his shock and anger but it was like his entire body had stopped working. He felt floaty and sick and most of all just plain sad.

“Louis, what are you doing here?” The harsh anger Louis had been expecting was nowhere to be found, being replaced instead with annoyance, nagging even. Louis narrowed his eyes almost immediately, straightening himself up before turning his heel and stumbling towards the parking lot.

“You’re not my fucking mother, Malik. I’m fucking drinking and having a good time and destressing and you’re ruining it!” His suddenly clammy hands were now fumbling in his pocket, feeling around for the cold touch of his keys as Zayn jogged after him.

“Louis, I’m not trying to ruin anything, I’m trying to save you from messing everything up in there…” Louis stopped mid step, suddenly frozen in place. His hand was gripped tightly to his keys and barely out of his pocket, his body rigid as stone. Zayn blinked, stopping suddenly so as to not run into him, frowning. “Louis? What, what is i-” He immediately ducked Louis’ flying fist, nearly hitting the ground with his face. Louis stumbled over drunkenly and reached forward, desperately trying to grab at something of Zayn’s to yank him over to him so he could beat the shit out of him. Zayn yelped loudly, running out of his reach, his eyes wide in shock. “Louis, stop! What the fuck?!”

Louis glared at him, lurching forward yet again before a sudden wave of nausea hit him. Before he knew what was happening, he was on his knees in the gravel parking lot, puking out his guts loudly, his cold fingers digging into the ground to keep from falling. Zayn stood dead silent, staring at him almost pitifully.

Louis’ throat was on fire now, the bile in his mouth now reminding him that he had yet again forgotten to eat basically any actual food today, all thanks to Harry mother fucking Styles. He coughed again, spitting into the dirt before pushing himself up slightly, falling on his butt and blinking up at Zayn.

“This is all your fucking fault.” And it was, it really was. Zayn had gotten too comfortable with him, he had led Zayn in without a thought because he was nice and now look where it’s gotten him. “You’ve got the audacity to tell ME not to mess everything up? YOU fucking sent him to me! You made me watch over this stupid fucking ER patient who has beautiful eyes and a smile that makes my heart ache and I can’t fucking HAVE HIM!” Louis felt another wave of vomit come and he turned his head down right in time, coughing violently as Zayn stood motionless above him, his face contorted into shock. Louis felt like crying again, and God dammit, why didn’t he stay in bed with the random hot guy this morning? This entire day was a mess, and his sense of security in being a kick ass surgeon had suddenly vanished into thin air, all thanks to a stupid patient who had decided to thank him with a kiss on the lips.

Louis wiped his mouth with his sleeve, his head pounding and he turned his face upwards for a moment, letting the nearly frozen rain hit his face, trying to catch his breath. After a moment, he felt Zayn’s arm wrap around his waist gently, pulling him up to stand and taking the keys from his shaking hands.

“I’m sorry, Louis…” he mumbled quietly, before walking him towards the opposite end of the parking lot, away from Louis’ car and away from the bar, back to the busy streets of Seattle and, faintly in the distance, Louis could see the glimmering lights of Mercy Hospital swim into his vision before his mind decided to turn off, wiping out any thoughts he had beforehand.

 

“Fucking hell Niall, can you be any louder?”  
“Excuse the hell out of me for trying to make breakfast, Malik. I’m scrubbing in on an appie today, I gotta be in tip top shape.”  
“That’s some amateur shit. Chief has me in on a heart transplant this afternoon. Hey, don’t throw shit at me!”

Louis’ forehead suddenly knocked into the edge of a pink plastic bowl placed right against his face, groaning softly. The impact sent a dull throb of pain through his head and he quickly pushed the stupid thing away from him, hearing it knock loudly onto what had to be hardwood floor below him. The noises from earlier stopped, and Louis could faintly hear footsteps before the voices came back, this time much louder than before.

“Doctor Tomlinson!” Louis cringed at Zayn’s sing song voice, and he fought the urge to open his eyes so he could roll them. The light coming from the room was hurting his head already and his eyelids were still shut. Someone sat down at the end of the bed, bouncing his body slightly and Louis nearly cursed them out before a cold bottle of water was thrust into his hand.

“It’s nearly work time, Tommo!” A somewhat sweaty pair of hands were suddenly near his face, trying to slip on a pair of sunglasses on over his eyes. Fucking Niall.

Louis took them gently from him and adjusted them on his nose before slowly opening his eyes, thankful for the darkness he received. Niall and Zayn’s faces began to appear in his vision, Zayn with a downright evil smirk upon his lips and Niall with that same terrified expression from last night. Louis glanced at both of them before pushing himself up slowly from what he now realized was a bed, and unscrewed the cap from the bottle off, taking a long gulp from the bottle. Zayn smiled happily from his spot by Louis’ feet and quickly yanked off the blankets covering his legs, Louis nearly growling at him.

“Zayn, don’t fuck with me this morning. I’m not in the mood.” Niall eyed the two of them nervously before a timer in the kitchen saved him and he scampered off almost too quickly. Zayn scanned his face quickly before yanking the sunglasses off of his face and tossing them onto the floor, smacking the plastic bowl loudly, sending Louis’ blood pounding furiously in his ears.

“Zayn, I’m fucking serious! I feel like shit and...just stop!” Louis turned his head down away from the light, rubbing at his eyes with one hand while the other clutched tightly at his water bottle. Zayn remained silent, and Louis just wanted to go home, back to his apartment and out of wherever the fuck he was. He took another sip of his water before Zayn finally spoke up.

“I’m taking over the Harry Styles case today.”

Louis’ stomach lurched, but he didn’t feel like puking. He turned his face up slightly and squinted at Zayn with a blank expression.

“Why?”

Zayn cocked his head to the side, eyeing him curiously, looking confused.

“You were right. He’s an ER patient, not a candidate for surgery. Not your responsibility at all.” Louis kept staring at him for a moment before looking back down, studying the plain white fabric of the comforter that was now crumpled up on the floor. He had just gotten a freebie. A way out, a chance to forget that any of this shit had even happened. To erase last night, all of yesterday, to go back to being a reputable surgeon and to find a sense of fucking self esteem again. He chewed at his bottom lip, intent on nibbling off a piece of chapped skin before gazing up at Zayn again.

Zayn had no idea what had happened. He hadn’t told anyone about the kiss, no one knew what had happened.

A sudden noise at the door sent both of their heads up instantly, Niall shuffling in nervously with a large plate filled with various assortment of breakfast foods, the smell hitting Louis like a truck.

“I didn’t know what you liked, Doctor, so I just made a bunch of stuff…” Zayn’s shit eating grin was back as Niall set the plate down besides Louis’ thigh.  
Louis tried his hardest not to wrinkle his nose at the smell, although the gesture was very thoughtful.

“Thank you, Nia-” Louis suddenly froze in place, his wide eyes meeting Niall’s face.  
He had fucking told Niall. He had told Niall about kissing Harry.

All of a sudden Louis felt like he was gonna puke all over again and he nearly grabbed for the bowl on the floor before stopping himself. Zayn was eyeing him suspiciously, one eyebrow raised and Niall just looked distraught, the poor thing. Louis blinked rapidly a few times before attempting to disguise his sudden stop as a cough, nodding quickly.

“Thank you, Niall. I really do appreciate it.” He flashed him a soft smile that, thankfully, seemed to convince the blonde intern and finally saw him smile for once in his life.  
“You’re welcome! I hope you like it!” Another timer in the kitchen beckoned for his presence before he left again. Zayn also seemed convinced, and he reached over and took a slice of bacon off of Louis’ plate before standing up and stretching. Louis looked down at his plate (scrambled eggs, pancakes, toast, bacon strips and a muffin, God bless Niall Horan) and began picking at it cautiously before looking back up at Zayn, barely catching him on his way out the door.

“Wait, Malik!” Zayn paused in the doorway, peeking his head in with a mouthful of bacon in between his cheeks. Louis straightened himself up slightly, messing with his fork between his thumb and index finger. “Thanks for taking him…”

Zayn grinned back in response, speaking through his mouthful of food. “No problem! Shower’s right down the hall, and we’re leaving in 45 minutes to go pick up your car.”

An hour later found Louis in his car again, hastily dumping a large amount of mints into his mouth as he pulled into the parking lot of Mercy Hospital, paranoid about his breath despite the fact that he had brushed his teeth 3 times back at Zayn’s and Niall’s shared flat. (You smell like a fucking dentist’s office Louis, you’re fine!). He put his car into park and chewed loudly on the mints as he pulled down his car visor, running his fingers through his messy brown hair, sighing softly. So much for his usual quiff, guess today would be fringe day. He hastily shoved his phone charger, phone, wallet and keys into his bag and stepped out into the surprisingly sunny Seattle day. Typical. The day he’s hungover, the sun decides to come out in Washington. He shut his car door and made his way up the steps and into the front doors, immediately thankful for the obscene amount of Advil he had taken this morning.

The hustle and bustle of the hospital was almost overwhelming, but not quite. This was where he felt secure, confident. There were many patients here today that were relying on him to save their lives, various family members who would sit anxiously in waiting rooms to get word on their spouse, friend or child. Before he knew it, Louis was back in the motion of things, changed into his scrubs and floating from room to room, checking on test results and sending patients into pre op.

He had, surprisingly, found himself away from the main floor, where the pit was located and where Zayn was usually on call, until lunchtime hit and he realized Niall’s breakfast had been a few hours ago. After grabbing some coffee, he decided to meet Zayn for lunch and found him leaned against the nurses’ station, scribbling into a patient chart and chewing absentmindedly on the pen cap sticking from in between his teeth. Louis walked over and slid over an extra cup of coffee he had bought.

“Busy morning, Malik?” Zayn made a distressed noise, dropping the pen cap down onto the paper before putting it back on the pen and shutting the chart.

“I had a kid come in with a stomach full of Monopoly game pieces. Said his brother wouldn’t let him play, so he swallowed half the game.” Louis choked on his coffee and tried not to laugh as Zayn took a sip of his, an almost wistful look in his brown eyes. “Don’t know why I got assigned to him. It was shit. Like, literally.” Louis clamped his lips together, fighting back laughter as Niall came nearly running by, skidding to a stop in front of the pair.

“I did it, Zayn. I asked her out. You said I never would, but I did! And she said yes! So suck on THAT, asshole!” Louis stayed silent, very amused at Niall’s abundant sense of joy, and watched as Zayn patted him on the shoulder.

“Good job, mate. But, I didn’t say date. I said get into her pants.” Niall’s face flushed a deep red again and he scoffed. “It’ll happen, Zayn! She’s REALLY into me, I can tell. We’re gonna hit it off so well…”

Louis watched silently as the two began to bicker incessantly about some stupid bet they had made, and finally began to relax a bit. This place was starting to feel normal again, and this floor was something that didn’t scare him. The constant shuffle and buzz of nurses and doctors around him was surprisingly calming, and he smiled to himself as he took another sip of his coffee, leaning back against the counter and idly wondering what time his next surgery was supposed to start.

“Doctor Tomlinson, fancy seeing you down here again.”

And just like that, the safe haven was gone. Another fucking slap to the face, just like last night.

Harry’s deep and smooth drawl had suddenly began to drown him out once again.

Louis felt his grip on his cup tense up as Niall and Zayn stopped speaking beside him, Zayn annoyingly calling out to his patient.

His patient. Not Louis’.

“Harry, you’re not supposed to be walking around. Your ribs are still broken, get back into bed.” Zayn pushed himself up off the counter and began to walk over as Louis kept his eyes fixated on another spot down the hall, giving Harry no attention whatsoever. Not his patient, not his problem.

Harry’s voice chimed in again, this time a bit louder and more urgent.  
“Doctor Tomlinson, I’m getting better. I thought you’d come in and check on me this morning.”

God fucking dammit, here he goes. The guilt trip.

Niall was hastily eating a bag of chips beside Louis, eager to stay out of the situation going on completely. Louis shuffled his feet, putting all his bodyweight on one leg as Harry’s voice continued to grow.

“I thought you were my doctor, you said you’d take care of me.” Louis’ heart was racing, his free arm crossed against his chest and gripping his other bicep almost too hard.  
Get him out of here, his mind cried anxiously, his lips sealed tightly. What he wouldn’t give to be deaf right about now.

Zayn’s voice chimed in again, still arguing with Harry and Louis heard the faint noise of metal against tile, the sound of Harry’s mobile IV being turned around and back to his room. Louis swallowed anxiously, finding it increasingly hard to not turn and see what Harry looked like this morning, to see if his bruises had faded at all or if the swelling of his cheek had gone down. He wanted to see what his hair was like, if it was still messy from sleep or if he had attempted to tame it. Were his lips still as pink as they were last night, when they were pressed against Louis’ own?

“Someone help! Anyone, please! He’s dying!”

Louis’ mind was suddenly brought back to reality and the harsh screams of a woman began to fill his ears. Niall had fled his side and ran towards the noise, coming from down the hall by the pit, along with another swarm of nurses. Louis set his cup down and turned, watching anxiously as two separate beds were pushed towards him. The EMT’s were reciting their patients vitals loudly, trying to be heard over the woman screaming in one bed, gesturing towards another man in the bed beside her.

“Car crash, we got them out safely but the guy was bleeding a lot, now his heart just stopped…” Louis made his way over quickly as he eavesdropped on the conversation, looking around at all the confused and frightened faces of the interns. He bit back his annoyance and immediately jumped up onto the bed, straddling the patient between his legs and beginning chest compressions rhythmically.

“Go open an OR immediately, I need it right now! Start pumping in Hydralazine, try to get his heart beating again!” His voice was loud and harsh and people began running out immediately. Niall was at his side instantly, helping push the bed down the OR hallway, Louis still pounding onto the man’s chest.

“Come on, come on, wake up…” The man’s face was covered in blood, his long black hair matted and sticking to his forehead at some parts. Louis could vaguely hear the woman crying loudly, gasping in between sobs as she pleaded with the nurses to “take care of her baby, make sure he was gonna be okay…”

Louis gritted his teeth and kept pumping his hands, feeling the rush of hair whisk through his hair as Niall kept pushing him down the hallway. He looked up to see how far they were from the OR when he suddenly caught sight of Harry’s face and felt his entire body go numb.

He was chalk white, his eyes exhausted looking and the bruising on his face looking even worse than before. His eyes were vacant, no sight of that brightness Louis had seen yesterday in them at all. It was like a repeat of when he had first come in, looking for help, except this time it was worse. Much, much worse.

Louis frowned, not even sure if his hands were still pumping against the man’s chest, following Harry’s gaze as they flew past. The loud noises of the metal doors separating the two different wings on the hospital opening startled Louis back to his senses, and he looked back down at the man.

“Hurry up, I’m not getting a response!” Louis hooked one of his feet through the metal bars of the bed for support as Niall swung them around a corner. At the last possible moment, Louis looked back up once again, turning his head to face where he had just left. His heart sank again at Harry’s distraught face, and he could barely make out the sound of Harry’s deep voice, full of shock and distress.

“Doctor Malik, that’s him! The guy who beat me...my boyfriend!”

Harry’s voice fucking cracks, and Louis suddenly wishes he would’ve died at the bar last night.

Niall’s arms were pulling Louis off the bed before he realized what was happening, urging him to go scrub in so they could prep the guy - Harry’s fucking boyfriend- for surgery. Louis blinked rapidly, his head suddenly swimming. He watched the nurses begin to swarm around the bed like flies as Niall kept pulling him out of the way, the faint beeping of a heart monitor beginning to fill the room.

“He’s got a pulse!” one of the nurses cried cheerfully, and for some reason Louis felt like turning around and leaving. Fuck this patient, he didn’t deserve to survive this. He didn’t deserve Louis bringing his heart back, or the pleasure of having him save his fucking life right now in this OR room. Louis felt the faint tugging of Niall’s hand on his coat sleeve, asking him frantically why he wasn’t getting ready. The nurses were starting to stare at him, looking up from their preparation as Louis stood frozen in the doorway, his eyes locked on the unconscious man lying on the table. Niall suddenly grabbed him by the arm and yanked him in violently, shutting the door of the scrub room and turning to face him.

“Louis! I mean, Doctor Tomlinson, you can’t just blank out in there! You’ve gotta save him!” Niall’s voice was frantic, a new kind of frantic that Louis hadn’t heard before, surprisingly. Louis rubbed his eyes for a moment, Niall already pulling out latex gloves and a surgical cap, laying them out on the sink. “He’s gonna die really soon, you know that…” His tone was almost pleading now and Louis couldn’t believe this was happening, he really couldn’t.

The swarming in the OR was beginning to die down and Louis suddenly found himself being yanked to the sink, the water already running and Niall hastily dumping antibacterial soap onto his hands.

“Look, Doctor...I know who this is. I heard what Harry said, and I get it. I get that this guy is a total piece of shit and that he doesn’t deserve your life saving skills and really should have just died.” Louis was startled at his words, but Niall kept rambling on, actually fucking washing Louis’ hands for him, Jesus Christ. “But that doesn’t matter. Well it does, but I mean…” Niall stuttered a bit before shaking his head and rinsing Louis’ hands. Louis kept silent, watching as Niall dried them and began slipping the latex gloves on him.

“You were well prepared to save this man’s life before Harry opened his mouth. And frankly, he really shouldn’t have. At this point, it doesn’t matter what the hell this guy’s done. He’s dying and needs your help and you’re a surgeon, one of the top in the entire country. This morning, Zayn took Harry away from you and that’s it. He’s not your problem anymore. Doesn’t need to be stuck in your head, or clouding your judgement…” Niall quickly ran to the other side of the room and grabbed a surgical cap, reaching up and tying it around Louis’ head.

Louis was dumbstruck, his mind reeling at Niall’s words. He was entirely fucking right. Harry was STILL messing with his mind, STILL causing him to freeze up and doubt his entire life, his career. Louis blinked a few times as Niall practically bounced at the OR door, his hand on the handle, ready to let him in. Louis cleared his throat after a moment, nodding in his direction.

“Thank you, Doctor Horan. Go ahead and scrub in quickly- I’m gonna need your help.”

15 minutes later found Louis in the process of using a retractor to pull his patient’s ribs apart, anxious to get to his heart, Niall floating around beside him, handing him the necessary tools. Louis calmly talked him and the other doctors around him through the process, although his mind was still reeling from the entire situation itself.

Here was this man, this helpless, dying man, responsible for ruining Harry’s perfect skin and face with his bare hands, who had a fucking girlfriend, maybe even a wife, on the side, and Louis was cutting his chest open to save his heart. In all honestly, Louis half expected the heart to be black and shriveled up when he pulled the ribs apart, a matching fit for such a fuck up of a human being. Louis lowered the retractor after a moment, his blue eyes scanning the muscle quickly.

“His coronary artery is almost completely blocked off, this guy has some serious health issues…” Louis’ quickly began grabbing for tools, calming asking out loud what their next step should be. The other interns were baffled, but Niall’s somewhat shaky voice rang out above the machine noises.

“The best thing is a coronary artery bypass. Once we remove the blood clot formed there, we can rid it of plaque and connect it to a healthy artery.” Louis couldn’t help the small smile that formed on his lips, and he was suddenly very thankful for his surgical mask.

“Good work, Doctor.” He looked up and scanned the room quickly, eyeing the other doctors. “Niall’s been studying up, I can tell.” He didn’t need to look over at Niall to know he was beaming with pride, and the next 4 hours flew by surprisingly quickly. Around hour 3, Louis was getting ready to close up his rib cage when the man’s heart began failing again. The entire room panicked and for a moment, Louis let them. It wasn’t until Niall had practically shoved the shock paddles into his hands that he realized his mind had stopped again, and he quickly brought the man’s heart rate back up, a sigh of relief echoing around the room as the machine’s rhythmic beeping started up again.  
That was the only time his mind wandered to Harry during surgery.

The patient was quickly whisked away to his room, waiting on the other side of the building, as Louis peeled off his gloves and dropped them in the trash can, suddenly exhausted. He pulled off his mask and threw it away as Niall walked in, nearly buzzing with excitement as he hastily took off all his things.

“That was incredible, Doctor Tomlinson, I can’t believe I held that guy’s heart! Like, I had it in my hands, his entire life! And you worked so fast and efficient, and he’s gonna make a full recovery, it’s just amazing how that’s all possible…” Louis was mostly weary of his excitement, as he had done this surgery a few times before, but another part of him was incredibly happy for the boy. Louis had been that eager and optimistic before, although he had never shown it quite like Niall. Louis smiled softly at him and nodded.

“Yes, he’s gonna be fine…” He clapped his hand on Niall’s shoulder softly, looking at him directly for the first time all day. “I really want to thank you for your help today, not just in the OR but before, as well…” Niall nodded quickly, his cheeks flushing a light pink color.

“Oh of course, no problem at all, sir...I was happy, grateful even! No need to thank me…” Louis’ smile grew a bit wider and he dropped his hand.  
“I really do appreciate it, Niall. And please, stop calling me sir, and Doctor Tomlinson, and all that shit. It’s just Louis.” He walked out of the room, leaving a dumbstruck Niall behind in the room, hastily scrubbing his hands in the sink to follow him out.

Louis made it back to the main floor and nearly to the nurses’ station before Zayn came bounding up, clutching a binder to his chest.

“Hey! Well done man, great job on that heart surgery…” He was speaking breathlessly and Louis suddenly realized he had a death grip on his arm and was quickly guiding him away from everyone, back towards the supply closets where they were the day before. Louis barely had time to frown and open his mouth to question before Zayn had shoved him inside of one and locked the door behind them, turning on a light.

Louis eyed him warily, scratching his chin. “Zayn, I’m pretty tired and I need to eat something before I go check on my patient aga-”

“It’s Harry.”

Louis’ stomach dropped and any sense of hunger he had had before was instantly replaced with a strong urge to vomit. He scanned Zayn’s face for any sign of jokingness but only found panic. Louis cleared his throat before opening his mouth.

“He’s not my patient anymore. I don’t care about him.” The words were hollow and dead sounding in the tiny closet, and Zayn gripped the binder even tighter.

“You don’t get it, Louis!” His voice was pleading now, begging even, and Louis really wanted to push him aside and get the hell out of there immediately.  
“He’s not letting anyone treat him. He ripped out his fucking IVs, he won’t eat or drink, his ribs are getting worse because he refuses to stay in bed.” Louis sucked in a breath quickly, closing his eyes in annoyance.

“His lungs are in potential danger of being punctured, Za-”

“You think I didn’t tell him that?! You think I didn’t just spend the past few hours trying to get him to stay in bed while you were operating on his cheating scumbag of a boyfriend?!” Zayn hissed back at him venomously, trying to keep his voice down.

Louis stared at him blankly, swallowing loudly. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before quietly asking, “So, that woman was his-”

“His wife. Of 4 years.”

Jesus fucking Christ, Louis thought to himself, grabbing onto one of the shelves beside him for support. Zayn watched him quietly, looking a bit more sad than panicked now.

Louis sighed, closing his eyes again, his mind reeling. He was married, to a fucking woman. For 4 years, they had been married. Did she know anything about this? About how her husband was not only unfaithful, but violent and sadistic? Did she even know about his heart? About how fucking unhealthy it was? Did she know that right down the hall, there was a man with a broken heart that was all her husband’s fault? Who had broken his ribs, his face? Tainted his beautiful skin?

Louis felt absolutely sick now, and he leaned forward to grab the trash can that he knew instinctively was there, but Zayn had beat him to it and hastily shoved it into his hands.

“Just breathe for a moment, Lou…” And he was trying to, he really was, but for some reason Louis felt tears beginning to sting his eyes. He sighed again, the noise sounding pained and miserable. Zayn tapped his fingers against the binder, peering from over his shoulder out of the small window of the door, checking for anyone outside.

“Look, I know it’s a lot to ask, but he’s not gonna listen to anyone besides you. And...Chief wants you to take his case back.” Louis’ head shot up immediately, raising his eyebrows.

“I tried to argue with him about it, saying it really wasn’t your area, but Harry’s just getting worse and he just wants you to get him to accept treatment again so that he can heal up and get the hell out of here.” Louis rubbed his eyes roughly, dropping the trashcan back onto the floor with his other hand.

So here he was again, thinking about Harry Styles. It’s not like he really had a say in any of this at all; Liam was in charge of him, and honestly he couldn’t keep trying to drop the case unless he told him what had happened, which he was NOT going to do. The choice from this morning, his ability to drop Harry instantly, had seem too good to be true, as well as way too easy. He should’ve known there was no way of getting away from him this quickly.

Zayn jumped suddenly, the sound of someone yelling loudly interrupting the silence in the closet. Louis looked up, peering around Zayn’s head to see a surge of nurses gathering around a room down the hall. Zayn groaned loudly, standing up.

“That’s Harry’s fucking room, what the hell is he yelling about now?!” Louis frowned, watching Zayn open the door before he quickly yanked the binder from his hands and nearly ran across the hall, pushing his way through the crowd with Zayn right on his heels.

“Move, get out of my way…” Louis grumbled loudly as he reached the doorway.

Harry was on the floor of the room, his head hanging in between his knees, a terrified looking nurse standing at his side, holding an IV needle in her shaking hands.  
“I...I was just trying to hook him back up to his morphine, and his other IVs, and he got upset…” Harry was sniffling and Louis thought he heard his heart audibly break in the tense room. Louis blinked and looked up at her, shaking his head.

“It’s not your fault, dear. I’m gonna take care of him, alright?” He set down the binder on the edge of the bed, Harry still motionless on the floor, reaching out and taking the supplies from the nurse. She nodded quickly, still looking scared before hurrying out the door, Zayn letting her though. He turned and immediately began moving people out so he could close the door, allowing the room to be filled with an eerie silence.

Louis set everything down on the bed before kneeling down at Harry’s side, trying not to grimace at his appearance. He looked incredibly worse from this morning, and Louis knew that if he could see under his gown that his entire side would be purple from the broken ribs. He tried not to think about how much pain he was in as he gently pulled his arm over to him, bending it outward so that his scabbed up knuckles were floating above the cold tile floor. Zayn had his back against the door, watching quietly as Louis quickly hooked up his multiple IVs, Harry staying completely unresponsive. His sniffling had stopped altogether, and he made no move to fight with Louis as he worked. Louis finished and bit his lip, standing up slowly.

“Harry, I need you to lay in bed for me, alright? Can you get up for me?”

Harry’s head still hung limply in between his knees, his arm still stretched out from where Louis had worked on it. Zayn shot Louis a nervous look, but Louis remained calm.

“Harry, do you need my help? I can get you into his bed, we can work together, okay?”

Harry began moving slowly, his long legs stretching outward as his heels skidded along the white floor. Louis quickly bent down and slipped his arm around his waist, pulling him up as gently as he could. Harry winced and gasped in pain, but kept his eyes squeezed shut as Louis managed to get him into the bed. His head hit the pillow a little too harshly, causing Harry to grit his teeth, but he took a deep breath and managed to relax against the pillows. Louis immediately reached over and upped his morphine dosage, relieved to see Harry responding to the medication.

He let go of the IV, watching it swing against the machines before reaching over for his binder once again.

“I’m gonna take over your case again Harry, okay?” He began flipping through the papers again, scanning to see how much damage he had caused himself. “ I’m gonna make sure you’re all healed up within a couple we-”

“I don’t want you to be my fucking doctor.”

Louis stopped mid page turn, his eyes darting up to look at him. Harry’s eyes were livid, the cheekiness he had seen in them before completely absent. His face was pale white and he looked like a ghost, a ghost with a bruised cheek. His pink lips were pressed together in a firm line, his jaw clenched in anger and his arms at his side, hands balled up into fists.

Zayn shuffled anxiously at the door as Louis slowly closed the book again, never breaking his gaze.

“Is that so? I heard you weren’t responding to any other doctor.” His voice was calm and collected, even though his brain was running a mile a minute.

Harry’s voice was even more deadly than before when he opened his mouth a second time. “I want a doctor that actually gives a shit about me. You left me alone this morning, completely fucking ignored me. You don’t care. I’m not a surgical patient, I’m none of your fucking business. I just want to get better and get the hell out of here.”

Louis’ mind was fuzzy, as if the scene that was happening in front of him were a dream. Or a nightmare. Probably a nightmare. Zayn was itching to get out of the door, Louis could tell. After a moment of Harry glaring at him, Louis broke eye contact and turned towards Zayn.

“Get him a psych evaluation, please.” Zayn all but ran out the door, eager to get away from Harry’s imminent explosion that was soon to come.

Harry was beyond livid now, his hands gripping the sides of the bed, almost as if he were restraining himself from tackling Louis onto the floor right there.  
“A psych consult?! Are you fucking KIDDING ME?! I’m not crazy, you idiot!” His voice was booming now, and Louis could almost hear the chatter of the nurses outside, sense them growing more and more curious with each passing second. Louis swallowed thickly, his mind spinning, not sure what he was supposed to do. For the first time in his medical career, he was drawing a blank. He had no idea what to do with this patient.

Harry showed no intent of calming down. “Don’t you DARE bring me to a psych ward, that’s not what I need! I just want to get fucking better so I can leave this stupid place and leave YOU! Get me someone who fucking ca-”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit....shit.

Harry was crying now, Louis fucking knew it because his cheeks were wet and sticking to Louis’ face and he felt a tear drop make contact with his lips, not his own, but Harry’s. It was salty and Louis wondered idly if Harry could taste it too because his lips were pressed against his, and he was kissing him almost violently, trying to drown out all his pain and his feelings and, most importantly, trying to shut him up.

Louis pulled his lips away slowly, mentally bracing himself for Harry to reach out and smack him, or to start screaming even louder or to throw something at him. He opened his eyes cautiously, and Harry was staring at him, his eyes full of tears and his lips pink and wet and the bruises on his skin glistening now, looking like a wounded cherub.  
Louis’ mouth felt numb, and his mind was spinning with all the things he wanted to say but every time he tried, nothing came out. All he could do was stare blankly at Harry, with all the explanations he wanted to hear frozen upon his lips.

Harry shook his head slowly, closing his eyes again, turning his face down. “Like I said...I want someone who cares.” He sounded almost robotic, as if this wasn’t the first time these words were being spoken. “You kissed me because you thought that’s what I wanted, and I did for a moment. But you were just doing it to please me, to shut me up so I’ll start taking treatment from you. I’m not stupid,” he continued as Louis opened and closed his mouth once more.

“Stop kissing me because I know you don’t want to. You’re a selfish surgeon who only cares about his reputation and status at a fucking hospital. Just get out of my room. I’m tired.” Harry finished his speech without looking up at him once, and Louis felt like his entire chest was caving in on him. He swallowed thickly, his arms hanging limply at his sides, not knowing at all what to say. Harry remained silent, staring at his own hands in his lap. Louis’ mind was ready to explode.

“You don’t get it. I do care. I care way too fucking much and I don’t know how to feel about it. I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my entire life, much less a patient. You’re always in my fucking head, that beautiful face of yours is always popping up in my vision and distracting me from what I need to do. I can’t stop thinking about you and dammit, I don’t know if I want to.” Harry remained motionless at his bed, unresponsive to the word vomit that was coming from Louis’ mouth.

“I want to take care of you so badly,” he continued. “I want to make sure you heal perfectly and check on you every fucking moment of the day but it’s too hard. It’s so hard because I was taught to NEVER develop feelings for a patient and I’m standing here right now and I think I might be in fucking love with you, Harry Styles.”

Harry’s head shot up immediately, shaking his head quickly. “No no no, don’t you DARE say that to me.” Louis stared at him blankly as Harry continued in a shaky voice. “Don’t say you love me, because you don’t. You don’t know what love is. The last time someone told me that, I ended up looking like this. Besides,” Harry’s tone suddenly turned sour. “You’re a surgeon. You’re not capable of love.”

Louis closed his eyes for a moment, contemplating what he had just heard. It was true, he had never really loved anyone before. His family, sure. But that was a different type of love. He had never told another man he loved him. Never had yelled it out during sex, or whispered it at a bar from across the tabletop. Love was...love. It was special to him, not something to just hand out. But Harry didn’t understand that. He had been cheated out of that for what seemed to be his entire life.  
Louis opened his eyes once more and saw Harry still watching him, his face still shiny with tears but no new ones falling anymore. He darted his eyes towards the door, raising his eyebrows slightly. “Get out. Please.”

Louis nodded once in response before turning his heel and walking towards the door. Harry immediately pulled his blankets around his body, turning himself away to face the windows instead, his face half buried into his pillow Louis lingered in the doorway for a split second, but found his mouth still didn’t want to work. He gripped the binder in his hands and strode out the door, hearing it close behind him as he walked back down the hall.

31 hours and 2 surgeries (1 sucessful and 1 not) later, Louis found himself in the locker room once again, feeling exhausted and achy and just plain done with his shift. He slowly pulled his blue scrub shirt over his head, his ears still ringing with the cries of his late patient’s husband, pleading with him that there had to have been some sort of mistake. No, Louis had argued patiently, her surgery was very complicated and her body didn’t respond the way it needed to. She felt no pain, she was under anesthesia, I’m so very sorry.

Louis sighed loudly, rolling his neck around and popping it in the process. His arms were sore, his hands even worse from holding the tools all day long. He rubbed his shoulder absentmindedly as he grabbed his regular clothes from his locker, sliding on his pants with one hand. The door to the room opened and Louis found Zayn appear at his side, already dressed and ready to leave.

“Niall and I are going out for a drink, do you wanna come?” His tone was warm and inviting, although Louis could sense some sort of uneasiness in it as well. His episode with Harry was still fresh in his memory, Louis imagined, and he closed his locker door swiftly before turning towards him.

“‘M not really feeling up to it tonight, Zayn…” he mumbled, sliding his long grey coat over his shoulders. Zayn nodded quickly, shifting his feet.

“Nah, I get it...go home and get some sleep, alright?” The door opened once more and Niall came bounding in with an armful of assorted flowers, looking flushed in the face.

“I’m gonna take these to her! To my date, do you think she’ll like them?!” Zayn smirked, rolling his eyes.

“I’m sure she will, Niall. Girls love that type of shit. Buy them anything and they’ll want in your pants.” Niall frowned at him, standing up a bit straighter.  
“You’re gay, how would you know that?”

“I have sisters, Horan!”

Louis began tuning out their bickering, lazily tying up his scarf around his neck before he froze. He looked up again, scanning Niall’s arms full of flowers, before grabbing his bag quickly.

“Shit, I have to go...I’ll see you guys tomorrow, alright?!” He was out the door before the two even had time to open their mouths, and soon Louis found himself out the front doors of the hospital, running past the parking lot and down the nearly empty main street, dodging past people and light posts and even cars at some points.

20 minutes later, Louis was jogging back inside the hospital, a heavy plastic Walgreens bag clinking loudly against his thigh, his breath coming out in heavy puffs in the cold air. He glanced at the clock on the wall, reading 9:55. 5 more minutes until visiting hours ended.

He slammed his thumb against the elevator buttons and hopped in, closing it before anyone else could join in. He tried to catch his breath, yanking off his maroon scarf with his free hand and closing his eyes for a moment, trying to relax.

The elevator beeped and the doors opened, Louis now very calmly walking down the hallway. A couple nurses shot him weird looks but remained silent, turning their curious faces back down to whatever they were working on. Louis reached Harry’s door and peered in, his chest still rising and falling somewhat rapidly. Harry was still turned the other way, and Louis wasn’t sure if he was sleeping or not. Very carefully, Louis reached down and turned the handle, thankful for the noise it didn’t make. Harry didn’t move at all, and Louis kept the door opened a crack, letting a small bit of light in.

Harry was snoring lightly, and it took all of Louis’ strength not to swoon. He was simply adorable, his back rising and falling slowly, and as Louis got closer he could see the curls of his hair falling upon his face, giving him a child like look. Louis silently set the bag down on the side table and hastily reached for his bag, grabbing a pen. He looked around wildly before grabbing his patient chart yet again, yanking out a piece of random paper and turning it over, scribbling some words down quickly.  
9:59. The nurses would be down here to kick him out any moment now. Louis finished his note and threw the pen down while setting the paper gently on top of the bag. He stood up slowly, careful not to make any sound and began backing up, thankful that Harry was still sound asleep.  
He got to the door and stepped out, turning to close it before taking a final glance. The glistening of the small glass bottles in the bag caught his eye, and he took a moment to glance at all the different colors of nail polish he had bought. Surely Harry would like one of the almost 30 colors he had bought. His eyes darted back up towards Harry again, and his heart fluttered.

“I am truly in love with you, Harry Styles,” he recited quietly, trying to remember what he had just written down.

“I love you so much and I’m never gonna abandon you again. I’ll be back tomorrow to help you paint your nails. I promise.  
-Louis”


	3. it's alright, calling out for somebody to hold tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew he shouldn’t be in here. He knew he was supposed to be down the hallway, in an OR, saving someone else. Or at least stitching people up in the pit, or helping someone find a family member in the waiting room, just helping in general. He was Liam’s star surgeon, someone that people looked up to within the walls of Mercy Hospital. And in the middle of a fucking city-wide crisis, he was nowhere to be found. Holed up in a patient’s room, on the verge of tears, wanting nothing more than to crawl into this twin size hospital bed and curl up into Harry’s side and just...stop.  
> His life was going a mile a minute and had shown no intention of stopping. He was saving people and killing them, winning some and losing some. Every single day he came to work and never knew what was going to happen. He had absolutely no sense of stability in his life, even his sex life was unstable. He’d wake up next to a man he didn’t remember from the night before and think absolutely nothing of it. There was nothing sane about that.  
> But now...now he had something. Or rather, someone.
> 
> harry is louis' home, but louis' never had a very good home life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly cannot believe how many hits this has and that I'm publishing a chapter 3 a month after I originally posted this. This one is a bit longer, plus there's some bloody scenes (not anything major). Louis' a surgeon, after all. Please comment, tell me how much love/despise it! :)

If Louis were to round up a group of random people from the streets of Seattle and ask them when the proper time of day “bathtime” was, he’s pretty sure he’d get quite a few weird looks. Sure, the question itself was strange, but had anyone really set an official time for taking a bath during the day?

Now, he assumes that majority of the people in his little group would chime in (after the puzzling looks in response to his question) and tell him that later on in the evening, right before a proper bedtime of 9 or 10, is the perfect time to take a bath.

“It’s a great way to unwind from a long day.”

“You’re able to relax right in time, before you go to sleep!”

“A bath at night cleans you from everything you encountered that day, and prepares you for the next one.”

And really, there was nothing wrong with those answers. Louis fully understood the use of bath time for adults (for kids, it was nothing more than scrubbing all the nasty dirt from your body during the day, and a way for your parents to make sure you don’t drown). Adults took baths to distress, to lay in the hot water and debate on their (usually) very shitty days, and reminisce to when times were simpler, easier.

However, bathing at night just wasn’t always a very convenient time for a surgeon.

That’s why Louis found himself dead limbed in the bathwater, surrounded by lavender scented bubbles and the dull light streaming in from the window above his head, slowly sliding his toes up and down against the porcelain white tub and vaguely wondering why he was taking a bath at 9:33 am when he had to be at work at 10. He had been soaking in the water, pruning away actually, since 7 am; he had stumbled into his apartment, still sluggish with sleep, after finding himself with his head resting against Harry Styles’ bed.

Louis suddenly had the urge to push his head beneath the water and potentially drown himself as his cheeks begin burning at the recollection of this morning, or of last night in general. He reached up and gripped the sides of his sturdy claw foot tub, one of his most prized possessions in his home, and pulled himself up to sit. He leaned against the back of the tub, cringing slightly at the cold porcelain against his shoulders. He submerged his knees and feet into the now lukewarm bath water, reaching up and rubbing his pruned hands against his face, sighing loudly. No one could hear him wither away in self pity, anyway.

The night before was somewhat foggy in his memory: he remembered shelling out $100 on nail polish and running down the wet streets of Seattle and almost slipping a few times to get back to the hospital. He remembered scribbling down a note for Harry, eager to get away from him before...well, he doesn’t exactly know what. Before he started caring too much?

Louis groaned at his own thought process, shifting his legs beneath the soapy water. It was too late for that now, he DID care. And really, what was so wrong with that? What was wrong with actually giving a shit about someone besides himself for once, for spending time and money on someone who he wasn’t going to abandon in the morning? It absolutely killed Louis that he could find nothing bad about that.

He leaned his head back for a moment, closing his eyes, the hard edge of the tub digging into the back of his head rather uncomfortably. He had always been bad at sneaking out of places, just ask his old one night stands.

Harry had woken up and seen him try to leave after Louis’ disgustingly soft and sweet rendition of his stupid note. Louis remembered hearing his voice, deeper than it already was, break the silence between them and mumble for him to “come back over” and suddenly Louis had lost all of his own brain function and he found himself walking back over towards him without even thinking about it and pulling up a chair from the other side of the room, careful not to make any noise because the nurses would hear.

He remembered Harry smiling at him, with the insanely stupid but adorable dorky grin, still half asleep but watching Louis with those intense green eyes and Louis was already leaning against the bed, the railing pressing into his collarbone and sternum but all he wanted was to get closer to Harry, to keep him grinning and happy.

He had felt Harry’s surprisingly warm hands reach out to touch his own, and Louis knew he was talking to him but for some reason he couldn’t focus on the words but more on how Harry’s lips were moving, his sinfully pink lips that were shaping out words and sentences were merely noise to Louis’ ears, and he felt his heart begin to pound and wondered frantically if Harry could sense how much he was trying to breathe, trying to regain his focus and pay attention to him as Louis’ foot bounced nervously against the tile floor.

Louis opened his eyes again, his train of thought being interrupted by the loud buzzing of his phone vibrating against the tile floor of his bathroom. He leaned over slightly, craning his head over the tub to look at the caller ID and groaned loudly as he was greeted with Zayn’s stupid pretty face gracing the screen. He lifted his arm out of the water and grabbed a towel from the floor, quickly drying it off before answering the phone call, pressing the speaker button with his fingertip.

“What is it, Zayn?”

He flinched as Zayn’s obscenely loud voice rang out in echos around his bathroom, fighting the urge to dive back under the water once more.

“Louis, didn’t you hear your pager go off?! There was a bus crash this morning, loads of people about to start flooding in! Injured people, people that need life saving surgeries!”

Louis tried not to focus on how insanely happy and excited Zayn sounded about the prospect of dying patients crowding the hospital. He could hear the faint sounds of Niall chattering away with another intern about what kind of surgeries were gonna be performed today, which ones they might be able to scrub in on, and Louis already felt a headache coming on.

So much for his “calming” bathtime.

“My pager is in the other room Zayn, look I’m gonna be there in like, 20 minutes so just go get ready for-”

“SHIT! Louis, there’s bloody people EVERYWHERE!” The glee in Zayn’s voice was impossible to miss now and Louis nearly threw his phone out of the room, hanging up the call in the middle of Niall screaming “I CALL THIS ONE! HE’S MINE!”

Louis let his arm hang limply from the tub, his fingertips brushing lightly along the cold floor beneath him. His chin rested gently against the edge and his eyes wandered over to his bedroom door, where his mess of dirty clothes had somehow migrated to his bed instead of just on the floor around him, and where his pager was probably somewhere hidden beneath them all. He heard the muffled sounds of sirens going off outside his window, the sound travelling past his apartment building as they raced down the street.

Louis’ eyes darted back down to his phone and realized that he had less than 20 minutes to get out, dry off, get dressed and get downtown, where he would surely be whisked away to an OR almost immediately when he arrived. The sudden realization that this next shift at the hospital was probably going to be around 72 hours (this was the norm when disasters happened within the city) hit him at once and he had to grip the edge of the tub tighter to restrain his arms from pushing his body down and trying to drown himself once more.

20 minutes later (well, 21 according to the ugly looks he got from the resident surgeons and interns when he ran inside the hospital doors) found Louis right in the middle of chaos: the lobby was crowded with people crying and yelling and frantic cries for help with finding their relatives or loved ones, nurses were running down the hallways with all the medical supplies they could carry, and Louis caught a glimpse of Zayn skidding out of an OR room, his scrubs splattered in dark red blood and running back towards the pit, where many other people were soon to greet Louis on the brink of death.

Usually, Louis thrived in this types of situations. The constant stream of patients and surgeries kept him on his toes, at the top of his game and, as sadistic as it sounded, he almost enjoyed these days. He struggled to keep a grip on his bag as an intern whisked past him, pushing a nearly unrecognizable woman who was covered in what Louis hoped wasn’t her own blood, and he swallowed thickly.

“Tomlinson!” He jumped, the sudden harsh voice of the chief startling him back to reality.

“Yes, sir I’m here, I’m s-” Liam’s hand was sudden upon his shoulder, jerking him around to face him directly. Louis fell silent, watching Liam yank off his surgical mask with his free hand, eyeing the room nervously as he did on these panic days.

“I REALLY don’t want to know why my star surgeon was ignoring his pager this morning.” His tone was almost menacing, and Louis somehow couldn’t find it in him to feel bad about it. Sorry Chief, I was contemplating suicide this morning.

“I don’t have time for you to be half assing things today, do you understand me?” Louis nodded quickly in response, running his thumb along the leather strap of his bag.

“My apologies, Chief. It won’t happen again.” Liam’s wandering eyes now darted back to Louis’ face and he scanned him quickly, in that really uncomfortable way Liam always did. It was like he could see right through him, as if he was transparent and Louis absolutely despised it.

“Look, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Louis rushed his words together hastily as he started making a beeline for the locker room, eager to escape Liam’s gaze. “What do you have lined up for me, Chief?”

Liam blinked at the sudden change of conversation and jogged after Louis, rubbing his head. “Uh…” He crumpled up his mask in his hand, furrowing his brow as Louis got into the room, yanking his locker open and changing into his scrubs quickly.

“I’ve got a woman, mid twenties, who smacked her head into the seat in front of her when the bus crashed. She’s got a major concussion and bleeding in the brain, she needs to be taken in immediately.” Louis frowned, his head darting up from tying his shoes.

“That’s major. Why hasn’t she been sent into an OR yet?” he demanded impatiently, hastily smoothing back his still wet hair and tying his cap on. “That sort of trauma can cause massive problems-”

“Yeah, and she’s also 8 months pregnant, Louis.”

Louis stared at him, his arms frozen above his head because, of course she fucking was. It was sort of an unspoken thing between doctors that surgeries on patients who were pregnant were the absolute worst, especially this far along.

Any surgery came with its risks, from a simple wisdom teeth removal to removing a vital organ. Everyone’s body was different, and it was impossible to really tell what the outcome of a procedure would definitely be, even with various tests being run. Louis had seen people’s bodies fail them multiple times during surgery, had even had a young boy die on his table before all because his body responded the wrong way to the anesthesia.

With a pregnant woman, however, the risk was now doubled. Not only is she supporting her own life, but that of her baby’s as well, and with the neurological procedure Louis was certain he would have to perform, the likeliness of him being able to save both of them was now drastically reduced.

Liam was still watching him in that annoying way, as if Louis were about to have a breakdown or try and run out of the hospital. Louis gritted his teeth and tried not to get pissed off as he finished tying his cap. So he had ignored his fucking pager this morning, big deal. He had still made it to work on time, and he was FINE. Liam should be praising him right now, to be quite honest. He had spent the night at the hospital to…”watch” over a patient all night.

“Louis. I’m talking to you.” Dammit. Louis blinked rapidly at Liam’s snapping fingers in his face and cleared his throat.

“Sorry, sir. What did you say?” Liam narrowed his eyes, cocking his head to the side and resting his shoulder against one of the lockers. Louis noticed that he hadn’t shaved in a few days; maybe Zayn was into beard burn. Jesus Christ, maybe he was messed up in the head.

“I was asking if you were ready to go, but I can clearly see that you aren’t. Go into the pit or something, I don’t have time for you to be this zoned out in the OR, Tomlinson.” Louis raised an eyebrow, not surprised at his sudden angry tone but nevertheless upset.

“I’m actually fine. Never been better. I’m the happiest I could be.” He reached forward and tried with all his willpower not to yank the orange patient chart from beneath Liam’s armpit and strode past him out of the room, his knuckles white as he clutched it against his chest.

“Watch me save this patient AND her baby.”

When Louis was in high school, he had (embarrassingly) been a drama geek. He absolutely loved being onstage, lived for the spotlight and was probably the only person who enjoyed the long rehearsals solely because it kept him busy and away from his house. But with anyone who knows a theatre kid, they know of all the stupid superstitions they follow as if they’re the law.

Don’t say Macbeth in a theatre. Look into a mirror before walking onstage. It’s “break a leg”, and never “good luck”. Walking under ladders ensures eminent death. Don’t split any sort of poles while you’re with your theatre group.

Most importantly, don’t ever get too cocky. Not with your ensemble, not with yourself, not ever. The entire production shatters right before your eyes.

Louis wishes he would’ve remembered that from high school.

He was so close to being finished, so close to being able to fix this woman’s brain, and he hadn’t run into any issues at all. That should’ve been his first clue.

“Doctor, the baby’s heart rate is slowing down. The patient’s BP is through the roof, I think it’s in distress.” Louis darted his eyes upward, glancing at the machine before going back to his work, taking another scalpel from the outstretched hand of another nurse.

“Bring it back down, you know what to do. Start with the standard amount and work your way up if need be.” He fell silent and kept working as he watched a group of interns follow his orders, grabbing the patient’s IV and filling it with the necessary fluids. His steady hands had just pulled away from her brain when the rapid beeping of her heart monitor began flatlining.

“Doctor, her heart’s stopped completely now.” Thanks a lot, God.

Louis set down his tools and held his arms out instinctively, one of the nurses hastily yanking up his sleeves once more.

“Get me the paddles, set it to 50.” Louis glided from his spot above the patient’s head to her right side, taking the paddles and waiting for a split second as a clear gel was squirted onto each metal plate before pressing them on either side of her chest and calling out a loud “Clear!” before shocking her.

He winced slightly as her body momentarily lifted from the table and hit back down, but was again greeted with the unnerving noise of the flatline.

“Charge it up t-”

“The baby’s heart rate is slowing down again, it’s in distress.” Louis bit his tongue, closing his eyes for a moment.

“I’m very aware of what’s happening, but I am not about to lose this patient when I’m so close fixing her.” He could sense the disagreement that was filling the room, but he was the surgeon in the room. They had absolutely no say in this. “As I was saying, charge it to 100.”

The room fell silent and once again the nurse applied the gel back onto the paddles before Louis pressed them against the woman’s pale white skin, swallowing thickly before calling out another “Clear!”

Again he watched her body rise and fall, but still the shrill beep was flooding his ears.

“Doctor, she’s not responding at all.” Yeah, no shit Sherlock. He gritted his teeth and clenched the paddles in his hands, staring down at the patient for a second. She looked so..helpless. Defenseless. This morning she had gotten on the bus and now she was dying on Louis’ watch. Within hours, she had went from being perfectly healthy to having her skull cut open on a cold, metal table, surrounded by doctors and her life was STILL slipping away.

“Doctor, what are we going to do? We don’t have time to sit and stare.” The impatient voice of one of the more daring nurses rang clear in his ears, shattering his previous thoughts. “Any more power to those paddles and the baby could potentially d-”

“I understand that, thank you.” The audacity of these nurses sometimes. As if he didn’t spend half of his fucking life in school to become a surgeon. Louis dropped the paddles with a loud thud onto the table, making his way back to his spot above the patient’s brain. He’d be damned if he didn’t finish this surgery. “Page the neonatal surgeon, whichever one’s available right now. I need an emergency C-section so I can focus on-”

“They’re both in surgeries, Doctor.” He blanched suddenly, pausing with his hands above the tool tray.

“I don’t care. Call one of them in, I need this baby ou-”

“Do you not understand what I just said? They’re BUSY. They’re delivering babies of their own, we CANNOT call them in!” The scalpel above Louis’ left palm looked increasingly tempting and he vaguely wondered what would happen if he suddenly tripped and ended up stabbing the nurse beside him. He squeezed his hands into fists before turning on his heel, scanning the woman now in front of him. She merely eyed him back, her dark brown eyes staring deeply into his, one eyebrow raised as she awaited a response. The sickening noise of the flatline was the only noise in the OR, and the tension was suffocating him now.

Louis opened his mouth to speak, fully intent on getting a fucking neonatal surgeon in the room before the frantic cry of an intern behind him broke the air.

“The baby’s heart stopped.”

And for some fucking reason, in that moment of absolute distress, of muddled confusion and embarrassment and just plain anger, the only person that popped into Louis’ head was Harry Styles.

Obviously, Harry would be useless in this situation, and he knew that. Harry had no medical training, no knowledge of anything Louis had just performed in the past hour, and his presence here would be the opposite of helpful. He’d probably throw up looking at all the blood or something.

But still, while Louis’ eardrums were bursting from the sickening noises that were telling him both of his patients were now dying, Harry’s smug face was swimming into his vision. His pale white skin, still covered with bruises but healing beautifully, his deep dimples that Louis wanted to kiss every time he saw and the way his long eyelashes cast small shadows against his cheeks in the dim lighting of this hospital room...that was all he could focus on.

Louis had wanted to escape surgeries many times in his career, to drop everything in his hands and forget about the patient and their family and the suddenly claustrophobic feeling he always got when he began to panic in the OR. But he had always been able to stop himself simply because he knew he had nowhere to run to. No one to talk to, no one to cry on. Any other doctor, nurse or surgeon in the place would think him a monster for running out on a surgery, and they weren’t wrong. It was against everything he lived for.  
But honestly, in that moment, Harry’s room a few floors down was suddenly very tempting. A safe haven, somewhere away from the loud machines and the panicked shouting of the interns around him. Harry was safe.

Something must’ve snapped then, because before someone else could scream at him Louis was armed with a scalpel, performing a procedure he had only done twice before in his life. He wasn’t a neonatal surgeon and he had never desired to be one; watching babies suffer was really not his forte. But still, he found himself bent forward, his hands nearly buried within this woman’s body, his gloved hands gently pulling up a tiny baby girl, who was blue in the face and absolutely silent.

“Get her breathing again, now!” His voice was loud and sharp as he passed the infant over to a waiting intern before turning back, swallowing thickly at the now opened abdomen of his patient.

“Just, uh...get me the…: He blinked rapidly and suddenly felt as if his throat was closing, trying desperately to catch a breath through the mess of adrenaline he was feeling. “I need th-” Louis’ mask was suddenly met with a splash of blood, hitting not only him but the people around him.

“She’s hemorrhaging, her body’s shutting down.” Louis absolutely could not breathe now, his gloved hands shielding his face as her body continued to bleed profusely. He somehow managed to press his hands down, stopping the blood flow in its tracks and stuttered out,

“Shock her with 150, keep the manual breathing.” The nurse from earlier was now visibly concerned, her small hands pumping the blue breathing bag rhythmically now trembling as she nodded in response. He kept his hands pressed down as another shock passed through her body, gritting his teeth as she fell back against the table.

“200. Now.” All he wanted was Harry. That was it.

Another shock wave, met with the dismal flatline.

“250.” A nurse began hooking up blood transfusions. He knew it was a waste, but didn’t stop her. He felt another splatter of blood make contact with his forehead as her body was once again jerked around.

And still...nothing.

He fell silent, his chest rising and falling rapidly with his hands still buried halfway in her body.There was no way she was coming back from this. A dead silence filled the air as the knob on the machine was turned off, and Louis realized with a sickening drop in his stomach that the baby still hadn’t cried yet.

He looked up cautiously, the blue air bag still being compressed against the woman’s mouth in a feeble attempt to revive her. He swallowed again, closing his eyes for a moment.  
Why hadn’t he drowned in the bathtub this morning?

Louis gently began lifting his arms up, wincing internally at the squelching noise it made, but at least she wasn’t bleeding anymore. He held his arms up in front of him, his once white gloves now a disgusting pinkish color. The entire room was staring at him, eyes peering over their surgical masks, unsure of what to say or do.

The deep breath Louis took was not meant to rattle his entire body and yet it did, and he could feel the pinpricks of hot tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes. Of course he’d be fucking crying. He began to clear his throat but was interrupted by the loud scream of a newborn, and he swore he had never felt so much relief in his entire life. The air was momentarily alive with the cheer of a silent victory before Louis glanced up at the clock.

“Time of death, 12:37.” The baby’s crying ensured that she had a very healthy set of lungs on her and suddenly Louis realized her own mother hadn’t been able to hear her at all. Before anyone could say a word to him he was hitting the door button with his elbow, watching the sliding glass open and stepping inside for it to close behind him as he nearly ran towards the sink, hastily peeling off his pink gloves and throwing them in the trashcan.

He turned the sink on with his elbow, lathering his arms up with foamy soap and trying so hard to catch his breath, realizing he had forgotten to take his mask off. He swallowed again, scrubbing harshing as he found a spot on the counter below him to stare at, ignoring the screaming wails of the baby in the next room.

He heard the shuffle of some interns beginning to enter the washroom and he dried his hands quickly, yanking off his masks and escaping out the door as fast as he could, nearly running down the hallway.

He needed Harry, that was it. Harry could fix this. Harry could stop this feeling that his entire chest was about to cave in on itself. Harry could stop him from crying. He had never fucking cried in a surgery before, not once. What the hell was happening?

He took another shaky breath but was suddenly cut off as Zayn’s shoulder smacked into his side, looking up and realizing he was back within the chaos of the floor, Zayn looking up at him as he ripped off a surgical mask.

“Louis! There you are, how was the surgery? Did it go well?” He sounded absolutely breathless, his eyes shining with adrenaline and excitement. Louis wanted to throw up. He was probably thriving in this mess, and judging by his poorly hidden grin Louis assumed he had had no one die on his watch yet.

“Louis- are you crying? What the fuck happened?” Zayn leaned inwards a bit, his bushy black eyebrows scrunching up as he frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He purposefully ignored his previous question before looking around wildly, nervously rubbing his hands against his thighs as if trying to wipe away any evidence of the dying pregnant woman. “Are you busy?”

Zayn nodded quickly, that happy look coming back in his eyes. “I’ve saved 3 people already this morning, even got to scrub in on a couple! We’ve had very little deaths so far, it’s really amaz-”

“Louis!”

And suddenly, the entire scene around him was dissolving. No one else mattered. Zayn’s voice was no longer being heard in his ears. The hustle and bustle surrounding him was evaporating, and the screaming and crying coming from the waiting room didn’t affect him anymore.

Harry was calling for him.

Louis swore he almost broke his neck from looking up so fast. Down the hallway, through the mess of people and shouting was Harry Styles, standing in his hospital gown and fuzzy blue socks, clutching tightly onto his mobile IV and looking like an angel within madness, with his pale white skin and long, curly but somewhat disheveled brown hair, looking absolutely horrified at everything happening around him. He felt a feeble tug at his arm as Zayn tried to get his attention once more but Louis was already halfway down the hall, twisting and turning to try and not hit people as he whisked past them, his eyes locked on Harry’s face.

“I’m here, I’m here…” Louis’ hands were already around Harry’s wrist, gently pulling away his fingers from their surprisingly tight grip around the metal IV pole. “Harry, you need to go back into your room…”

“What’s going on? What’s happened?” Louis noticed the unusually deep tone in his voice, signaling he had probably just woken up again and obviously hadn’t seen the news on his TV.

“There was a bus crash, we’ve got a lot of people coming in, it’s not something you need to see…” Louis had him turned around and one of his hands pressed gently into his back, guiding him back to the door before Harry could see anything else. Louis silently prayed that he hadn’t caught a glimpse of the bed that had whisked past them a little ways ahead carrying a bloodied up young boy who was violently crying for his mother.

Harry was still struggling to realize what was happening and Louis felt his heart ache. “Bus crash…” He mumbled, blinking rapidly as Louis opened the door to his room, ushering him inside quickly but gently. He fell silent as Louis pulled back the blankets of his bed, looking back up at him and meeting his gaze.

“Harry, we’ve saved a lot of people so far. Now I need you to stay in bed for me...I’m not asking you as Louis, but telling you as your doctor, alright?” Harry nodded slowly, his hands clenching and unclenching nervously at his side. Louis bit his lip, the silence in the room absolutely deafening.

He knew he shouldn’t be in here. He knew he was supposed to be down the hallway, in an OR, saving someone else. Or at least stitching people up in the pit, or helping someone find a family member in the waiting room, just helping in general. He was Liam’s star surgeon, someone that people looked up to within the walls of Mercy Hospital. And in the middle of a fucking city-wide crisis, he was nowhere to be found. Holed up in a patient’s room, on the verge of tears, wanting nothing more than to crawl into this twin size hospital bed and curl up into Harry’s side and just...stop.

His life was going a mile a minute and had shown no intention of stopping. He was saving people and killing them, winning some and losing some. Every single day he came to work and never knew what was going to happen. He had absolutely no sense of stability in his life, even his sex life was unstable. He’d wake up next to a man he didn’t remember from the night before and think absolutely nothing of it. There was nothing sane about that.

But now...now he had something. Or rather, someone.

The feeling he got when he saw Harry was something he had never been able to feel before in his entire life. Not with previous boyfriends, not with his friends, and definitely not with his family. None of those places had ever been stable for him, had ever felt like home.

Harry was that. Harry was home to him.

And that was such a stupid thing for Louis to think because he had known this man for maybe a week and had spent ample time with him. He was a random patient that had come into his hospital one day and turned his entire world upside down. A broken man with beautiful green eyes that made him think and want to become a better fucking person.

So really, that’s why Louis began to ignore the chaos that was happening outside. That’s why he sat down gently on the bed, letting his feet dangle slightly off of it and over the floor, and that’s exactly why he reached forward and pulled Harry into his arms.

Harry responded just the way Louis wanted him to, practically melting into his hug. Harry’s face immediately found its way into the crook of Louis’ neck, his nose brushing up softly against his skin and sending an involuntary shiver down his spine. His long arms slid their way around Louis’ small body, and Louis felt the bed shift as he began crawling into the bed, pressing him down against the pillows. Louis simply let him, allowing his legs to slide back up and lay diagonally on the blankets, shifting slightly as Harry turned his body, his head falling to rest on Louis’ chest.

This was it. This was where he wanted to be, curled up with Harry and absent from literally every other aspect of his life. What was that Beatles song...All You Need Is Love? They were a pretty popular boy band. They must speak the truth.

Harry’s rhythmic breathing against Louis’ neck was soothing, his fuzzy feet gently stroking against Louis’ blue scrubs on his legs. Louis found himself staring at the ceiling, feeling absolutely content for the first time in his entire fucking life, one hand rubbing small circles into Harry’s back and the other running his fingers through Harry’s curls, careful not to tug on any tangles he encountered.

The incessant noise of sirens and even more ambulances arriving was enough to distract Louis from his thoughts, and he felt Harry stir slightly in his arms, tilting his head up slightly.

“You need to go, Louis...go save more lives…” Louis sighed softly, closing his eyes and dropping his hand from Harry’s hair.

“I know I do…” he murmured, listening to the beeping coming from Harry’s heart monitor. He moved his other arm as Harry began pushing himself up, lifting his head up to face him fully for the first time.

“You look close to tears.” His voice was surprisingly calm, staring directly at Louis as he propped his chin against his palm. “You don’t seem the type to cry a lot.”

“Yeah, well...you’re right, I’m not. Don’t really remember the last time I cried.” Harry hummed in response, scanning his face with his gorgeous green eyes. Louis swallowed thickly, trying not to focus on his dark pink lips.

“Well, I think I’ve got something that’ll cheer you up…” Louis raised an eyebrow.

“Really? It’ll take a lot to cheer me up right now, Styles.” Harry smiled softly, running his pinky finger against his lips slowly.

“I’m getting discharged tomorrow night.” Louis stared at him, blinking rapidly.

“How...how are you getting discharged? I’m your doctor, I make that decision…” Harry huffed softly, pouting at him.

“If you don’t want me out of here, just tell me.” He grinned as Louis stumbled for words and shook his head. “The chief of surgery is letting me out. Says that I’m fine and healthy, all ready to go back out into the real world.” Louis frowned slightly, staying silent. Liam was never one to check on regular patients like that, in fact he could remember a time that he ever did. He chewed slightly on his lip, trying to push the thought that Zayn could have very easily asked Liam to release Harry because he was a distraction to Louis. Or Niall...no, that’s not something Niall would do. But not Zayn either...had Liam seen him last night? Or possibly this morning, as he was pulling a literal walk of shame out of a patient’s room at 6:30 in the morning with the sun barely up and his eyes still full of sleep?

His mind was racing so quickly he didn’t feel Harry pulling away from him, rolling onto his back beside Louis and staring fixedly at the ceiling.

“I’m leaving whether you like it or not, Louis. I thought you’d be more...excited, at least.” His arms were crossed against his chest and Louis caught a glimpse of the aquamarine color on his fingernails, the ones he had helped paint only hours before among their hushed giggles and whispered conversations.

He wasn’t going to fuck this up. Not this time.

Louis shook his head quickly, turning his body and gently grabbing Harry’s face with his tiny hands, forcing him to look his way. “No no no...I am excited. Ecstatic, actually. I’m gonna have someone to share my flat with.”

Fuck. Word vomit strikes again.

Harry’s eyes widened as soon as Louis shut his mouth, lifting his head off his hand and staring at him. Louis shifted uncomfortably in the bed, fighting the urge to roll off of it and onto the floor, hopefully cracking his head open in the process.

“I uh...well, I was going to ask, since...I mean, I didn’t think you had a place to stay now…” He was choking on his words and felt his cheeks instantly flush, Harry still blinking stupidly at him. Louis wished again, for the fourth time that day, that the bathtub from this morning had taken his life. He wasn’t that lucky.

Louis nearly jumped out of the bed, suddenly very interested in going back out there and getting back to work, straightening his scrub shirt and fixing his cap, clearing his throat. “Trust me, I’m very pleased that you’re getting released. I’m glad you’ve gotten better, and now you’ll be able to get a fresh start on your life, and not have to worry about any-”

Louis’ forehead nearly collided against Harry’s as he was suddenly yanked down, those plump pink lips pressing up against his own, rendering him speechless as Harry kissed the embarrassment right out of him. His now wrinkled shirt was crumpled up in Harry’s large fist as the kiss deepened, Harry gently probing his tongue against Louis’ lips for an entrance.

And honestly...fuck it.

Louis’ arms were flung around Harry’s neck before he could stop himself, opening his mouth and moaning softly as his tongue slid inside. Harry hummed happily, dropping his fist and sliding his arms up Louis’ side, one of his fingers catching onto the bottom of his shirt and bringing it up with him. Louis shivered at the sudden cold air, his hands instinctively sliding back up into the brunette curls and tugging them ever so slightly as Harry got up, suddenly towering over him and forcing Louis to tilt his head up, refusing to break the kiss.

Harry’s hands found their way back down Louis’ body, sliding their way across his lower back and finally onto his ass, suddenly cupping it and lifting him up almost effortlessly and Louis couldn’t even stop his legs from finding their way around Harry’s waist. He clung onto him almost desperately as Harry stumbled forward, moaning into his mouth as Louis’ back made sudden contact with the hospital wall, a loud thud echoing throughout the room.

Louis somehow managed to pull his lips away, panting heavily as he turned his head to peer out the small window on the door, searching for anyone wandering past. That loud bang was bound to have summoned at least a passing nurse or intern. Harry’s chest was rising and falling against Louis’ body, his lips shiny and slightly swollen as he stared directly at him, looking almost dazed with his glassy green eyes.

Louis tried to ignore the fact that Harry’s hands were still pressed tightly against his ass as he shifted slightly in his arms as he turned back to face him, smiling as he dropped an arm from around his neck, reaching forward and pressing a fingertip against his lips.

“Tomorrow night, you’re coming home with me and we’re gonna finish that, alright?” he commanded breathily. Harry’s face lit up like the sun and Louis swore to God that he had never seen anyone look so happy in his life.

“Sounds good to me, Doctor…” He leaned forward, softly kissing Louis once more before pulling away, much too soon for his taste. He did, however, begin moving his mouth downward across Louis’ jaw, letting his lips drag lazily along his stubble and to his neck. Louis nearly gasped out loud as Harry began sucking lightly at the skin on his neck, his grip around his neck tightening instinctively at the sudden intimacy.

“Go back out there and save some lives for me.”

And dammit, that’s sure as hell what he was going to do.

The next 24 hours flew by surprisingly quickly: 7 surgeries, one involving a young man’s spinal cord which Louis saved heroically and ensured that he wouldn’t be paralyzed after the accident and another in which he spared a woman’s foot from being amputated. No one else died on his watch, and in all honestly it was a very productive shift. Their speed at responding to the accident cut their shift times in half and Louis was extremely thankful for that; him, Niall and Zayn had ended up falling asleep in the cafeteria after trying to sneak in a quick lunch break after a 7 hour surgery and had to be rescued by a somewhat angry but mostly amused Liam. It really was pretty funny considering the fact that Niall had literally fallen asleep mid bite of his sandwich.

And now, after the last of the patients had been taken care of and the waiting room evacuated of hysterical family members, Louis was finally able to actually sit down and eat some real food, without having to worry about his pager going off.

He wasn’t with Harry, but rather with Niall and Zayn, as he felt that they all needed to unwind together after that nightmare of a shift, and he smiled softly to himself as he watched Zayn stir around his pasta in his little plastic container, making a face at it but deciding on eating it all the same, and Niall who was literally inhaling a bag of chips looking almost blissfully happy. Louis leaned his back against the brick wall in the hallway they were sitting in, shifting his legs slightly to balance his shitty hospital salad on as he drowned the meal in salad dressing, his stomach growling loudly as the smell hit him.

“I heard Harry’s getting out tonight!” Niall’s mouth was full of food as he glanced up at Louis, raising his eyebrows. “That’s good, I’m glad. Poor guy was miserable being here all the time.” Louis nodded slowly, a bit surprised at Niall’s comment but nevertheless happy to talk about it. It was Harry, after all.

“Yeah, I’m glad as well…” He stabbed his fork into the green leaves and stirred them around, glancing at Zayn out of the corner of his eye. He stayed silent, scarfing down his noodles and Louis kept playing with his food. Niall’s blue eyes darted in between them, slowly beginning to stop chewing.

“What...what’s going on?” Louis lifted his head up, bringing up his fork and taking a large bite as Zayn dropped his plate, looking confused.

“Uh...nothing?” He turned slightly to face Louis, frowning slightly. “IS there something going on, Louis?”

And really, Louis didn’t have a reason to be mad at him yet. He wasn’t even sure if Zayn had told Liam to discharge Harry but the mere fact that he could have was enough to piss Louis off. Maybe he was just tired.

“Zayn, you...you didn’t ask Liam to discharge Harry, did you? I mean, get him checked out and all that…” Louis hastily took another bite of his salad before he could keep talking as Zayn stared at him stupidly.

“...why would I? I mean, no offense to him or anything, he’s a nice dude.” Zayn sat up a bit, unfolding his legs from beneath him and stretching them out, setting his almost empty plastic bowl onto the tile floor beside him. “I didn’t say a word to him about Harry, I thought you did actually.” Louis blinked at his response, chewing slowly on his food before shaking his head and swallowing.

“No, I didn’t either…” He frowned slightly, his index finger messing idly with his bowl sitting in his lap. It still didn’t make sense; Harry still LOOKED bad, although that didn’t necessarily mean much sometimes. He hadn’t really planned on discharging Harry soon, but then again he was selfish and wanted him to stay so he could visit him while at work. Plus, he hadn’t really been in the right state of mind to check on his charts and analyze the progress he’d been making.

Niall tossed his now empty chip bag across the hallway and into the trashcan, fist pumping the air in victory before wiping his salty hands on his scrubs and swallowing.  
“Chief probably wanted to get more available beds ready, and Harry was next on the list to get discharged.” He shrugged, looking at the two of them again before focusing on Louis. “I wouldn’t question it; Liam’s the head honcho and you get to spend more time with Harry.”

Zayn smiled and clapped him on the back, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, take that boy toy home. Hospitals aren’t really romantic places.” He smirked and Niall tried his hardest to stifle a laugh but it came out as a cackle and Louis couldn’t help but grin as his face flushed bright red.

“Shut up, Malik…” He scooped up the rest of his salad onto his fork and ate it hastily before gathering all his trash and standing up, throwing it away and wiping his hands on his scrub shirt. “I’ve got to replace my stupid pager battery in the supply closet downstairs, you two go ahead and clock out, go home. I’ve had enough of your ugly faces today.” He laughed and dodged a punch from Zayn’s fist before jogging down the hallway to the elevator. “Love you too!” He pressed the down button and stepped inside, pulling his pager off of his waistband and sticking his fingernail into the back piece, pulling it off and knocking the old batteries into his palm.

The doors opened and Louis stepped out quietly, his eyes adjusting to the dimly lit hallway in front of him. The supply closet was in the very back, and Louis had to walk past the nursery to get there. A small cluster of parents were gathered in front of the elevator and Louis smiled warmly at them as he stepped aside to let them in. He assumed visiting hours were about to end, and his heart suddenly ached as he caught a glimpse at one of the younger moms, wrapped up in a pink blanket and holding tightly onto her husband or boyfriend’s arm, looking back happily at the nursery windows to where her child was sleeping.

Louis chewed on his inner lip, looking away and finding the nearest trash can, dumping his old batteries away. His mind flashed back to the surgery from yesterday and he suddenly felt nauseous, swallowing back bile. There was a baby girl in there with no mother, no one to come visit her all because Louis wasn’t able to save her mom in time.  
He sighed softly, looking back as the parents chattered happily within the elevator as the doors closed with a soft ding. He closed his eyes for a moment, vowing silently not to look through the windows as he passed (he usually did, the babies were some of the only purely good things in this hospital sometimes) and began walking. He looked up, trying to locate the door at the end of the hall and suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, nearly dropping his pager in the process.

Harry was standing a few feet away from him, dressed in those dark skinny jeans and flowery see through shirt from the day he arrived, his hands holding tightly onto the railing that was placed in front of the nursery for the new moms to grip onto. His face was bathed in the soft blue light that came from the large windows, his hair pushed back from his eyes with a black pair of sunglasses and a soft smile upon his lips. He had no notice of Louis at all, and Louis was silently glad as he was sure his jaw was hitting the floor in absolute shock and awe right now.

He straightened up a bit, composing himself before tiptoeing silently towards him, Harry still paying him absolutely no attention. Louis finally reached the metal bar and took a spot beside him, turning to fully face the babies in front of them. His heart absolutely melted as he stared at them, a sea of blue and pink blankets flooding his vision. He grinned, scanning each of their faces in silence as he leaned against the railing, and he saw Harry move slightly in the corner of his eye.

“Babies are one of my favorite things in the entire world,” he murmured softly, and Louis’ knees almost gave out because that was such a Harry thing to say. “When I got lonely in the hospital room I would come down here and just...watch them.” He looked up suddenly, scrunching his nose up awkwardly. “Is that weird of me?”

Louis laughed softly, shaking his head, still gazing at the babies quietly. “No, it’s not. I promise,” he responded, falling silent for a moment. “Wanna hear something cool?”  
Harry nodded quickly, cocking his head to the side. “Of course, Doctor.” He smirked and Louis had to take a moment to compose himself before continuing.

“See that baby girl over there, in the back?” He pressed his finger against the glass and Harry leaned down slightly, following his line of vision, and nodded.

“The dark haired one?” Louis smiled softly, dropping his hand.

“Yeah...I delivered her today.” Now it was Harry’s turn for his jaw to drop and he gasped in excitement.

“Wait, really?! You did, Louis?! That’s so cool, that’s...that’s amazing!” His voice was pure glee and Louis couldn’t help but giggle at his response, watching amusedly as Harry nearly pressed his face to the glass for a closer look. “She’s beautiful, really gorgeous…” He looked up at him again, his smile nearly blinding Louis. “I’m sure you do stuff like that a lot.”

Thank the fucking Lord above that he hadn’t brought up mention of her mother and Louis silently breathed a sigh of relief as he shook his head. “Actually no, I’ve delivered 3 babies in my lifetime. Well, 4 technically because one mother had twins. And they were always c-sections because, well...I’m a surgeon.” Harry nodded his head almost understandingly, bless his heart, and smirked at him.

“Somehow I don’t think you’d be a great neonatal doctor.” Louis rolled his eyes, standing up straight and pulling his pager from his pocket.

“You’re probably right, honestly. Hey, I’m gonna go change these batteries down the hall really quick, I’ll be right back alright?” He jogged past Harry as he nodded, already entranced by the babies once more as Louis quickly replaced his batteries in the closet. He tried to ignore how fast his heart was beating and told himself that it was because he had jogged a few feet, although he knew it wasn’t true. He ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly tingling with nervousness as he realized that he was about to take Harry home with him. He swallowed, rubbing his eyes for a moment and realizing his cheeks were flushed, warm to Louis’ touch. He cursed internally before stepping back out into the hallway, walking back to Harry’s side and touching his arm gently.

“They’re gonna kick us out in a minute, visiting hours are over…” Harry rolled his eyes, turning towards him.

“They might kick you out; the nurses let me stay here all I want.” He grinned cheekily and Louis could honestly see why they bent the rules for him. That smile was enough to make even the most stubborn person do just about anything.

“Yeah well, do you wanna come home with me or not?” Harry’s eyes lit up and he smiled even wider suddenly reaching forward and grabbing Louis’ hand.

“Oh yes I do, I really really want to…” Louis’ felt a shot of electricity run through his body at Harry’s touch, blinking at him before he could even form a proper response.

“Right, well...come on, let’s go, I’ve got to change before we do anything.” He began tugging Harry back towards the elevator and he followed behind happily, still clutching Louis’ hand tightly as they waited for the doors to open. They stepped inside, Harry swinging their arms almost childishly, and Louis swore his heart was fit to burst any moment now.  
How lucky had he gotten to take this man home?

After a short argument in front of the locker room door (“Harry you can’t come in here, there’s other doctors around and I’ll get fired for bringing someone else in!” “But I just wanted to see you get undressed!”), Louis was leading Harry out towards his car in the parking lot, searching inside his seemingly endless bag for his keys.

“This stupid thing eats everything I put in it, I swear to God…” Harry simply giggled at him, swaying back and forth slowly as the cold Seattle breeze ruffled his hair, brushing it away from his lips. Louis finally found them and pressed the button, unlocking the door and quickly opening it for Harry.

“In you go, sir…” Harry bit his lip sheepishly, suddenly at a loss for words and followed his orders, sitting inside before Louis shut the door behind him. He smiled happily to himself, considering it a personal victory that he had managed to render Harry speechless and jogged to the other side, getting into the driver’s seat and shutting the door. “Seatbelt on?”

“Yes, doctor.” Harry’s loud cackles were heard over the sound of Louis’ ignition starting, the car quickly speeding out of the parking lot, urgent to get home immediately.

Harry was surprisingly quiet during the trip home, gazing out of the windows, commenting sometimes on the different places they passed (“I’ve been to that pizza place, it’s really good.” “Oh man, don’t EVER go to that bar, nasty place!”) and they finally reached the parking garage for Louis’ apartment.

Louis got out first and managed to get to Harry’s side before he got out, pulling it open and letting him out, Harry’s face flushing a light pink color.

“Thanks, Louis…” he mumbled softly, messing with his sunglasses after pulling them off his head.

Louis smiled in response, shutting the door. “Don’t mention it. Tomorrow we’re gonna go get your stuff, if that’s okay?” Harry’s smile shifted slightly, a flash of uneasiness creeping across his face before he blinked it away.

“Yeah yeah, that sounds good...I mean, he won’t be there to stop me, since he’s still in the hospital…” Louis nodded slowly, tilting his head to the side.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to…” Harry shook his head quickly, moving his hair from his face.

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll be fine, promise.” He flashed Louis a toothy grin and Louis smiled in response, his heart rate picking up again.  
“Let’s not focus on that, anyway...I’ve got a promise to make up to you.”

Louis really isn’t sure how they made it up to his apartment without all of his clothes disappearing, but he’s very thankful they did. Harry was absolutely bubbling with joy and excitement, and his hands were practically glued to Louis’ body as they scampered across the parking lot and into the elevator, where Louis found himself pressed against the wall before the doors even closed, hungry kisses peppering his jawline and neck once again.

He tried desperately to reach forward to hit the floor button and busted out laughing as he had to use his foot to hit the number, Harry giggling loudly as he scooped him up with one arm, his free hand holding onto the railing for stability.

Louis pulled away for a moment, raising an eyebrow. “You sure you should be picking me up so much? I mean, you were really injured just a week ag-” He was stopped mid sentence as Harry began sucking on his bottom lip, begging him to shut up.

“‘M fine Louis, promise...I feel amazing, actually,” he murmured against his lips, Louis fighting back a sudden urge to whimper. The elevator beeped with each floor they passed, and Louis was suddenly thankful that it was so late and no one was wanting to get on with them. Harry’s hand was already fumbling with his shirt buttons, impatiently trying to get him half naked before they reached the room and Louis couldn’t stop the laughter coming from his mouth, Harry playfully cursing out his shirt as it refused to cooperate.

There was no memory, no recollection of a time Louis had felt this good with anyone in his entire life before. This was...different. A good kind of different, the kind that made Louis excited for what tomorrow was going to bring. He wanted to wake up next to Harry, to kiss him with his morning breath and curl up beneath the blankets with him and talk about the things going on in their lives. He wanted to stay up late at night when he should be sleeping for his job and paint Harry’s nails, or watch stupid movies or romantic ones, if Harry was into that.

But most importantly, he wanted Harry to feel safe here. He wanted to let him know that he was never going to hurt him, never going to treat him like shit because he didn’t deserve that at all. This place was a safe haven for him because for Louis, Harry was his safe haven. It was only fair, really, that he return the favor.  
Louis barely managed to shut the door behind them before he was tossed onto the couch in the living room, his ass hitting one of his TV remotes and he yelped loudly, sending Harry into hysterical giggles.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Louis rolled his eyes playfully, tossing the remote away from him as he yanked Harry back down.

“Shut up, Curly.” Now it was Louis’ turn to kiss on Harry’s neck, careful to avoid some of the light yellow bruises that still inked his skin. Harry moaned softly in response, holding his body weight above Louis with his hands pressed on either side of his shoulders, his green eyes falling shut as Louis’ hands maneuvered their way down to his waist.

As horrible as it sounded, Louis was sort of an expert at unbuttoning guys’ pants while giving them hickies, and he had Harry’s jeans down to his knees in a matter of seconds, tugging impatiently on them.

“Jesus Christ, how do you get these things on in the first place?!” Harry laughed breathily into his ear, standing up straight and yanking them down with a swift pull, revealing a pair of tight, white Calvin Klein briefs.

“It takes some time.” And if Louis’ heart was pounding earlier, now it was threatening to break his ribcage. He tried his hardest not to gawk at Harry’s physique as he pulled himself up, asking him breathlessly.

“Bedroom?” It really wasn’t a matter up for debate. Louis found himself tossed over Harry’s shoulder almost instantly, protesting loudly and hitting Harry’s back with his fists all while laughing loudly, Harry’s arm around his waist and his hand cupped around his ass, giggling as he ran around the apartment, opening random doors to find the bedroom. Louis’ attempt at directions were interrupted by his fits of laughter, and somehow they managed to find the right door and both hopped onto the bed urgently.

“Louis, Louis…” Harry’s hand suddenly stopped Louis from yanking his shirt off over his head and he blinked at him.

“What, Harry?” He probably sounded a bit snappish, but really,why was he interrupting this moment? Louis raised an eyebrow, watching as Harry smiled softly at him.

“You’ve got a really nice place.” Oh, Jesus Christ.

Louis grinned in response, dropping his arms and letting his shirt slide back on. “Correction: we’ve got a really nice place.” Did he actually say that? A man he’d known for a week, hadn’t even been able to fuck yet, and now they were living together? His mom would be ashamed. Add that to the list.

Harry’s face was a surprisingly white color but he beamed all the same at Louis, reaching over and taking his face gently into his hands, kissing him softly and running his thumb along his cheek. Louis practically melted, his hands reaching up to grip Harry’s forearms and he kissed him back, pushing Harry to lay down on the bed below him.

Louis pulled away slightly, moving around so that he was straddling Harry’s waist, pressing gently against his hips. Harry smiled happily up at him, looking tired but content all the same. Louis’ heart swelled with joy, reaching down and running his fingertips along his lips.

“‘M gonna make you feel really good, okay darling?” he murmured softly as Harry pressed soft little kisses against Louis’ fingers, his eyes falling shut.

“Yes, doctor…” he moaned breathily, and Louis absolutely could not believe this was happening. He leaned downward, pressing his lips back down against Harry’s collarbone, nibbling lightly on his skin as he lazily began unbuttoning his shirt, the soft sheer material falling away as he worked. His hands reached Harry’s navel and he ran a fingertip slowly down across it, reaching the waistband of his underwear and felt Harry shiver involuntarily below him, a loud gasp escaping his lips.

Louis grinned, bending downward even further and taking the fabric in between his teeth, another choked noise coming from Harry. He hummed in response, starting to pull downward.

“It’s okay, Harry…” Louis winced suddenly as another loud breath broke the silence in the room, and he dropped the band from his mouth, looking upwards. “Harry, are y-”

This time a strangled cough, and Louis’ stomach dropped as he suddenly realized Harry’s face was an unnerving shade of blue.

“Harry?! Harry, what’s wrong?! What’s happening?!” A sickening crackling noise escaped Harry’s throat and his chest was rising and falling rapidly, desperate to get air into his lungs. His lips were turning a sickly blue color and Louis was full on panicking now.

He got up quickly, hopping off the bed and running to his side. The veins in Harry’s neck were swollen now, and he watched as one of Harry’s arms began pointing weakly to his chest, still gasping loudly for air.

“Harry please don’t panic, please don’t do this to me...take slow, deep breaths, okay? It’s gonna be alright, I promise you…” Louis’ phone was already dialed to 911 before he finished consoling him, pressed against his cheek as he gripped Harry’s hand tightly, his other hand pressed against his chest to feel for a heartbeat.

“I promise you, Harry, it’s gonna be okay!”

That should be added to Louis’ new list of phrases he wasn’t allowed to say: “I promise.” That was like a superstition among doctors, similar to the things theater kids were banned from saying.

Doctors couldn’t promise you anything. Things happened out of their control, all the time. If you make a promise, it’s usually broken.

Louis really, really wishes that he can keep this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my twitter @ is fingerkisslou. feel free to harass me on there for this ending. i'm so sorry


	4. we built it up so high and now i'm falling...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis had always taken the whole rule about “not getting attached to patients” very seriously. That was some shit an intern would pull, or maybe even a resident at times. He found it easiest to just turn of any emotions he had completely off when at work, and over time he had lost touch with them completely. 
> 
> It wasn’t difficult; not caring meant not feeling as bad if something were to happen to the patient. 
> 
> But suddenly it did matter, suddenly that rule seemed stupid and childish and Louis realized he had no fucking idea how to comfort someone who was dying and that was awful. His entire career was spent surrounded by dying people and not once had he been able to comfort one. In one swift move, his world was crumbling around him and he was absolutely speechless.
> 
> louis really hopes he can keep his promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried like a little bitch while writing this chapter. Y'all will probably absolutely despise me but PLEASE read the entire chapter even if you feel like stopping. Good things come to those who wait.

Louis had never really been able to feel sympathy for anyone who complained that their life was “moving too fast”. His entire life, his existence, was too fast. 

Fast traumas, brought in by fast ambulances from fast accidents. 

Fast diseases, taking the lives of people before Louis could even properly diagnose them. 

Fast births, fast deaths, fast surgeries and fast decisions made on his part that weren’t always the correct thing to do. 

There was absolutely nothing that wasn’t fast about him. 

That’s why he thinks the shock factor decided to take over him that night, with his phone pressed against his cheek and his hands trembling like a child’s, one pressed against Harry’s chest and one clutching his hand desperately. He could feel the faltering of his heartbeat against his palm, the slow surrender of his vital organ as his body writhed in pain, his air intake virtually nothing. 

He swore his mind was playing tricks on him, it just had to be. But all he could see was Harry’s mouth opening and closing as he gasped for air in between sickening coughs, his eyes squeezed shut in pain and his lips still turning a darker shade of blue. 

“911, what’s your emergency?” 

“He can’t breathe, oh God, he’s…” Louis’ voice sounded unrecognizable, frantic and panicked and he was suddenly very aware of his own heart racing, blood rushing through his ears, and yet he still couldn’t put any words together. 

“Sir? Sir, tell me what’s happening. Do you need paramedics? What’s your address?” 

For the first time, Louis was experiencing his life in slow motion. 

His hand slowly sliding off of Harry’s chest, slowly squeezing his fingers in an act of pure distress. Harry’s eyes slowly fluttering shut, his chest slowly stopping its once rhythmic movements. 

Slowly realizing Harry’s hand was now limp, slipping from his sweaty grip and onto the bed below him.

Watching him slowly die. 

“His lung! His lung collapsed!” The realization hit him like a train, his eyes widening as his eyes frantically crossed the room. He barked his address into the phone, reality slowly setting in and his life coming back into focus once again. “He’s nearly dead, it’s gotta be a tension pneumothorax, his heart’s faltering and his pulse weak…” His mind was going a mile a minute, not even stopping for a breath. “Please get here soon, he...he can’t make it much l-” 

“L-L-Louis!” His phone hit the floor with a loud shattering noise before he could finish his sentence, turning around completely to face Harry again. He was nearly hyperventilating, his breath coming in short, hasty gasps, his eyes wide in terror. “L-L-Lou..”

“Jesus Christ, stop! Shut up, please!” Louis nearly screamed at him, running over and pressing his index and middle finger against his throat gently. “Harry, you need to relax, calm down, stop panicking…”

Harry shook his head violently, the veins in his neck protruding even further out. “I c-c-can’t b-b-breathe…” Louis bit his lip, his heart pounding rapidly against his ribcage. 

Louis had always taken the whole rule about “not getting attached to patients” very seriously. That was some shit an intern would pull, or maybe even a resident at times. He found it easiest to just turn of any emotions he had completely off when at work, and over time he had lost touch with them completely. 

It wasn’t difficult; not caring meant not feeling as bad if something were to happen to the patient. 

But suddenly it did matter, suddenly that rule seemed stupid and childish and Louis realized he had no fucking idea how to comfort someone who was dying and that was awful. His entire career was spent surrounded by dying people and not once had he been able to comfort one. In one swift move, his world was crumbling around him and he was absolutely speechless.

“Okay Harry, I need you to listen to me, please…” His voice was shaking and he cleared his throat loudly, blinking back the tears that were now clouding his vision. “The paramedics are coming, but while we wait I need you to listen…” Harry’s lips were glistening with saliva from coughing, his chest still rising and falling rapidly, struggling to keep his eyes open. 

“L-L-Louis-” He coughed once more, his face beginning to turn blue. Louis swallowed thickly, letting his hot tears spill from his eyes now as he reached out and placed his hands on either side of his face, his thumb rubbing gently against his cheekbones, shushing him quietly.

“Harry, don’t speak…” His voice cracked, sniffling loudly as Harry closed his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut in pain. “Keep them closed and just focus on my voice…” Harry nodded slightly in response and Louis sniffled once more, refusing to lift his hands to wipe his cheeks.

“I need you to take slow, deep breaths. It’s gonna hurt but you’re not getting enough oxygen and I need you conscious for the ambulance…” He kept running his thumbs along his face as he watched Harry take a slow breath, whimpering in pain as he did, his chest rising and falling slowly. 

“Yes, Harry, that’s right...keep going for me…” His thumb touched his lip gently, still a light blue color and another wave of tears streamed down his cheeks, dripping onto Harry’s neck. “You’re doing so well, you’re gonna be okay…” 

Harry managed to take a couple more breaths before he opened his eyes once more, staring up at Louis with a pained look. Louis grit his teeth, shaking his head rapidly.  
“Close your eyes, Harry...don’t focus on me, focus on your breathing, I promise I’m gonna get you out of here soon…” He sniffled, his thumb moving up to his eyelids and trying to close them gently. Harry jerked out of his way, choking out softly,

“K-k-kiss me, L-L-Louis...p-please…” Louis actually sobbed, let out a loud cry of distress as his cheeks grew steadily more and more wet, shaking his head. 

“Harry, please, I can’t do that, please just breathe, please…” Harry coughed again, his breathing getting rapid again. 

“K-Kiss me, so i-i-if I d-d-d-die…” Louis shook his head quickly, cutting him off.

“Shut up, Harry! Don’t say that, you’re not dying on me! I won’t let you!” His voice was loud and harsh and really he couldn’t help it. 

His home, his safe haven, was dying. It was withering away in front of his eyes, scared and helpless and undeserving of all its pain. It felt like sand falling between his fingers, he was a fucking surgeon and he had absolutely no power to help Harry at all. Without an OR...he was useless. 

“Goddammit, where is the ambulance?!” His voice cracked loudly and he whipped his head around to look at his front door, keeping his hands pressed against Harry’s cheeks, wiping his face against his shoulder quickly. 

He felt a weak grab at his forearm and turned his head back around, frowning as Harry dropped his hand back on the bed, still struggling to take a breath of air, his eyes barely open. 

“Harry I’m so sorry, they’re on their way, I swear…” 

“L-Louis. Listen t-t-to me.” Harry’s voice was somewhat louder, his cheeks now pale instead of blue and he took another long, pained breath. Louis fell silent, swallowing hard as Harry blinked a couple times, his own eyes starting to shine with tears that had not yet fallen.

“I w-w-want you to k-kiss me, b-b-because…” Another cough escaped his lips and Louis had to restrain himself from yelling again because Harry was straining himself, he was dying and all he had to do was shut his stupid mouth but here he was, struggling to speak to Louis and he couldn’t help but listen to him talk.

“...if i d-d-die….I w-want you to b-b-be...the l-last thing I taste…” His eyes fell upon Louis directly and Louis felt his stomach sink abruptly as a stream of tears made contact with his thumb, Harry’s facial expression never changing. “...the l-last thing I r-r-remember because...y-you’re the thing I l-l-love the m-most.” 

His beautiful green eyes, the ones that had entranced Louis from the very first visit in the clinic, suddenly rolled into the back of his head and his chest stopped moving completely. 

For a moment, Louis couldn’t move. It was as if he was frozen in place, his hands glued to Harry’s face, his thumb pressed against his lips that no longer moved with confessions of love. His gaze was focused on his now closed eyelids, as if silently willing them to open back up again, to reveal their green splendor and reassure Louis that, of course he wasn’t fucking dead. This was a sick and twisted dream, and he was going to wake up in the back hallway with Niall and Zayn by his side, or maybe he was in the bathtub again, lulled to sleep by the smell of lavender bubble bath and the fumes had played tricks on his mind. 

Harry wasn't dead. He couldn’t be...Harry was his home. Louis had never imagined himself being homeless before.

A loud thud from behind him startled him back to his senses and although he cringed, he found himself unable to move away from Harry’s lifeless body. Within seconds he was surrounded by paramedics, all of them trying to get to Harry and all Louis could do was sit there, his eyes still fixed upon Harry’s face. 

A strong pair of arms suddenly pulled Louis upwards as another pair pried his hands away from his cold face. Louis blinked, struggling to find words, struggling to even make a noise of protest as he found himself being tugged farther and farther away from the bed as the sound of chaos ensued around him. 

“He’s got no pulse, should we call it?”

“No breathing, his lips are still blue…”

“What the hell happened?”

The paramedics placed him in a chair by the kitchen, shining those stupid tiny flashlights in his eyes and kneeling on the hardwood floor beside him.  
“Can you tell us what hap-” 

“He’s fucking DEAD, that’s what happened!” He didn’t mean for his voice to be as earth-shatteringly loud as it was, but it caught the attention of everyone in the room around him. 

The medic in front of him jumped in surprise, dropping his flashlight in shock. Louis could feel his cheeks burn with anger and confusion and he gripped the sides of his chair to stop his hands from shaking. 

“His lung collapsed, I know it. He started turning blue, I heard the crackling noise...his ribs had been healing up. I was trying to keep him breathing so he’d stay conscious for the ambulance, but all the pressure on his heart made it st…” He frowned suddenly, blinking rapidly. The tumble of words that had been spilling from his mouth suddenly stopped, and he hopped out of the chair immediately. 

“Someone get me a syringe with a needle.” He stated, already maneuvering his way around the mess of navy blue and white uniforms to reach Harry’s body. 

“NOW!” he screamed loudly, listening to them scramble violently around him and the unzipping of bags filling his ears. Once again he found his small hands running gently across Harry’s eerily white and lifeless body, his fingers brushing the skin for the spot he was searching for. 

“Here, I’ve got one…” He looked up to see a young woman attaching a needle to the end of a syringe before he yanked it out of her hand, turning back to Harry.

“Oh God, please let this work…” He mumbled softly to himself, before moving his free hand away, lifting the needle and stabbing it into Harry’s chest with one swift blow. 

He ignored the loud gasps of a few medics before he began slowly pulling on the small handle, biting his lip as he did. He kept his gaze fixated upon the needle and tried not to think about how Harry’s eyelids were still shut, swallowing back a sudden urge to vomit, his mouth tasting like bile. 

With a surprisingly steady hand, Louis gently removed the needle from his chest, and almost cried with joy as a rush of air broke the silence, Harry’s chest dramatically falling in size and heard a collective sigh of relief sound all around him. 

“I got the air out...you...you have to get his heart beating now, please…” The syringe fell from Louis’ hand as the rush of air suddenly stopped, his hands trembling at his side again. Suddenly he was surrounded again, the mass of people enclosing in on Harry and he found himself being pulled away again. 

He struggled at first, wanted to rush forward and make sure the AED was attached correctly, to make sure it was going to work but when he heard the first violent shocking noise, his blood ran cold and he froze up again. 

“Nothing. Doing it again, watch out…” The sickening noise of Harry’s head hitting the pillow once more was suddenly the only thing he could focus on, trying not to completely collapse in the medic’s arms. 

“Clear!” He was suddenly brought back to his surgery on the pregnant woman, back to thinking about his desperate attempts to save her so she could wake up and see the precious human being she had brought to life. Back to the deafening sounds of failed attempts and stilled heartbeats. Back to the sinking feeling in his stomach when she wouldn’t respond.

That was absolutely nothing compared to what this felt like. 

“Harry, please wake up! Please, I’m begging you…” The tears that hadn’t stopped falling were now growing in speed, dripping from his jawbone as he yanked his arms away from the medic’s grasp. “Harry, please! I won’t let you die on me, I can’t, don’t do this to m-”

A loud gasp echoed through the room, masking the sound of the AED for a split second as Harry’s body surged upward once more, his eyelids flying open in shock and coughing loudly, gasping for air as he was once again hidden in a sea of uniforms. 

“Okay, move him on the count of 3. 1,2, 3…” Harry’s choked coughing sent Louis’ heart pounding, his knees nearly giving out in shock as he stumbled over towards him, the medics already rushing him out the front door. 

“Harry! Oh my fucking God, Harry you’re alive, you’re alive…” Louis couldn’t keep the glee out of his voice, grabbing violently at the air in his attempts to find Harry’s hand or his shoulder, something to hold onto as they all ran towards the elevator. 

“L-L-Louis…” Another horrible hacking sound as they entered the elevator, someone rapidly pressing the ground floor button as the doors shut behind them. Louis finally managed to grab ahold of his hand, rushing to his side and enclosing his tiny hands around Harry’s.

“You were dead, Jesus Christ, you were talking and then your eyes...and you stopped breathing, and I couldn’t move…” Louis squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly burying his face into Harry’s forearm, down on his knees beside him as he tried to choke back his own sobs. “Please, please don’t die on me again, I can’t fucking take it. it was like...like my entire fucking world went black…” Another wave of tears and suddenly Louis found himself kissing Harry’s knuckles, tasting his own salty tears against Harry’s skin as the elevator surged downward. Damn himself for living so high up. 

A light touch against his cheek brought Louis’ face up once more, and he glanced up at Harry, almost crying all over again when he saw a faint smile upon his still blue lips. 

“C-c-can’t get r-rid of m-m-m-me that e-e-easy.” 

A high pitched laugh escaped Louis’ lips as the elevator dinged, the doors opening and the medics scrambling out, Louis barely getting up in time to run after them. Harry’s limp arm was bouncing up and down as they jogged to the waiting ambulance, Louis fighting the urge to throw up once again as they climbed inside, wasting no time in joining them.  
“Don’t even fight me on this, I’m a surgeon at Mercy.” he stated bluntly before taking a seat next to Harry once more, the doors slamming shut and feeling the vehicle begin to speed off, the muffled sound of sirens filling his ears. His hands found their way back to Harry, one grasping his hand and the other moving his curly hair from his eyes, pleased with how the color was beginning to return to his lips and his neck veins slowly fading back into his skin. 

“Don’t talk, okay? We’re gonna get you into surgery, fix your lung and your ribs, I promise…” He watched as a medic placed an oxygen mask over Harry’s mouth, but not before he choked out a “yes, Doctor…” in response and causing a very unprofessional and improper fit of giggles that no one but Harry found amusing. 

Within minutes Harry was out of the ambulance and surging through the doors of the hospital on a gurney, the medics reciting all of his vitals and conditions as Louis jogged behind them, wiping away any residue of tears on his face away. He made an attempt to go inside but was stopped short by a large hand to his chest, Liam’s voicing suddenly echoing through his ears. 

“Louis? What the hell happened? Why were you with Harry Styles?” His voice was nothing short of lost and confused and Louis bit back the urge to shove him out of the way, itching to get back to Harry. 

“That doesn’t matter right now, what DOES is that Harry suffered from a tension pneumothorax and barely made it out of my apartment alive. I’m gonna repair any and all damage to his lung rib cage so that it doesn’t happen ag-” 

“What do you mean, “YOU’RE going to”? You’re not doing anything, Louis. I’m gonna take care of it.” Louis frowned, stopping in place and staring up at him. 

“No...I can handle this. It’s happened to me bef-” 

“It’s happened to me too. I think I can handle it.” Liam’s tone was suddenly dangerous, his eyes focused in on Louis and it made him squirm uncomfortably. 

“Look, just because Harry was with me doesn’t mean-”

“Doesn’t mean what? That there’s something going on? I’m pretty positive there is.” Louis raised his eyebrows, blinking at him as Liam crossed his arms defiantly. “I’m not blind or stupid, Tomlinson. You’re not operating on him, and that’s final. Surgery requires absolutely no emotions or distractions, and you know that. Now, you can stay out here and I’ll send someone out with updates. But you’re not going in.” Before Louis could even open his mouth to protest Liam was walking away, back through the automatic doors and down the hallway, to one of the various OR rooms that were located near the ambulance entrance. 

Louis was silent, comprehending what had just happened. So Liam had known. Or...maybe he just suspected. Either way, that made himself look incredibly unprofessional, not to mention weak. He rubbed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh as he stood outside in the freezing cold, the ambulance already gone and the quiet sounds of Seattle filling his ears once more. 

Harry had died. Harry had come back to life. Harry was in an OR right now. Within an hour, he had seen his home flourish, burn to the ground, then had somehow managed to successfully begin to rebuild it from the rubble it had become. 

It was...overwhelming. And it really shouldn’t have been, he was used to this kind of stuff. He had saved people many times before, except this time it wasn’t just a person. It wasn’t just a patient, or a stranger. It was...a piece of him. 

When Harry had stopped breathing, Louis felt as if a black hole had formed in his chest. It was caving in on him, sucking any any thoughts or feelings he had previously felt beforehand and left him feeling void and empty. He had tried to move, tried to pry himself away but his hands seemed frozen upon his face, as if trying to keep in touch with the heat that once radiated from his cheeks and was suddenly frozen to the touch. Life and death, it all happened way too fast. 

Louis found himself walking inside the doors after a moment, unknowingly rubbing his forearms as he tried to warm himself up. The inside was dead, not many people usually came in with life threatening emergencies this late at night. He made his way to a group of chairs closest to the nurses station so he could eavesdrop on any information that were to come in about Harry. It was a trick he learned at the very beginning of his internship, and sometimes even shared it with families’ of certain patients to ease the anxiety that came with having a loved one in surgery.

Louis sat down, taking a moment to rub his eyes and run his fingers through his hair, taking his first deep breath of the entire evening. The dim lighting of the room irked him a bit, as it made the whole “waiting room” factor a reality. Leaning back against the chair, he took a moment to really observe the place he sent the usually hysterical family members of his patients to. 

It was...plain, simply put. Dull, cream colored walls with dark wood coffee tables and chairs that went with it. The only splashes of color were the obnoxiously bright, all bolded and capitalized letters that were on the front of every magazine cover littering the glass tabletops. He vaguely scanned the titles of some that were on a side table beside him and wrinkled his nose in annoyance. Who the hell wanted to read a medical journal while they were waiting for someone to come out of surgery? Distasteful, if you asked him.

He dragged the toe of his scuffed up Vans shoe along the dark green carpet, watching as it made a line among the fibers. He was on the complete opposite side of where he usually was. Never had he really been in this position before, waiting to see someone walk out of the metal double doors at the end of the hallway and inform him of someone’s successful surgery, or the usually complicated, heartbreaking story of their demise. Fortunately for him, Harry wasn’t too far injured after his little stunt with the needle, and Liam himself was personally working on him as he waited. He wished the stupid pit feeling in his stomach would fade away. 

After successfully distracting himself for about an hour with various games and social media on his phone, the battery died and he found himself too tired to make his way to the locker room to get his spare charger and decided just to pocket the thing and wait. He had began dozing off rather quickly until the loud screeching of a child had woken him up from his almost slumber. His eyes flew open to reveal a young girl, probably 3 or so, having a meltdown in the middle of the floor while her dad or possibly an older brother tried desperately to console her, waving around random toys and items in front of her bright red face. Much to his dismay, the girl kept up her crying, throwing herself down on the ground on her butt and amped up the volume level with her crying. Louis looked up, scanning the annoyed and sympathetic faces of the nurses mingling in and out of the room, all of them avoiding the pair purposefully. 

The man, who was now calling her name, looked extremely embarrassed as he knelt down in front of her, seeming to give up on his toy approach. 

“Addison...Addie, please stop crying...Bubba doesn’t want you to cry, I’m sorry…” His calm tone was now starting to sound more and more panicked as the girl shrieked louder, obviously very upset with whatever her brother had done to her. Louis looked around, waiting to see if another adult recognized them, before getting up and walking over to them.

“Hey, honey....” Very gently he reached out and touched her arm, the girl whipping her head around to see him. Her shiny blonde hair swung around with her and she looked up at Louis miserably, her blue eyes still glistening with unfallen tears. Her cries, however, had stopped at the sight of a new guest, and Louis found himself on his knees beside her. 

Her brother, a tired looking boy of about 19 or 20, eyed Louis warily at first, opening his mouth. “I’m sorry, she’s just tired, but we came up here to meet my mom...she’s taking forever, visiting my dad in his room and she had a bit of a meltdown when I told her we had to wait a bit longer…” He bit his lip, still watching him a bit anxiously. “It’s really okay, I can handle her…”

Louis shrugged a bit, dropping his hand from Addison’s shoulder. “I grew up with 4 younger sisters. I know what it’s like when they get into their moods.” He shot him a small smile before looking back down at his sister. “Hey, Addison? Is that your name?” The girl nodded shyly, her small hands gripping the end of her shirt nervously and sniffling softly. Louis patted his pockets for a moment, looking down before frowning. 

“Hm, I think I left my toys over there…” he mused, watching as Addison’s eyes lit up at the word toy. He raised an eyebrow, watching her carefully. “Do you think we can go sit over there with your brother and be a good girl and not cry anymore?” She nodded eagerly, reaching up to wipe away her tears with the backs of her pudgy hands. Her brother watched them silently, still holding onto her various pink toys. Louis smiled and stood up, bending down and lifting her to her feet gently. “Come on, I’ll show you were…” She grabbed onto his pinky finger and followed him happily as he made his way back to his chair, lifting her up and setting her down gently in one.

“Alright, Addison…” He knelt back down in front of her, looking around and successfully locating the large red bucket of toys they kept beneath one of the chairs for the kids. He dug around for a moment before grabbing a worn out Barbie doll, smoothing out her hair gently before holding her out in front of Addison. “She’s one of my favorites.” 

Addison’s eyes lit up instantly, reaching out and all but yanking the doll out of Louis hands, mumbling a soft “thank you” in response as she began stroking the toys’ silvery blonde hair herself. Louis smiled, thinking about the numerous times he had played babysitter with Lottie, once in the hospital waiting room waiting for Fizzy, and then with Fizzy while waiting for the twins to arrive as well. He stood up once more, receiving several relieved looks from nurses and other people in the room for his good deed before looking up at the brother, who had slowly made his way over to them.

“Thanks, but I could’ve handled it.” he muttered gruffly, sinking down in a chair next to his sister. He dropped down her toys onto the table before whipping his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and staring at the screen. Louis smirked a bit, rolling his eyes.

“Sure, sure. You had it all under control, I could tell.” The boy looked back up at Louis and narrowed his eyes, setting his phone against his thigh. 

“Look, I’m really tired and my mom just...kinda dumped her on me a week or so ago. My dad had surgery last week and she’s been here with him ever since. It’s...well, it’s not right, but whatever. I’m her brother, I’m supposed to do that, I know.” He scratched his chin absentmindedly, suddenly looking down to avoid Louis’ eyes. 

Louis was quiet for a moment, watching him before sitting down on his other side, crossing his legs. “She’s your stepsister, huh?” 

The boy nodded in response before frowning and looking back at him again. “How’d you know?” Louis shrugged, tapping his index finger against his ankle thoughtfully. 

“Just a feeling. I get what you mean, though. About getting your sister dumped on you.” He met his gaze. “My sisters all have different dads, so technically they’re half siblings. Gotta admit, it was pretty weird for me at first. But,” he shrugged again, looking past him at Addison. “...they’re still related to you.” The boy turned his head to follow Louis’ gaze and fell silent for a moment. 

“Well...yeah. Addie is very important to me...she’s just a handful, I guess.” Louis nodded again. 

“Yeah, I get it...and your mom? She’s just scared.” The boy turned back to face him again, his dark blue eyes meeting Louis’. “She’s scared and upset and just looking out for your dad. Er, well...stepdad, I guess.” He smiled a bit. “Do you not like him?”

Now it was the boy’s turn to shrug, sinking back against the seat of his chair. “I mean, he’s alright. Not mean or anything. He’s just...not my dad, you know? And it HAS been 3 years, so I just need to get used to it. Addie was born not even a year after they got together, so…” He laughed a bit, staring at his lap. “Didn’t really take my mom that long to move on.”

Louis was silent, deciding against asking him about his biological dad and instead opting for something simpler. “Do you mind me asking what your name is? I mean, we HAVE been sharing some deep shit between the two of us.” He grinned as the boy let out a laugh, the tension between them evaporating. 

“It’s Alex,” he replied, looking back up at him. “And you’re random dude in the waiting room, right?” Louis smirked in response, rolling his eyes. 

“Good guess, but no. I’m Louis, well, Doctor Tomlinson actually. I work here usually, but I’ve got a friend in surgery and they banned me from the OR.” 

Alex frowned a bit. “I’m sorry...is he or she okay?” Louis nodded quickly.

“Oh yeah, he’s gonna be fine. Just waiting for them to fix him up...he was released earlier but had a bit of a scare at home, so he had to come back in.” He shrugged lightly. “It happens.”

Alex nodded, looking back over at Addison to check on her. She was busy making her Barbie talk, balancing her carefully on the edge of her seat and giggling happily.  
“Yeah, my dad’s supposed to leave soon, thank God. I’m so sick of it here. No offense…” He scrunched his nose up at Louis. “You have to work here everyday.”

Louis laughed and shook his head. “No offense taken, this place sucks sometimes.” He opened his mouth to ask about Alex’s stepdad but was interrupted by a loud “Louis!” coming from the front doors.

He looked up and saw Niall and Zayn both rushing towards him, dressed in their large coats and tugging their bags for work behind them. They nearly barrelled into him as Louis jumped up. 

“What are you two doing here? We left work a few hours a-” 

“Liam paged us! Well, paged me.” Zayn added cheerfully as Niall rolled his eyes. “He told us Harry was in, is he okay? What the hell happened?” Louis blinked, trying to ignore the slight annoyance towards Liam he felt bubbling up inside him and grabbed Zayn’s shoulder, moving him away. 

“I’ll explain somewhere private, okay? Chill out.” He stepped around the coffee table and turned his head to shoot a warm smile in Alex’s direction. “Keep your sister calm, okay? And don’t worry, your stepdad and mom are gonna be fine.” Alex smiled back and nodded. 

“Thanks again...I’m sure you’re friend will be fine too.” Louis was all but dragged out of the waiting room, watching the two siblings disappear behind a cream colored wall as they turned a corner. 

“Jesus, guys, relax!” Niall and Zayn ignored him and continued their trek towards the locker rooms, barging inside and closing the door behind him.

“He’s in surgery, some serious HAD to happen!”

“What did you do, man? Hardcore sex or some weird shit?”

“Did he like, break something?”

“Liam didn’t give details, help us out!”

Louis groaned and pressed his hands over both of their mouths, eyeing them. “Shut the fuck up for a minute and I’ll explain, okay?” 

A rather long explanation later (Zayn kept interrupting while Niall seemed to be taking literal mental notes), Louis was sat on the bench in front of the lockers, smiling amusedly at their dumbstruck faces. 

“You...stabbed him with a needle? That’s badass!” Zayn chimed in happily, reaching out and shaking his shoulder excitedly. “Some really heroic and romantic shit right there. Now he’s gonna owe you forever for saving his life,” he added with a wink, dodging Louis’ attempt to swat his arm. 

Niall was still silent, blinking slowly as he sat down beside Louis. “Tension pneumothorax...and he bounced back from that?” He whistled loudly, shaking his head, his eyes still wide. “That’s like...a medical miracle, honestly, Louis. You’re fucking lucky!” 

And suddenly Louis felt the urge to throw up again. 

“Yeah yeah, I am. I know it doesn’t make sense but Harry’s fine now and Liam’s gotta be nearly finished with the surgery…” He stood up anxiously, eager to stop talking about Harry and go actually see him. He didn’t want to remember when Harry was cold and lifeless in his arms a few hours ago, and Niall’s constant state of awe was starting to freak him out. “I haven’t been getting updates…”

“That usually means it’s going well, and they just need all the help they can get to speed up the process, you know that.” Zayn stood up, stretching slightly before dropping his bag on the floor in front of his locker. “I’ll page him. And Niall, drop that stupid dazed look on your face. It’s tripping Louis out.” He smirked as Niall flushed a dark red color and dropped his look, Louis smiling happily at Zayn. 

“Thanks…” he mumbled, starting to walk over to open his locker to get his phone charger when the door to the room was opened quickly. The three of them looked up instantly, meeting the eyes of Liam, who was removing his cap and breathing rather heavily. Louis raised an eyebrow, watching him carefully. 

“Did you run down here, Chief? Jesus, no rush here, it’s fine…” He turned to face him, Zayn making a beeline for his side immediately. 

“How’s Harry? Fine, I’m sure. You always know what you’re doing…” Zayn mused, Niall making a face at his compliments before piping up.

“Talk to me about that tension pneumothorax, I’m still in shock! Well, after we see Harry, of course,” he added hastily as Louis shut his locker, shoving his phone and charger in his pocket. 

“I’ll go see him first, you two can come in a few minutes, I want some private time really quick…” Louis began moving past the three of them and towards the front door, but found himself stopped by Liam’s hand for the second time that day. 

“Louis, um...look, he’s not really…” Louis rolled his eyes, brushing his hand off. 

“I’m aware he’s not gonna look very good, Chief. I mean, he underwent some pretty hefty surgery. I just wanna see him myself, okay?” He opened the door but was cut off again as Liam surged forward, grabbing the door handle and yanking it shut, trapping them in there. Louis frowned, turning to face him.

“Is there an issue? Something to do with my “personal relationship” with Harry?” He folded his arms across his chest, cocking his head to the side as Liam sighed, dropping his hand. 

“No, it’s not that, Louis. It’s just…” His mouth fell shut again, seeming to swallow back anything he was going to say beforehand. 

Zayn reached out slowly, grabbing onto his upper bicep. “Liam...what’s the matter?” His brow was furrowed and he gasped softly as Liam yanked his arm out of his grip, retreating a step away from him. Louis’ heart sank to what felt like somewhere at the bottom of his feet. 

“Liam...is Harry okay?” The silence was ringing in Louis’ ears, and Niall didn’t even have it in him to speak up at all, his face suddenly a dismal pale color. 

Liam’s light brown eyes met Louis’ and suddenly it was as if someone had punctured Louis’ own lung. His breath ran out suddenly, his heart pounding rapidly against his ribcage and Liam shook his head slowly. 

“Louis, I’m so, so sorry, we….I did…” He cleared his throat to mask the audible crack his voice had made, and Zayn was also turning a solid white color at his side. “...his heart, it just...it gave up. There was...too much stress to his body…” 

For a moment, Louis ignored the three people around him and just...pondered for a moment.

Harry was dead, actually dead. For real this time. Full on, no movement, deceased on an operating table. Probably cut open, with tubes shoved down his throat, looking like a fucking disastrous science experiment. 

Of all the things to give up on him...it was his heart. The thing that Louis loved most about him, the thing that kept all the nurses swinging by his room. It was his heart that Louis had fallen in love with first. 

His huge heart had been the reason he wooed so many of the workers at the hospital, had drawn him to sneak into the fucking nursery everyday. His huge heart, the one responsible for brightening the nurses’ days with stupid knock knock jokes when they’d come in to check his vitals. Harry’s heart had led him to forgive Louis after he nearly lost him, and now it was still, unmoving and unbeating. 

For a second Louis was sure he was going to vomit all over the shiny white tiled floor. He could taste it in his mouth, but for some reason swallowed it down. Liam still looked absolutely miserable, his hands shoved into his scrub pockets. 

“Louis…” A loud shushing noise escaped Louis’ mouth and his hand shot up to silence Liam immediately. 

“Don’t. Just….please don’t.” His voice was trembling, not sounding like himself at all. It was hoarse, almost silent even though he wanted to start screaming. 

There was no way...Liam had to be lying to him. The chief of fucking surgery was supposed to be able to save anyone...right? 

The door was opened and Louis was halfway down the hall before he realized he had taken off, jogging past doors as they passed him in a blue blur. He faintly heard Liam calling after him, Niall and Zayn still silent but following him as he heard the loud sound of footsteps behind him, and he ran faster. Anything to get out of there, away from Liam and what he had just heard. 

The shiny metal doors of the OR came into his line of vision and before he knew it his sweaty palms were pressed against the cold handles, pushing them open and meeting the shocked eyes of a few scrub nurses and resident surgeons, all surrounding the table. 

“Move, get out of my way…” He showed no mercy as he elbowed his way around their frozen bodies, as Harry suddenly appeared in front of him.

He was still, so fucking still, laying on the table with his arms spread out as if getting ready for flight. His chest was closed up, surprisingly, a long line of careful stitches running up along his sternum, clean and free of blood. He had a tube inserted into his chest, above his lung that had collapsed, and a long tracheal breathing tube down his throat, his dark pink lips opened slightly to let the plastic through. 

His eyelids were closed, thank God. His long, curly hair was a tangled and matted mess against the foam pillow, hanging off in small ringlets off the table. Louis could still see the light pink veins traced across his pale eyelids, like tiny rivers with nowhere to go now that his heart had stopped pumping blood. 

Liam had made it inside, panting slightly as Zayn and Niall joined his side, not at all trying to hide the shock on their faces. 

“Oh, God…” Niall squeezed his eyes shut as Zayn covered his mouth, leaning against the wall for support. Liam’s mouth opened and closed once more as Louis made his way slowly around the table, up to Harry’s head, the nurses quickly jumping out of his way to let him through. 

For a moment, Louis was scared to touch him. He resembled a porcelain doll, rigid and pale and fragile. 

But wait...he was dead. What else could Louis possibly do to hurt him?

It was after a short and silent debate that Louis decided to reach out and touch Harry’s hair, choking back a sob as his fingertips made contact with his cold forehead as he brushed it from his eyes. His eyes darted up to meet the dreaded signal on his heart machine, the continuous green flatline that ran across the screen, a dull beep accompanying it. 

How many fucking times had he seen that before? Hundreds of times, all of them just like the one before them. It wasn’t the machine that was freaking him out, or the noise. Or maybe it was, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that Harry was gone, not coming back. All because his stupid heart decided to give up on him. 

His hand hovered shakily over Harry’s forehead for a moment, swallowing thickly.

Well...that just wasn’t right. He couldn’t let that happen. 

Louis’ hands were tangled amongst Harry’s many different IV lines in an instant, looking around urgently for a particular drug. 

“Someone get me some dobutamine and milrinone, we need to start pumping that in and it’ll get his heartrate back up…” His hands were already opening one of his IV lines, the nurses still frozen in shock around him.

Liam sighed, clearing his throat again. “Louis, it’s been too long…”

“YOU don’t get to talk to me about this, okay?!” His shout echoed around the room, stunning Liam back into silence as Louis jerked his head around. 

“This is ALL your fucking fault! You discharged him too early, I know you did! You saw he was distracting me and you decided to let him go home when he wasn’t ready! God, you probably didn’t even check his fucking LABS or SCANS!” His voice rose higher and higher with every accusation and Liam was speechless, staring at him blankly. 

“And then I save his life and bring him in, thinking that you could fix him up, and all you fucking did was KILL HIM!” Louis’ hands were trembling violently now, and he whipped his head around to look at everyone else.

“The medicine, someone! I need it NOW!” No one moved a muscle and now Louis was angry crying, one hand gripped on Harry’s IV and the other one digging through the medical table and then a drawer against the wall, eagerly searching for the medicine through a thick haze of tears. All he could hear was his own sniffling and heart pounding in his ears and somehow he miraculously got his fingers around a bottle, opening it with his mouth before filling a syringe with it. The needle made contact with the IV line and he began pumping it in generously, frantically watching the screen for any sign of movement from Harry’s heart. 

The tears were flowing freely now, Louis having no strength to try and stop them from coming. He began lining of bottles along the medical table now, cursing at himself when they wouldn’t open easily. The silence was eerie, keeping Louis in his trance before a hand touched his shoulder, urging him gently to drop the IV. 

“Louis…” Zayn’s shaky voice rang clear in his ear and Louis jerked away quickly, wanting to drown him out again. 

“Shut up Zayn, I’m working!” He returned to his bottles, reading each label quickly before extracting the medicine with his syringe. The hand returned to his shoulder once more, this time more aggressively. 

“Louis, listen to me. You need to stop, have to stop. He’s not coming back, do you understand me?” Zayn’s attempt at a steady voice was surprisingly good, and for a moment Louis’ hand wavered with the needle above Harry’s arm. Zayn’s hand slid down his arm and to his hand, gently prying his fingers away from the line. 

“Louis, I’m so sorry, I really am...but you can’t save him anymore…” Louis’ vision was blurring, salty liquid coming into contact with his lips and suddenly he couldn’t see Harry anymore. Zayn’s other hand reached around and freed the syringe from his death grip, and Louis heard it fall against the metal table beside him. 

WIth his hands now free. Zayn gently turned him around, guiding him slowly away from Harry’s body, careful not to rush him. Louis followed him like a zombie, the room becoming more and more blurred as tears began falling, trying to keep his breathing steady and calm. Zayn led him over to the doorway, Liam’s back facing them all, staring down at the floor in silence. Niall was still frozen in place, staring at Harry with a blank look on his face. The rest of the staff had somehow managed to unfreeze themselves and were quickly exiting the room, eager to get away and free themselves from the situation unfolding. 

Louis managed to make it to the doorway before his knees gave out, hitting the cold tile floor with a loud smacking sound as he held out his palms to catch himself. It snapped Niall out of his phase for a moment, but Liam kept still, his hands resting on either side of his hips. 

“Louis…” Zayn’s attempt to catch him had failed and he knelt down beside him, keeping a grip on his forearm. “Louis, I…” He shook his head, chewing nervously on his lip. His dark brown eyes were tired and weary, his usually happy face now worn out and pale, the remnants of his beard scruff from the last time he shaved swimming into Louis’ vision as he looked up. “I wish...I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t…” he murmured, beginning to rub his arm gently with his hand. “He fought long and hard, you know that. These things, they...they just happen.” 

And it was true, they did. They happened all the time and Louis usually watched from above, with his gloved hands covered in blood and a nervous eye on the monitor, waiting for the stupid flatline to cease, which it rarely ever did. Zayn sat down beside him, his knees drawn up to his chest as Niall made his way past Liam. 

The little blonde made his way in front of Louis and knelt down, his face inches from his. “He’s gonna remember you, Doctor. I know he is.” His tone was more calm than anything, his face still a blank mask as Louis watched him. “You were what he loved the most, I think. Even me, the guy who ruins 99% of all his relationships knew that. Just...the way he looked at you. And the way you looked at him…” He fell silent for a moment as Louis blinked, a few more tears finding their way down his cheeks.

“I don’t know if you believe in a heaven or anything like that, but...I think that, even though Harry is...gone,” he eyed Louis nervously before continuing. “...I think his last memory is being with you tonight, and that’s something for not only him to hold onto, but you as well.” Niall ignored Zayn’s death glare, urging him to shut his mouth, and barrelled on. 

“We’re surgeons; we rely on science, not religion, and I know that. But you DO know that miracles happen sometimes. And Harry himself had one of those earlier, with you saving his life and everything. Harry was...insanely special. Someone we’ll all remember for years to come. He just…” Niall shrugged a bit. “His miracles ran out. He escaped that asshole that was beating him, and found you and even escaped death. That’s an amazing life to live, even if it was short.” Louis stayed absolutely silent, letting Niall’s words seep into his brain, connecting everything together. 

“So, basically what I’m trying to say…” Niall began stumbling on his words, his cheeks flushing a light pink color as Louis shook his head, reaching out and touching his shoulder.  
“I know, Niall. You’re sorry.” he mumbled, swallowing thickly and sniffling. “Thank you for that, really, I…” He closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath. “He’s in a better place.”  
Niall nodded quickly, taking Louis’ hand in his own. “Yeah, yeah...he is…” he agreed softly, looking down at the floor quietly. 

For a moment, everything was okay. Harry wasn’t hurting anymore, wasn’t suffering away on an operating table and he was just...asleep. For the rest of his life. That was almost comforting to Louis.

Almost, but not quite.

He doesn’t really know what snapped in his brain; that’s probably something he should get checked out. All he knows is that one moment he was fine, and the next all he could hear was Niall’s voice in his head, on a continuous loop:

“...escaped that asshole that was beating him…”

Without him, Harry wouldn’t be dead. He wouldn’t have sustained any injury that led to his lung being punctured and ultimately to him being lifeless on the table in front of Louis. Sure, he could blame Liam for his absolute carelessness for letting Harry out of Mercy in the first place, but it all came down to Harry being drunkenly pushed down the stairs one night. This was all his fault. 

With all the blood pumping loudly in his ears Louis could barely hear Niall and Zayn shouting after him as he took off running back down the hallway, trying to remember what fucking room number this bastard was in. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, or if he’d just deck the son of a bitch out but he needed to see him. To let him know his bad decisions had killed the one person Louis swore he loved the most in this world. 

The jumble of numbers running through his head was almost too overwhelming when suddenly it hit him out of nowhere. 

“202, room 202, that’s it…” He managed to find the stairwell and yanked the door open, taking two steps at a time as Niall and Zayn’s shouts faded away behind him. He dodged past every nurse on the floor, every weird look he got and annoyed sigh he heard until he reached the door he was looking for. His sweaty hand turned and handle and he pushed it forward, opening his mouth to start screaming until he stepped on a bright pink stuffed animal as soon as he entered. 

He looked down immediately and his eyes widened as he recognized the silver haired Barbie doll from earlier, discarded on the ground right next to the same little girl from the waiting room an hour ago. 

“Addi...Addison…” He blinked rapidly, looking up and meeting the scared gaze of Alex, who was watching him with wide eyes. 

“Doctor Tomlinson…” His head jerked in the direction of a woman’s voice, who must be his mother and married to the man who was laying in the bed beside her. 

Louis was absolutely about to throw up now, his head spinning and he stumbled again, moving his feet out of the array of toys that littered the ground. Addison was blinking up at Louis with her large blue eyes, nervously fidgeting with her shirt like she did before. Alex was up and had her in his arms before Louis could even steady himself, struggling to keep himself from puking everywhere.

“Doctor? What are you doing here, what...what’s wrong?” All of a sudden Louis didn’t feel clammy anymore, and his blood was positively boiling as a man’s voice rang through his ears. His gaze turned from the scared looking woman in the chair to the man propped up in the bed, looking absolutely healthy with his heart monitor beeping rhythmically in the awkward silence. He looked concerned, his brow furrowed, and Louis wanted nothing more than to reach out and smack him across the face. 

Niall and Zayn came skidding to a stop in the doorway along with Liam, who barged in immediately and grabbed Louis’ arm. 

“Please forgive us, I am so sorry sir…” He apologized quickly, already tugging Louis from the room. “He’s in, uh..distress. Nothing concerning you or your family…” Zayn had rushed over to Liam’s aid, taking Louis’ other arm and pulling him out as well. 

“Doctor Tomlinson will be cleared off your c-” 

“NO I WON’T BE!” He saw Addison cover her ears out of the corner of his eyes and felt a pang of guilt that almost made him stop. But once Louis started screaming, it was all over.  
“I’m not fucking finished with him, do you understand me?!” He had yanked himself free from their grips and was storming over to the man’s beside. He watched him silently, looking absolutely terrified but at the same time a bit guilty. “You killed my fucking boyfriend. YOU. KILLED. HIM.” He jabbed his finger against the man’s shoulder with every word, ignoring the fact that his wife was cowering in her chair, her hands covering her mouth and Liam was shouting his name, begging him to stop. 

“He NEVER did anything wrong to you! He couldn’t have! That man had a heart of gold, he was the sweetest human being on this PLANET!” Louis’ palm slammed against the brick wall beside him with a loud smack and he heard Alex flinch at his side. 

“You broke him. You pushed him down the fucking stairs and you RUINED him! Do you get that?! You destroyed a perfectly good human being, all because you got drunk and upset one night and you took it out on him! If it wasn’t for you, Harry would be ALIVE!” Louis could barely breathe now, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried his hardest to push back the sobs that were ready to explode from him at any moment now. The man now looked more distressed than upset, and he shook his head rapidly, refusing to look at Louis’ eyes. 

“Please get him out of here, he’s talking crazy-” 

Louis had his gown gathered in his fist before the wife could scream, closing in on the space that was between them as Liam yelled in anger.

“For God’s sake Louis, stop this!” 

Louis grit his teeth, squinting before yanking the man's face back up, forcing him to make eye contact again.

“Harry Styles. You know who I’m talking about.” He watched a flash of realization appear in the man’s eyes before it quickly faded away. “The beautiful one, with the long curly hair and the prettiest green eyes you’ve ever seen in your shitty lifetime. He’s dead, absolutely fucking dead, because of you.” Liam had his arms around Louis’ chest, yanking him away before he could continue. 

“Really, I am so very sorry. This doesn’t ever happen here, he’s just very upset. I apologize on behalf of the entire hospital…” Louis reluctantly dropped his grip on the gown and broke free of Liam’s grip, turning to walk out the door. Alex was dumbstruck, his blue eyes wide in terror as Addison gave a feeble wave of her hand, mumbling “Goodbye,” as he made his way out of the door. 

Zayn followed him immediately, jogging to keep up with his fast strides as they made it to the end of the hallway, in front of the supply closets in the back. Louis leaned against the wall, folding his arms across his chest, waiting for the chaos that was bound to ensue when Liam caught up. Zayn obviously knew as well, fidgeting nervously with a string on his pants as Liam came storming up behind them. 

“What the HELL was that, Tomlinson?!” Louis closed his eyes for a moment, Liam’s loud and angry voice having little to no effect on him whatsoever. “I CANNOT have you losing it around patients like that ever again, do you understand me?! That’s- it’s unprofessional, and just plain WRONG!” You know just as well as I do that Harry’s death was NOT his fault!” 

Louis jerked his head up, spitting out bitterly, “Yeah. It was yours.” 

Liam stared at him, pursing his lips together and fell silent again, refusing to break eye contact. Louis rubbed his eyes rapidly, sighing softly as Zayn quietly spoke up. 

“Where the hell’s Niall?” 

Louis blinked, looking around the empty hallway for the blonde and frowned suddenly. “Yeah, where’d he g-” 

All at once Louis heard their three pagers go off, Louis immediately fishing around in his jacket pocket for his as Liam and Zayn held theirs up.

“Jesus Christ…” Liam’s voice was soft and Zayn nearly dropped his pager before he turned around and began running down the hallway. Louis raised his eyebrows, looking at them wildly. 

“What is it?! Where are you-” He finally found the small plastic machine and held it up in front of his eyes, his blood running cold. 

“911 in OR 2. Niall” 

Louis looked up again, Liam and Zayn already trampling down the staircase at the end of the hallway, his mind spinning again. OR 2...Harry’s OR. 

“Why would there be a 911 in-” His eyes widened in sudden realization and he nearly tripped over his own feet as he took of running, that stupid feeling in his stomach returning.  
The journey back to Harry’s room seemed much farther the second time and Louis was gasping for air by the time he pushed open the shiny double doors. 

“Keep it up, Zayn! Horan, give him 200 more milligrams of the dobutamine!” Zayn’s hands were pumping up and down on Harry’s chest rhythmically, Niall wildly running around to the other side of the table with a syringe and inserting it into one of the many IV lines as Liam kept staring at the machines at his side. Louis blinked, confused as to what was happening until Liam moved his head out of the way and his knees nearly gave out once more.

Harry’s flatline was no longer flat. 

There was a steady beeping now, very slow but beeping nevertheless. Louis couldn’t stop the shocked gasp that escaped his lips and suddenly he was back at Harry’s side, his hands gripping the sides of his face again.

“Harry, oh my God, Harry wake up! Please, PLEASE!” He felt Zayn’s arm bump against his own as he kept up his pumping, his eyes glued to the monitor across from him.

“It’s working, it’s working...Niall, more medicine!” Louis was bawling now, unable to see anything in his eyes except for a blurry, water colored image of Harry’s still pale face. 

“Harry, you g-gotta wake up...p-p-please, your heart is b-beating again…” Niall dropped another empty glass bottle against the metal table beside him as Louis buried his face into Harry’s hair, choking back sobs and whimpering softly. 

“I n-n-never gave you t-that kiss you w-w-wanted...you have to wake u-up so I can g-g-give it to y-y-you…” He sniffled, his thumbs rubbing against Harry’s cheeks softly and suddenly he heard the monitor burst into a frenzy of sounds. 

“It’s back up! It’s beating, he’s alive!” Louis’ head shot back up, his eyes making a beeline directly for the screen and he let out a cry of relief. Liam glanced at it before turning back towards Harry, pointing suddenly. “He’s waking up!”

Louis looked back down just in time to see Harry’s green eyes fly open in shock as he began choking on the plastic breathing tube still inserted down his throat, Louis dropping his hands immediately. 

“He’s fighting it, someone get it out!” He hastily began unhooking it as Niall ran to his side, Zayn hopping off his spot on the bed and helping Louis urgently. Niall took the tube and slowly began pulling it upward, scrunching his nose up in concentration as he pulled it over his head and finally freed Harry’s airway. 

Harry began coughing loudly, gasping for air in between breaths and Louis swore he almost passed out right there on the floor. Liam stood in silent shock, his eyes darting between the two of them as Niall and Zayn hopped back, Zayn hitting Niall’s arm excitedly.

“You came back here and started giving him the medicine and it WORKED?!”

Niall shrugged, trying to contain his smug happiness but he was positively bouncing on his heels. “I just had to try it, and what do you know? It worked!” 

Louis made a mental note to give Niall Horan literally anything he ever wanted in the free world later on, but for now his focus was on Harry. A not dead, fully alive, Harry Styles.  
The coughing faded away and Harry was now blinking up at the bright lights in the ceiling, looking confused. 

“What...Jesus Christ, what happened?” His voice was rough and deep and his squinted eyes made their way towards Louis and his face turned soft, watching him intensely. 

“Actually, that doesn’t matter right now…” he continued as Louis opened his mouth to speak, cutting him off. He reached forward, grunting a little at the effort it took, and wiped at Louis’ face with his thumb, cracking a small, weary smile that made Louis’ heart flutter despite everything. 

“I vaguely remember someone promising me a kiss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That wasn't so bad, was it? Yeah, it probably was. If you use Twitter, I made an account for the fic, @greyslarryau ! I post pictures and stuff about upcoming chapters on there, and feel free to tweet me anything you'd like on there as well! I'm also on there as @fingerkisslou, as explained before. I promise I don't bite. :)


	5. but it's not the end, i'll see your face again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I died last night.” Louis nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden sound of Harry’s voice. It didn’t sound like him at all; it was deeper than usual, sounded hollow and croaky and his voice had cracked on the ending word. He vigorously rubbed at the goosebumps that had suddenly appeared on his arms, clearing his throat quietly.  
> “Harry…”  
> He fell silent as Harry began shaking his head, suddenly sniffling. “I died last night. I was cold, unmoving, my heart stopped. The machines were beeping. I was gone.” Louis felt his palms grow damp against his thighs, where his hands were now pressed up against as Harry kept speaking. Another sniffle escaped, his voice growing thicker with each word.  
> “Louis...I shouldn’t be alive right now.” 
> 
> harry's healing process takes much longer than louis expected it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so sorry it took me this long to update, college is kicking my ass. I promise that when summer comes, I will be updating as often as I can!  
> This chapter isn't nearly as crazy as ones before, plus it clarifies a lot of things for previous chapters.  
> I dedicate this chapter to Georgia, whose birthday is this Monday and is one of my biggest fans :)

In movies, it’s very seldom that you find the main character getting killed off. What’s the point of the entire thing, then? You sit through a 2 hour film, and somehow end up with the hero dying? That usually makes for some very poor review material, and ends with your film flopping completely, spare a few weirdos who “embrace the movie for its very emotional and realistic tendencies”. Please. If you want that, go see a live theatre performance. 

Now that, THAT is usually what Louis identified with the most. Theatre was, and always will be, entirely different from movies (and, in his opinion, way better). With plays, there was always an underlying meaning to it. The main character represented a bigger issue, or a feeling, much more than what was seen in film. Live theatre was all natural, with everything falling into place eventually and hitting the audience with a wave of emotions all at once. 

Louis felt like he was in a play now, near the end: surrounded by the soft beeping of machines and dim lighting coming from the sleepy city of Seattle right outside of the hospital room and curled up in a tiny ball beside Harry. 

This felt like the turning point of the show; the part where things all start making sense again, and things started working themselves out. The problem was...he wasn’t sure how many acts this play was going to be. 

His blue eyes wandered over to the window and he squinted tiredly at the slowly brightening light that was coming through, closing his eyes and looking away. He yawned, trying to ignore how uncomfortable his tiny spot on the bed was. It wasn’t really his fault; he was perfectly fine sleeping in the chair beside Harry’s bed all night but he had insisted he get into bed with him, to keep watch over him so he wouldn’t…”leave” again. 

And when you put it that way, how do you say no? There was absolutely no way Louis was ever going to risk losing him again. 

So, after he had been cleaned up in the OR, and stabilized with machines and tubes and IVs, he had finally been taken to his own room where Louis had cried into Niall’s shoulder and thanked him well over a hundred times for saving Harry, and had been held by Zayn for an insanely long time because he was just so relieved, so much that he didn’t even see Liam slip out of the room without saying a word. Harry had remained quiet, seeming to zone out for awhile as he breathed slowly into his oxygen mask. 

Zayn had mumbled something about needing to find Liam and Niall blushed a dark shade of red when he realized he was the thing preventing Harry and Louis from being alone and had fled the room quickly, saying a flustered goodbye to the couple before shutting the door behind him. 

Louis smiled softly at the thought, shifting his body weight slightly in the bed, his eyes darting towards Harry’s sleeping face. He stirred a bit, taking a deep, sleepy breath into his mask but his eyes remaining closed. Louis felt his heart begin to race and silently willed himself from covering Harry’s cheeks with tiny, soft kisses and slipped out of bed slowly. 

Harry had been asleep for maybe 3 hours, and Louis had been painfully reminded that he had 2 craniotomies to get to when they had passed the OR board on the way to his room. He was almost certain Liam would excuse him from them if he asked, but as for right now he had no intention of speaking to the chief for anything. 

He twisted around a couple times, popping his back in the process and began digging through the pockets of his jacket, searching for his phone and pager while rubbing one of his eyes sleepily with his palm. After looking at the time, he began calculating how long it’d take to get to the locker room and changed into his scrubs, and whether he’d be able to gulp down a cup of coffee before his first surgery as he ran his fingers through his hair, making a face at how greasy it felt. Maybe a shower could fit somewhere in there too, if he sent an intern to prep for surgery beforehand. 

His internal debate made him completely blind to the fact that Harry was now awake, reaching up slowly and pulling off his mask. 

“Louis…” He coughed suddenly, frowning at how strange his voice sounded and Louis’ stomach dropped for a split second.

“Hey, Harry…” He rushed over quickly, reaching over and taking the mask from him. “Don’t worry…” he murmured, eyeing the look on Harry’s face. “The tubes that were in your throat irritated it. Just drink some water for me…” He had a glass in Harry’s hand within seconds and he received a grateful smile in response. 

“Thank you…” Harry responded quietly, setting the pink plastic cup down on his small side table, watching as Louis began hovering over the machines, scanning them intently as Harry smirked, running his long fingers up and down the side of his blanket, yawning. 

“Well, I’m not dead...that’s a good start, right?” Louis’ head shot up, his throat suddenly feeling like it was closing up. He swallowed thickly, dropping one of Harry’s IV lines and nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, it’s….yeah,” he nodded in agreement, blinking a few times. 

Harry frowned, his brow furrowing before he started shaking his head. 

“No, I’m sorry...I’m just…” He kept watching his fingers run along the elevated string patterns slowly, looking thoughtful. “I know what happened was...horrible for you, I do. But...I survived, you know? It’s like...I don’t know, it just wasn’t my time yet.” 

Louis was silent, listening to Harry’s slow, sleepy voice drawl on, scraping his scuffed up white Vans against the floor. 

“Do you…” Louis sighed again, his voice trailing off as he closing his eyes and shook his head. “Nevermind, we’re not gonna talk about it again because you’re fine. Absolutely fine.” He walked back over towards the bed and leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss against Harry’s forehead and smiled. “You’re alive and well and I have 2 craniotomies to get you and you have sleep to catch up on.”

Harry smirked, wrinkling his nose up. “You look like shit. No offense.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “You sound so sincere, Styles.” He put his pager and phone back in his pocket, turning to leave the room and possibly find a cold shower somewhere before Harry’s surprisingly strong grip found his wrist, yanking him back gently towards him.

“Go save some lives for me, Doctor.” 

Yeah, he REALLY needed that cold shower now. 

Despite the lack of sleep and the half a cup of cold coffee he had managed to chug right before scrubbing in, the surgeries both went well and he found himself in a good mood come that afternoon, making his way through the cafeteria and piling on random food to his plate to compensate for the exceedingly long time he had gone without eating anything. Niall was right behind him, happily chattering away about a plastics procedure he had scrubbed in on today, and for one Louis really didn’t mind having his ear talked off. It was...nice, actually.

He found them a table in the corner of the large room, far enough away from everyone to talk but not too far as to look weird. In all honestly, he didn’t want the usual flock of interns crowding around him for another Q and A round after they had watched his second procedure from the gallery. Fortunately, for some reason he looked “more intimidating when he was tired,” as Niall had put it, and had been left alone for quite some time. 

Louis sat down, twisting the cap off his water bottle off and taking a drink before looking around. 

“Where’s Zayn?”

Niall somehow managed to swallow the mouthful of pineapple he had shoved in his mouth and thought for a moment, furrowing his brow. “What’s today, Thursday?” 

“Wednesday, actually.” Louis opened his plastic fork and began stirring around his salad, Niall leaning back against his chair, making a face.

“Oh yeah. Washroom Wednesday.” Louis choked suddenly, dropping his fork and nearly knocking over his salad dressing as Niall’s eyes widened, reaching over and catching it quickly. Louis blinked back tears, his eyes watering as he cleared his throat, staring at Niall fixedly. 

“I’m sorry...what?” Niall blinked at him, sitting up straighter. 

“Washroom Wednesday. There’s no day of the week that starts with a B so...can’t really call it a bathroom…” Louis raised an eyebrow, Niall flushing a light pink color before rambling on. 

“It’s uh, well...Liam and Zayn, they...it’s a different room, each day of the...week...they go and, uh…” Louis shook his head quickly, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Don’t finish, Niall. I get it…” He shuddered a bit, trying not to think about what fucking bathroom they were...well, fucking in around the hospital. Niall nodded quickly, shoving another piece of fruit in his mouth as Louis made another face, stirring around his salad once again. 

A loud commotion suddenly interrupted his thoughts, both of their heads jerking up as well as everyone else’s, craning their necks to watch an intern and their lunch tray fall to the ground, a cup of dark liquid splattering on the ground with the rest of their food. It was probably a first year intern, she didn’t look familiar (then again, Louis couldn’t ever keep up with this hospital’s staff) and she gasped loudly, opening her mouth to yell before she realized it was Liam who had suddenly run into her. 

He looked distressed, fingering nervously with his white coat and he stared at the girl with wide, blinking eyes as she gaped up at him, stunned to see that the actual Chief of Surgery had knocked her over. Louis raised an eyebrow, his fork still hanging from his mouth as Niall all but struggled to hide beneath the table in secondhand embarrassment, obviously aware of the fact that every single eye in the room was on Liam. 

He looked around wildly for a moment, keeping his mouth shut before speeding off in the direction he had previously been headed, not even apologizing for what had happened. Louis watched idly as the girl was helped up, looking a little too excited at the fact that her overly priced lunch was all over the floor thanks to her chief.

“That was fucking weird,” Louis mumbled through his food, pulling his fork from his mouth to finish swallowing. Niall was beet red now, fingers nervously tapping the tabletop as he stared towards the door Liam had left through. The cafeteria was now filled with a new sort of energized buzzing, and Louis could practically feel the gossip burning his ears. 

“Y-yeah, that was strange…” Louis watched Niall practically spill his tea as he picked it up, smirking into his salad before a strong set of hands were suddenly upon his shoulders, nearly yanking him from his seat. 

“What the fu- Zayn!” Louis stumbled forward and looked up to see Zayn’s distressed looking face, his hair a ruffled mess and his eyes wide.

“You. Me. Closet. Now.” Louis rolled his eyes, dropping his fork. 

“Malik, please. I told you this. You need to take me out for dinner first.” He poked Zayn’s nose playfully and smirked but nearly gagged out loud as Zayn yanked him forward again by his shirt collar, all but dragging him out the doors and leaving poor Niall behind at the table. 

Louis kept smacking his arm repeatedly to try and ease his death grip but no avail, only letting him go once he had found the nearest supply closet and had shoved him inside, closing the door behind them. 

“Fucking hell, Malik!” Louis barked, rubbing at his neck as Zayn hastily shoved some boxes in front of the door in order to try and block anyone else from coming in. “This neck you just practically BRUISED here is worth two million dollars a year!” 

“Shut the fuck up, it’s your hand that’s valuable, not your neck,” Zayn shot back nervously, peering out the door for anyone who might have seen them run in. 

Louis rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “My head is attached to my neck, which holds my brain, which enables me to perform amazing surgeries on pe-”

Zayn turned around quickly, holding his hand up and closing his fingers together to cut him off. 

“Liam refused sex with me.” 

Louis blinked stupidly at him, his mouth still slightly open from talking, staring at his friend with a blank gaze. Zayn shook his head impatiently, dropping his hand. 

“Scratch that; Liam Payne has NEVER refused sex with me, and he just left me in the bathroom down the hallway, half naked, because he looked like he was about to have a fucking mental breakdown at any moment.” 

Louis continued his blank stare, trying his hardest to process his friend’s newfound information as Zayn ran his fingers nervously through his hair, pacing back and forth across the tiny room. Louis leaned back against one of the cabinets, scratching his chin. 

“No wonder he caused a scene in the cafeteria and knocked down a fucking intern…” Zayn’s head shot up, his eyes wide again. 

“He WHAT?!” Louis jumped suddenly, breaking from his thoughts at Zayn’s loud screech, rushing forward and holding a finger up. 

“Look, relax. People will forget about it, shit happens like, every 5 minutes here. You know that.” He scanned Zayn’s face carefully, waiting for him to slowly nod in response. “People already think he’s under a lot of stress and pressure, which he is…” He raised an eyebrow at his friend now, tilting his head to the side. “Although that’s never bothered him to...this extent before.” 

Zayn sighed unhappily, hanging his head sadly as he fidgeted with his scrub shirt, hastily running his palms across the front of it to smooth out wrinkles. 

“Yeah, it...it hasn’t so…” He cleared his throat a bit, dropping his hands. “I think something’s like...seriously wrong.” 

Louis shifted uncomfortably at his sudden gaze, trying to ignore the fact that the last fight (or rather, yelling match) Liam had been involved in was with Louis. Louis had done all the screaming, blaming him for Harry’s untimely death as well as chewing out a fucking patient in front of him for killing him as well. Louis dropped the hand that had been resting on Zayn’s shoulder for comfort suddenly, chewing on his bottom lip as Zayn all but glared at him, his dark eyes intense on Louis’ face. 

Yeah, it probably was his fault. Well, not entirely. He was probably just a trigger that had set him off or something. 

Louis sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’ll talk to him...” he murmured, gasping loudly as Zayn threw his arms around him suddenly, knocking the wind right out of him. 

“Thank you, Lou…” he said happily, his voice muffled against Louis’ coat as he smirked. 

“Relax, Malik. He’ll be fine once we clear things up. Although, I do enjoy this newfound admiration of yours.” Zayn rolled his eyes and released his grip around his arms, blinking up at him. 

“Whatever, Lou…” He began running his fingers through his hair once more, Louis snorting a bit as he shot him a look. “I have rounds to catch up on, asshole. I can’t look a mess while I check in on patients.” Louis held his hands up in defense, looking down at his waistband as his pager began going on. 

“Huh. Speak of the devil.” Zayn looked up as Louis held the small plastic machine in front of his eyes. “It’s Liam. Ears must’ve been burning, I’m sure.” Zayn perked up a bit as Louis attached it back to his pants, dropping his hands from his hair. 

“Just go in there and apologize...don’t mention me or anything!” he added in horror, as if the very idea of Louis discussing Zayn in front of his boss was comparable to death. Louis grinned, tapping his chin thoughtfully. 

“Mention Zayn to Liam...got it!” He quickly dodged Zayn’s fist and felt it whoosh past his ear as he turned and sped from the closet, causing a few of the newer nurses to eye them suspiciously, the rest of them rolling their eyes in annoyance. Louis wasn’t sure if he should be concerned at the fact that they didn’t seem to think much of him tumbling out of a closet with another coworker, but quickly dismissed the thought as he skidded around a corner en route to Liam’s office. He ignored a few strange looks from some younger interns, the rest of the staff not the slightest bit surprised to see him running down the hall.

As he made his way to the elevator he slipped his hands into his pocket, trying to narrow down some ideas as to what was going to happen when he finally spoke to Liam after last night’s...events. He might scream at him, ask him why the fuck he exploded on a patient in front of his family. Yeah, definitely not one of Louis’ best moments as a surgeon. He scratched his neck uncomfortably as he stepped onto the elevator, moving to a corner and leaning against the railing. 

He might apologize for last night, ultimately for the things he really had no control over that had complicated Harry’s health. A prickle of guilt ran up his spine, making him sigh softly. Deep down, he had known the entire time he was screaming that it wasn’t Liam’s fault. But honestly...how could he have held it together? Louis wasn’t one for blowing up; he tended to bury his emotions deep inside and drown them out later with alcohol or sex. Very rarely did they ever become so overwhelming that they threatened to burst from him and he lost it at all, let alone at work. Being a surgeon was challenging, sure, but he had held onto the fact that he had very rarely ever had a meltdown while at the hospital. 

Well, until last night. 

Louis looked up and watched as the doors opened with a soft beeping noise, letting everyone else get off before stepping into the hallway, setting off towards his office. Whatever it was had obviously been important and pressing enough for him to stop sex with Zayn. 

He glanced around as he passed crowds of nurses and interns, frowning slightly as he realized they were all watching him walk closer and closer towards the door. He looked up again and saw Liam through the clear glass walls of his office, sitting at his desk slouched forward a bit, his head resting against the the palm of one of his hands as he stared down at some papers below him. Louis looked around quickly again, shooting a dangerous look at everyone around him.

"That’s enough, get back to work. He doesn’t pay you to stand and gawk all day,” he spat angrily, watching the majority of people rush back to work, a few longer working residents lingering behind for a moment as he gently knocked on the door, peering inside. 

“Chief, you paged?” he mumbled quietly, falling silent as Liam looked up. 

“Ah, yes…” He got up quickly, closing a folder on his desk hastily before getting up out of his chair. “Come in, shut the door Louis…” Louis did as he was told, stepping inside and shutting the door before turning and standing a bit awkwardly in front of him, his hands suddenly back in his jacket pockets without realizing it. Liam scratched the back of his neck nervously, avoiding his eye contact for a moment before looking up. 

“I need you to formally apologize to your patient and his family about last night’s...episode.” Louis stayed silent, listening to his words carefully as he kept talking. “What you did was unprofessional, and I know you understand that.” He wasn’t yelling, wasn’t chastising him or being a dick, really. It was more of a required pep talk than anything. “He’s getting discharged today. I know that you’re the reason he’s alive and well today, but you’re also the reason his family can’t even look him in the eye anymore.” Ouch. 

Louis shifted his feet uncomfortably, feeling his cheeks flush in embarrassment but nodding all the same. “Yes sir, of course,” he replied numbly, blinking a few times. He knew he deserved this guilt trip, but he was still very thankful Liam had opted out of screaming today. He kept his eyes lock on Liam, raising an eyebrow in surprise as he waved his hand towards him. 

“Come on, let’s go visit him.”

Louis stared at him blankly for a moment, cocking his head to the side. That was it?

Liam furrowed his brow at Louis, scanning his face. “Is there a problem, Tomlinson?” Louis shook his head quickly, struggling to find words as Liam stood up taller, eyes growing more and more suspicious with each awkward second. 

“Look Chief, I...I’m sorry about last night.” The words started tumbling out and fuck, too late to stop now. “What happened wasn’t your fault. I was stressed and tired and scared and just…” Louis shook his head, feeling nauseous as last night’s events came flashing back rapidly. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I know you, you’re an amazing surgeon. You couldn’t have done more than that. Harry was...a miracle,” he concluded, blinking his eyes rapidly to fight back the burning sensation that had suddenly blurred his vision, looking down quickly and rubbing his eyes with his fingers, playing it off. 

He looked back up to see Liam smiling very faintly, although it never reached his eyes like it usually did. “I know, Louis. It’s fine.” Well, it didn’t sound fucking fine, Louis thought to himself, stepping back as Liam walked forward and out the door, leading him to find their patient from last night. What the hell was wrong, then? 

He found himself nearly jogging to keep up with Liam’s long strides as they maneuvered their way down the halls, Louis growing increasingly aware of how many weird looks the chief was getting and how Liam was more than happy to ignore them all. Before he could open his mouth to make a comment he found himself standing in front of a hospital room door, Liam eyeing him intensely with his hand on the knob. 

“You go in there and you apologize. Grovel if you have to, I don’t care.” Louis sulked visibly, refraining from jutting his bottom lip out and pouting. “I won’t have you give this hospital a bad reputation, Louis.” 

“I know, I know…” He reached up and rubbed his eyes for a moment before sliding his fingers through his hair gently, parting his lips in a soft sigh. Louis wasn’t sure how apologizing was going to help anything, but if it kept Liam off his ass he’d do it. 

He opened the door quietly, peering around and feeling a bit more relaxed as Addison’s sleepy but smiley face met his gaze. 

“Hi!” she exclaimed happily, apparently forgetting about his yelling fit the night before. She was still clutching the Barbie doll from downstairs as she shyly smiled at Liam, floating her way towards Louis before tugging on his jacket. “Can I keep her?” 

Louis grinned and knelt down, reaching out to stroke the doll’s hair. “Of course you can, sweetheart. She’s all yours.” Addison flashed him a bright smile, visibly excited before she was pulled from Louis’ gaze, Alex’s hands wrapping around either side of her body and lifting her from the floor. Louis stood back up, meeting his strangely angry but mostly indifferent look, keeping his mouth shut as Louis watched him. He was suddenly aware of Liam’s presence behind him again, all of the calmness he had felt while looking at Addison suddenly disappearing. 

He managed to tear his eyes away and look towards the bed, where the patient and his wife were still at. She was rather pretty, with long blonde hair that fell in waves along her back and shoulders. She was small and petite, although her face seemed to have aged quite a bit in a short amount of time, majority of it probably after Louis’ episode last night. She kept silent, her lips pursed as she messed idly with her purse, as if still trying to pack even though there was nothing else to put away. Her husband, on the other hand, looked absolutely miserable.

He seemed younger as well, with wavy black hair that fell in front of his eyes but his face clearly showed his age. Or maybe it was just due to stress and the fact that he had been cheating of his fucking wife with another man. Louis grit his teeth at the angry thought, watching as he shifted uncomfortably in his bed at Louis’ gaze. 

After a moment, Louis cleared his throat, feeling his palms grow more and more damp within his coat pockets. 

“Look, I…” He sighed, shaking his head. “I really truly am sorry for what happened last night. That was extremely unprofessional of me. I have never had issues in the past, and there’s no excuse for me losing my temper.” He watched carefully as no one said a word, five pairs of eyes now watching him as he spoke. “If there’s anything I can do for your family...please let me know.” Shit, he could probably muster up something better than that, he thought wildly, feeling Liam’s intense gaze on the back of his head. 

The wife was now visibly shaking her head, her eyes closed and Louis looked up, the movement catching his eye. 

“You’ve done quite enough, Doctor.” The dangerous tone Louis had been expecting was nowhere to be found, rather replaced with the weary voice of a woman who just seemed exhausted. Louis felt a pang of guilt swell up in his chest, watching as she walked over to her son and took Addison from Alex. She began walking from the room, Addison waving happily to Louis from over her mom’s shoulder as Alex lingered behind for a moment. He shot Louis a strangled sort of look, somewhat sad but also somewhat relieved. He kept his mouth shut, though, and followed his mom a few seconds later as Liam trailed behind them, mumbling something about walking them out of the hospital. 

Louis felt as if he were about to suffocate suddenly. The tension in the room was unlike anything he had ever experienced before, threatening to crush him beneath its undeniable weight as he looked at anything but the man sitting in his bed. What was he supposed to do? In all honestly, the apology had been for the family and not him. There was no way Louis could fathom saying sorry to the man who had sent the love of his life into a hospital and eventually onto a cold OR table. 

And yet, suddenly he was talking. 

“Harry’s not dead,” he blurted out suddenly, his mind spinning at how fast the man’s head shot up. “He uh...well, one of our resident’s ended up reviving him, it was...it was a miracle.” Louis swallowed thickly, a lump forming in his throat as he forced himself to look up, meeting the man’s gaze. He had some really pretty blue eyes and a strong jawline, ghosted with the shadow of an old beard. He seemed...trustworthy, almost. No wonder Harry had gotten tangled up with him. 

“Oh, good…” he heard him murmur softly in response.

Yeah, it was true that this guy was a total dick and probably deserved to rot in hell for all eternity in Louis’ mind, but for some reason he couldn’t escape the fact that without him...Harry never would’ve stumbled into his hospital that day. 

That was some stupid fate shit, the kind his mum and sisters talked about. Disgusting. 

“I’m sorry that I caused your family so much stress. But I’m definitely not sorry about them knowing the truth now.” Louis watched his face visibly blanch as his anger came bubbling back up out of nowhere, somehow managing to maintain a calm demeanor. “Harry didn’t deserve that and neither do they. Those kids and your wife deserve someone who doesn’t cheat and lie.” The man stayed silent, wearily watching as Louis rambled on.

“Oh, and if I ever catch you near Harry again, I swear to God I’ll put you back in this hospital.” Louis couldn’t help but feel a bit victorious when he began nodding quickly, his blue eyes visibly wide in fear now. He gestured his hand towards the wheelchair that was waiting beside his bed, smiling kindly at him. “Please, let me help you out of the building.” 

Louis was pretty positive he’d never seen a patient scramble into a chair so quickly, savoring his shitty victory as he began pushing him out of the room and down the hallway, fighting to keep a grin off his face. “I hope you’ve enjoyed your time at Mercy Hospital…” 

After a few more minutes of very overdone politeness and a few chastising looks on Liam’s part, Louis saw the family leave and glanced at his watch, smiling happily as he realized his shift was nearly over. He gave Liam a small wave, turning to leave and wondering idly if Harry liked Chinese food at all before Niall ran straight into him, clutching a dark pink binder to his chest and looking distressed. 

“Louis! Thank God, we’ve been looking everywhere for you…” Louis frowned as he rambled on, seeming to speak without taking a breath and hurriedly trying to open his chart, a few papers falling to the ground as he struggled to open a large manilla envelope. 

“Christ, Niall, relax…” He knelt down and gathered up the rest of the papers, Liam automatically gravitating towards them. 

“Everything alright?” he asked cautiously, raising an eyebrow as Niall finally succeeded in pulling out a large black and white x-ray image of someone’s head. 

“There’s this girl, she’s 15 and she fell out of a tree this morning…” Liam crossed his arms and stayed silent, listening as Louis nodded along. “We checked her for broken bones and bruises and all that and she was fine, so we released her. But then she collapsed in the parking lot, and I did a CT scan and I think she’s got a subdural hematoma…” He pointed frantically at a large black spot on the girl’s brain, biting his lip. “I was gonna consult Doctor Robbins, but she’s in surgery with a patient and this is a neurology case, so I figured head of neuro would be able to help...I didn’t mean to skip Doctor Robbins’ consult completely!” he added frantically in Liam’s direction. “She just...she’s busy and Louis’ still here so I j-” 

Louis smiled and held his hand up, scanning the images quickly. ‘You did the right thing, Niall. That’s definitely a hematoma...most would’ve said different.” He slid the picture back quickly in the envelope and set it back on top of Niall’s binder. “Prep her for surgery; scrub in and meet me in the OR, okay?” Niall blinked almost stupidly and nodded, blushing as Louis added, “Good job, Doctor.” He smirked as Niall turned and ran down the hallway with his things, narrowly avoiding a couple of nurses as he disappeared around a corner. Louis looked up at Liam, raising an eyebrow. “Wanna scrub in? I could use some extra help…” 

Liam looked a bit conflicted at first, fingering idly with the hem of his jacket before nodding quickly. “Of course, of course…” he murmured, setting off to the OR before Louis could say a word. 

A couple hours later Louis had this poor girl’s skull wide open, exposing the top part of her brain as the rhythmic beeping of machines filled the room around him. Liam was standing at one side of him, watching quietly with his hands behind his back as he swayed a bit awkwardly back and forth. Niall was at his opposite side, peering intently as Louis worked, watching each individual tool he picked up as he went along. Louis smiled beneath his mask, grabbing something else from a nurse’s waiting hand as he looked up.

“Are you interested in neurology, Niall?” he asked, motioning for a nurse to move forward with suction as he lifted his hands up, waiting for a reply. Niall blinked rapidly, swallowing a bit before shrugging. 

“Um, I don’t know...maybe?” he answered, looking as Louis lowered his hands again, going back to work. “I’m just...trying to see what best fits me, I guess.” Louis nodded in agreement, scanning his work for a moment before turning back to Niall. 

“You’d make a great neurosurgeon.” He smiled as Niall nearly dropped his notebook he had been scribbling in and looked up. “Great work everyone, she just needs to be closed up and she’ll be on her way to recovery.” He stepped back and let the nurses move forward to finish, already slipping off his gloves and tossing them in the trashcan as he passed, pressing his elbow against the door button to leave. He took off his mask and threw it away as well, looking up as Liam followed suit. Louis stayed silent but kept a careful eye on Liam as he scrubbed his hands, watching him sigh a bit before lathering his arms up. Fucking Christ, could he be more dramatic?

“What the hell’s going on?” Liam blinked up at him in shock, letting the water run over his hands as he froze up. Louis switched his off, turning to face him while drying his arms and hands off, raising an eyebrow. “You’re hiding something.” 

Liam sputtered a bit, trying to focus on washing his hands and shaking his head. “There’s...I’m fine, nothing’s wrong! I’m not hiding any-” Louis reached over and shut his water off, staring him down intently. 

“You’re a shit liar. You’ve been jumpy and weird all day. I thought it was because of me and I apologized but nothing happened. Then we cleared up the patient from last night and that didn’t help and now you just sat in an OR and looked like you wanted to jump out of a fucking window the entire time.” Liam sighed heavily, leaning against the counter with his palms propped against the edge, staring at the sink without speaking. Louis peered into the OR, knowing that the interns and residents would start filing in any moment and he groaned out loud. 

“Don’t make me fucking spell it out, Liam.” When he received a confused look, he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Zayn? This morning?” Liam flushed a deep red color as Louis threw his head back in exasperation. “There’s gotta be a reason for you no-” 

“It’s him! He’s the reason!” Liam exclaimed suddenly, standing up straight, his eyes wide and staring at Louis. Louis blinked, furrowing his brow. 

“Wait...he’s the reason that you two didn’t f-” 

Liam groaned in frustration, shaking his head and cutting him off. “He’s the reason I’ve been acting weird all day!” Louis nodded quickly, still looking a bit confused but leaning back against the side of the counter. 

“Right, right…” He fell silent for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek. “Well...Zayn’s not really a handful. I’ve never had issues with him…” he mused, making eye contact with Liam again. “I mean...what did he do?” 

Liam sighed again, his hands going automatically into his jacket pockets as they always did when he was nervous about something. Louis had seen it countless times in the OR. He looked desperately into the window, as if trying to convince the staff inside to come barging in so he wouldn’t have to explain himself to Louis. When nothing happened, he turned back towards Louis, biting his lip. 

“He didn’t...he didn’t do anything. He’s just...Zayn.” A small smile crept upon his lips, Louis feeling absolutely fucking nauseous at his sweet words. Fucking disgusting. “And like...I think I love him?” 

Jesus fucking Christ, what can of worms had he opened? Louis fought back surprise and kept his face neutral, nodding along slowly with his words. Liam continued on.

“Anyway, last night I was thinking, and I didn’t really have time to talk to him about this, but then I saw him this morning and I chickened out…” Liam was rambling now, Louis growing more and more uneasy with each word. “I mean, I don’t know if he’d be up for it, it’s a huge step and all…” Louis felt like he was going to collapse right there on the floor, there was no fucking way Liam was asking him about this. He nearly opened his mouth to stop him, to say something about Zayn having commitment issues or shit like that before Liam beat him to it. 

“Do you think he’d want to move in with me?” 

Louis’ breath caught in his throat and suddenly he was coughing, nearly choking as he pounded on his chest and felt Liam’s eyes on him the entire time. He couldn’t help it; his coughing fit suddenly succumbed into laughter and before he knew it he had tears in his eyes, fighting back his loud cackles as Liam frowned. “Is that it?!” 

“So...it’s a bad idea?” Louis raised his eyebrows, staring at him almost unbelievably. 

“Liam...come on now.” He grinned again, Liam still staring intently at him. “It’s not a bad idea! Of course he’d want to move in with you!” Liam’s face lit up a bit, standing up a bit taller. 

“Really?” Louis nodded, fighting back his laughter once more.

“Yes, Jesus Christ yes. The man lives in a shitty apartment with 4 other interns because he makes shit pay right now. You should’ve asked him this months ago. He’s gonna be ecstatic, I swear.” He watched Liam flash him a bright smile, the first one he’d seen in a few days. 

“Oh, good…” he mused, looking more and more pleased with himself as Louis cocked his head to the side, watching him. 

“You scared the shit out of me for a moment. I thought you were gonna ask about marriage.” Liam’s eyes widened in shock and he shook his head quickly.

“No! Oh Jesus Christ, no…” Louis smirked, wrinkling his nose up. 

“Right; that’ll be next month’s meltdown, correct?” Liam smiled and rolled his eyes. 

“Hush, Tomlinson. Go home; that surgery made you stay after. Go check on Harry, get some rest.” Louis wished he could say his heart didn’t start suddenly pounding at the sound of his name but it did, and he found himself nearly leaping from the OR, glancing down at his watch as he did. It was already 10:30, what good restaurant was still open at this time? He figured he could probably use Harry’s opinion before jumping to any conclusions and deciding on a place, growing more and more excited as he finally found the right hallway, his door in sight. 

He reached his room and walked inside, blinking stupidly as he was met with an empty bed, the blankets all pushed to the side. He frowned, scanning the room for a moment in confusion before slowly turning back around and locating the nurse sitting at the counter, busily scrolling through her phone. 

“Where’s Harry Styles at?” The woman remained silent, her face and light brown hair illuminated by the dim glow of her phone as she kept scrolling away. 

“He left a while ago in his wheelchair...I don’t know where he went.” Louis felt his face heat up in anger, his hands curling up into fists at his side. 

“What do you mean...you don’t know?” The nurse suddenly looked up at him, raising an eyebrow at him in annoyance. 

“Look, I don’t know where he is. He likes to wander a lot and we just let him, it’s no big deal.” Louis stared at her in pure disbelief, his mouth open slightly as he tried to find words to say. She rolled her eyes and went back to her phone. “His tests were all fine today, he’s been cramped up in that room so he left, okay?”

Louis nearly exploded. “No, it’s NOT okay! He had life threatening surgery hours ago, he fucking died on the table and came back to life, he’s not FINE at all!” A couple of nurses glanced at him as they passed, Louis growing more and more upset as he leaned forward towards her. “There’s no reason for him to be wandering around here, do you get that?!”

The woman pursed her lips together but kept her gaze on her phone, ignoring his sudden close presence. Louis opened his mouth to speak again but heard the all too familiar ring of his pager on his belt, looking down and grabbing it angrily. 

“What the fuck do they need me in pediatrics for?” he asked angrily to no one in particular, the nurse shrugging her shoulders a bit. 

“Maybe a baby needs a craniectomy. Wouldn’t that just brighten your shitty day?” It took everything in Louis’ power not to freak out on her before he turned quickly and began storming off towards the elevator, keeping an eye out for any sign of Harry. No wonder he never worked the night shifts unless he absolutely had to. 

The pediatrics floor was near the bottom, and Louis bounced his foot nervously in the elevator as he waited to arrive, pulling off his surgical cap he had forgotten he was wearing and shoving it in his pocket. The doors opened and he nearly ran down the hall, pushing open the doors and looking around nervously. 

“Louis…” He looked up and heard the soft voice of Doctor Robbins, watching as she stepped forward to meet him at the doors, her blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and her pretty face looking weary and exhausted. Louis watched her carefully, reaching out and touching her arm. 

What’s wrong? Do you need a consult, or something?” He tried his hardest not to sound impatient or snippy and she met him with a soft sigh. 

“I came in to drop off my patient’s charts, and the nurses swarmed me...they can’t get him to leave, he’s not speaking…” Louis blinked in confusion, frowning suddenly. 

“I don’t...who are you talking about?” He stumbled forward as she grabbed onto his arm, pulling him further into the ward and caught sight of a few nurses standing in front of the nursery window. He stayed silent, still struggling to understand what was happening before she stood him in front of the window, pointing forward. 

“I’m talking about him.” 

Louis sucked in a breath, going completely still as she let go of his arm, stepping back. Harry was at the opposite end of the room, past the rows of babies and bent forward in his wheelchair, cradling a dark haired baby to his chest. Louis swallowed uneasily, craning his head a bit and recognizing the premature baby he’d delivered the other day, the same little girl he’d shown Harry just days before. His long curly hair was masking his face, falling in front of his eyes and making it impossible for Louis to see what he was feeling. His large hand was hovering above the tiny infant and she seemed to have a gentle grip on one of his fingers, sleeping away soundly in his arms. 

Louis looked helplessly at Dr. Robbins, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find words to explain Harry, but he couldn’t find any. What was wrong, why was he even in here? She gave him a faint smile, touching his shoulder gently. 

“Louis...go talk to him. I’m sure he’ll listen to you. It’s really okay..he hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s just apparently been with that little girl all day. It’s late, though….” Louis nodded quickly, glancing back up at Harry’s side profile, his large hospital gown hanging a bit limply over his massive body, if that was even possible. He vaguely heard her begin moving the nurses out of the room, asking to give them a few minutes of privacy before Louis straightened up and wiped his now sweaty palms along his jacket before opening the door and stepping inside. 

He looked around quietly, noticing the sleepy gaze of a few babies on him but majority of them were fast asleep in the dim light. Harry made no movement, not seeming to hear the door open and close at all. Louis bit his lip, taking a deep breath before walking slowly over. 

He saw Harry tense up slightly as his Vans made a soft tapping noise along the floor, slowly reaching the other side of the room. He chose to focus on the baby in Harry’s arms instead of directly looking at him, tentatively reaching downward and touching her tiny hand. 

“She looks really good...way better than the last time I saw her…” And she did, she seemed to have gained a bit of weight and wasn’t as yellow due to jaundice anymore. She had a full head of dark brown hair, like her mother had had before. Louis swallowed thickly at the memory, quickly pushing the thought from his mind as he pulled up a chair to sit beside them.

Harry was still silent, focused solely on the baby. Louis pulled his hand back, finally peering over to look at Harry beneath his hair. His face was white and gaunt, with large purple circles beneath his eyes and his cheeks seemed a bit sunken in. His usually plump, pink lips were pale and chapped, little teeth marks along the soft skin from biting it so much. He glanced down lower, following the wide array of tattoos on his arms where his bruises were now fading away, leaving a sickly yellow color in their place. His knuckles were scabbed over, a large bruise forming on the top of his left hand from where he had apparently ripped out his own IV. Louis’ eyes flickered down to the floor where the needle, tape and small tube was crumpled up on the tile, biting his tongue and keeping himself from snapping at him. 

Instead, Louis looked back up, peeking at a clock that was positioned on the wall across from them, above the exit door. “It’s late, Harry…” he murmured, leaning back in his chair a bit. “These babies need sleep, so does she...so do you,” he added, turning back towards him. 

Harry shifted a bit in his seat, being careful not to move the baby too much, but kept silent after he spoke, still avoiding his eyes. Louis inhaled a sigh, rubbing his eyes gently and fighting back a yawn. 

“I died last night.” Louis nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden sound of Harry’s voice. It didn’t sound like him at all; it was deeper than usual, sounded hollow and croaky and his voice had cracked on the ending word. He vigorously rubbed at the goosebumps that had suddenly appeared on his arms, clearing his throat quietly. “Harry…” 

He fell silent as Harry began shaking his head, suddenly sniffling. “I died last night. I was cold, unmoving, my heart stopped. The machines were beeping. I was gone.” Louis felt his palms grow damp against his thighs, where his hands were now pressed up against as Harry kept speaking. Another sniffle escaped, his voice growing thicker with each word. “Louis...I shouldn’t be alive right now.” 

It was really shallow of him, really pathetic but for a moment Louis felt as if he was going to collapse. His throat was closing up, his eyes stinging with tears as a sudden image of Harry’s cold body appeared back in his mind. He shouldn’t be acting like this, Harry was the one who had died for fucks sake, but Louis could swear he tasted bile in his mouth and he struggled to take a deep breath as Harry stopped talking, succumbing to more sniffles. 

Louis felt his hand touching Harry’s thigh before he could even realize what was happening, snaking its way up to grip his arm tightly as he pulled himself up out of his chair. He sucked in a breath, suddenly making eye contact with Harry as he finally lifted his head up, his green eyes glistening with tears. 

“Harry…” Louis shook his head, feeling hot liquid spill onto his own cheeks and then he had dropped his arm and was leaning down to take the baby out of his arms, quickly but gently. Harry opened his mouth to protest but all that came out was a whimper, and Louis had to use all the willpower he had not to start crying harder. Harry gripped the sides of his wheelchair, looking distressed as Louis gently brought the baby to his chest, walking over and laying her in her small bed. He reached down and adjusted her oxygen mask slightly as Harry spoke up from behind her. 

“Does she...is she gonna get a family soon?” Louis remained silent, his finger gently lingering over the baby’s cheek as he lifted his arm up lazily, stroking upward to touch her hair before sighing a bit. 

“I’m not sure, Harry...no one’s told me anything…” He heard Harry sniffle again behind him, finally turning around to face him again. His face was buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly as he whimpered. 

“She’s s-such a good baby, L-L-Louis...so g-good…” His voice cracked again and suddenly he was bawling, great loud sobs escaping from his lips as he kept choking out words. “She n-n-needs a good f-family...p-p-p-please…” Louis felt as if someone had suddenly taken a hammer to his chest, completely obliterating his ribcage and heart. Harry was gasping now, huge tears rolling down his cheeks and Louis immediately fell to his knees at his side, wrapping his small arms around his body, sliding his hand up to cradle his head. 

“Harry, Harry...breathe, baby...please…” Louis sniffled into his hair, feeling as Harry ducked his face down into his neck, gripping Louis tight against his body. His cries were muffled against his skin, feeling his shirt beginning to get wet as he moaned. 

“I was f-f-fucking dead! I was d-dead and I CAME BACK, I c-came back...who d-d-does that?!” he wailed, Louis tightening his grip around him as he did. He squeezed his eyes shut, still shushing Harry in hopes that he’d calm down but he kept rambling on. “I should’ve just d-d-died, I should’ve s-s-stayed dead…” Louis stiffened up suddenly, dropping his hand from Harry’s hair. In one swift movement, he backed up from his body and had his face in his tiny hands, staring directly into his eyes. 

“Harry, stop. Just...shut the fuck up for a minute, okay?!” Harry stared at him, his cheeks shiny with tears and his mouth slightly open, swallowing thickly at Louis’ raised voice.  
“Yes, you were dead. I was there. You were...you were cold, and silent, and your eyes were closed and the machines were so loud…” Louis willed away his suddenly nauseous feeling that had hit him again, continuing on. “But now you’re not, do you get that? You woke back up, your heart started beating again and your eyes opened. You got a second chance.” Harry’s bottom lip trembled slightly, more tears falling but he kept his mouth shut. “No one gets second chances here. Ever. There was a reason you woke back up.” Louis closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. 

“I’m not done loving you. I’m never going to be. I’m going to love you until the day I die, and even then I’m going to be there for you in heaven, or the afterlife or whatever the hell happens after we leave here. I’m stuck. There’s no leaving, no going back or dying on me. I refuse to leave you alone in this world, and I’ve never felt this way about someone else.” Harry’s green eyes were wide but at this point, how could he stop? “You’re all I fucking think about anymore, you’re the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last one when I fall asleep. I want all of you, every single day, for the rest of my life.” Louis’ hands were still pressed against his cheeks, his thumbs wiping away the tears that kept flowing down his cheeks, sniffling loudly. 

“I just...Jesus Christ, Harry…” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to his, speaking directly over Harry’s mouth. “I fucking love you, so much. You’re my miracle...someone knew, whether it be God or whoever decides on who dies, that knew I wasn’t through with you. They gave you back to me, and call me selfish for that or whatever you want, but I physically cannot live without you here…” His voice cracked, his eyes falling shut and blocking Harry from his sight. “Please realize...you were never meant to die last night.” He shook his head slowly, as if agreeing with his own words. “Don’t ever think that.” 

Louis finally realized how wet his own cheeks were, keeping his eyes closed and dropping his hands from Harry’s face. He kept his forehead pressed against his, taking a few deep breaths to steady out his breathing. 

Well, shit. No going back now, huh? 

He felt his blood run cold as he realized how silent Harry was. He swallowed, slowly beginning to pull his face away from Harry’s and already planning an escape route out of the nursery. His eyes flew open in surprise as he was suddenly seized around the waist, feeling himself being yanked forward into Harry’s lap and felt the sweet relief of Harry’s wet lips against his own, his mouth seeming to fit perfectly. Louis whimpered softly, throwing his arms around his neck as Harry pulled him close, running his hands up to run his fingers through Louis’ hair. 

Louis leaned forward to deepen the kiss, blinking in surprise as Harry suddenly pulled his lips away with a gentle smacking sound, staring at Louis almost dreamily. A small smile was on his lips, Louis feeling his entire body beginning to melt in his arms as he smiled back. 

“I don’t know how to beat that speech, exactly...but for what it’s worth, I love you too.” Louis nearly cried in relief, grabbing his face once more and kissing him deeper this time, feeling the eyes of nearly a dozen nurses watching them through the nursery window. Did he care? Absolutely fucking not. 

That morning, the weatherman had said that it was supposed to thunderstorm that same night, around midnight. Living in Seattle for majority of his life, Louis had never really been bothered by the rain. It was just something he had learned to live with, and when the news said it was going to rain, it always did. Well, it usually did, at least. 

Louis was amazed to find a clear sky outside of Harry’s hospital room window an hour or so later, the moon shining brightly on their curled up bodies in the bed. Harry’s head was resting gently on top of Louis’ chest, his hair tickling the bottom of Louis’ chin as he shifted to find a comfortable position. Louis was running his fingers gently through his curls, untangling any knots he found in the process. They were both covered by one of the more comfortable hospital blankets that smelled strangely of antiseptic, Harry’s long legs wrapped around one of Louis’ own, their feet hooked together at the ankles. Harry finally seemed to find a nice spot, giving a happy sigh as he relaxed against Louis’ body, resting his arm gently across his tummy as his eyes drooped shut. 

Louis slowly removed his other arm from behind his head, running his hand softly along Harry’s arm. 

“It’s not raining tonight…” he whispered softly, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Harry’s scalp. “A miracle night for my miracle patient.” 

Harry smiled softly, his eyes still closed and yawning softly, tightening his grip around Louis.

“Your miracle boyfriend…” he murmured in response, and Louis felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment as Harry giggled. “Your heart is pounding, Lou.” 

Louis grinned, running his fingertips along his hand. “Sorry...I like it when you say that,” he mused, yawning as he leaned his head back to rest against the pillow, closing his eyes. 

Harry hummed contentedly against his chest, planting a kiss against his sternum. 

“Maybe someday I’ll be saying I'm your husband.” 

And well, for once in his life, that sounded perfectly alright to Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Leave comments/kudos, and tweet me things @greyslarryau or @fingerkisslou! :)


	6. you'll never feel like you're alone, i'll make this feel like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a moment, he felt a soft hand on top of his shoulder, squeezing the muscle gently. “You’re going to be fine.” And the way he said it...well, Louis kinda believed him for a moment. Zayn had a way of speaking that singled you out from the rest of reality, making sure that he was speaking to you and only you. Louis kept silent for a moment before a soft sigh escaped his lips.   
> “You don’t know that.” Because he didn’t. He had botched surgeries before, he wasn’t perfect. Maybe Zayn didn’t think that sometimes because he was an intern. He didn’t realise that the amount of surgical failures does decrease over time, but they still happen. Even the best in Seattle mess up at times. 
> 
> louis tackles a tricky surgery, and finds another means of support in the OR.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to update. College is rough, I got cast in a play and somehow I'm managing homework and a job on top of everything. I only have a month left of school, so bear with me!
> 
> This chapter is somewhat long, so I apologize in advance. Enjoy! :)

When Louis was growing up, the thought of someday getting married and having kids was something that he didn’t think about as much as he should have. Sure, the idea was nice. He absolutely adored kids, and being in love with someone didn’t sound bad either. But then he realized that marriages didn’t always result from love, and that sometimes babies didn’t stop crying no matter how hard you try to calm them down, and sometimes when you fall in love, the person ends up not loving you back as much, maybe even not at all. 

Pretty heavy stuff for a young boy, not to mention being the only boy in his family growing up. Louis felt like it was okay to skip all that stuff and gave up on those dreams early on; it wasn’t ideal seeing his mum with a different guy every couple of years because the last one skipped out on her, and frankly Louis was tired of the cycle, seeing his mum happy for several months and then falling apart when she was abandoned, never in front of the girls of course. They were always so little. Of course she tried her hardest not to cry in front of Louis, but he understood why she did sometimes. 

And well, from a young age, he honestly didn’t believe in love very much. 

He figures he should’ve changed his point of view on that as he grew up, but really it was hard to break a habit he had been set on for most of his life. Thankfully, his mum had finally found someone worth her time, and Louis liked him for the most part. He’d probably like him more if he visited home more often, as Lottie complained constantly to him. He was sweet, kind, caring and had shown no intention of leaving his mum or their new set of twins, whom Louis had seen only twice in their now 13 months of living. He knew it bothered everyone, especially his mum, but he had honestly no energy to plaster on a fake smile and leave rainy and gloomy Seattle to see his family, no matter how much he missed them. It wasn’t like his life completely sucked or anything; being a surgeon was what he loved to do. It just seemed a bit distressing to him that he kept being invited to more and more weddings and baby showers by his co workers while he struggled to remember the name of his one night stand from the evening before. Going back to see his mum and watching her face fall into a terribly hidden disappointed frown each time he informed her he was still single was not something that was very appealing to him.

Now, though...things were different. Louis suddenly found himself wanting to talk to no one else besides his mother, to ask her if the butterflies in his stomach were normal or the sign of something bad, something he should run away from immediately. He wanted to know if it was okay if he felt like he couldn’t breathe whenever this man smiled at him, or if it was rational that he found himself planning what their fucking bedroom colors were gonna be in their future apartment together. 

Most importantly of all, he wanted his mum to tell him if he was absolutely insane for not getting up and fleeing the room when this man had called him his “future husband” after knowing him for barely a month. All he had done was blush like a fucking child and cuddled him closer. 

There had to be something wrong with him. 

And yeah, these questions seemed childish and stupid for a man in his late twenties but he had never experienced any of this before; he had been robbed of it his entire life. Call him a late bloomer or whatever. 

So really, that’s why Louis found himself sneaking out of bed as soon as Harry had fallen asleep in his arms, had gently laid him down and pulled the shitty hospital blanket up and escaped to the lockers down the hall, making a mental note to find him a better one later on. He was thankful that it was so late at night, which meant it was a decent morning hour in Doncaster. He found a spot on one of the benches and pulled out his phone, fidgeting with the outer part of his case for a moment. He realized with a sinking feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t remember the last time he had called his mother up for anything, really. He had just seen her over winter holidays, but that was still a couple of months ago. Feeling even worse than he had before, he unlocked his phone and began dialing, his foot bouncing a bit nervously at the prospect of hearing his mum’s voice again. He really had missed her, so much. 

She answered after the second ring, sounding a bit surprised and uneasy as she spoke up softly. 

“Louis?” she murmured, and he felt his heart begin to break because how fucking sad is it to have your oldest son call and you be shocked by it? Louis cleared his throat after a moment, smiling to himself. 

“Hey, mum…” There might’ve been a moment of silence, he’s not sure, but before his mother could speak again everything just started falling out. It was a horrible mess of word vomit, but somehow he managed to tell her everything, right from the beginning; when Harry first stumbled into the hospital all the way to Harry’s marriage declaration from an hour or so ago, which had Johannah laughing immediately. 

“Darling, I don’t think that constitutes as a declaration of love,” she mused happily as Louis smiled against his phone, feeling his cheeks heat up. 

“Yeah, I suppose it doesn’t. But I mean, come on mum! He’s already talking like this and he hasn’t even seen me naked yet! Well, he almost did…” He laughed loudly as Johannah shrieked into his ear, begging him to hush. “I mean, seriously mum.” His voice fell quiet again, growing a more serious tone as she went silent on the other end. “What am I supposed to do? This entire relationship feels like it should be a huge red flag but it just...it doesn’t feel like that at all.” Louis found that his foot had started bouncing faster against the tile floor, his dark blue scrubs rubbing against his leg as he did. “I’ve never...no one’s made me feel like this, but then again I’ve never really been in such a serious relationship.” He knew that was a damn lie, but he prayed to God his mother had the decency to keep HER name out of the conversation altogether. 

Thankfully she did, and Louis felt relieved but a bit uneasy at his mother’s silence. 

“Well, sweetheart...is it love?” And there it was, that tainted word that Louis had hated for so long but seemed to use freely with Harry. It didn’t make sense, really; he had blacklisted that word for so long and suddenly this man shows up in his life, a beautiful man who’s younger than him by a few years and has eyes that make Louis’ knees weak and a smile that turns him into a dumb 18 year old again and suddenly this word isn’t so bad anymore.

Louis loved some things, of course; his family, certain close friends, his job. But obviously that was a different type of love, and even across an entire ocean and a continent Johannah still managed to know what Louis was thinking, even over the phone. 

“Let me rephrase that; is it the kind of love you have for us, like a patient and doctor kind of love? Or is it the love that makes you feel like you’re floating on top of the world?” 

A soft sigh escaped Louis’ lips, his silence being enough answer for his mum and for himself. On the other side of the line Louis heard the loud giggles and shrieking that could only be coming from his younger siblings, grinning to himself as Johannah called for her husband. 

“Sorry love, they’ve just woken up...been sleeping in, those two…” Louis smiled, fingering with the edge of his scrubs. 

“‘S fine, mum…” he murmured, a sudden pang of homesickness hitting him hard. “I miss you…” Johannah sighed rather unhappily on the other end of the line, humming in response. 

“I miss you too, darling. Don’t be a stranger anymore, please…” Louis found himself nodding slowly, forgetting momentarily that she wasn’t able to see him before speaking up again. 

“I won’t be, I promise…” The noises got louder and he heard his mum sigh and the phone being moved around. 

“Sweetheart, I’ve got to go help Dan. Do call me again tonight, or if you’re booked up with surgeries, tomorrow, okay?” Louis smiled softly and agreed with her, standing up from his spot on the bench. 

“Yes ma’am…” he mused, rubbing his eyes tiredly and fighting back a yawn. He heard her call out for Dan once more before her mouth returned back to the phone, her voice ringing through his ear musically. 

“I like this boy already, Lou. Keep him close...I think he could be a keeper.” Louis was stunned for a moment, blinking as he felt his cheeks heat up. The sudden acceptance of this man whom Johannah had never met, never seen and had a slew of health problems, not to mention being younger and altogether a bad recipe for a boyfriend was a bit shocking, to say the least. It wasn’t like he had wanted her to hate him...maybe she was finally relieved to see him show interest in someone again. 

Louis’ thoughts were such a jumbled mess that it took his mum three times to get his attention again, finally snapping back to reality as another loud giggle attacked his ears from the other end. 

“Sorry, sorry...bad signal. I’ll let you go, mum…” He ran his fingers through his hair, twisting his body around a bit to stretch his back as his mother sighed happily into the phone.   
“Alright darling...take care of yourself, okay? And please try and call your sisters back, they miss you so much, as do I.” Louis grinned and promised her once more, before murmuring an “I love you too” in response and hanging up the call. 

He set his phone down on the bench and ran a hand across his face, finally yawning and closing his eyes for a moment. He was suddenly extremely thankful for his late surgeries tomorrow, knowing that he could simply walk back into Harry’s room and crawl into bed with him for a few hours. He dropped his hand and glanced up at the clock on the wall that was now reading 4 am. After another long yawn, he reached forward and opened his locker, eager to get out of his scrubs at least for a little while and sleep in sweatpants and a normal sweatshirt for once. 

A few minutes later he found himself padding down the hallway in his socks, clutching his phone in one hand and pulling his hood over his head with the other, escaping the puzzled looks from the nurses he was sure he’d receive if they saw him out of uniform. He silently pushed open Harry’s door, stepping inside and shutting it quickly before anyone could see. He beamed happily at his boyfriend’s still sleeping figure on the bed and set his phone down on the bedside table, slowly climbing back into bed with him. His small body slipped easily beneath the covers, biting his lip as Harry shuffled slightly beside him, curling himself closer towards Louis and nuzzling his face deeper into the pillow. 

Louis grinned fondly at him, carefully snaking his arms around Harry’s massive body before nestling himself closer towards him, his cheek falling to rest on top of Harry’s curls before closing his eyes, the two of them falling into silence as Harry’s machines beeped rhythmically around them. 

“Why’d you leave?” Louis’ eyes flew open at the sudden sleepy sound of Harry’s voice, lifting his face slightly off of his curls. Harry shifted slowly in his arms, yawning into his pillow before lifting his own head up a bit, tilting his face towards him. Louis felt his heart rate quicken as he opened his eyes, slightly watery from sleep but still the same calm shade of green, flashing him a weak grin as he squinted. 

“I actually left to call my mum...it’s morning time over in Doncaster, so…” He ran a gentle hand through Harry’s curls as he spoke, moving the hair from his eyes as Harry hummed in response. 

“That’s nice...I don’t call my mum as much as I need to…” he murmured, sliding his large arms around Louis’ small waist. “It’s been, ah...a month, maybe?” 

Louis frowned suddenly, swallowing thickly at his comment. It sounded awful when someone else said it, but...that was practically what he had done to his own mother. 

“Does she know about anything that’s happened, then?” Louis asked him slowly, locking his eyes on Harry’s face as he looked down. Harry shook his head, his nose rubbing against Louis’ collar as he dropped his face back down into the crook of his neck. 

“No...I mean, I text her a few times during the week. But I never told her about...any of this..” He gestured towards the rest of the room with a slight nod of his head as Louis kept running his hand through his hair, chewing on his lip. 

“You really should, Haz...she deserves to know.” Louis realized he hadn’t really asked anything much about Harry’s mum, and didn’t even know if she was a good person or not. Reopening old wounds was not something he wanted to deal with tonight. 

Thankfully, Harry said nothing and simply nodded in agreement, fighting back a large yawn as he did. “I will, promise…” He tilted his face back once more and Louis felt his cheeks flush as Harry flashed him another cheeky grin. “What were you talking to your mum about?” He waggled his eyebrows playfully, Louis trying not to giggle out loud. “Did I scare you with my “husband” name calling?” Louis swore he saw a tiny bit of fear flash across Harry’s green eyes as he playfully joked with him, and he merely smiled in response, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. 

“No, you didn’t...I was actually talking to her about it though. I was asking her why I wasn’t scared by it…” Harry fell silent, his fingertips running delicately along Louis’ back as he kept his face hidden into his neck. Louis was quiet for a moment, gently messing with the ends of Harry’s curls now, staring at the wall opposite of them as he spoke. 

“I asked her if it was normal of me to already be planning our bedroom together...and why I felt the need to stop at every flower shop I see when I leave to get my coffee in the mornings and buy you red flowers because they were on the shirt you were wearing when I first met you.” Harry’s arms suddenly tightened their grip around his body, his face nuzzling even deeper into his neck, the top of his hair tickling Louis’ chin. 

“I told her that even if this man wanted to paint my entire flat a nasty shade of orange I’d let him do it in a heartbeat even though that is really the absolute worst color in the world…” He felt Harry laugh softly into his neck and Louis grinned, sliding his hand from his hair to rub gently at his arm. “It doesn’t matter to me anymore...all that I know now is you.” Louis tilted his face down once more, his breath warm against Harry’s ear as he murmured softly. “She told me all of that was okay, it was great actually...because it signaled that I was in love…” 

A soft sniffle against the skin of his neck caused him to tense up slightly, frowning as he sat up a bit. 

“Harry?” He felt a cool rush of air against his neck and realized it was wet with tears and he lifted his head up even more. “Don’t cry...are you okay? Does it hurt? Do you need something?” 

Harry’s watery laugh, as weak as it was, still sent goosebumps across Louis’ skin and he shook his head quickly, wiping his face and nose with his sleeve. 

“No no, I’m fine Louis...you just…” His voice faltered, fighting back a huge grin which resulted in a dimple that made Louis nearly fall out of the bed altogether. 

“Is it my way with words? My amazing charm?” Louis giggled softly as Harry rolled his eyes, resting his cheek back against the pillow and stared fixedly at him. 

“I suppose it is. I just...I feel really, really lucky to have found you.” And well, if Louis hadn’t have been so exhausted he probably would’ve jumped out of bed and started running laps around the room. 

“The feeling’s mutual,” Louis mumbled breathily into his mouth before kissing him deeply, Harry’s eyes falling shut and his grip growing weak around his waist once more. The rest of the night was a happy, sleepy and jumbled mess, and Louis isn’t really sure how long he slept, if he even did at all. The night was a blur of tired kisses, tangled legs beneath their blanket and a rudely loud and annoying pager going off around 8 am. 

Louis jumped up immediately, his face flying up off the pillow and groaning loudly as he felt the corner of his mouth with his finger, damp with dried drool. Harry giggled sleepily beside him, taking Louis’ pillow and yanking it out from below him, using it to cover up his free ear to block out the pager’s incessant beeping. Louis grinned and tickled his thigh gently before turning over and grabbing the tiny machine, squinting at it tiredly. 

“Ugh, it’s fucking Zayn...needs a damn neuro consult…” He dropped the pager into his lab and rubbed his eyes, rolling to lay flat on his back. Harry peered at him from under his pillow, smiling and flopping it gently over Louis’ face, a loud laugh escaping his lips as Louis dramatically gasped and pretended to fall off the bed. 

“How dare you, I thought you loved me!” Louis jutted out his bottom lip and Harry smiled, reaching out and poking it gently. 

“I’m sorry...I take it back,” he responded, snaking his arms back around Louis’ waist and pulling him closer. “Does Zayn REALLY need that neuro consult?” 

Louis smirked and slid his arm around Harry’s shoulder, rubbing his hand gently up and down his back as he sighed softly. “I’m afraid so...he usually doesn’t page me unless it’s serious…” Harry hummed into his arm, pressing a soft kiss to it as he loosened his grip. 

“Well, go save some lives for me, Doctor...I’ll be here when you finish…” Louis smiled fondly, sliding out of the bed carefully. 

“I’ll tell one of the nurses to bring you another blanket, this room is fucking freezing.” Harry laughed softly, pulling his covers up over his shoulders as he curled up on his side, watching him carefully. 

“It’s really fine...I’m kind of a human space heater…” Louis rolled his eyes, sliding his pager and phone into his jacket pocket. 

“I suppose so…” He leaned forward, pressing his hands on the mattress and planting a soft kiss on Harry’s forehead. “Get some sleep, Curly.” 

Harry grinned happily and nodded, his eyes already drooping shut. “I will, Lou…” He yawned silently, starting to doze off as Louis crept out of the room, shutting the door behind him. 

15 minutes, a change of clothes and a cup of warm (not hot) coffee later found Louis in the neurology ward, rubbing his eyes tiredly as Zayn was shuffling hastily through a brown envelope for MRI scans, talking a mile a minute. 

“I’ve never seen this...like, I know I haven’t been here a long time, but the results just looked so weird…” Louis set his cup down as Zayn finally found what he was looking for, taking the large photo from his hands and scanning it for a moment, frowning. 

“Zayn...there’s nothing wrong with her brain…” He turned the picture sideways, squinting as Zayn nodded quickly. 

“Exactly!” Louis raised an eyebrow, turning his gaze to face him. 

“You woke me up to show me a blank MRI scan?” He set the scan down on the counter, reaching for his coffee in annoyance as Zayn sighed. 

“Look, I know there’s nothing on there. But we’re missing something!” Louis leaned against the counter, watching absentmindedly as a group of interns ran across the ward to try and keep up with their attending, sipping his coffee as Zayn rambled on. “Her parents think she’s faking it...but she seems like she’s in actual pain, with headaches, I don’t know...” He sighed, messing nervously with his envelope. “She’s just a kid, Louis...only 17…” Louis made eye contact with him again, noticing the defeat in his voice. 

“I’ll give her a look, okay?” Zayn’s face lit up, nodding quickly and standing up straighter. 

“Okay, okay…” Louis downed the rest of his coffee, coughing slightly before tossing his cup in the trash and running his fingers through his hair, gesturing for Zayn to lead the way. 

Louis plastered on his signature smile as he stepped through the door, making eye contact with a young, pretty girl with long blonde hair and light brown eyes, lying nervously in her bed and fidgeting with her blanket. Her parents, Louis presumed, were standing on one side of her bed, looking a bit annoyed and bored, her mother with her arms crossed over her chest and her father immediately making a beeline for Zayn. 

“Her scans came up blank, didn’t they? I just wasted hundreds of dollars on a test just to prove even further that my daughter is a liar.” Zayn blinked rapidly, opening and closing his mouth as he clutched the envelope in his arms, struggling to find answers. 

Louis turned towards the man, smiling warmly and extending his arm out towards the man. “Doctor Tomlinson, head of neurology at Mercy Hospital.” The man broke his gaze from Zayn’s face and furrowed his brow, his face twisting into a rather ugly grimace. 

“Head doctor, huh?” His eyes flickered down towards his still outstretched hand, folding his arms to mimic his wife’s beside him. “Maybe you can get us out of here faster.”  
Louis maintained his smile, dropping his hand and turning to face his daughter. “Actually, I came to further examine her....” He walked over to the opposite side of the bed, reaching out his hand once more. “What’s your name, darling?” 

The girl swallowed thickly, reaching out slowly to take her hand. “Rose…” she mumbled, dropping her eyes as Louis nodded. 

“Alright Rose...I’m just gonna check a few things, okay? Don’t worry, shouldn’t take long…” He released his grip on her hand and and reached into his front pocket for his small flashlight, Rose’s mother groaning audibly beside them. 

“She’s fine! Rose, for God’s sake, stop this! Your father and I both know you’re just faking this to get out of school!” Rose’s cheeks flushed bright pink, chewing on her lip as Louis ignored them, tilting her chin up.

“Look forward for me…” He shined the flashlight over both of her eyes, Zayn shuffling nervously beside the parents as her mom stepped closer. 

“Rose, if you don’t stop this right now…” Her mom sounded a hint desperate behind her loud and angry demeanor, her father stepping forward as well.

“This is ridiculous! Wasting our time as well as the hospital’s all because you don’t want to go back to school and face those bullies! Grow up, you’re a junior for God’s sake!” Louis grit his teeth, watching as Rose’s eyes filled with tears, staring fixedly at the wall opposite of her as Louis had instructed her before. 

“Look.” Louis dropped his hand, turning off his flashlight and turning towards the adults in one swift motion, raising his eyebrows. “Yes, her MRI came back clean.” Louis tried to ignore the nasty look Rose’s father shot her as he kept talking. “But an MRI only tells us so much. Doctor Malik was looking out for your daughter and asked my help in a complete neurological exam. I think that the both of you want what’s best for Rose and a little extra examination would benefit greatly.” 

Louis watched as her father’s face seemed to turn an array of nasty purple and red colors, contemplating his words as her mother rubbed her head exasperatedly. Louis glanced over at Zayn, who was staring at a spot on the floor between his shoes before looking back at the parents. 

After a moment, her mother finally nodded, her short blonde hair bobbing against her shoulders as she did. “Okay, that’s fine…” Her voice was soft, avoiding his eyes as her husband fidgeted agitatedly beside her, throwing his hand up in defeat before striding to the window, sighing loudly. 

Louis nodded once, turning and making his way back to Rose, smiling softly. “Alright, let’s continue.” He held up his finger, allowing her eyes to follow it as he moved it in and out of her vision. 

“Good…” he murmured, holding out both of his hands towards her. “Grab my hands and pull as hard as you can.” She followed his instructions, Louis smiling and nodding. 

“Good job…” He dropped her hands once more before stepping away and walking to the end of the bed. “Let’s check reflexes…” He reached into a drawer, pulling out a small hammer. “Knees first.”

He gently tapped on her left knee, blinking slowly as her leg failed to move at all. Rose’s eyes widened, her mother frowning immediately and dropping her arms. Louis maintained his calm demeanor, his face expressionless as he checked her right knee, receiving the same result. Zayn cocked his head to the side, remaining silent as her mom began stuttering. 

“She...her legs...why aren’t the moving?” Louis pursed his lips slightly, setting the hammer down and maneuvering over to the very end of the bed. 

“Tell me if you feel this, Rose.” He reached out, running his knuckle gently along the bottom of her foot. He felt his stomach drop as her face suddenly turned red, breathing shakily. 

“No, I...I can’t feel it…” Her mother gasped loudly, rushing over as her husband broke his gaze away from the window, blinking in surprise. Louis nodded slowly, turning and finding Zayn’s eyes. 

“Take her for a CT and PET, now. Tell them I need it immediately, push anyone else waiting.” Zayn nodded quickly, sliding the envelope under his arm before grabbing Rose’s bed, pushing her out as her mother all but fell into hysterics. 

“What’s wrong with her?! Why can’t she feel her legs?!” Louis turned to face them, taking in her frantic face along with her husband’s dumbfounded and blank one. 

“I don’t know yet, the scans will tell. But I think it’s safe to say she wasn’t faking it.” He excused himself quietly before turning and leaving the room, gripping tightly onto his hammer as he did. 

The day ended up being sort of a nightmare for Louis, being forced to push his previously scheduled surgeries back as Rose’s scans revealed a large tumor pressed up against her lower spine, making surgery for her crucial and immediate. Louis tried his hardest to bite his tongue as her mother sobbed hysterically when he told them the results, clutching to her husband dramatically. He remained silent, rubbing his wife’s back a bit awkwardly, nodding slowly as Louis detailed the steps of their daughter’s surgery.

“She’s already being prepped, I’ll be sending Doctor Malik out periodically to inform you of what’s going on…” His wife looked up in alarm, frowning. 

“We can’t see her beforehand?” Louis shook his head, sighing as they tried to speak over him. “I need to get in there immediately, there’s no telling how long this thing has been growing but it’s putting Rose in danger for permanent paralysis. Now, there’s no telling if the damage hasn’t been done yet, but the faster I get in there the better chance we have.” He pressed his lips together, falling silent as the parents struggled to find words, both looking completely defeated. 

“I know it’s hard. But believe me when I say she’s in the best hands possible.” Louis turned and walked out once more, already tying his cap over his head as he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. 

Let’s just hope he didn’t nick this girl’s spinal cord in the process. 

When he reached the OR, Zayn was already scrubbing in, failing miserably at hiding how scared he was. Louis kept silent, cleaning his hands thoroughly before holding his arms up in front of them, watching as a nurse pulled gloves onto his hands.

“Is she under yet?” He looked up as the anesthesiologist shook his head. 

“Not yet, nearly there…” Louis glanced down at the table, frowning beneath his mask as he caught site of Rose’s pale face, her brown eyes darting around the room. 

“Hang on…” he murmured, keeping his hands up before yanking over a chair with his foot, pulling it to rest beside the table. Rose looked up at him shyly, swallowing thickly as he sat down. 

“I know you’re scared, believe me.” She kept her mouth shut, watching him intently as he spoke. Louis leaned back in his seat a bit, resting his elbows on his thighs. “I also know what it’s like to be bullied, and I knew you weren’t faking it. You get enough negative attention at school...why would you want more at home?” Rose chewed on her lip, struggling to keep it from moving as Louis smiled at her, knowing she wasn’t able to see his mouth but hoped he could see the happy crinkles by his eyes. 

“One time I tried to fake being sick to stay home from school and my mom wouldn’t have it. I ended up going to school and actually got sick while I was there, completely threw up all over myself.” Louis felt himself relax a bit as Rose cracked a smile. “Karma at it’s finest, eh?” He fell silent for a moment, watching her carefully before reaching towards his face, delicately pulling off his mask. 

“I know it’s scary, Rose. I know that it’s been hell having your parents not believe you, and it’s been hell at school and that everything has just really, really sucked in your teenage years.” Rose’s brown eyes were focused onto him, watching his mouth as he spoke before meeting his own blue eyes again. She nodded slowly, swallowing thickly. Louis smiled and reached out to stroke her hair gently, not caring that he’d have to wash his hands again. 

“I promise that I’m gonna fix this, and I’m gonna make them suck even less.” She grinned softly, her eyes lighting up. 

“Thank you, Dr. Tomlinson…” she murmured, taking a steadying breath before turning her head back up to face the ceiling. Louis nodded once and stood up, glancing at the anesthesiologist once more. 

“Go ahead…” he mumbled, flashing another warm smile at Rose as the mask was placed over her mouth, her eyes slowly fluttering shut as he watched. He stayed silent for a moment, watching her fall asleep, before swiftly turning and strolling back to the sinks in the separate room. 

“Malik. A word, please,” he called in what he hoped was a calm, natural voice, although he felt like he might’ve heard a slight waver. Zayn blinked slowly, turning and following suit as Louis made his way back to the sinks. He began scrubbing incessantly at his hands once more, gritting his teeth as Zayn leaned against the counter, watching him carefully. 

“Do you...need something?” Zayn blinked at him in confusion, looking a bit apprehensive as Louis remained silent, his scrubbing growing more and more intense against his hands as the water continued to run. Zayn shifted uncomfortably, opening his mouth to speak again before Louis very nearly exploded. 

“I’m gonna fuck this up. I’m gonna fuck it up and she won’t be able to use her legs. Her parents are already stressed, she’s gonna get teased at school forever and it’s gonna be all my fault.” Zayn raised his eyebrows in alarm, struggling to speak as Louis kept word vomiting. 

“The tumor is huge, it’s pressing on her spinal cord and one wrong cut, one wrong movement in a wrong direction and I’ll nick it. I’ll ruin it if I’m not careful enough. And yes, I’ve done a couple before. But nothing this big and not for a girl who’s only 17, Zayn, do you get that?!” Louis himself was even surprised at the sudden high pitch in his voice, finally stopping to catch a breath and grip onto the cold metal sink as he did, closing his eyes. 

After a moment, he felt a soft hand on top of his shoulder, squeezing the muscle gently. “You’re going to be fine.” And the way he said it...well, Louis kinda believed him for a moment. Zayn had a way of speaking that singled you out from the rest of reality, making sure that he was speaking to you and only you. Louis kept silent for a moment before a soft sigh escaped his lips. 

“You don’t know that.” Because he didn’t. He had botched surgeries before, he wasn’t perfect. Maybe Zayn didn’t think that sometimes because he was an intern. He didn’t realise that the amount of surgical failures does decrease over time, but they still happen. Even the best in Seattle mess up at times. 

Zayn reached over and turned the water off, grabbing a paper towel as he did. “You’re right. I don’t know that.” He handed it to Louis, watching as he stood back up, wiping his hands rather aggressively. “But I do know that you’re very, very talented and that you really don’t need to worry because you’ve got all the support you need in that OR.” Louis smirked slightly and rolled his eyes at the sentiment. 

“I mean, you’re a big help Zayn, but don’t go and flatter yourself,” he joked. Zayn smiled and shook his head. 

“Not me. Someone else.” Louis blinked stupidly at him, throwing his towel in the trashcan. 

“Uh...the scrub nurses? Robbins? They’re supportive, I suppose…” Now it was Zayn’s turn to roll his eyes, though his were a bit more dramatic. 

“Come on, we’ve got a surgery to do.” Louis barely had time to regain focus, feeling himself being dressed in OR gear and hearing the sound of gloves sliding onto his hands, snapping against his skin. He closed his eyes, taking a couple more deep breaths as his mask was tied over his mouth, his glasses being placed over his eyes. 

After the movement and commotion had stopped he opened his eyes once more and found Zayn standing in front of him, looking calm and collected. 

“There’s really no crowd in the gallery, Doctor. Shouldn’t be any pressure...might even be some relief.” His eyes crinkled slightly, Louis knowing he was smiling beneath his mask and he nodded slowly at him, turning his head upward to face the gallery. 

“It IS a morning su-” Louis’ eyes widened as he caught the gaze of Harry’s bright green eyes, sparkling happily from the gallery window. He was wrapped up in a blue hospital robe, clutching onto his mobile IV with one hand and waving goofily at him with the other. Louis blanched for a moment, his mouth moving but no words coming out. Niall was sitting beside him, looking a bit distressed and eyeing Harry carefully every few seconds, along with a couple other stray interns and nurses. 

Louis somehow managed to regain his composure and quickly turned to face Zayn, hissing in what he hoped was a soft tone of voice but was probably loud. 

“Zayn...you do realize having patients in the gallery is a highly illegal thing?” His teeth were gritted in frustration, although another part of his brain was silently cheering. Despite his unnerving amount of anger at Zayn’s action, he had already felt his nerves decrease just by knowing Harry was quite literally watching over him. He wouldn’t be much use or help to him, that’s for sure, but the mere fact that he was there and visibly alive and well was sending Louis’ heart into a frenzy. 

Zayn rolled his eyes at Louis, adjusting his mask as he spoke. “Liam’s got a valve replacement going on right now, it’s gonna take hours. Niall is Harry’s watchdog, he’ll get any info if Liam starts coming down here. The nurses know, everyone in here knows…” He gestured around behind him as Louis scanned the faces of his team around him a bit nervously. Dr. Robbins flashed a cheeky grin at him, bouncing happily in her signature bubbly way. Zayn shrugged, dropping his hands. “It’s going to be fine. I thought you could use some support.” 

Louis eyed him carefully, raising an eyebrow. “I thought interns were supposed to follow the rules, not break them.” In his mind he knew Zayn meant well, and he appreciated the gesture. But still...there was the nagging sensation in the back of his mind that feared he was going to mess up everything right in front of Harry’s eyes, make himself look like an idiot and ruin any type of image Harry had created for him. Zayn stared at him coolly, restraining himself from responding as Niall’s voice rang out from a speaker above him. 

“Lo-Dr. Tomlinson, you’re amazing at what you do. It’ll be fine, I’m on the lookout and I’ll make sure Harry stays well.” Louis glanced back up above him, watching as Niall leaned against the side of the wall, his hand pressed against the speaker button. Harry was grinning happily at him, and before Niall could protest or Louis could potentially pass out Harry was up and walking over, his mouth hovering above the speaker before Louis could say a word. 

“Remember what I said this morning: save a life for me, Doctor.” 

Louis swore he had never blushed so deeply in his life; it felt as if his entire body had suddenly ignited and burst into flames. He blinked rapidly as Harry smirked at him, sitting back down at his spot on the bench as the sound of nurses giggling began to surround Louis, Niall looking a bit dumbstruck as he flopped back down beside Harry, pretending to suddenly be very interested in his pager. 

Zayn looked around amusedly, smiling as Dr. Robbins walked over and clapped Louis playfully on the back, grinning. “Shall we begin, Doctor?” Another fit of giggles interrupted Louis’ thoughts, the scrub nurses making their way to their various spots around the table as he smiled fondly, chewing on his lip for a moment before nodding. 

“Let’s save dear Rose’s life today.” 

That children’s game Operation, the one with all the beeping and buzzing and the dude’s nose that lights up? Louis figures it’s probably the most accurate depiction of a surgery every created, beating out even the robotic machines and dummies used in medical school. Even the tiniest touch on the outer edge of the man’s wound, the smallest mess up or fumble resulted in a nerve wracking and loud noise, not only scaring you but everyone else around you. Now, when you were a kid, the action was forgivable. You laughed it off, your friends giggled and took the tool from you, eager to try it out on their own. That wasn’t the case in real life. 

“What the hell is happening?!” Louis barely recognized his own voice as he barked out his question loudly, trying his hardest to keep his hands steady right above Rose’s opened and exposed back and spinal cord. Dr. Robbins fled his side immediately, Louis trying not to focus on the loud beeping ringing through his ears. 

“BP is dropping, there’s gotta be a bleed somewhere…” Louis fell silent, suddenly feeling nauseous as he scanned the open wound in front of him quickly, praying to God that he hadn’t fucked something up. 

Maybe he was imagining it, but he could swear he felt Harry’s eyes on the back of his head, watching him as intently as possible. He restrained himself from turning to check, instead moving his hands a bit and squinting at his patient. 

“There, I see it…” He dropped his tools back onto the table and reached his hand out automatically, grasping a cauterizer as a nurse hurriedly thrust it into his hands. Zayn was shifting back and forth beside him, silent, and Louis tried to ignore the glances he kept shooting up at the gallery every few seconds. He bit his lip, swallowing hard before gently maneuvering his way around the open wound. This was the tricky part; the bleed was visible, but it was located somewhere behind her spinal cord. One wrong movement or turn could potentially paralyze her instantly, something Louis definitely didn’t need on his conscience, not now, not ever. 

The beeping was getting louder, and somehow Louis realized he was still frozen above his patient, his hands hovering and wavering slightly as time kept ticking on. He faintly heard the sound of people standing up in the gallery, of the benches scraping against the tile floor as the onslaught of nurses and doctors stood up to watch him carefully, and Louis could all but feel holes being burned into the back of his head. 

Dr. Robbins was fidgeting now, as she always did when she was nervous. “Louis...” she murmured coolly, staring fixedly at Rose’s monitor. “It’s still dropping…” There was a note of hysteria in her voice, as there should be. Louis swallowed again, morally debating whether to throw up or run out or possibly both, when the sudden hollow sound of a hand hitting glass broke him from his reverie. He jerked his head up automatically towards the noise, the rest of his staff following suit to gaze at the gallery. 

Harry’s hand was pressed against the glass, his eyes wide with fear and he was visibly distraught. “Louis, go! It’s okay! You can get it, but you have to hurry!” Niall was sitting beside him, a deep shade of red and looking horrified with his obviously poor babysitting skills. He seemed to morally debate getting up and all but shoving him from the room as Harry locked eyes with Louis.

God dammit, how did he do that? Instantly, Louis felt as if all the air in the room had been drained out, as if he and Harry were suddenly the only two people in the room. It was quite dramatic, being separated by a glass wall and Harry really did look like a damsel in distress, his long curls falling past his shoulders and his large palms pressed against the window. His gorgeous green eyes were still breathtakingly stunning, despite the deep look of fear in them, and for a moment Louis just wanted nothing more but to escape his gaze, escape the potential risk of him looking like an idiot not only in front of his colleagues, but Harry as well. 

Zayn sucked in a loud breath, clenching his fists in distress as the monitor kept shrieking louder and louder. Another loud pound against the glass, this time a bench noise following suit as Niall hurried forward to pull Harry back.

“Louis, what are you waiting for?! Go!” And suddenly Louis’ hands were moving again, very careful but quick in nature. Zayn was still mute beside him, Dr. Robbins frantically pacing back and forth as Louis carefully maneuvered his way around Rose’s spinal cord. He kept a firm grip on his cauterizer, biting down hard on his bottom lip as he sectioned off the bleed. 

A low, hissing noise, followed by a bit of smoke and the raunchy smell of a burned vein finally allowed the room to relax, Zayn’s long held in breath finally escaping. Louis swallowed thickly, pulling his hand back and dropping the tool, keeping his eyes fixated on his patent. 

“Suction, please…” he murmured, taking the tool from a somewhat shaky hand from a nurse beside him. For a moment, Louis internally debated looking up at the gallery, but somehow his head seemed to be thinking differently and he found his head craning up to see. 

Harry was smiling faintly, seated back on his bench, looking a bit pale, his face drained of color. He was messing idly with his IV on his arm, looking smugly satisfied with himself and showed no intent of speaking again as Niall kept shooting him looks at his side. Louis locked eye contact for a moment, before turning back down and getting back to his job.   
The whole surgery didn’t last long after Louis removed the tumor, thank God; there were no more bleeds, no more scares. He had Zayn attach the electronic shocks to Rose’s legs before she woke up, and almost cried in relief when her legs responded with movement. No paralyzation...Louis gets to keep his job another day. 

He grinned wearily as the staff around him burst into applause, clapping happily at his success. He reached up and pulled off his cap, awkwardly staring at the ground. He had never handled praise well; he hadn’t ever seen his job as something heroic. It was just the right thing to do. He felt his cheeks heat up even more as he realized the clapping was exceptionally loud from the gallery upstairs, and he knew for damn sure it wasn’t coming from Niall. Well, then again, maybe it was a last ditch attempt to save his ass after he failed miserably at babysitting Harry. For a moment, Louis really wasn’t going to look, was just going to keep smiling bashfully at Zayn and Arizona Robbins, bless her heart. But, then again...why not? 

He looked up and felt his chest swell with happiness, restraining the urge to grin like a child as he crossed his arms across his chest. Harry was all but jumping for him, clapping quicker than anyone else in the room. He didn’t seem to notice the weird stares he was getting, making Louis want to quite literally giggle out loud. He locked eyes with him once more and Harry beamed, his perfect plump, pink lips quickly mouthing out the words that were almost too quick for Louis to catch. 

“I love you, Lou.” 

Louis’ fond gasp was thankfully cut short as Arizona clapped him happily on the back, steering him towards the scrub room as everyone began shuffling out. “Time to go inform her parents of a job well done!” she exclaimed almost giddily, and Louis was forced to break away as he followed her out, silently trying to will all of the blood that had suddenly rushed to his cheeks to go away again. 

Surprisingly, Louis was able to withstand the loud, dramatic crying from Rose’s parents that rivaled a soap operas when he informed them that, yes, their daughter was alive and not paralyzed. He braced himself against the onslaught of hugs and, in her mother’s case, kisses of gratitude and thanks, mumbling bashfully that “it was just his job, he was just doing his job”. Arizona graciously offered to file the rest of her paperwork, commenting that since Rose was underage she was technically her patient in the pediatrics ward. 

“You did good today, Louis,” she said, grinning as Louis helped her gather up Rose’s binders. “You deserve a break. Plus, you seem a bit tired. And I’m pretty sure there’s an adoring fan wandering the halls of this hospital looking to praise you some more.” Louis nearly dropped the last binder in shock, Arizona smiling back at him, looking completely unfazed. “Am I wrong?” She mused, giggling as Louis dropped the binder into her arms and gave her a what he meant to be sour looking face. 

“I mean...no, but don’t talk about it out here!” She rolled her eyes and turned her back, her blonde ponytail nearly hitting him in the face as she strode off down the hallway.   
“It’s not like it’s a secret anymore!” she called out behind her, and Louis felt his heart rate pick up speed. 

Well...she was right. After that escapade that had happened in the OR earlier, not to mention the fucking plot Zayn had set up with everyone on his team to sneak Harry in...it wasn’t long until the entire hospital found out they were a thing. And honestly, despite Louis’ feeble attempts to stay professional all his life...he didn’t care anymore. So what if he had fallen for a patient? He had seen it happen before. Patients were just people, no different from his co workers or friends outside of work. You couldn’t stop true love. 

Ugh, disgusting, Louis mused to himself, shaking his head and setting off down the hallway to the locker rooms. He was starting to sound like Fizzy and Lottie. His mum would crack up. 

One long, hot shower, a new change of clothes, and a large cup of coffee later found Louis padding his way down the hallway in a pair of house shoes he had found shoved in the bottom of his bag. He glanced at the clock as he walked by, smiling to himself as he realized he still had half an hour of visiting time left. Not that he was going to listen to it, he planned on sneaking in and staying the night again.

He pushed open the door to Harry’s room and froze in place, blinking at the empty bed in front of him. His blankets were pushed off to the side, the TV turned on and playing softly in the background...but no Harry. He stepped inside slowly and shut the door behind him with his foot, carefully scanning the room as he clutched his coffee cup tightly.   
“Curly?...Harry, where’d you go?” He slowly began making his way towards the bathroom, frowning when he pushed it open and found it empty. He backed up a bit, moving to turn around again when he suddenly shrieked out loud, the sudden impact of a heavy body landing on his back knocking the wind out of him. 

“Louis, what the fuck?! That was AMAZING today, you literally saved her life! You got the ENTIRE tumor out!” Louis struggled to keep the lid on his coffee, reaching out to grab it with both hands as he felt large arms begin to snake around his neck, fighting the urge to grin. 

“Oi, I drank one fucking sip of this coffee! Don’t make me drop it!” he yelled playfully, reaching forward and setting it down as Harry climbed down from his back, smiling sheepishly at him. 

“Sorry…” he mumbled in response, backing up as Louis turned to face him, squinting and placing his hands on his hips. 

“Any reason you hid and tried to scare me like that?” Harry’s grin grew wider, shrugging as he fidgeted with his hands in front of him. 

“Not really. I just wanted to jump on your back, really. And no, I didn’t rip any stitches. I knew you’d ask.” He raised an eyebrow as Louis’ mouth open and closed almost instantly, trying to play it off. 

“Well...thanks, I guess…” he responded, dropping his arms from his chest. Harry merely stared at him coolly, pursing his lips slightly as he fought back a smirk.

“You’re welcome, Doctor.” Fuck. Louis really didn’t mean for Harry to hear the audible rattle of his breath in his chest as he gasped involuntarily, his body tensing up slightly and his palm rubbing up against the side of his thigh. Harry remained silent and still, refusing to break eye contact with him. Louis swallowed thickly, his eyes falling to rest upon his lips, all pink and swollen already, suddenly thinking about how much shinier and bigger he could get them with a few select kisses. 

Harry, however, seemed to beat him to it, and suddenly Louis found himself with his back on the bed and his arms pinned above his head, Harry’s tongue hungrily burying itself within his mouth. Louis moaned in response, his eyes fluttering shut and his back arching involuntarily, wanting nothing more than to press himself up against Harry’s warm body.   
Call him crazy, or maybe it was a moment of pure stupidity, but right in the middle of Harry giving him a particularly large hickey on his collarbone Louis suddenly pushed him away, panting for air as Harry stared at him confusedly, his lips shiny and wet above him. 

“Is something wrong? Am I hurting you?” His fingers reached out and touched the newly forming bruise on his skin and Louis had to laugh, shaking his head quickly. 

“No no, of course not...I just…” He bit his lip, dropping his hands from Harry’s neck and watching him for a moment, wondering if he was going fucking insane. 

Harry furrowed his brow, looking more and more lost with each passing second before Louis sighed in defeat. 

“I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the nursery and see our little miracle baby before visiting hours end.” Louis cringed internally, wondering how the hell he had just managed to stop a full on makeout session to go see a baby down the hallway. Granted, he wasn’t going to let Harry know that he actually really wanted to see the baby, see what progress she had made and maybe even hold her for awhile...he wasn’t that type of guy. But for some reason...seeing Harry with babies sent his heart into a frenzy, gave him this weird warm feeling that he had never experienced before and quite frankly, it was wonderful. Okay, he was getting soft. So shoot him. 

Harry, however, didn’t seemed to realize any of this and his face automatically lit up, smiling happily at him as he sat up quickly on the bed. 

“Really?!” he exclaimed, already sliding off the bed as Louis giggled softly. 

“Yes, Curly, really.” He tried not to swoon at how ecstatic Harry looked, all but bouncing around the room as he got up off the bed, sliding his shoes back on. “You’re gonna have to be in a wheelchair, no walking or else I’ll get dirty looks from the nurses.” Harry pouted automatically, Louis ignoring his protests as he walked across the room and pulled out the chair. 

“But I’m fine, Lou! I jumped on you earlier, for God’s sake!” Louis rolled his eyes and pushed the chair over, smirking at him. 

“All the more reason to let me push you. No more sneaking up on me.” He gestured to the seat in front of him and Harry grimaced, reluctantly flopping down to sit on the uncomfortable plastic. 

“I hate this thing, it hurts my bum,” he mused unhappily, propping his elbow against the armrest and resting his cheek on his palm, still pouting as Louis grinned and began pushing him out. 

“Ah, that’s a right shame...your bum hasn’t even experienced true pain yet.” And now it was Louis’ turn to revel in the sudden blush on Harry’s face, to silently smirk and stare ahead as Harry squirmed in his chair, suddenly unable to find any words. 

Louis managed to get them there 15 minutes before the ward closed off visitors, and Harry was all but bouncing in his chair as they got off the elevator, already waiting to look into the nursery window. He looked up and frowned suddenly, stopping in place and gripping tightly onto the handles of the wheelchair. 

Arizona was standing outside of the nursery, talking to a young man with dark brown hair, quickly reading out and gesturing to a pile of paperwork in her hands. A nurse was standing beside her, carefully shoving a variety of items into a plain looking diaper bag, one of the dull looking grey ones that were standard for Mercy Hospital. Louis swallowed thickly, falling silent as his eyes fell to the baby that the man was cradling against his chest, already realizing who it was before he could even ask. Harry seemed to do the same thing, sinking back a bit lower into his chair as Arizona looked up at the both of them and smiled, although it didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Dr. Tomlinson, Harry…” Louis blinked at her for a moment before making eye contact with the nervous looking man again. 

“Hello, Dr. Robbins…” Harry nodded feebly in response, his thumb tapping absentmindedly against the side of his chair. 

Arizona gave them both a brief pitying look before resuming her usual sunny smile and gesturing to the man beside her. 

“This is Gavin...our little miracle baby’s dad.” Louis felt all the color drain from his cheeks, his knees going weak as the man gave him a weak smile. Did he have any idea he was the doctor who hadn’t been able to save the life of his baby’s mother, of his potential wife or girlfriend? 

Louis struggled for a moment, Arizona thankfully talking over him as she closed up her folder. 

“Gavin here just got back from overseas. He wasn’t able to fly back when he wanted to, but...he knows what happened, And he knows that there was very little that any doctor could’ve done for his fiancee.” Oh God, Louis wanted to throw up all over the linoleum floor. His hands were sweating against the handles, struggling to maintain a calm face as Gavin sighed a bit. 

“These things...they happen. Trust me, I know,” he mused, shifting the baby around in his arms a bit, biting his lip. “But I’m not on active duty anymore; I finished my tour early. They let me come back home so I could take care of her…” He looked down at the sleeping infant in his arms and Louis watched his face melt with happiness, watched as he softened up immediately. “I mean...being at home with her...that beats any shitty camp in Afghanistan, you know?” He looked back up and made eye contact with Louis again. He merely nodded in response, plastering on a fake smile, hoping he couldn’t see right through it. 

“Well...we’re very happy she has a family to go home with now…” he murmured, his hand automatically loosening its grip on the handle and sliding down softly against Harry’s arm, rubbing reassuring circles against his skin. Gavin smiled and nodded, looking back towards Arizona as she had him sign a couple more forms. 

Louis shot a look down at Harry, biting his lip as he scanned his face. He looked...well, sad was the only way to put it, really. Louis looked up in front of him, carefully sneaking a soft kiss onto Harry’s cheek while they weren’t looking. Harry relaxed a bit more, cracking a bit of a smile before Arizona and the nurse began leading Gavin and his daughter to the door. 

“Don’t be afraid to call us if you get confused or have any questions, we know how hard this must be,” Arizona mused, the nurse helping him put the strap of the diaper bag on his shoulder. Louis slowly turned Harry’s chair to face them, both of them watching in silence as their miracle baby was being taken away. Gavin nodded quickly, and Louis had to hand it to him, he was good at hiding any sort of fear off his face. Hell, maybe he wasn’t scared at all. That was a very soldierly thing to be, he figured. 

Arizona and the nurse finally stepped out of the elevator and Gavin gave them grateful smiles. 

“Thank you, all of you…” He glanced at Harry and Louis briefly and Louis willed the elevator doors to close faster, to get him away from his dead patient’s fiance as soon as possible. 

Harry remained quiet, watching him carefully but suddenly he had burst from his chair, running over quickly to catch the doors. 

“Wait!” Gavin looked up and blinked in surprise, holding his hand out and stopping the doors from closing. 

Louis watched in awe as Harry seemed to struggle with his words for a second, his eyes flickering back and forth between Gavin and his daughter. Finally, he dropped his hands and stared Gavin directly in the eye. 

“She likes to be rocked to sleep...the rocking chair is her favorite, but if you pace around the room that’ll do too.” Louis felt relief washed over him as Gavin gave him another thankful grin, nodding in response. 

“Thank you…” He reached out and patted Harry on the shoulder before dropping his hand. Harry stepped back slowly, messing with his thumbs in front of his chest and watching sadly as the doors shut in front of them with a soft ding. 

The air was a bit awkward for a moment, Arizona and the nurse staring puzzledly at Harry before Louis immediately walked over, taking his hand and moving him back to his chair without a word. 

Arizona seemed to get the memo and turned to the nurse, making up some sort of question about the babies in the nursery before the pair began to walk out, leaving Harry and Louis alone in the hallway. 

Louis tapped his fingers faintly against the edge of the chair’s handle, not really quite sure what to say. It was truly a lovely thing...their miracle baby now had a home. No more hospital beds, no more waking up to unfamiliar faces and being surrounded by other sick and crying babies all day long. Hadn’t they been hoping for her to get her own family, her own home? Louis sighed softly, making his way around to Harry’s front and kneeling down in front of him, resting his hand against his knee, rubbing it gently. 

“Are you alright?” Louis felt his body relax as Harry looked up at him, giving a faint smile and nodding. He wasn’t crying; that was a good sign. Harry reached out and touched his cheek, running a fingertip along his jawline. 

“I’m fine...I’m glad she’s got a new home, and a dad to take care of her...I’m just gonna miss her…” Louis leaned into his touch, closing his eyes for a moment and nodding in agreement. 

“I know, love...but I’m sure she’ll be back for appointments, and stuff…” He opened his eyes again and smiled as he watched Harry grin. 

“You’re right...plus, there’s plenty other babies for me to love on. I’ll just wait for them to get homes, too.” Louis laughed softly, sliding his hand down from his knee and standing up. 

“Speaking of homes…” Harry’s gaze followed him as he stood up straight, reaching out and running his fingers through his curls. “I can’t wait until you come live with me in mine.” 

Harry grinned happily, his cheeks turning a bit pink as he looked down at his lap again, Louis making his way behind him to push them back towards the elevator. 

“Me too...maybe one day we can have our own actual house...you know, with a backyard, and a pool, even...big kitchen, even bigger master bedroom…” Louis smiled fondly, pressing the button and pushing them both inside. 

“Are you saying you want a mansion, Styles?” He leaned against the back wall, tilting his head as Harry rolled his eyes. 

“No. I mean, I don’t really care about what the actual house looks like, I guess.” He turned to face behind him, tilting his head upwards towards Louis.

“Anywhere that I’m with you is my real home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave kudos if you enjoyed, and comments if you loved or hated it. I welcome all types of criticism!   
> Just a reminder that the Twitter account for this fic is @greyslarryau adn my main is @fingerkisslou. Feel free to talk to me on there as well. Chapter 7 will be coming soon!   
> Love you all x


	7. it's been so long, we must be fireproof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So...do you wanna go to your old place right now? Give us enough time to get everything…” Louis bumped his bum back and forth against the counter, eyeing Harry a bit nervously from his spot beside him.  
> Harry remained quiet, scrubbing at their plates carefully before he turned the water off, turning to face him.   
> “I mean...I guess today is better than never…” He gripped the counter behind him with his hands, a lock of hair falling from his bun into his eyes. Louis stared awkwardly at the floor for a moment, running his socked feet along the tile floor before looking back up.   
> “Well...I’ll be there with you. If it gets to be too much, we can always leave and try again later. Or just...not go back. I’ll replace everything you lost…” Harry smiled softly, lifting his hands from behind him and reaching over and sliding his arms around his waist.   
> “Thank you darling…” He gently pulled Louis forward, pressing his lips to his forehead as Louis hugged him back, burying his face into his chest.   
> “You’re welcome…” he murmured softly, feeling his cheeks heat up against Harry’s shirt. 
> 
> louis gets to know harry a little bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! i'm so sorry this took so long, i promise i will be writing as much as i can this summer when i'm not at work. thank you so much if you're still reading this!   
> there is some smut in this, nothing major but it's still something ;)

Most people kept calendars at their jobs, or at the very least seemed to remember what day of the week it was, hopefully the actual date as well. Louis had never particularly been lax in this department, and was usually the friend who knew what was going on, but the next couple of weeks with Harry all seemed to blur together in a way he couldn’t keep up with. 

It wasn’t like they were crazy or wild in any particular way; actually, he had come to develop a sort of routine. Wake up, stop at the bakery on the way to work, buy himself and Harry breakfast (he became quite good at sneaking in two cups of coffee instead of just one), eat hastily, go for rounds with this year’s semi-idiotic interns, get through a couple surgeries (that was on a slow day, sometimes he found himself still in the OR the next morning), tell Harry goodnight, go home, repeat. It wasn’t unusual, per se, although the looks he kept getting from his colleagues said otherwise. Each day was different, and when he found breaks he would grab food from the cafeteria and make a beeline for Harry’s room, closing the door behind them and sometimes even kicking out nurses and other doctors so he could have his private time with his boyfriend. Perks of being one of the stars of Mercy Hospital. 

Zayn and Niall didn’t seem to mind; they had their own lives to deal with. Liam had been seen many times following Zayn around like a lost puppy, shoving various paint and carpet swatches in his face and begging him to decide on colors because the people needed to know immediately. Apparently moving in consisted of redecorating the entire house, something Zayn had failed to realize when he agreed to it. It was actually really funny to Louis, watching the chief of surgery and the boss of the entire hospital following around an intern who sometimes seemed to have no interest into what was happening; it seemed a little bit backwards is all. Meanwhile Niall was going steady with some redheaded OB nurse and Louis thought it was goddamn adorable, the way the two of them tried to keep it a secret for a week and then gave up entirely because they couldn’t stop touching each other. Louis had been working there long enough to know to stay out of the on call rooms at certain times of the day and Niall quickly figured out when he and his newfound girl could sneak in. 

All of this he relayed to Harry daily, laying halfway on the side of his bed beside him and talking through mouthfuls of food as one leg dangled off the bed and the other hooked around Harry’s ankle to keep him on the mattress, doing all the gossiping as Harry chewed quietly and listened. 

“I’ve yet to walk in on them; I’m afraid Niall would literally die of embarassment if that ever happened, but I feel like he’s going to forget to lock the door one day.” Harry snickered loudly into his sandwich, nearly choking as Louis finished a bottle of water. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right…” Louis grinned and set his empty bottle down, scooting his body a bit closer to lay on his side and face Harry directly. 

“Aren’t I always?” he retorted cheekily, causing Harry to roll his eyes and wave his sandwich haughtily at him before taking another bite. It was only around 6 in the evening, but Louis’ shift was ending early tonight because of a cancelled surgery. He toed off his sneakers slowly and carefully as Harry finished up before snuggling closer to his boyfriend, rubbing his eye tiredly against one of the pillows. “Want me to stay the night?”

Harry hummed quietly, setting his empty tray down on the bedside table before snaking his arms around Louis’ delicate body, resting his chin on his head. 

“It’s not comfortable here, I don’t want you to waste your one good night of sleep in this shitty bed…” Louis grumbled playfully into the pillow, lifting his face up. 

“You didn’t answer my question, Curly. I asked if you wanted me to.” He raised an eyebrow as Harry narrowed his eyes at him, gazing at him almost stupidly. 

“Well, of course I do but I’m not gonna make you s-” Louis shushed him quickly, placing a finger over his lips before reaching below him and yanking up the covers, sliding his little body beneath them as Harry’s face broke out into a grin. 

“You’re not making me do anything. I want to stay.” Louis said simply, feeling his scrub shirt hike up his side as Harry tilted his head. 

“Mmm, I guess I can’t make you go...that’d be cruel…” Louis was about to nod in response, smirk at him because well, he always won, when Harry’s cool hand suddenly made contact with his warm skin beneath the blankets, causing an audible gasp to sound from his lips instead. Harry remained expressionless, refusing to break eye contact with Louis as he began to run his hand slowly up his side, pulling his shirt up even further. 

“I’d never be cruel to you, Louis...you’re always so good to me. I should learn to do the same.” Louis’ head was spinning even before Harry’s fingers made contact with his nipple and he quite literally almost jerked out of the bed, struggling to figure out how to breathe again and blinking rapidly. Harry’s monotone voice wasn’t helping either, and Louis thought he almost looked bored with the prospect of fondling his boyfriend. Louis nearly hissed out loud as his hand started travelling farther and farther downward, causing his hips to jolt forward as Harry’s finger slid its way under the waistband of his scrub pants. 

Louis would never admit it out loud, but the lack of sex was downright stifling. Ever since the last attempt, which ended up with Harry literally dying, neither had seemed too keen to continue it afterwards. Both of them knew it had nothing to do with the actual sex and that it was Harry’s body just being a piece of shit (as he had so lovingly put himself), but it still scared both of them, even if they wouldn’t admit to it. 

However, since it had been a fair few weeks since all of that, Harry had grown increasingly daring in his…”handsy” endeavours. What had started out as innocent cuddling had suddenly developed into fondling and, most recently, a handjob a couple days before that had left both of them sweating and grinning like a pair of teenage idiots in the back of a car. Louis wasn’t gonna lie to himself, the touching was nice and the handjob was quite honestly one of the best ones he had ever received, despite it being very rushed due to the fact that Harry was due for an MRI and Louis had a craniotomy to perform right after. He greatly enjoyed being pampered, but deep down he was wondering when he was ever going to be allowed to touch Harry like that again. It wasn’t like Harry didn’t trust him...things had just played out rather strangely and now Louis felt as if his boyfriend were afraid of trying anything. It was understandable, really; the incident had happened only a month and a half before...it was more psychological than anything. But Louis wasn’t one for giving up, and he knew someday he’d break Harry from it.

But, until then, the handjobs would be more than enough to compensate. 

Louis bit his bottom lip and managed to swallow back a moan as Harry’s long fingers began sliding down the front of his pants, cupping the front of his boxer briefs as he did. Louis threw his head back involuntarily, hitting the pillow below him rather harshly as a groan echoed audibly throughout the room. Harry raised an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side slightly before gently beginning to fondle his balls, Louis cursing the thin fabric for not protecting him from his boyfriend’s huge fucking hands.

“You don’t want someone to hear us, do you? Don’t want to pull a Niall and have someone walk in…” His voice was soft and cheeky and Louis wanted to scream, feeling his fingernails digging into the mattress below him as Harry began to lean forward, his breath hot against his neck. “Stay quiet for me, Doctor…” And for a moment Louis swore he was somehow transported back to the age of 14 because he was quite literally about to come all over himself if the door hadn’t suddenly opened. 

Louis had no idea how Harry got his hand out of his pants so fast and managed to sit up straight and smile up at Liam’s looming figure walking inside, inconspicuously yanking up the blanket to cover up Louis’ rapidly growing boner as Liam gasped loudly. 

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize…” He blinked rapidly and held a hand up quickly, blocking the bed from his eyesight before turning around quickly, Louis watching the back of his neck turn visibly red through his swimming vision. 

“It’s fine, Chief Payne. Louis and I were just falling asleep.” Louis was almost revolted at how good of a liar he was as he tried his hardest not to squirm beneath the covers, refusing to look at nothing else now except the ceiling above him. Liam was still stammering slightly and Louis felt his cheeks begin to heat up. 

“I just came in here to tell you that Harry is officially discharged, and I’m giving you the weekend off, Louis.” Harry stiffened slightly beside him and Louis shot his head up suddenly, raising an eyebrow. 

“He’s....officially discharged?” Liam looked slightly guilty as he turned back around to face them, nodding.

“He’s good to go, I promise. Ran every test I could and he passed them all beautifully. I can show you the results if you want.” Louis blinked slowly, inching himself to sit up on the bed. Harry was silent beside him, fidgeting idly with one of the IV’s in his wrist. Liam scratched at his head awkwardly, watching them both. 

“Louis, you’ve been working your ass off for a month. You need a couple days off, and take Harry home with you. Settle in together, that’s what Zayn and I are doing this weekend.” he added cheerfully, as if trying to lighten up the suddenly uneasy mood that had overtaken the room. Louis nodded slowly, looking up after a moment. 

“You’re sure he’s okay to go home?” Liam nodded quickly, his eyes softening. 

“I promise, Louis. He’s perfectly fine now.” Louis eyed him for a few more seconds before turning to face Harry, scanning the side of his face quietly.

“Hear that, Curly? You get to come home and sleep in an actual bed with me now…” Louis felt relief wash over him as Harry grinned, nodding and looking up to meet his cerulean eyes with his green ones. 

“That sounds wonderful, Lou,” he murmured happily as Liam clapped his hands together loudly. 

“Excellent! I’ll send the nurses down in a few minutes to discharge him.” Louis looked up and stifled a giggle as he all but bounded from the room, eyeing Harry again as the door shut. 

“Damn, I’m sorry I’m not that excited about you moving in with me.” Harry giggled softly, shrugging his shoulders. 

“I’d be appalled if you were. No one needs to be that excited for anything.” Louis smiled and leaned forward for a kiss before Harry held a hand up to stop him, covering his mouth gently before murmuring. 

“Let’s take care of our little...situation before the nurses show up.” 

And yeah, Louis was really fucking sure he loved this man. 

By the time 8 o’clock rolled on by, Louis had Harry’s hand gripped within his own and was quickly pulling an umbrella from his bag hanging off his shoulder, jerking it open as they approached the large front glass doors and saw the heavy rain falling from the sky. Harry paused for a moment, reaching over to help and smiling softly as Louis pushed the door open in front of him, letting him go first while holding the black umbrella over his head simultaneously. The rain was deafening and Louis grinned as Harry curled up close to his side in order to try and fit both of them underneath their measly shield from the storm. Louis quickly tucked an arm around his waist before the two of them began sprinting towards the parking lot, Harry giggling loudly as Louis struggled to keep up with his longer legs and longer strides. 

“You little shit, you WANT me to get all wet!” Harry laughed harder and shook his head, finally approaching Louis’ car and turning to face him. 

“No I don’t! You were just lagging behind with the umbrella and I wanted to stay dry!” Louis smirked, scanning his face quickly as Harry stood in front of the passenger door, his hands fidgeting behind his back as he smiled sheepishly back at him. 

More often than not, Louis was starting to experience tunnel vision, the kind of thing that new moms experienced a lot when they see their newborn babies for the first time. He remembered one patient in particular from a long time ago, after he had assisted in an emergency C-section during his residency years, who had been cradling her baby in her arms and kept telling the doctors over and over that she could “see nothing else but him…” She had described it like a tunnel, and when further researching it he realized it was an actual thing. It didn’t always happen to new moms, and it wasn’t only for them either. During an extreme trauma, Louis found that victims usually latched onto one person during the crisis as a sort of rock, something to hold onto in order to get through it. It was not uncommon for him to see, but he had never thought he’d be experiencing it too.

But Harry...with Harry, he couldn’t help it sometimes. He didn’t mean for the entire world around him to drown out, didn’t mean for his vision to focus solely on those plump pink lips or those long eyelashes that curled so delicately and made Louis’ heart flutter every time he blinked. No, he didn’t do any of that on purpose. It just sort of...happened. 

And that’s why Louis found himself dropping the umbrella suddenly, honestly not realizing he was doing it until it hit the ground and he felt the heavy downpour of water begin to soak him, and even then he didn’t try and stop. Harry squeaked loudly, blinking rapidly up at the rain and opening his mouth to protest but Louis beat him to it. 

His hands found the sides of his boyfriend’s face immediately, pulling him down to meet his lips. It was wetter than Louis had anticipated, but he figured that was due to the rain having suddenly gained speed. He was pretty sure God was laughing at them or something. Harry took a moment to register what was happening, his lips frozen against Louis’ but then suddenly his hands were on Louis’ hips, sliding around quickly to his lower back and pulling him forward, deepening the kiss as Louis found his chest being pressed against Harry’s stomach. Louis hummed contentedly into his mouth, his eyes falling shut as he slid his hands down the sides of his boyfriend’s neck and onto his shoulders, gasping slightly as Harry’s own hands quickly slid beneath his bum, squeezing his cheeks tightly. 

“Harry Styles!” he snapped loudly, looking up at him with wide eyes as Harry smirked silently back in response, squinting at him through the rain. 

“You’re right; I shouldn’t be fondling you in the middle of a storm. We might get struck by lightning.” Louis couldn’t stop the loud cackle that escaped his lips as he realized how strange this entire situation was. 

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to kiss you in the rain. You know, like in the movies!” he called out over a particularly loud clap of thunder. Harry scrunched his nose up, tilting his head to the side as his hair dripped constantly onto his shoulders and Louis’ small hands. 

“How sickly romantic of you, Doctor.” Louis suddenly felt as if his chest were closing in on itself and nearly choked for a breath of air, staring stupidly at Harry for a moment. 

“Get in the damn car.” 

Louis was actually very thankful for his leather interior as the two of them sped off (well, not really sped; Harry was worried they’d spin out in the water if he drove too fast), towards home. Easier to clean, wouldn’t smell all mildewy for weeks afterward. Harry had pulled his hair up into a very wet bun in order to prevent it from dripping everywhere but all it had managed to do was create a steady stream of water flowing down his back, beneath his shirt. Louis kept shaking his hair out like a dog, mainly because it pissed Harry off but also because it kept dripping into his eyes as he drove. Harry tried to look mad but his frown lines made him look like an old man and that made Louis want to giggle even more, and by the time they got to his apartment they were both having trouble walking to the elevator, partially because of how slippery it was but mostly because of their incessant laughter, clutching onto each other like best friends in on some sort of inside joke. Save for maybe a childhood friend or two when he was a teenager, Louis had absolutely never felt this happy around anyone in his entire life before. 

Harry very nearly slipped and fell in the elevator once coming in contact with the bright tile flooring and Louis someone managed to grab him before he did, only causing another eruption of giggles as Harry gripped tightly onto the railing. 

“This place is cursed, Lou. Every time I’m here, I leave in an ambulance,” he joked, straightening himself up as Louis pursed his lips thoughtfully, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Guess I’ll have to buy you a house, then.” The elevator dinged loudly then and Louis dropped Harry’s hand momentarily to step forward and hold the door open, suddenly frowning as Harry remained frozen in place. 

“What?” He blinked slowly at him, keeping one hand pressed on the side of the door as Harry nearly gaped at him, his eyes wide and struck with a look Louis hadn’t seen on him before. He turned his body completely now, facing him directly and standing with one foot inside the elevator and one in the hallway, frowning more. “Are you alr-” 

And then suddenly his feet were no longer on the ground at all, screeching loudly in surprise before Harry covered his mouth with his large hand. 

“Oi, watch it! People are trying to sleep!” Louis stared at him with huge eyes, throwing his arms around his neck for support as Harry barrelled down the hall, surprisingly remembering which room was his. He couldn’t help the grin that grew across his face as Harry dug frantically through Louis’ bag, snatching up his keys and finding the right one to unlock the door, holding Louis up beneath his ass with one arm as he did. 

“Baby, it’s the green one…” Louis snorted loudly as Harry huffed impatiently at him, hiking him up like a child as Louis began to slip down. He quickly locked his legs around his waist, cheering quietly as Harry successfully got the door open, sprinting inside and all but slamming it behind him. 

“Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up!” Louis hissed, his words becoming muffled through more laughter as Harry blushed bright red. 

“Sorry…” he whispered sheepishly, tossing Louis’ keys down onto the coffee table before sliding his arm underneath Louis’ bum, carrying him gently towards the sofa. 

Louis smiled happily, his arms still resting on either one of his shoulders as he twirled Harry’s hair delicately in between his fingers. “Why’d you pick me up like this, anyway? Not that I’m complaining, I feel like a fucking princess.” Harry rolled his eyes, flopping down onto the couch and pulling Louis into his lap as he did. 

“Well...you offered me a fucking house. Needless to say, that’s never actually happened to me before.” Louis pondered this for a moment, still playing absentmindedly with his hair. 

“I’ll offer you anything you want. I’ll build you 10 houses if you want them. You deserve everything good this world has to offer.” And it was true. Louis had always been one for spoiling people he loved, as seen with his sisters and mum. Harry was no different; in fact, he was probably the first significant other he had really wanted to shower with affection. It wasn’t for usual reasons, either...Louis simply thought Harry deserved these things. He wasn’t doing it for attention or to build up his image. He just wanted him to be happy. 

Harry had that blank look on his face again, his eyes semi wide with awe as he stared at Louis. Louis shot him a sheepish grin, shrugging a bit before Harry narrowed his eyes playfully, mischief coming back into his green eyes. 

“You just want in my pants, don’t you?” 

Louis was absolutely sure he was as red as a tomato but Harry was downright sinful, staring directly into his eyes with a smug look on his face, raising an eyebrow as he waited for an answer. Louis blinked a few times, clearing his throat before dropping his hands from Harry’s shoulders, placing them innocently into his lap. 

“Maybe just a little bit,” he mused softly, staring up at his boyfriend in between long eyelashes, nearly fucking POUTING at him. Good God, what had happened in the past few weeks that was making him melt in the hands of grown men and act like a pleading child with them?

He wasn’t complaining, really; in fact, it was actually quite fun. 

The sudden change in Harry’s eyes was almost scary, but not enough to shake Louis. He gasped softly as he felt his hips seized in Harry’s huge hands and he collided forward with him, his own face only inches away from Harry’s now. 

“Don’t talk.” Harry nearly growled and Louis nodded quickly, struggling to breathe as his breath hitched in his throat. He swallowed thickly, his blue eyes scanning his face closely as Harry’s eyes fluttered shut, slowly bringing his face to rest against Louis’ neck, inhaling deeply as he did. Louis tilted his head back slightly, relaxing into his touch before gasping loudly, his mouth falling open as Harry began to suck on the skin. 

“Oh, Jesus Christ…” Louis felt himself beginning to bend backwards, clutching tightly onto Harry’s shoulders and biting his lip as he did. Harry didn’t make a sound, merely tightened his grip on Louis’ hips and kept sucking, apparently determined to give him the biggest hickey possible in the process. Louis moaned involuntarily, gripping onto the collar of Harry’s shirt. 

“Take this off...now…” he murmured breathlessly, tugging incessantly on it as Harry groaned loudly and pulled his mouth away. 

“God, Louis, can’t I just fuck you with my clothes on?!” Louis stared blankly at him for a moment, his hands still clenched around the thin fabric of his shirt. 

“Well...how can you...with your pants on…” Louis swore he could see a vein pulsing in Harry’s temple as he frowned at him, and for a moment his expression was unreadable and Louis was afraid his big mouth had fucked things up. Obviously he had known what Harry was trying to say, he just...well, he liked having the last word. 

But apparently Harry was having none of that tonight. 

Louis didn’t quite register what was happening at first. He felt the wind being knocked out of him as he was thrown over his boyfriend’s shoulder and suddenly all he had a view of was his back. 

“Harry, wh-” And if eyes could pop out of your head, Louis is sure his would’ve right then. 

“Shut up.” Harry growled, and for a moment Louis felt dizzy. He blinked rapidly, panting slightly as his mind continued reeling from the fact that Harry Styles had literally just spanked him. 

Harry was marching towards the bedroom, still holding onto Louis tightly with one hand as Louis suddenly realized the skin on his ass was stinging. He swallowed thickly and fought back a huge, looming grin that was beginning to form on his lips because...well, he really, really liked that. 

The door was pushed open with Harry’s foot and Louis squealed softly as he was tossed onto the bed on his back like a rag doll, bouncing slightly and immediately drawing his arms up to his chest, staring Harry down once more. 

Harry was wasting absolutely no time, yanking off his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side, causing a giggle to erupt from Louis. He looked up immediately, raising an eyebrow and Louis blanched, moving a hand up to his mouth and solemnly looking at him, whispering from in between his fingers. 

“Sorry…” Harry broke his dominant demeanor for a moment and flashed Louis a playful grin, winking before immediately leaning forward and yanking off Louis’ pants in one swift motion, even getting them off his ankles as Louis smiled happily, feeling his face heat up. Harry stood back up and unbuttoned his own pants, wiggling around wildly and hopping around to try and get them off. 

“God DAMN these things!” he yelled loudly, Louis all but losing it as he tried to stifle his laughter with his hands, smiling as Harry finally got them off. 

“Oi, what are you laughing at? You’re about to be a complete, whimpering, wrecked mess.” Louis swore he had never dropped a grin so fast in his life, his mouth hanging agape as Harry watched him closely with that expressionless, stoic look on his face.

As Harry knelt down on the end of the bed Louis felt as if everything was blurring together all of a sudden. His eyes zoomed from his boyfriend’s lips to the white Calvin Klein briefs he was in and then to the mess of tattoos that covered his torso, not knowing what to focus in on. He inhaled sharply as Harry got closer and closer until finally, those sinful pink lips were pressed against his own, molding his mouth to shape to Louis’. 

He completely melted and frankly, he’s not ashamed to admit it. Harry had that effect on everyone, Louis figured. How could he not? Louis kissed him back more passionately, his arms once again travelling back around his neck and gripping it tightly, hoisting himself up to hover over the comforter. Harry groaned slightly, reaching forward and grabbing ahold of the headboard and snaking his other arm around Louis’ back, pulling him closer to close the little amount of space in between them. Louis began feeling a bit brave then, being supported upward by his arm and decided that if Harry was allowed to be as handsy as he wanted to, why couldn’t he do the same?

Freeing his grip around his neck, Louis began delicately hovering his fingertips over Harry’s shoulders, ghosting them along his biceps before reaching his chest. Harry let out another groan, refusing to break the kiss, and Louis smiled into his mouth.

“Mmmm…” He ran his index finger over each of his nipples at once and Harry gasped, pulling his mouth away at the sudden stimulation. Louis smirked happily, quickly moving his hands downward over his chest and abs. “My turn to play…” He managed to get a couple fingers beneath the waistband of his briefs before Harry suddenly let go, dropping him back down onto the bedding and sitting up. 

“Oh, no sir…” His voice sounded cocky and amused, yet Louis couldn’t help but notice a sort of panic in his eyes. “Tonight, I get to play with you. No buts about it.” Louis would’ve protested but another swift smack to his bum had him nearly choke on his own spit and he decided against it, nodding quickly in response. 

Harry reached down then, slowly running his thumb along Louis’ cheek as he did. Louis swallowed thickly, eyeing him carefully and then suddenly his thumb was running across his lips, and then sliding in between them. Louis whimpered softly, closing his eyes and opening his mouth, shivering slightly as Harry moved his thumb around gently, along the bottom part of his teeth. 

“You look so good, darling...so good, listening to me…” As soon as it had entered it was gone, and Louis’ eyes flew open immediately. 

Harry was sitting up on his knees, looking around the room sheepishly and Louis nearly screamed, blinking rapidly at him and wondering why the fuck he had suddenly stopped. 

“What is it?” he asked a bit too quickly, and Harry’s cheeks flushed slightly. 

“I uh...don’t know where all of your...supplies are.” Louis’ heart swelled immediately, trying not to grin at Harry’s slightly embarrassed face. 

“Top drawer in the bedside table,” he gestured over with his hand, biting his lip as Harry leaned over him, reaching inside and grabbing a handful of condoms and a small bottle of lube. 

“Ah yes, thank you.” Louis snorted loudly, covering his mouth with a loud smacking noise as Harry remained quiet, ceremoniously tearing off the wrapper of a condom with his teeth and flicking the lid off of the lube bottle before wiggling his eyebrows mischievously at Louis. 

“Now, let’s get this show on the road!” Louis was laughing so hard his stomach was hurting, only being stopped by Harry’s mouth once more, and from that point on it was really just game over. 

To be quite honest, Louis can only remember snippets of that night; the entire thing was so overwhelming, so mesmerizing and good that he can only remember certain things. They’re like snapshots, really; a view of him with his arms pressed down onto the mattress over his head, crying out loudly and listening to his voice echo throughout the large bedroom. Harry’s long curls moving back and forth rapidly as he pounded into him, panting loudly and each groan getting louder and louder as he went. Louis could still feel his calves pressed tightly against Harry’s shoulders, his small feet dangling wildly up in the air as the bed kept shaking. 

They could’ve kept going forever, but after a couple hours Louis’ legs were getting shaky and they were both covered in a thin layer of sweat. After one particularly good orgasm for the both of them, Harry had decided to stop and gently pulled himself out of Louis before flopping down limply onto the bed beside him, breathing heavily into one of the pillows. Louis could see stars, his vision slowly beginning to unblur and he blinked after a couple minutes, staring up at the ceiling.

“How did my shirt get on the fan?” Harry turned his head upward slightly, looking over his shoulder to glance at the ceiling, looking genuinely confused for a moment. 

“Ah, I ripped it off of you and threw it over my head. Must’ve got caught.” Louis tilted his head to the side, smiling softly at him.

“That’s okay, I didn’t really like that shirt much anyway…” He raised a slightly trembling hand up and touched Harry’s lips gently for a moment before turning to lay on his side. “Come here, love…” He reached forward with both arms and began tugging gently at Harry’s body, slowly but surely pulling him closer to him. Harry scooted over with him, smiling happily and turning to lay on his side as well, immediately sliding his arms around Louis’ lower back. 

“Did you like that? I mean, the spanking came out of nowhere, I kinda figured you liked it after you got that zoned out look on your face when I did it the first time, but I just wanna be sure…” Louis giggled at him, reaching up and running his fingers through his tangled, sweaty curls. 

“I absolutely loved every second of that. Wouldn’t have changed a thing, except maybe to not get tired as quickly and keep going.” Harry laughed softly, a deep, musical noise that gave Louis butterflies in his stomach. 

“Well good, I’m glad…” He yawned softly, wrinkling his nose up and Louis nearly melted into a puddle on the blankets. He smiled softly and rested his head on the pillow, keeping his arms wrapped around Harry’s waist and began closing his eyes. 

“Let’s just sleep for awhile, Curly...when we get up we can go out for breakfast...or whatever mealtime it is when we decide to wake up…” He heard Harry laugh softly, felt his breath across his face and smiled to himself, relaxing into the pillows.

For a few minutes Louis could hear nothing but the sound of his and Harry’s breathing and the low hum of the air conditioner in the next room. He was nearly asleep, his face half buried into his body pillow before Harry’s deep voice rang out and broke the silence. 

“Hey, Louis? I have a question…” The concern in his voice was startling, and Louis’ eyes flew open immediately, blinking rapidly to clear his vision. 

“Of course, love...what is it?” he murmured sleepily, slowly realizing that Harry still looked wide awake, a small frown etched upon his lips. Concern began to bubble inside of him, still staring Harry down. 

He watched his boyfriend struggle with words for a moment, running his tongue over his bottom lip before sighing softly. “I was just wondering...well, I need to go get my old stuff from...my old flat...well, HIS old flat...I don’t know if he’s thrown it all out or what, but...I just figured I should try...you mentioned going a few weeks ago but then I got sick again, so…” His voice faltered as he met Louis’ eyes once more, chewing his lip nervously. “You don’t have to go, I can get them myself when you’re working one day…” Louis frowned at him, shaking his head before he could even finish his sentence. 

“No no, don’t. Of course I’ll go with you, Harry…” He lifted his arm up again, twirling one of Harry’s curls around his finger gently as he rested his palm on his cheek. “We can go tomorrow, how about that? Get it all here so we can move it in...and if he’s thrown it out, I’ll hunt everything down myself, I promise.” he added, smiling as Harry cracked a small grin. 

“It’s not that much stuff...I didn’t have a lot with me anyway.” He leaned forward slowly, pressing a gentle kiss to Louis’ lips before pulling away slightly. “Thank you…”   
Louis felt himself blush and all he could do was nod in response, watching Harry yawn once more and finally relax into the bed. He grinned softly, reaching over and gently pushed his boyfriend’s hair off his forehead and planted a soft kiss on it. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, love…” 

Morning turned out to be around 12:30 pm the next afternoon, and when Louis woke up Harry was nowhere to be found. He stretched his arms forward, yawning loudly before sitting up, trying to fight back a grin as he wiggled around slightly, feeling how sore his ass really was. A sudden noise from the hallway broke him from his reverie and he quickly slid out of bed, making it to the door before he stopped dead in his tracks, blinking. 

“Take my hand...take my whole life too…” Louis vaguely heard the sound of running water from the kitchen and the moving around of pots and pans but as soon as Harry started singing again he couldn’t focus on anything else. 

He had honestly never heard anything like it in his life. It was deep, husky but not too much. He had raw talent, that was for sure. After yanking on a stray pair of joggers found on the floor Louis began tiptoeing quietly down the hallway, biting his lip to keep from making noise. He nearly stumbled as Harry started back up, singing louder with a pleasant amount of vibrato and Louis felt goosebumps appear on his arms. 

“For I can’t help….falling in love...with you…” Louis peered silently around the corner of the kitchen doorway, nearly melting on the spot as he saw Harry standing over the kitchen island in just a pair of shorts, his hair pulled back into a messy bun and a surprisingly large amount of red fingernail marks running down his muscled back. Louis blushed slightly before standing up straight and stepping inside, rushing over and wrapping his arms around Harry’s bare waist, burying his face into his back. 

Harry jumped slightly, craning his neck back and smiling happily. “Ah, I’m sorry. There’s a strange man in your house cooking food, by the way.” Louis giggled into his skin, pressing a kiss to it before letting go and stepping back, gravitating to his side. 

“Jesus Harold, you know how to cook too?” Harry shrugged slightly, sliding over a large plate of some sort of pasta Louis hadn’t even known he had in his house, steaming in front of Louis’ face and suddenly he realized how hungry he actually was. Harry pulled up two stools to sit on and Louis greedily began to eat, twirling the noodles on his spoon before taking a huge bite. “Fuck, Harry…” He hummed contentedly, speaking with his mouth full. “If you cook like this, I’m gonna have to marry you.” Harry giggled happily, twirling his own pasta and taking a bite as well. 

“Oh relax, I’m not that good.” Louis rolled his eyes, swallowing his food before dropping his fork and turning his body to face him, pointing an accusatory finger to his face. 

“You never told me you could sing either.” Harry blinked at him, sucking up the rest of his noodles before setting his fork down too. 

“I love singing, actually. Always have. My mum used to tell me how good I was all the time, but that’s her job, really.” He smiled slightly. “I never really believed her, though.” Louis dropped his jaw dramatically, gasping loudly as Harry stifled back laughter, watching him cover his mouth with both hands. 

“And why would you not?! I’m not kidding when I say you sound like a fucking angel. Woke me from my peaceful slumber, actually…” Harry rolled his eyes, fighting back a grin before lifting his fork back up. 

“You can be my first fan. Well, besides my mum.” Louis grinned happily, planting a sloppy wet kiss on his cheek. 

“I’ll start making the T-shirts soon.” Harry giggled softly, the two of them eating in comfortable silence before finishing his last bite, setting his fork down on the plate and walking towards the sink, rinsing it off. 

Louis quickly finished his as well, slurping up one last noodle before chasing after him, sliding in the plate underneath the running water. 

“So...do you wanna go to your old place right now? Give us enough time to get everything…” Louis bumped his bum back and forth against the counter, eyeing Harry a bit nervously from his spot beside him.

Harry remained quiet, scrubbing at their plates carefully before he turned the water off, turning to face him. 

“I mean...I guess today is better than never…” He gripped the counter behind him with his hands, a lock of hair falling from his bun into his eyes. Louis stared awkwardly at the floor for a moment, running his socked feet along the tile floor before looking back up. 

“Well...I’ll be there with you. If it gets to be too much, we can always leave and try again later. Or just...not go back. I’ll replace everything you lost…” Harry smiled softly, lifting his hands from behind him and reaching over and sliding his arms around his waist. 

“Thank you darling…” He gently pulled Louis forward, pressing his lips to his forehead as Louis hugged him back, burying his face into his chest. 

“You’re welcome…” he murmured softly, feeling his cheeks heat up against Harry’s shirt. 

Half an hour later found the couple back in Louis’ car, with a few cardboard boxes sitting in the backseat. Louis was quiet, driving down the road tapping his finger against the steering wheel as Harry kept messing with his hands, undoing and tying up his hair in a bun three separate times before finally giving up and keeping his hands in his lap, his foot hitting the floor of the car rhythmically in the silence. 

Louis watched the nice, clean streets of Seattle gradually turn more and more dirty, the buildings become more run down and old, the amount of homeless people roaming the streets getting more populated. Louis thought he saw Harry blush in embarrassment at the sight but decided against speaking up about it, reaching out with one hand to grab his hand and squeeze it gently, keeping his eyes glued onto the road. Harry looked at him briefly before turning back forward, relaxing slightly into the seat. 

A few minutes later Louis had parked in front of a particularly run down apartment complex, a couple of stray cars sitting in the lot and more cigarette butts on the ground than Louis had seen in his entire life. Harry was visibly nervous now, having dropped Louis’ hand a little while ago and running his palms against his pant legs. 

“You can stay in the car if you want, these people...are familiar with me…” He wearily eyed a few people gathered at the edge of the staircase before turning to him. “I know it’s...a bad area.” 

Louis raised an eyebrow at him, reaching forward and turning off his car, pulling the keys out. 

“Harry, I grew up poor. Like, not dirt poor but pretty fucking poor. It was me and my mum and all of my younger sisters and I had to take care of them all.” He turned his body around to face Harry directly, watching him carefully. “I know my way around places like this, and don’t feel embarrassed. I’ve done my fair share of time.” Harry still eyed him warily, chewing lightly on his bottom lip. 

“Louis, you really don’t have t-” 

Louis held his finger up, flashing him a warning glance before getting out quickly before Harry could say anything, closing the door behind him. 

“Lead the way, Curly.” Harry groaned inside the car before getting out and slamming the door rather loudly, grabbing the boxes from the back as Louis swayed back and forth slightly, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. 

Harry slowly walked towards the front staircase, flashing a weak grin at the people crowded at the bottom before making his way up all the steps and walking all the way down the hallway. Louis followed him quietly, gazing off the balcony as he did. He nearly ran into Harry as he stopped, dropping the boxes onto the concrete floor. He knelt down gently and pulled up a dirty brown placemat in front of the door, picking up a small silver key beneath it. Louis watched him push the key into the lock and jiggle it slightly before opening it, coughing at the large amount of dust it disturbed. Louis quickly grabbed the boxes and followed him inside. 

He blinked into the sudden darkness, squinting his eyes and looking around slowly before setting the boxes down. The place was mostly bare, save for a battered loveseat at the edge of the room and a visibly broken TV on the other side. It was very small, and Louis could faintly see the doorway to the kitchen in front of him. 

“They shut the lights off…” Harry’s small voice rang out in the silent room, and Louis’ heart broke at how sad it sounded. He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, switching on the flashlight quickly. 

“Don’t worry darling, it happened to me more times that I’d like to admit. That’s why they invented these little things.” He waved the light in front of his eyes and felt himself relax a bit when he saw Harry crack a smile. 

Louis looked around a bit more, waiting as Harry pulled out his own phone and did the same thing. “Are your things in the bedroom?”

Harry nodded quickly, seeming to snap back to reality and bent down, grabbing a box. 

“Yeah...it’s just down the hall…” Louis watched as he seemed to take in the bare living room one last time before turning on his heel and disappearing into the dark hall, following suit after picking up his own box. 

Harry pushed open the creaky door, revealing an old, dirty bed, stripped of its sheets with a stray pillow and dusty blanket sitting on the top. There was a small, wooden bedside table, and the light from outside was being muffled by a pair of thick, heavy curtains that were barely hanging onto a rusty rod. Opposite the bed was a closet door in which Harry had hurriedly disappeared into, obviously not wanting to see Louis’ reaction to the room.

Louis set his box down on top of the bed, turning the flashlight on his phone off before making his way to the window, immediately pulling apart the curtains and trying his hardest not to choke on all the dust. The new light brightened the room immediately, and he suddenly realized there was a dresser right by the door he hadn’t noticed before.   
He flashed a glance towards the closet door, where he could hear Harry pulling clothes off of hangers, and turned back to the dresser, frowning slightly at the mirror resting on top of it, as if to make some crudely poor vanity. He walked over slowly, sliding his phone in his pocket before scanning the objects perched in the dust carefully. Empty cologne bottles and withered, dead flowers littered the dark brown wood, giving Louis a strangely eerie feeling. He looked up at the mirror briefly, chewing on his lip at all of the cracks in it before deciding to reach forward and pull open the front drawer. 

The first thing that caught his eye was a small collection of nail polish, mostly dark colors, like burgundy and black. He reached down and picked one up, smiling softly to himself as he turned it in the light, noticing the dull shimmer of glitter in it. He immediately grabbed the box sitting on the bed and began filling it with the drawers contents; nail polish, a few dusty headbands as well as a wide array of necklaces and rings. He brought up a particularly shiny turquoise one, wondering briefly where Harry had gotten it in the first place. 

He moved quietly throughout the drawers, making faces when he found crumpled up condom wrappers and empty lube bottles on the way. He managed to fill up his box a decent amount and sat it down on the ground before kneeling down to the last drawer at the bottom. 

He pulled it open slowly, scanning it quickly for anything of particular value and frowned. All that was inside was a nasty collection of rags and towels, probably used for cleaning but had long since been washed. He looked around the room for a minute and shrugged, deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to clean out the drawers of trash while he was here. He grabbed a smaller box he had brought with him and carefully pulled out the drawer, dumping the old rags into the box to throw away on their way out when suddenly a loud thunk broke his thoughts. He blinked, looking down at the box before setting the drawer down and carefully pawing through the towels, his fingers finding something metal inside. 

Louis immediately sat down on the dusty carpet, grabbing ahold of the object and pulling it out. It was a small tin box, obviously used for something beforehand but the label had been ripped off. It was in the shape of a rectangle, complete with a separate lid that snapped it shut, a tiny, broken lock on the front of it. Louis blinked slowly, running his fingertip along the edge of it carefully before looking back up at the closet. Harry had still not emerged, but he could still hear him quietly working away inside. 

Louis could only think that this was Harry’s possession; his boyfriend had not seemed the type to keep tiny little boxes hidden away in dresser drawers. He looked back down at the thing once more, resisting the urge to pop it open with his fingernail before he gasped loudly in surprise. 

“You found my little secret, Lou.” Harry’s voice rang out from behind him and Louis nearly jumped up from the floor, trying to catch his breath. 

“Jesus Christ, don’t do that to me!” Louis barked as Harry smirked at him, setting his now full box of clothes down on the floor and dropping his ominous voice from before. 

“Sorry. You seemed entranced by my little box.” He walked over and sat down on the floor beside Louis, momentarily looking through the things Louis had gathered up. “Can’t forget my nail polish, can we?” Louis smiled softly, extending his arm and setting the tin box down into his lap. 

“Of course not...and we can’t forget this either. Whatever it is.” Harry giggled softly, reaching down and taking it in his hands before gently snapping it open. 

“It’s just a little box I keep important pictures and things in...I’m sure you had one growing up.” Louis was leaning over his boyfriend’s shoulder, peering intently into the box while nodding slowly. 

“Yeah, I did. Think one of my sister’s completely destroyed it, though.” Harry grinned and set the lid down, revealing a small, neat stack of pictures and pieces of paper. It took all of Louis’ willpower not to reach in and start snooping around and he kept his hands to his side and watched rather impatiently as Harry slowly began to file through them all, his brows furrowed in thought. 

“Ah, here’s my mum and me…” He held up a small, faded photograph in his hand and Louis grinned out of nowhere.

“God Curly, you’ve got your mum’s smile…” He reached out and touched it gently, watching this beautiful young woman holding a tiny toddler Harry on her hip, grinning happily at the camera as she did. Harry smiled and nodded, handing the picture over to Louis before going back into the box. 

This process was repeated for a while as Louis learned about his boyfriend’s family through old pictures and newspaper clippings. He saw more pictures of Anne, Harry’s beautiful mum, as well as Gemma, his older sister. He saw a few pictures of his stepdad, and grinned at black and white newspaper pictures of Harry playing football, or Harry performing in the school play, and he felt his heart swell with every passing moment. Harry grew more and more comfortable with Louis as they spent an entire hour in there on the floor, discussing with Louis things he hadn’t even told his closest friends before, even letting Louis hold all of his precious pictures as they did. Louis made a mental note to do the same thing with Harry when they got home. 

When they finally finished Louis felt like he was floating, watching as Harry carefully closed the box before setting it on top of the things Louis had gathered earlier. 

“You’ve got to go see visit them again, Harry!” Louis blurted out suddenly, watching as Harry shifted his spot on the ground carefully. “They seem like amazing people, like an amazing family…” Louis’ voice slowly faltered away as he suddenly caught sight of his boyfriend’s face, frowning immediately at it. “What’s wrong?” 

Harry looked up slowly, his eyes catching Louis’ before sitting up straight, gathering his hands in his lap, frowning slightly. 

“I haven’t been home in...a long time,” he stated simply, messing idly with a stray string on his jeans as Louis shrugged. 

“Neither have I, love. It’s been a fair few months, and I feel bad. But don’t worry, I can get us there no problem. I’m sure your mum is dying to see you, and Gemma and Robin...”   
Harry sighed softly, staring wearily at Louis as he rambled on, his shoulders slumping forward slightly. 

“Louis...it’s been more than a few months for me,” he continued carefully, raising an eyebrow as Louis frowned at him, struggling to understand. 

“Alright, well...a year, then? That’s a long time Harry…” His voice trailed off once more as Harry continued to squirm around in his spot, swallowing thickly and nervously, still watching him carefully. 

Louis cleared his throat. “More than a year?” 

Harry nodded slowly before sighing once more and taking a deep breath. “Five, actually.” 

Louis really didn’t mean to do it, but for a moment all he could do was stare stupidly at his boyfriend, his mouth hanging open slightly. Harry’s foot bounced rather rapidly on the floor, taking in his reaction but remained quiet all the same. 

Five years? Louis thought his few months were bad. How could someone not visit their mum for five years? He blinked rapidly, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he struggled to respond. Harry sighed again, dropping his hands and leaning forward slightly. 

“I was a mess, Louis. I thought I could make it big singing and I kept failing. I grew insecure, I began to distract myself with guys, and then one day I just…left with one. Took a train to London and then left the country. Well, the continent, actually. The next week, he left me for someone else, and I found out I was stuck here. How do you go back to your mum after that? After fucking everything up at home and having absolutely nothing?” He pushed back a stray curl that had fallen into his eyes while Louis remained silent, struggling to take all of this in. Harry bit his lip nervously, leaning even closer to Louis. “Please talk to me…” he mumbled, frowning at him as Louis stared fixedly at the spot on the carpet. 

Louis cleared his throat after a few moments, blinking and looking up to meet Harry’s eyes, staring at him fixedly. “When we get home tonight, I will be booking a flight out to take you home and see your family again.” Harry opened his mouth to protest but Louis held his hand up, shooting him a warning glance. “I will force you onto that plane myself, Harry Styles.” He watched his boyfriend’s shoulders slump forward considerably and he fell silent, listening. 

Louis rubbed the back of his neck gently, staring at fabric of his pants. “So...those times you told me you were keeping her updated...you weren’t? You didn’t talk to her?” 

Harry rubbed his eyes rather harshly with the bottoms of his palms, not responding for a moment. “She...knows I’m alive. And I still keep up with her. You know, Facebook and all that shit…” He waved his hand lazily around, finally looking back up to meet his eyes. “I just...I couldn’t do it. She was always there for me, my number one fan. And I fucked everything up and ran off when I got scared. You don’t know my mum, Lou. She...she’s like you.” Louis blinked at him, raising an eyebrow before Harry kept rambling on. 

“She’s like the sun. She radiates positive energy, always smiling and happy and knows what to say no matter what. I promised myself I’d never hurt her, and then I left her. And now...well, I’ve already done this much damage. Why should I go back now? It’d be too much for her...plus, she’s probably moved on.” 

For some reason, that statement really pissed Louis off. How the fuck could a mother forget about her own child? Was Harry an idiot? This decision to not speak to his family had ended him up here in Seattle, sitting on the floor of a shitty abandoned apartment after nearly dying a few weeks ago all due to a stupid guy beating him.

Louis shook his head quickly, standing up immediately and grabbing the box they had been sitting beside. “Mums don’t just fucking forget about their kids, Harry.” he snapped, causing Harry to flinch a bit in his spot on the carpet. But at that moment, Louis honestly didn’t care. “I’ll be in the car.” 

Louis made his way back outside, nearly throwing the box in the back before sitting in the driver’s seat, slamming the door shut. He started the car and turned the air on full blast, absolutely seething. 

Maybe it was just his profession, or the fact that he had grown up picking up the pieces of a broken family time and time again in the past, but Louis absolutely could not wrap his head around Harry’s reasoning not to speak to his family. It hadn’t sounded like they hated him; quite the opposite, actually. And really, what was the worst that could happen? They don’t want to see him anymore? He hadn’t seen them in years, would it be that much of a difference? Besides, he had Louis to come home to now. 

Louis sighed and tapped his fingers rapidly against the steering wheel, staring fixedly at a spot of crumbling brick wall in front of him outside. He had to tell mums all the time that their kids were dead, that the surgery had failed or they had bled out or their heart suddenly gave up. He had to sit in silence and watch them completely fall apart on the ground, or collapse helplessly into his arms and he could do nothing about it. When he was choosing his profession during his residency years, pediatrics had been the first one to be crossed off. There was no way he was going to deal with families falling apart more often than he needed to do. But Harry...Harry was willingly doing that. Willingly causing his mother grief and sorrow on a daily fucking basis and honestly, maybe he just didn’t realize it. Maybe he needed to be shown.

Louis was so lost in his thoughts that he barely noticed Harry coming out, jumping in surprise when the door opened and he got inside after setting his boxes in the back. Louis looked over carefully, watching Harry as he stared straight ahead, and his heart sank somewhere to the bottom of his feet when he sniffled slightly. 

“Oh God, Harry…” He sighed in frustration, running a hand across his face. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that…” Harry remained quiet and Louis hit his head against the backseat, half hoping it would kill him. 

He dropped his hand and turned to face him, stopping mid sentence as Harry blinked his large, watery green eyes at him, now facing him directly and sniffling once more. 

“I just called her.” A weak smile crept upon his lips and he wiped his cheeks off with his sleeve. “I heard her voice again, the first time in five years and I just started bawling like a baby.” Louis scanned his face quickly before grinning slightly himself, reaching out and running his thumb beneath both of his eyes to catch any stray tears. 

“Good, darling...I’m proud of you…” Harry laughed wetly, shaking his head. 

“I can’t believe that took me so long to do...I hadn’t had anyone to talk to about them before, I guess.” He tilted his head sideways slightly, slowly looking Louis’ face up and down. “Guess it took someone special to put my ass back into place.” 

Louis smiled wider, dropping his hand from his face. “I have that effect on people at times.” Harry giggled softly, reaching out and grabbing ahold of his hand briefly, squeezing it and then letting go. 

“I told her I’d call her back when I get home, to the house phone…” Louis nodded and immediately sat back in his seat, strapping his seatbelt on and putting the car in reverse, backing out slowly. 

“Back to the old homestead we go!” Harry snorted, shaking his head before turning back out to face the road in front of them.

Their few minutes of silence was suddenly broken as Harry piped up quietly. “Thank you for offering that plane trip, Lou…” Louis rolled his eyes, slowing down as they reached a spotlight. 

“It wasn’t an offer. More like a command, actually.” Harry smiled faintly, turning his head to face him. 

“Right. Well, I’ll be happy to go on one condition.” Louis made a face, huffing in mock exasperation. 

“I’m not flying you on some cheap ass airline, Curly. Don’t worry about the prices, okay?” Harry slapped his arm playfully as the light turned green and they started back up. 

“No, that’s not it. I’ll go if you’ll come with me.” 

Louis fell silent, gripping the steering wheel with both of his hands tightly as the air grew awkwardly silent around them, the only sound being the gentle start of rain on the roof above them. 

Call him childish, or lovesick or maybe even stupid...but Louis’ stomach was swarming with butterflies as Harry stared at him nervously, awaiting an answer. He had just invited him to meet his family, in a different fucking country. Obviously it was safe to say Harry had done this with no other man before...that had to mean something. The sheer fact that he was still thinking about Louis in this entire situation was enough to make his heart swell in his chest and he swallowed thickly as they reached another stoplight a mile or so down the road. 

Harry was staring so intently at Louis he felt as if he were boring holes into his skull. Louis gently released the wheel from his grip and turned to meet his eyes, smiling softly to his boyfriend whom he was definitely, extremely, overwhelmingly in love with. 

“Guess we’ve got a little vacation to plan, don’t we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! if you enjoyed leave kudos/comments, and if you hated it tell me that too! i'll hopefully see you all soon!   
> main twitter is @fingerkisslou and twitter for this fic is @greyslarryau   
> love to you all x


	8. headed straight for your heart, like a bullet in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry scanned his face carefully as he said that, waiting for Louis’ laughter to subside. “Did you have a problem with anyone accepting it?”  
> Louis shook his head slowly, suddenly avoiding his eyes and looking back down at his shoes again. “No, they were all fine with it…” he mused, trying not to focus on the feeling of Harry’s eyes boring into his skull. He could see Harry stand up a bit, his legs straightening up and heard him cross his arms, his jacket rustling loudly.  
> “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”  
> These were the times Louis wished he was a good liar. He sighed a bit, still swinging the bag of cookies around as he studied the ground. 
> 
> louis' life is beginning to make sense again, until old memories are brought up on a visit back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! I know this chapter took WAY too long, but I've had a pretty rough summer lmao. this is a pretty long chapter in the hopes that you all will forgive me for making you wait.  
> just a heads up: The Harper Avery Award is taken straight from Grey's Anatomy and is mentioned in this chapter. It's basically given to surgeons who develop new and innovative techniques for surgeries. Also, Arizona Robbins is in this chapter (aka my favorite Grey's character ever), as well as someone else you'll probably be familiar with as well.

In Mercy Hospital, there was a certain spot in one of the stairwells that Louis loved standing at. When you looked up through the huge window that took up most of the back wall, you could make out a breathtaking view of the Seattle skyline, no matter the time of day. When Louis was a resident doing night shifts, he used to come there while he was waiting for lab results or if the night was slow and just stare at it, the lights from the buildings flickering slightly as if it were some sort of constellation. When he became the head of neurology, he used to start his mornings off by going back to the spot and watching the sunrise, all pink and orange and relaxing. It was even more beautiful to watch during Seattle’s frequent thunderstorms, and for some reason Louis had stopped going to it everyday. That was, until today in particular. 

He shoved his hands into his coat pockets, sighing softly as he shifted his weight on his feet, his stethoscope around his neck moving slightly as he tilted his head to the side, watching as a plane soared off into the distance from Seattle’s horizon. He’d be in one of those in just a few hours, all the way to Cheshire, England.  
Where Harry used to live. 

Where’s Harry’s family still lives. 

Which include Harry’s parents. 

Louis barely noticed his foot tapping on the cold linoleum floor, too busy trying to figure out why he was so nervous. He was a grown man, for Christ’s sake. He was meeting other grown people, people who just so happened to be related to his boyfriend. What was the big deal? 

He scratched the back of his neck lightly, relaxing a bit when he remembered that half the week was going to be spent in Doncaster, as well. He missed his family, missed his mum and his siblings and his old home. Surely he could survive a couple days with Harry’s family to see his own, it was only fair. 

Still, he felt a bit nauseous as he watched another plane fly off, snapping back to his senses when he heard a door open behind him, echoing loudly through the stairwell. 

“Louis? I thought I saw you…” Zayn’s thick accent filled the space and he smiled a bit, turning around to face him. 

“Up here…” he responded, pulling his hands from his pockets as Zayn spotted him and made a cheerful noise, jogging up the stairs to meet him. 

“Figured just as much. You never use these stairs unless you’re standing in your spot.” He was holding a black iPad in his hand, quickly swiping his finger across the screen before holding it outward. “The Miller baby’s test results came back perfect, he’s all clear to go.”

Louis grinned happily, taking the tablet from him and scanning it over quickly, sliding his own finger across to check everything. 

“Oh good, he was in bad shape. Thank God his parents brought him in when they did,” he mused, zooming in on a brain scan as Zayn scoffed beside him.

“Please. You were the one that finessed that experimental procedure. Without that, he’ve been a goner and you know it.” Louis rolled his eyes, locking the screen before handing the iPad back over. 

“That was a risk; it could’ve easily failed. I got lucky.” Zayn smirked, holding the tablet to his chest with one arm. 

“That Harper Avery award could easily have your name on it this year. I’m just saying!” He held his free hand up defensively as Louis shot him an annoyed look, pushing him out of the way to exit as Zayn jogged to catch up behind him. 

“Think about it! Keep up this research and they’ll be making the trophy with your name on it by next week! Or plaque, or whatever the hell they give you.” Louis snorted, shaking his head as he started down the hallway towards the NICU.

“Zayn, there are many other doctors around the country, hell around the world, that deserve that more than me. Just because I saved one baby doesn’t mean anything.” He turned a corner and glanced down at his watch, his heart sinking a bit as he realized how little time he had left until Harry was going to be here to pick him up for the airport. 

Zayn groaned again, setting the tablet down at the nurse’s station before grabbing ahold of his arm, stopping him in his tracks and forcing him to look at him. 

“Just think about it, okay? This could be groundbreaking for you, I know it! You’ve got all the potential, even Liam sees it! He’s been wanting you to win that Harper Avery for years now. And yeah, it’s a lot of research but I could help you! I mean, I help with everything else, why not this? I’m sure Niall would be down too, who wouldn’t want to go down in hospital history?” 

Louis had to admit, his ambition was remarkable. Zayn had stuck to him like glue ever since he stepped through those doors a couple years ago and had been assigned to one of Louis’ surgeries the first day to observe. He was different from all of the other interns that year, stuck with it and didn’t let anyone push him around and Louis had admired that about him. His stubbornness and strong will were the exact makings of a potential medical trial partner. 

Louis sighed a bit, looking up at the ceiling briefly before meeting his dark eyes once more. “If I tell you I’ll think about it will you get out of my ass?”

Zayn beamed at him and nodded quickly. “Good enough for me! I’ll even print out the research for you to study on the plane!” Before Louis could protest Zayn was darting back down the hallway, off to the library to print off as many things as he could before Harry arrived in an hour. Louis sighed in exasperation, watching him go before turning on his heel and continuing towards the NICU.

He was surprised to see Liam standing there when he turned the corner, along with a rather large group of other doctors including Arizona Robbins all smiley and happy standing outside of her own ward. 

“What’s the deal…?” he asked slowly, glancing at them all and trying not to focus on how excited Arizona looked. 

Liam smiled and patted his shoulder. “We just wanted to watch you discharge our little miracle baby!” Louis nodded slowly, wearily eyeing the photographers that were standing at the edge of the group, hurriedly getting their cameras ready. 

“That’s why I’m about to be in the middle of a photo op, right?” Liam pursed his lips, looking rather sheepish before groaning in annoyance as Louis raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh come on, it’s good promo for the hospital! We need that right now, we haven’t done anything really...notable the past few months. We need to get our name back out there!” Louis narrowed his eyes slightly, turning to face him directly. 

“If this is about that damn Harper Avery award-” Arizona cut off him abruptly, sliding over on those stupid Heelys she swore made her cool in the children’s ward. 

“Who said anything about the Harper Avery? We just want to get your cute face out there in the press!” She grinned happily and pinched his cheek, Louis making a face and rolling his eyes. 

“Alright alright, whatever,” he grunted, playfully smacking her hand out of the way as she beamed at him, turning back to face the crowd. 

“Alright, rules people!” she snapped, the buzzing crowd falling silent as Louis watched in amusement. “This is my pediatric department, and what I say goes. That NICU is full of babies. Cute, cuddly, sweet, DYING babies.” Louis fought back a laugh as the looks on some of the doctors’ faces went blank, crossing his arms across his chest as Arizona sweetly but seriously laid out her rules. 

“...Dr. Tomlinson, Dr. Horan and I will be the only ones to touch that baby. They were the doctors that worked with him, and I am the head of the department. We take pictures with the Chief, everyone claps, then go back to work. Understood?” There was a rumble of “yes’s” and “yes ma’am’s” and Louis saw Niall’s face flush from the corner of his eye when his name was mentioned. Louis smiled and flashed him a wink, giving a subtle thumbs up which made him grin even more. 

Niall was the one who paged 911 the day the baby’s parents brought him into the hospital, immediately assessing his condition and even helping Louis come to the conclusion that this condition was something they had never faced before. It was Niall who helped him diagnose, Niall who helped him with the surgical plan and had been in the operating room with him. To put it shortly, Niall was a fucking rockstar. 

He watched a few of his friends turn and pat him on the back, congratulating him and even saw his girlfriend gush over him, laughing softly before Arizona turned to face him once more. 

“Ready to reunite this baby with his parents?” Louis smiled and nodded, watching Arizona push open the doors and followed her inside, Liam and Niall right on his heels. 

The NICU was rather large and Louis made his way past the other small beds in his way, the nurses all flashing him warms smiles and murmured “congrats” as he walked past. He felt his cheeks flush a bit, nodding along when appropriate before he reached his patient, grinning happily. 

“Well hello there, Andy!” Andrew Miller was probably one of the cutest babies Louis had ever seen, let alone treated. He was a chubby little 6 month old, with a head full of dark brown hair and big blue eyes that made everyone around him swoon. A small scar on the back of his head was all that remained from Louis’ risky and dangerous surgery, barely noticeable now that it was healed. Andy gazed up at him, a look of recognition flashing across his face before he beamed happily up at Louis, reaching up with grabby hands. Andy’s parents, a young couple who had trusted Louis wholeheartedly with their son’s life, laughed softly as Louis grinned, stroking his hair with his hand gently. 

“One moment, Andy. Your photoshoot is about to come.” He turned to face his parents, holding out his hand. “Well. Look how far we’ve come. Your baby gets to go home today!” He smiled happily at them, watching as the wife was suddenly overcome with tears, pressing her hands to her mouth. 

“Thank you so much…” Her small arms were around Louis’ body before he could even realize what was happening, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Her husband joined not soon after, encapsulating him in a huge hug and Louis could barely breathe. He was humbled, his cheeks burning hot as he awkwardly hugged them back, blinking rapidly as he saw the cameras begin to flash from the corner of his eye. He jerked his head to the side quickly, shooting Liam an annoyed glance before Liam shrugged a bit, smiling at him. 

The hug ended and Louis shook his head, rubbing the wife’s arm as she wiped her face, assuring her it was just his job. Niall was busy unhooking Andy from all of his various machines, getting a laugh out of the crowd as Andy tugged on his light blonde hair for entertainment as he did. Arizona stood beside the bed, beaming happily as Niall finished and Louis walked back over, leaning down towards Andy. 

“Up?” he asked, laughing softly as he made more grabby hands in response. Gently hooking his hands beneath his arms, he lifted him from the bed and positioned him on his hip, turning to face the crowd as an uproar of applause started. He smiled sheepishly at them, rubbing Andy’s back gently as the cameras started flashing, feeling Andy’s parents and Niall and Arizona and Liam all crowd around him, growing more and more pleased with every passing moment. 

If this was it was like to win the Harper Avery award…maybe all this research wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

Through a blur of more hugs, camera flashes and discharge papers, Louis finally found himself leaving the NICU 45 minutes later, smiling and waving off the crowd as he bustled past. Niall was right on his heels, as well as Liam. 

“Do you need help, Louis? With the research I mean...I could look over some stuff tonight! And while you’re gone on vacation…” Niall was speaking a mile a minute and Louis grinned, slowing down a bit and glancing over at him. 

“That would be great, Niall. But no rush, I’ll be gone the whole week, you’ve got plenty of time.” Niall smiled happily and nodded, already starting to back up towards the elevator, gesturing to it with his thumb. 

“I’ll get a jump on it now, in the library. Have fun on your trip!” He was around the corner before Louis could respond. 

Liam laughed a bit, crossing his arms as he watched Niall go. 

“He’s a strange one, that kid. But a damn good worker! I think he’d be perfect to help with the trial.” Louis turned to face him, nodding in agreement. 

“He and Zayn will be perfect, I’m sure.” He looked up at the wall in front of him at a clock mounted at the top and sighed a bit, Liam following his gaze and gasping. 

“Jesus, Louis! Harry’s gonna be here any minute and you haven’t even changed!” Louis rolled his eyes, shoving his hands back in his pockets. 

“He’ll survive. Besides, don’t you need me to stay for a couple more surgeries? A craniotomy, a subdural hematoma? What if a trauma comes in and I’m not here to help?” Liam squinted his eyes a bit, keeping his arms crossed. 

“Amelia’s got everything under control. She does fantastic work just like her brother did, you know that.” Louis huffed a bit, his shoulders slumping down before he saw Zayn step out of the elevator on the other side of the hall, running over with his arms full of papers and folders. 

“This is all I could get while I was down there…” He held out the huge stack with a loud grunt and Louis leaned forward to grab it, only to be intercepted by a larger set of hands. 

“I’ll get that...Dr. Tomlinson has to get changed anyway.” Louis groaned audibly as Harry’s thick accent swam into his ears, turning to face his smirking gaze. 

“I was on my way there…” he grumbled, pulling off his stethoscope rather abruptly as Harry snorted, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, whatever you say,” he mused, shoveling the papers into one arm before holding out his hand to Liam. “Pleasure as always, Chief.” 

Liam looked ecstatic to being called chief by someone who didn’t work for him and shook his hand quickly, beaming happily. 

“Pleasure’s all mine, Harry!” Harry smiled and gave Zayn a halfhearted wave. “Nice to see you too, Dr. Malik.” Zayn smiled sheepishly and waved back before beginning to step back. 

“I have labs to pick up for a couple patients...have fun on your trip!” He shot Liam a glance that he was completely oblivious to, still smiling happily at Harry. Louis fought back a snicker as Zayn cleared his throat loudly. “Care to join me, Chief? Harry and Louis have a plane to catch…”

Liam looked a bit confused at first, glancing at Zayn briefly before realization dawned on his face. 

“Oh right! My bad, sorry!” He waved at them quickly, backing up to meet Zayn. “Have a safe flight! Enjoy yourself!” The couple exited down the hallway, Louis laughing loudly as Harry shifted the papers back into his arms. 

“Christ, Liam has some weird thing for you. I think it’s because he still blames himself for technically killing you and doesn’t understand how you can still call him Chief.” Harry pouted a bit, looking up as they walked off. 

“Well, I’m not dead now! He shouldn’t blame himself for that. But I AM gonna blame him if he makes us miss our flight.” He eyed Louis dangerously and Louis threw up his hands defensively. 

“Hey, I saved a dying baby and they took pictures of me because of it all morning. Not my fault I’m a genius.” Harry rolled his eyes, walking over and setting the stack of paper down on the nurses counter. 

“How levelheaded of you. Can you please go get dressed? I have a cab waiting and the longer you wait, the larger our fare fee is.” Louis gasped in mock shock, getting a giggle out of Harry before pressing a kiss to his cheek and promising a quick trip before he bounded down the hall to the locker room. 

Even after seeing Harry’s calm and relaxed face, Louis still couldn’t shake the feeling of fear he had in his stomach. What if his parents despised him, what if they had something against doctors? Louis realized with a sinking feeling that he didn’t even know if they were religious or not. Not that it mattered or anything, but wasn’t that something he should be like...prepared for? Then again, Harry had never really brought up God or prayer or anything…

“Oh God, shut up,” he groaned to himself, yanking on a clean, dark green sweater over his head and slipping on a pair of dark jeans. He tossed his work scrubs into his locker and glanced momentarily into the tiny mirror inside, making a face when he saw his hair. After shoving a few scrub caps out of his way he successfully located his favorite grey beanie and pulled it on, expertly styling his fringe over his forehead before running a hand over his chin, examining his stubble. He knew he should’ve shaved this morning. 

He glanced at his watch again and cursed himself internally, slamming his locker shut and hoping Harry wasn’t seething in the hallway. He jogged out of the room, slinging his bag over his shoulder and saw Arizona happily chattering away with Harry down the hall, and Harry looked absolutely fascinated. 

“Oh, Louis! Finally, you slowpoke.” Arizona poked his arm playfully and Harry grinned, looking over at Louis. 

“Dr. Robbins is hilarious! I’m mad you didn’t properly introduce us before, considering the fact I was the patient that kept crashing her nursery.” Arizona giggled and waved her hand. 

“Oh, please. Those babies love visitors, I swear. They get sick of seeing people in scrubs. But enough of that, you need to catch your flight!” Louis blinked at the two of them, barely noticing he was being shoved into an elevator to get back on the ground floor as Arizona held the door open. 

“Get me something cute from London! Or wherever you’re going!” She waved happily and shut the doors, Harry smiling happily and leaning against the wall as the elevator began to move. 

“She’s lovely; such a sweetheart.” Louis blinked again, tapping his finger against the strap of his bag before turning to face him.

“It took her months to even look at me, let alone like me and you’ve enthralled her as soon as you open your mouth!” Harry shrugged a bit, tilting his head to the side. 

“I’ve got that thing that makes the girls all swing,” he mused, Louis snorting loudly at his quote. 

“Well it’s a damn shame you like men, then.” Harry smirked, shifting the papers in his arms once more. 

“If I can recall correctly, I had the same effect on you. When you walked into my room you dropped my patient files on the floor.” Louis huffed and crossed his arms, looking pointedly at the ceiling. 

“I’d had a lot to drink the night before and was still recovering.” Harry nodded slowly, raising an eyebrow. 

“So I should report that to Liam, right? Being drunk on the job?” Louis slapped his arm probably a bit too harshly and Harry snickered, stepping out as the doors opened. “Just admit it, Louis; I’ve got more charm than you.” 

Louis stopped walking after a moment, watching silently as Harry walked down the hallway towards the front doors in front of them. He pushed his sunglasses back up into his curly hair with one hand as he balanced all of Louis’ research in the other, his large brown boots clinking against the linoleum floor of the hospital lobby. His long white shirt flowed a bit behind him, and Louis smiled cheekily to himself when he saw his ass in those dark, tight skinny jeans, his thighs looking absolutely godlike as he walked further away from him. 

“Yeah, you’re definitely the charmer out of the two us…” Louis quickly caught up to him and saw Harry flash him a smug grin, reaching their taxi that was sitting outside of the doors. 

“Glad you finally see it my way,” he teased, climbing into the backseat and holding Louis’ files in his lap as Louis got in beside him, shutting the door. 

“Seattle-Tacoma Airport, please.” 

Louis had never been a fan of flying. The first airplane he had gotten on was when he decided to leave the UK completely and fly across the ocean to America for medical school. Long story short, it was long and terrible and pretty much ruined the entire flying experience for the rest of his life. 

He and Harry got through security fairly quickly and Louis will admit he was dragging his feet a bit the closer they got to boarding. Harry was oblivious, sitting down on one of the couches and somehow managing to fit all of Louis’ research into his carry on bag. Louis sat down, slumping a bit in the seat as he watched him, falling silent. His stomach was in knots and he felt like he was honestly more scared to meet Harry’s parents than Harry was to actually see them again after a few years. He rubbed at his knee absentmindedly, staring out the window beside him as a steady stream of people moved in and out of their area. 

He barely noticed Harry walk over, didn’t realize he was even near him until he felt his hand slide slowly up his back, his fingers running through his hair and against his scalp. He turned to face him and he must’ve looked pretty pitiful because Harry’s face drooped a bit, dropping his hand gently. 

“You know it would help to sleep on the plane. You worked a lot this week…” Louis sighed haughtily, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes. 

“It’s not that,” he snapped, probably a bit too harshly but Harry seemed unfazed. He kept quiet, still watching him with that same concerned look as he waited for Louis to speak. Louis stared at him for a moment, before pushing himself to sit back up. 

“I don’t...I don’t get serious with guys. I never have. I don’t go meet family members and I’m not supposed to care about this kind of thing but...I do. I really fucking do with you and I just...I don’t want to mess it up.” Harry’s eyes lit up a bit, his face softening up immediately and Louis felt sick with how much it made his heart swell. 

“Oh Louis…” he murmured, shaking his head slowly before pulling his face over, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “My family is going to love you, so much…” Louis’ cheeks were flushed beneath Harry’s hand, swallowing a bit. 

“You don’t know that.” And it was true, he didn’t. His parents could take one look at him and disapprove immediately. Harry rolled his eyes, kissing him again before resting his forehead against his. 

“Regardless of any first impressions they might make, you’re the doctor who saved their only son’s life.” Louis blanched a bit, suddenly realizing what he was saying. 

“Oh Jesus Christ, I AM the doctor that saved your life.” He groaned and buried his face into Harry’s collarbone, Harry giggling softly and rubbing his back. 

“I have Dramamine to help you fall asleep on the plane. Want that 9 hour nap now?” Louis nodded, whimpering a bit as their flight was called over the speakers. 

That Dramamine ended up saving his ass, because as soon as Louis took it he was passed out on Harry’s shoulder, his research and never ending fear of meeting Harry’s parents disappearing for a few hours. He was shaken awake right as their flight was landing, Louis groggily hitting him on the arm as Harry giggled, covering his face with little kisses. 

“Come on, Lou…” Somehow they managed to get off the plane, gather their luggage and make it outside to the groggy London air as Louis kept rubbing sleep from his eyes, following his boyfriend around like a child as he tugged his beanie further over his messy hair, yawning. 

Louis doesn’t really remember the 2 and a half hour train journey to the actual town of Cheshire; he remembers trying to look over his research and Harry constantly reminding him that they got an empty cart for just the two of them since it was so early in the morning. He remembers Harry’s hands on his thighs, and his papers starting to slip onto the floor and then...well, not much after that. 

By the time they got to Cheshire and into Harry’s rental car, Louis’ palms were nearly dripping with sweat, and not just from the hour long makeout session that had ensued on the train. He stared fixedly out the window as Harry drove, trying to nod along with his comments about the town but probably failing miserably. 

He realized the car was slowing down and felt his stomach churn horribly, waiting as Harry parked the car in front of a small, normal looking house, looking either the same or similar to the ones beside and across from it, all arranged in a neat line down the street, a perfect picture of suburbia. Harry was grinning from ear to ear, turning the car off and facing him, nearly bouncing with excitement. 

“Here goes nothing!” he exclaimed happily, jumping out of the car quickly and slamming the door shut as Louis took a shaky breath.

Yeah, he mused to himself, stepping out onto the street and closing the door behind him. Here goes nothing. 

Harry had a death grip on his hand and nearly yanked him around the front of the car, making a beeline for the door. Louis had just begun to take a steady breath when the front door flew open and in the doorway stood a shorter, beaming brunette woman, wearing Harry’s exact smile. She had a soft, gentle face just like her son, her hair falling down past her shoulders, wearing a pretty floral top that reminded Louis of, once again, Harry. There was a younger woman at her side, peering over her shoulder, had to be Gemma. She too had some of Harry’s features, but she held her chin a bit higher than her mum, her hair longer and falling in light brown waves over one shoulder, her arms crossed but beaming happily at them. Harry’s stepdad, Robin, stood tallest out of all of them, his round face slightly pink with excitement, his mustache tickling the top of his nose as he grinned happily, moving his glasses slightly with his hand as he watched. 

Harry slowed down dramatically, his footsteps eventually stopping halfway up the drive as they stepped out. He was all eyes for his mum, seeming to stare her down with a sort of blank look on his face. Louis blinked awkwardly, sliding his hand from Harry’s now loosened grip before stepping back a bit. He didn’t want to seem rude but for some reason he couldn’t watch Harry’s family, so instead he stared at his feet on the ground, praying to God that his boyfriend would grow a pair and go see his mum. 

It was probably only a few seconds, which felt like an eternity to Louis, but then suddenly Harry was jogging up to the front door, Anne meeting him halfway and they immediately enveloped each other in their arms, Anne all but crying as she did. 

“My baby, I can’t believe you’re here! My sweet, sweet thing...I’ve missed you so much…” Louis raised his head up slightly, just in time to see Gemma and Robin hug them from either side, a huge family group hug that had Louis’ heart fluttering and sent a smile upon his lips. This is what Harry deserved all the time; pure love and adoration. He deserved a family like this, and Louis was so very glad he had decided to pick up the phone and call a few weeks before.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice Anne walking towards him, still with that beaming grin on her face. He blinked rapidly and cleared his throat, automatically sweating again. She smiled at him, such a genuine, Harry-like smile that Louis suddenly forgot how to speak for a second, struggling for words. 

“You must be Louis,” she stated simply, tilting her head to the side as if examining him. Louis blinked again, nodding stupidly before shoving out his hand for her to shake. 

“Yes m-” He could literally feel the wind being knocked out of him as she immediately wrapped him up in a hug, squeezing his waist tightly and cutting him off. He heard Harry laugh in the background and Gemma scoffing. 

“Mum, stop! Don’t ruin Harry’s new beau!” Louis felt his cheeks flush immediately, awkwardly hugging her back but smiling slightly nonetheless. 

“Hush, Gemma! Without him my son wouldn’t even be here right now,” she retorted, finally letting go and stepping back to face him, smiling happily at him. “Thank you so much, darling…” Louis wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he merely nodded, feeling the same way he did when he was thanked at work. He looked up and saw Harry sheepishly grin at him, shrugging slightly and his heart filled with love once more. 

Yeah, he’d say he’d done a pretty good job fixing him up. 

When introductions were finally done with, Louis was genuinely surprised at how quickly he started to feel included in everything. Anne had already started cooking and then scent of homemade food when Louis stepped inside was almost overwhelming. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had one; surgeons didn’t ever have time to cook, and when they had time at all it was spent sleeping. He followed Anne around the house for a tour (Gemma was sure to give embarrassing details about Harry’s old bedroom and Louis was already sure they’d be close friends for a long time), talked to Robin about football, entertained Gemma with a couple of surgery stories and before he knew it the day was over and dinner was finished. 

Louis had volunteered to do the dishes afterwards and Harry had immediately jumped at the opportunity as well, the two of them disappearing into the kitchen as the sun went down outside. 

As soon as the stacks of plates were brought in and they were out of earshot, Harry had him pinned against the countertop, kissing him deeply and Louis’ eyes widened in shock, pulling away quickly and pressing his hands to his chest. 

“Harry, come on! I’m in your parent’s fucking kitchen,” he hissed, peering over his shoulder as Harry grinned almost stupidly at him, looking amused. 

“I just love you. So, so so so much, in this moment.” His hands flew to rest on Louis’ hips and he raised an eyebrow, watching him closely. 

“Oh really? Because I offered to do the dishes?” he joked, Harry snorting in response. 

“Shut up. I just…” He smiled again, shaking his head. “You fit in perfectly with them. You didn’t even have to try and they absolutely love you. I’d say that calls for another kiss…” He leaned down once more and met Louis’ lips with his own, Louis absolutely melting as one of his hands flew up to caress his cheek, relaxing against the counter as he kissed him back, humming softly. 

“Mmmm…” He pulled his lips away once more, opening his eyes and smiling smugly at him.  
“Guess it’s just my charm.” he mused, Harry rolling his eyes as Louis giggled at him. “You’re not the only charmer, you know.” 

After everything was cleaned up and goodnights were said (Anne gave Harry and Louis an equal amount of kisses and hugs which made Louis feel strangely warm and accepted inside), they both retired into Harry’s old room, their suitcases sitting on the floor in front of the bed. It was a tight fit and at first Louis was sure he’d be a bit uncomfortable, but needless to say it all worked out. (Louis had a feeling the only sleep he was going to get this entire week was his few hours on the plane ride over.)

Cheshire was as charming as Harry was, and Louis was honestly fascinated with it. It had a different sort of presence, a feeling of togetherness and homeliness that he hadn’t really felt in Doncaster. Then again, it might’ve been due to the fact that his own family was so big and Harry’s was normal sized. He was given a tour of the bakery Harry had once worked at before (not to mention bombarded with hugs by all of the sweet old ladies that worked there) and after that the two had walked a few blocks away to his old high school, munching happily on cookies from a large bag the women had insisted they give the couple. Louis listened with quiet fascination and could physically feel his heart swelling more and more by the minute, watching Harry just ramble on and on about his childhood.

“There’s where I kissed a girl once...I had just performed with my band in the school talent show and she kept gushing about how good I was.” He pointed towards a wall next to one of the auditorium’s back doors, stopping and leaning against the chain link fenced surrounding the building and grinning. “She was a terrible kisser, but I felt like a rockstar. Technically she was like my first groupie, except I didn’t sleep with her or anything.” Louis snorted, shaking his head and finishing his cookie, closing the bag back up before swinging it around in his hands, facing his boyfriend. 

“Maybe she was good and you didn’t know it because you liked men and didn’t realize it yet,” he mused, Harry laughing softly in response and shrugging a bit, turning his body so his back rested on the fence. 

“Yeah, maybe…” He tilted his head upward, his long curls falling off his shoulders and down his back a bit, his large hands intertwining their fingers through the chain links as an awkward silence fell between them. Louis studied him for a moment, scraping his shoe along the concrete sidewalk below them, scuffing up his shoes before turning back to face the school, tapping his finger against the bar. 

“I realized it when I was 17…” He saw Harry turn to face him from the corner of his eye, keeping a straight face and looking forward, staring at one of the brick walls of the school. “I went to a party, and for some reason I had no interest in any of the girls there. Most of them were drunk, but some weren’t and my mates kept trying to hook me up with some, you know, that 7 Minutes In Heaven bullshit and all that…” He scoffed a bit, feeling Harry move closer towards him but kept on talking.

“Well, me and this girl Eleanor got put in a closet together at this party...I’d known her since we were kids, and she’d always had a little crush on me. But that night, with all of our friends taunting and waiting outside the door, she just sat there.” Louis smiled a bit at the memory, running his fingertip along the wiring as he remembered. “I asked her if she wanted me to kiss her and she said of course, but I can tell you don’t want to. And that’s okay.” He shook his head, grinning to himself. “I swear she knew it before I did. And we sat in that closet for 7 full minutes, even made these like, fake moaning noises and banged on the door a couple times for dramatic effect and to trick our stupid friends. She was giggling the entire time.” Louis’ voice faltered, closing his mouth and falling silent, staring at the fence in front of him as he did. 

Harry was still quiet, staring at him and blinking rapidly before suddenly laughing, shaking his head. “Jeez, that’s insane. All that happened with me was an awkward confrontation from Gemma asking if I liked the idea of taking it up the bum. When I said yes, she just nodded and left.” Louis burst out laughing, covering his mouth to muffle his cackle and Harry grinned, reaching out and removing a stray leaf that had fallen into Louis’ fringe. “True story, I’m surprised she didn’t tell you that one. And then I told my friends at school and they all accepted it.” Harry scanned his face carefully as he said that, waiting for Louis’ laughter to subside. “Did you have a problem with anyone accepting it?” 

Louis shook his head slowly, suddenly avoiding his eyes and looking back down at his shoes again. “No, they were all fine with it…” he mused, trying not to focus on the feeling of Harry’s eyes boring into his skull. He could see Harry stand up a bit, his legs straightening up and heard him cross his arms, his jacket rustling loudly. 

“You didn’t tell anyone, did you?” 

These were the times Louis wished he was a good liar. He sighed a bit, still swinging the bag of cookies around as he studied the ground. 

“I didn’t need to. I finished off my remaining year and a half in high school being closeted and honestly, it wasn’t the worst thing. Besides...I didn’t want to be THAT kid. I was scared, you know? A coward, pretty much...I was already an avid performer in theatre, I didn’t need another reason to be picked on…” He swallowed a bit, cursing internally as Harry kept staring him down. 

“So...you what, pretended to be straight?” Louis rubbed his eyes, regretting ever bringing the party story up but Harry was being stubborn, obviously waiting for an answer with his massive arms still crossed over his chest. 

Louis nodded slowly, lifting his head up slowly to finally meet his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Eleanor and I dated for 4 and a half years, starting that night at the party.” Harry’s face went completely blank, dropping his arms suddenly and staring at his boyfriend incredulously. 

“You...you what? Really?” And Louis was so extremely thankful that Harry didn’t sound disgusted or revolted, just...surprised. Concerned, even, which Louis hadn’t had a lot of growing up. He nodded again in response, still watching Harry closely. 

“Nearly married her. Her mum was avid about it, kept dropping hints and Eleanor knew it deep down that we needed to stop, but we had just hit it off so well at that party and become close friends, it was just…” He sighed once more, his shoulders slumping a bit at the memory. “It was a mess, and we were both to blame for it. We were young and stupid and afraid of being ourselves...especially in a town like Doncaster. And once high school ended, we were still scared. This went on as I was going through med school...up until marriage was brought up. We both finally realized this had to end. It was just a bad relationship in general, full of lies and bullshit.” Harry was absolutely silent, shifting around nervously in his spot as Louis finished his little speech, rubbing his eyes once more. He met his green eyes once more, shrugging slightly. 

“It’s over now. I ran away to America to finish school and became a doctor and she lives in London and works for Chanel. We both turned out fine...I don’t know what we were so scared about.” Harry bit his bottom lip, scanning his face slowly with concern. 

“Did you love her?” Louis blinked, squinting his eyes a bit as he thought back for a moment. 

“I think I did. I still do, just not in the romantic way. She’s a great girl, it’s been years since we’ve talked but I feel like if I saw her again it’d be...okay, you know?” Harry nodded quickly, reaching out and rubbing his arms gently. 

“I do…” he murmured, reaching up and brushing a piece of hair from Louis’ eyes. Louis nodded a bit, tilting his head slightly as Harry closed the space between them, looking up at him. 

“I’ve never told anyone that story before. I mean, obviously my family knows since I had to come out to them and everything but...I’ve never told anyone else. Especially not a boyfriend.” Harry’s face melted a bit, a soft smile creeping onto his lips. 

“I get it, though. It’s not something you bring up over dinner or after sex.” Louis chuckled quietly, sliding his arms around Harry’s waist before resting his cheek against his chest. 

“I guess it means you’re a lot more special than I’d thought…” he mumbled, and Louis swore he could hear Harry’s heart rate speed up as his arms tightened around him, encapsulating him into a long, warm hug. Louis closed his eyes for a moment, smiling to himself as Harry pressed a gentle kiss onto his cheek. 

“Thanks for trusting me with your story…” 

Before Louis knew it it was already Wednesday and time to make a hour and a half long trip to Doncaster. Anne held onto Louis a bit longer than her son, rubbing his back and murmuring in his ear. 

“Take care of him, darling...I can’t thank you enough for being here for him…” Louis’ cheeks heated up and he nodded slowly, flashing her a soft smile. 

“I will, I promise…” She grinned happily at him and gave him another kiss on the cheek before letting go. They shoved all of their bags in the back and Louis offered to drive, and as they drove out Harry had his hand out the window, waving to his family as they drove down the street, finally stopping and pulling his hand back in as Louis turned a corner. 

“I’m sorry we couldn’t stay longer…” Louis mused, coming to a stoplight as Harry rolled his window up, shrugging slightly.

“I’ll see them again. Besides, it’s my turn to meet your family now.” He wiggled his eyebrows stupidly and Louis giggled, shaking his head as he pulled back onto the main road.  
“God help them all.”

The drive was shorter than Louis expected, but he figured it had something to do with his companion keeping him laughing throughout the journey, munching on snacks and impersonating other drivers on the road as Louis kept giggling like a child, trying to maintain control of the car as he did. They finally pulled off on the exit towards Doncaster and a sense of guilt started settling in on him. He’d never been one that visited his family often, something that wasn’t right on his part, considering he was the oldest child. It had taken him getting a steady boyfriend to get him to come back home and that didn’t seem fair. Harry was unbothered, staring out the window as the scenery changed and they began driving through the small town, grinning happily at all the buildings they passed. 

“This is cute, Louis! Your typical, average British town.” Louis nodded a bit, still facing forward as he drove, reaching another stoplight. He sighed a bit, rubbing his eyes and Harry shot him a look, frowning a bit in concern. 

“Hey...don’t be nervous.” He reached over, sliding his fingers gently in between his, resting their hands on the center console. “They’re your family...plus you’re a busy man. Famous surgeon, saving lives. There’s not a lot of time for you to visit home.” That was a lie and they both knew it, Louis had had plenty of opportunities during holidays to come back home and never did. But...the gesture was nice, Louis supposed. 

He managed a small smile and nodded again, letting go of his hand as the light turned green again and kept driving, both hands on the wheel. Harry kept staring at him for a few seconds, seeming torn in wanting to say something but decided against it, turning back to look out the window once more. 

The street was all too familiar to Louis and his stomach churned unpleasantly as he turned down it, gripping the wheel a bit tighter. Harry sat up a bit, realizing they were close and began scanning the houses, as if trying to guess which one they were gonna stop at. Louis watched from the corner of his eye as he began to slow down, Harry blinking rapidly and then suddenly gasping, pointing to the house on the corner. “That’s them?! Your family?!” Louis was pretty sure he’d never heard so much glee in his voice as he gestured wildly to the large crowd gathered outside his family home, Louis’ face heating up a bit as he nodded. 

“Yes, that’s the lot…” he muttered, trying to avoid eye contact with his mother as the sound of cheering and clapping echoed through his ears, pulling into the driveway. Harry was absolutely beaming because, of course. Why wouldn’t he be? Harry didn’t have any reason to be nervous; his family was going to completely adore him. He was already waving to Daisy and Phoebe from within the car, turning to Louis with a huge grin as he turned off the engine. 

“I’m already in love with your family.” He reached over and lifted his hand up, pressing a kiss to his knuckles as Louis remained silent, watching him a bit wearily. 

“You haven’t met them yet,” he said simply, ignoring the annoyed look Harry flashed him. 

“Oh come on, lighten up. You’ll have me to run away with this time if things go sour.” Louis knew he meant it as a joke but at the moment, the offer seemed almost too tempting and he nearly started the car back up to leave but Harry pressed a kiss to his cheek and opened the door, ending any potential escape plan he had formulated before.  
He groaned internally, already hearing Lottie and Fizzy introducing themselves in what could only be interpreted as flirtatiously before he stepped out of his own side of the car, nearly being knocked over by two smaller girls. 

“Louis! You’re home, finally!” Daisy’s voice was muffled into his shirt, and Phoebe was squeezing his side as hard as she physically could, trapping him in a hug.

“We missed you, Lou!” And they sounded so genuine and ecstatic that Louis could only grin in response, kneeling down and wrapping them both in his arms, burying his face in their hair. 

“I missed you both more, little ones,” he murmured, kissing both of their heads before standing back up. Fizzy was smiling shyly at him, and Louis was astounded at how old she looked now, her hair long and makeup done. 

“Hey Bubba,” she said, giggling as Louis rolled his eyes. 

“Ah, come on. Bubba?” She shrugged, walking over and wrapping her arms around him gently. 

“It’s been awhile since you’ve been here for me to call you that.” And for some reason that shut Louis up, and all he did was hug her back for a few moments. 

Lottie came after, and Louis could tell she was blushing even beneath all of her makeup. He smirked at her, tilting his head to the side. “He’s quite the charmer, isn’t he?” Lottie grinned and nodded, greeting her brother with a hug. 

“I’ll say. It’s not fair that he’s gay; you’ve got a diamond here, Lou. Don’t tell my boyfriend, though.” Louis laughed and hugged her back, kissing her cheek before letting go. He looked up in time to see Harry standing beside his mother and Dan, looking a bit sheepish. Doris was watching Harry eagerly from Johannah’s arms, Ernest doing the same from Dan’s, fascinated with this new man with long, curly hair in their midst. 

Johannah was all eyes for her son, grinning happily at him as Louis walked over carefully, smiling softly. 

“Hi Mum…” he murmured, leaning down to give her a kiss only to be interrupted by Doris’ loud shriek of recognition, bouncing happily in Johannah’s arms as she saw Louis’ face. His heart absolutely melted, feeling incredibly lucky that his baby sister even remembered him at all. Ernest looked back up at his twin’s cry and his face lit up as well, reaching out immediately for his big brother. Louis grinned and gathered the both of them in his arms, balancing them on his hips as the entire family cooed around him. Doris patted his cheeks happily, giggling loudly as Ernest bounced on his hip, clapping his hands. Louis kissed them both, looking up just in time to see Harry’s face. 

He had a look that Louis hadn’t quite seen on him before; a gentle smile, his head tilted slightly to the side and his eyes with a look of...well, the only word Louis could pick was longing. Harry suddenly noticed Louis was staring him down and then suddenly the look was gone, straightening up a bit and flashing him a cheeky grin, probably hoping Louis’ hadn’t noticed it. 

But, of course, he had. 

After finally getting through hugs and introductions, the rest of the day was spent on the couch in the living room with the couple being bombarded by toddlers every few minutes and having their ears talked off for hours. Louis was used to this, as he had grown up in chaos, and he kept checking on Harry to make sure he wasn’t overwhelmed. 

But of course, Harry was Harry. Doris and Ernest absolutely adored him, refusing to sit in anyone else’s lap but his, tugging on his long hair and constantly throwing toys at him, eager to have someone else to play with and Harry was absolutely thriving, getting along with them perfectly. Louis found himself staring at him a few times, zoning out completely until Lottie or Fizzy had to yank on his arm or snap their fingers in his face. 

Louis blinked rapidly the third time as Lottie smacked the side of his arm, looking a bit distraught at the fact that he had obviously not been listening to her story. He cleared his throat and mumbled an apology, and Lottie followed his gaze back towards the other end of the couch before smiling. 

“Jesus, Louis. You’re really in love with this guy, aren’t you?” Louis huffed a bit, squirming a bit in his seat but didn’t comment, making Lottie grin even more.  
“You’ve got literal hearts in your eyes. Probably planning out your future family home and kids in your mind right now.” Louis rolled his eyes, turning to face his sister. 

“Am not. Besides, we’ve only been together for a few months. There’s no telling what’s gonna happen.” Lottie raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the cushions and folding her arms across her chest. 

“Yeah, that’s why you flew him out to a different country to meet your family, right?” Louis narrowed his eyes and fell silent, wondering when his sister became such a smart ass. 

Dinner that night was nothing less than eventful, the entire family somehow managing to fit at their dining room table. Louis kept smiling into his plate as he watched Harry from his spot besides the twins, occasionally reaching up and helping them eat when they were having trouble. Phoebe and Daisy were entranced by him as well, giggling to themselves whenever Harry spoke. Louis was relaxed, enjoying this dinner and talking to his family until Johannah looked up at him from across the table, taking a sip of her wine before setting it down. 

“Eleanor called last night, Louis.” The awkwardness that filled the air was enough to silence the entire room, even Doris and Ernest. They chewed quietly on their food, looking around the room confusedly as all of the eyes in the room went to Louis, including Harry’s.

Louis remained quiet, taking a sip of his own wine as Johannah watched him carefully. 

“That’s lovely. What did she want, exactly?” Louis could hear the bitterness in his voice and hoped his mum was picking up on it now. He could hear Fizzy tapping her spoon nervously against her plate beside him, and Dan flashed his wife a look before looking down at his own food. 

“Just wanted to check up on us. Asking about the babies, and what not. Told her you were visiting, actually.” Harry’s fork clattered loudly against his plate on Louis’ other side, causing the twins to giggle loudly and somehow Louis just felt a bit sick. 

He nodded once, setting his glass down and licking his lips carefully, studying a pattern on the tablecloth for a moment. 

“Is she coming?” he asked wearily, finally looking up and meeting his mother’s eyes. She eyed him for a moment, seeming to scan his face before looking back down at her food, scooping some more onto her spoon. 

“Actually, no. She’s got a lot on her plate at work and didn’t have time to come down here. But she sends you her love and hopes you’ll call her soon.” The tension seemed to ease from the room a bit at that, the rest of his family going back to eating. Harry, however, remained still, twirling his fork around in his fingers for a minute before slowly going back to eating again. 

Louis took a deep breath, looking back down at his plate before realizing he wasn’t that hungry anymore. Harry peered at him from the side, gently sliding his hand beneath the table to grip his knee, running his thumb along the side of his leg as he kept eating, flashing the twins goofy smiles as they kept laughing. 

Louis was certain his mum hadn’t meant to make things awkward, but she should’ve known it was gonna happen regardless. He and Eleanor didn’t hate each other, really; they just hadn’t exactly spoken to one another since running away from each other a few years ago. It struck Louis as a bit odd that she suddenly wanted to talk to him again, considering how things had ended before. He stirred his remaining food around lazily, keeping quiet until dinner ended. 

Dan had insisted on doing the dishes, thanking Harry for keeping the babies entertained all bloody day and wanted to repay him for it. Louis found himself curled up on the couch half an hour later, watching Harry laying on the floor with the twins, listening intently as they spoke to him in toddler language about all of their toys with Daisy and Phoebe at his side, helping him understand. Fizzy and Lottie were helping Dan in the kitchen, and Louis barely noticed Johannah sit down at his side, brushing hair from her son’s eyes. 

“He’s just wonderful, Louis. Really...I adore him.” Louis smiled softly, looking up to meet her eyes. 

“Yeah? I’m glad I found him…” Johannah fell silent again, letting her hand fall from his face before her face turned a bit guilty. 

“I’m sorry about dinner earlier...I wasn’t thinking, I shouldn’t have told you in front of everyone…” Louis shrugged a bit, turning his gaze back towards his boyfriend on the ground. 

“It is what it is, I suppose. Not like it’s a secret what happened or anything…” Johannah kept watching him closely, running her fingers through her own hair for a moment.

“I think there’s something wrong, Louis. She sounded...off.” Louis frowned, turning back to face her again and sitting up a bit. 

“What do you mean?” he pressed as Johannah sighed softly, shaking her head. 

“I don’t know...she didn’t sound like herself. And she was adamant that I tell you she wanted to talk. Sounded a bit scared, honestly. I think giving her a call would do her some good, if not for the both of you.” Louis scanned her face once more, wondering if she was leaving anything out but she remained silent, going back to watching the scene ensuing on the floor of her living room. 

Louis chewed on the skin of his bottom lip, leaning back against the cushions once more before falling silent for a few minutes. 

“Give me her number before I leave Saturday morning. I’ll call her when I get back to Seattle...” He thought he heard a quiet sigh of relief from his mum before he felt a kiss on the side of his face, small arms pulling him into her side as she hugged her son gently. 

“Will do, darling.” 

Harry and Louis were given the entire basement to sleep in, since Louis’ old bedroom had been turned into a nursery for the twins. Louis felt a bit embarrassed but Harry absolutely loved it, thanking Johannah over and over again, taking all of the pillows and blankets Johannah was giving him. 

“I really appreciate you having me here…” Louis had to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes, fighting back a smile as Johannah waved her hand at him. 

“You’re always welcome here, love. Someone that makes my boy that happy deserves a place in this family.” Louis’ heart did a funny sort of flutter at his mum’s words and Harry was absolutely beaming, his dimples popping from his cheeks as she kissed them both goodnight before leaving them alone and shutting the door. 

Louis took one of the blankets from the stack on the couch, unfolding one and laying it out on the ground as Harry wandered around the room for a moment, glancing at all the photographs that littered the walls. 

“Louis, you were the most adorable kid ever…” he mused, stepping closer and squinting at one as Louis yawned, tossing a couple couch pillows onto the ground before rubbing his eyes. 

“Yeah and I just got better with age. Like fine wine, really.” Harry turned and wrinkled his nose at him, fighting back a grin as Louis winked at him, nodding his head towards the couch. “Get in bed and get some sleep, Curly. I’ve got to show you around the amazing town of Doncaster tomorrow.” 

Harry threw up his hands in fake defeat, making a scene of dragging his feet as he crossed back to the couch, getting a giggle from Louis. He turned off the lights and laid down on the floor, letting out a deep sigh, finally able to relax for the first time all day. 

He heard a loud huffing noise from above him, opening one eye and squinting at Harry’s looming figure in the darkness, standing with his arms crossed. “What?”

Harry looked over at the couch, then back at him. “Why aren’t you laying with me?” Louis sighed and rolled back over, yawning again. 

“It’s too small, Harry. Besides, you should get the couch because you’re a guest. Don’t worry, I’ve had my fair share of sleeping on floors. I’ll be fine.” He rested his cheek back against the pillow, closing his eyes once more, wrapping himself up in a blanket. He began drifting off almost immediately, nearly missing out on feeling Harry slide onto the floor beside him, snaking his arms around his waist and pulling him close. 

“If you’re sleeping on the floor, then I’m sleeping on the floor,” he mumbled softly into his ear, Louis feeling his nose brush up against his neck. He grinned sleepily to himself, humming in response and falling asleep with the feeling of Harry’s lips against his cheek. 

The next two days flew by way too quickly for Louis’ enjoyment. Doncaster was a boring old town, but everywhere he took Harry, he made fun. A trip to his old high school ended up with Harry belting songs from Grease as the couple strolled down the sidewalk, complete with very bad choreography and had Louis clutching his stomach in laughter. Another trip to his old job at a toy store had the two of them sneaking around the aisles with Nerf guns in hand, both of them restraining giggles whenever a confused looking child or an annoyed adult walked past. Louis didn’t care at all; he hadn’t had this much fun in years, and frankly it didn’t matter what the people of Doncaster thought about him anymore anyway. He’d be on a plane soon enough, back to Seattle where they’d have no idea that any of this even happened. 

And anyway, he had Harry to take back with him. Harry, the man who made him feel like he was a teenager again, the one with the shining green eyes and deep dimples that appeared when he was extremely happy. Harry, the man his family had already accepted in a matter of days, the one whom Louis was wondering he had ever survived life without.

Saturday morning came too soon, and Louis was forced to hug everyone goodbye, promising verbally that he’d be back in a couple months for Christmas holidays. 

“I SWEAR this time, you guys! I’ll book my flight on the way home and send screenshots.” He gave Doris another kiss on the cheek, balancing her on his hip as Daisy blinked up at him. 

“Will Harry come back too?” she asked earnestly, and Louis swore he saw Harry’s neck pink up a bit from behind as he leaned down to give Phoebe a hug.  
Louis smiled and nodded, looking down at her. “Yep, I promise that too.” 

When Louis finally gave his mum a hug, she slipped her hand into his pocket briefly, pulling away and smiling. “Her number’s in there,” she whispered and Louis nodded, kissing his mum’s cheek once more as a thank you. 

He and Harry finally managed to get into the car and pull out of the driveway, waving their hands out the window all the way down the block before turning. Harry sighed happily, rolling up his window before turning to face Louis, dimples and all. 

“I want that. I want a family like that someday.” Louis wrinkled his nose playfully, turning on his blinker as he turned left. 

“Eh, it gets old after awhile,” he mused jokingly, Harry hitting him on his arm gently before settling back down in the seat. 

“Very funny. Eh, who knows. Maybe it’ll just be me and you, with our own house and life together. We can invite our families over for like, Thanksgiving or something…” He voice sounded almost dreamlike, as if he were playing this out in his mind already. Louis bit his bottom lip, fighting back a fond grin and merely kept driving, his heart swelling with love inside his chest. 

The plane ride back was almost bearable, save for the fact that this flight had some particularly loud children on it. Louis merely napped on his partner’s shoulder for most of it, using the rest of the time to study the research Zayn had printed out for him in case he started bugging him about it when he got home. Harry was busy staring out the window, humming to himself as he listened to music and occasionally taking Louis’ already read papers from him, neatly filing them back in his bag. 

When they finally landed, Louis nearly cried with relief at the familiar sound of a Seattle rainstorm, smiling at the fact that his flat and king sized bed was only 20 minutes away. Harry planted a kiss on his neck as they stood in the middle of the plane, waiting in line to get off as he set their suitcases down. 

“Mmm, can’t wait to go home and shower...feel all dirty from travelling all day…” Louis blinked rapidly, shifting around a bit in his spot in line and feeling his cheeks heat up instantly. 

“M-me too…” he muttered back, unable to control his voice as Harry’s hot breath fanned against his skin. He heard Harry giggle behind him, managing a quick tap on his ass before the line started moving again, acting completely nonchalant and thanking the pilot and stewardesses as Louis nearly stumbled out of the plane, forgetting to use his words at all. 

He was eager to get home, nearly running down the jetway to get into the terminal and Harry laughed behind him, his footsteps heavy and loud as he strode to catch up with him.  
“Relax, Louis! We’ve got the whole n-” 

Louis felt Harry run right into his back, nearly falling backward as his body collided with his. Louis swayed a bit, his feet seeming to be frozen in place in the middle of the airport floor. Harry huffed impatiently, dropping their bags at his feet. 

“Louis, we’re kinda blocking the exit…” His words didn’t sound English, more like a TV put on mute, mumbled and hazy. Louis was barely registering him at all, swallowing thickly as he felt his breathing increase slightly, his eyes still frozen and staring forward. 

He felt Harry grab his arms after a moment, trying to force him to step forward but Louis had suddenly forgotten how to walk. He saw Harry appear in his peripheral vision a moment later, stepping to his side and staring him down. 

“Louis. What is it? What’s happening?” He followed his line of vision, squinting a bit and trying to make out faces in the sea of people. Louis bit hard onto the inside of his bottom lip, probably drawing blood as a young woman with long, brown hair began making her way towards him, stepping forward shyly. 

She had a slightly guilty look on her face, wearing a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She rubbed at her arm nervously, a small bag at her feet and a purse hanging from her shoulder. She took a shaky breath, as if trying to stabilize herself and Louis completely understood why because it felt like his knees were going to give out at any moment. 

“Hi, Louis,” she managed out, gazing at him from underneath long eyelashes, and Louis’ stomach fell somewhere down towards his toes. 

He cleared his throat, seeing Harry stand up a bit straighter and glance at the girl. 

“Hello, Eleanor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! you've no idea how much I love writing this fic for everyone, please leave comments/kudos! Chapter 9 will be posted as soon as possible!  
> tweet me @ fingerkisslou or greyslarryau if you wanna talk, i need more friends. 
> 
> all the love x


	9. and it's no joke to me, so can we do it all over again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis dropped his towel in the trash can, finally standing up straight and looking her directly in the eye. She was right, of course; their plan had been discussed over and over for the past two days, constantly running through different scenarios in their heads and finding solutions for each one.
> 
> There was really nothing else either of them could do anymore. 
> 
> He took another deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment and just breathing. He heard Amelia do the same thing in front of him, and then after a minute they both opened their eyes again, Louis flashing her a small grin. 
> 
> “Alright, let’s do this.” 
> 
>  
> 
> louis is asked to tackle a nearly impossible surgery, and the stakes are higher than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! i keep telling myself that i'll update more and more consistently, but college started back up a month ago and i got a new job and i'm just exhausted. this is a particularly long chapter, so i hope you all don't hate me for too long!
> 
> i really wanted to delve deeper into louis' character, tackle some more of his traits and throw in a little more medical drama because this is, of course, based off of grey's anatomy. i threw in a wide array of characters into this chapter; don't worry, you don't have to watch the show to understand! 
> 
> i really hope you enjoy it!

Louis was very much used to his days going awry.

Very seldom did he follow a set schedule at work because the day was always changing. Hospitals couldn’t plan out car accidents that were to happen early in the morning, or predict the apartment fire in downtown Seattle later that afternoon. At first it had been quite overwhelming, realizing that he’d have to push surgeries some days in order to help with a trauma, but he got used to it rather quickly. Very rarely did he feel the whiplash that came with sudden surprises happening to him.

This, however...this really took the cake.

Whiplash seemed to be an understatement; his head hadn’t stopped spinning since the moment he saw Eleanor in the airport terminal and now somehow, due to God’s good grace and Harry’s uncanny ability to remain calm in situations like this, the three of them had all made it back to Louis’ flat and he was now sitting on a stool in the kitchen, his elbows resting against the cold granite countertop of his kitchen island as the toes of his shoes skimmed the tile floor, his chin resting against his palms as he stared blankly down at an array of MRI images and paperwork scattered in front of him. He could vaguely hear Harry’s deep voice down the hallway, along with Eleanor’s occasional weak laugh, making Louis’ chest constrict each time she did.

He had, of course, insisted she’d stay with them after their meeting at the airport. No use in staying in an expensive hotel downtown, he remembered saying. Harry had been staring her down the entire time, gripping tightly to his bag as Eleanor nervously nodded in response. She’d avoided his eyes, of course, and Louis remembered his stomach dropping lower and lower as a weird silence fell amongst the trio.

Louis sighed and rubbed his eyes, burying his face in his hands as he remembered her piping up suddenly, her voice soft and weak sounding and just pitiful overall.

“Louis...I really need your help.”

He rested his forehead against the countertop, the cold rock doing nothing to his skin as he had felt sick and clammy ever since she had handed over her thick medical file to him in the car in the way home, looking out the window as Louis had felt himself grow nauseous in the backseat with her, forcing his hands to stop shaking as he had glanced it over it.

Harry had realized something was wrong as soon as they had gotten home, opening his car door rather abruptly and shutting it a little too loudly before he had caught glance of Louis’ face, every trace of annoyance melting away. Louis had given him a brief apologetic smile before helping Eleanor out, and if she’d noticed that his touches were a bit softer and more gentle, she didn’t say anything about it.

Now Harry was showing her the guest room, Louis listening with bile in his throat as he explained where everything was as if she were an old family friend to him. The door shut quietly down the hallway and footsteps approached the kitchen. Louis sat up quickly, rubbing at his forehead at the red spot he knew was now there, clearing his throat as Harry appeared in the doorway, pausing for a moment.

Louis looked up at him wearily, and he wanted to thank him so badly, he really did. Louis truly did not have it in him to look Eleanor in the eye at the moment, let alone show her around the fucking apartment and Harry did it without batting an eyelash. Welcomed his boyfriend’s ex girlfriend and once almost fiancee into their home without a word, and all Louis could muster was a weak, pained smile at him.

Harry wasn’t fazed, simply walked over and pulled up a stool beside him, the metal scraping loudly against the tile as he did before he sat down, scanning the papers and pictures now in front of him. Louis pulled his elbows off and sat back a bit, shoulders slumped forward as he watched Harry’s face gradually fall, his hands resting in his lap as a deafening silence filled the room.

His chest was still tight, a horrible aching pain residing inside of him as Harry finally reached forward, pointing towards the biggest scan of the group, his voice sounding vaguely pained.

“That’s...that’s her brain?” Louis felt himself nodding weakly, turning back to face the picture again as Harry pulled his hand away again, swallowing thickly. He shifted awkwardly in his seat for a moment, eyeing Louis carefully before shaking his head, tilting his head down a bit as his curls bounced gently against his shoulders.

“I’ve never seen a tumor that big in my life.”

And yeah, Louis was expecting those words. He had been expecting the disbelief and pure shock of it all, because it was a monster one. A medical anomaly, something that would surely make medical journals and be the talk of the hospital for days. But Harry fell silent, refusing to speak those unspoken words they were both thinking, to go on any further because he was going to be right and Louis knew it too, knew there was absolutely no fucking way in the world he could get this tumor out of her brain.

And then suddenly it was overwhelming him, his chest finally feeling like it was caving in and he quickly grabbed everything on the counter, sweeping all of the things up in one big arm movement and shakily trying to shove them back into a large manilla folder. Harry eyed him briefly for a moment before getting up and reaching over, taking the folder gently from him and carefully putting them away as Louis began pacing the kitchen, wandering aimlessly around the island as Harry finished up, tossing it back onto the counter. He leaned against the side of it, crossing his arms wearily on his chest, seeming to anticipate the meltdown that was about to ensue.

Louis didn’t look at him, his mind racing a mile a minute as his shoes squeaked against the floor, unconsciously doing laps around the room. What the fuck was he supposed to tell her?

‘I’m sorry Eleanor, but I’ve never seen anything like this and I have no idea where to start with it. Here’s the name of a doctor in Switzerland, good luck.’

‘Eleanor...I’m sorry but there’s really nothing I can do. There’s too many risks, and you’re too young. Go out and live while you can.’

‘This tumor is enormous, I can’t work around it without doing damage to everything else. I’m sorry that I was your last hope. Go home, please.’

Louis didn’t even realize that he had stopped pacing until he saw Harry straighten up out of the corner of his eye, his arms falling back down to his sides. Louis blinked rapidly, lifting his head up and stared at his boyfriend rather blankly, his mouth slightly agape as it all seemed to hit him at once.

“I can’t save her, Harry. There’s no way…” And for some reason Harry seemed to know that his knees were gonna give out, knew that he was going to choke back a sob and he had Louis enveloped in his arms within seconds, pulling him close to his chest and Louis felt everything he had been holding in since the airport start coming out, wrapping his small arms around Harry’s waist and tears began to fall and he couldn’t stop them in time.

Harry didn’t say anything in response; Louis felt his chin come to rest on the top of his head and his large hand begin to rub up and down his back, the other one wrapped around him in a protective embrace as Louis’ body shook a bit more with each shaky breath he took, burying his face into Harry’s sweatshirt. He sniffled a bit, biting his lip and falling silent for a moment as Harry turned his head a bit to rest his cheek against his hair, murmuring softly.

“Just cry, Louis...I know you want to…”

And yeah, Louis fell apart.

He fell apart for the poor girl in the next room who was going to get a rude awakening tomorrow morning, he fell apart for all of the pointless scans and tests her doctors had run and all of the things they had told her. He fell apart for the overwhelming feeling of disappointment and self loathing he suddenly felt, fell apart for the way he knew Eleanor was gonna look at him tomorrow, eyes full of hope and love and that was it all for him, for a man who was supposed to have good answers.

He didn't remember Harry picking him up; his face was buried into his neck and he cried into his skin, hot tears rolling off his cheeks onto him as he took shaky breaths in between each sob, and then suddenly he was in bed, Harry pulling off his shoes as he buried his face into a pillow, his entire body trembling now. He pulled his knees up to his chest, turning to his side and clutching his pillow tightly, trying his hardest to muffle his whimpers into the comforter.

He could hear Harry’s footsteps make their way around the room, back to the closet to put away his shoes and then towards the door to switch off the light. Louis sniffled a bit, staring idly at a spot on the wall in front of him as he felt Harry slide into bed behind him, letting out a shaky sigh as his arms slid around his waist, pulling him close. Louis gratefully rubbed the tops of his hands with his own, still resting his head against the pillow and staring forward.

“What am I supposed to say to her in the morning, Harry?” he muttered, fingering with one of his bracelets as Harry nuzzled his face against the back of his neck, his breath tickling his skin.

“You’re not going to say anything to her Louis, because you don’t know what’s going to happen.” Louis sighed loudly in annoyance, shaking his head but Harry merely squeezed his waist a bit tighter in response, tilting his mouth towards his ear. “I mean it, Louis. I know I’m not a doctor, but all you’ve seen thus far is a bunch of old scans. Things could’ve changed, mmm?” Louis huffed in response, pursing his lip slightly but staying silent nonetheless as Harry kept talking.

“You’re scared because it’s so big. And you’re scared because...well, you care about her. You loved her for years, still do I’m sure.” Louis blinked slowly, trying to find a hint of ice in his voice but of course there was none to be found. He lifted his hands from Harry’s arms, turning himself around to face him. He chewed his lip briefly, staring his boyfriend down incredulously as Harry wiped beneath his eyes with his thumb, looking nonchalant. Louis squinted a bit, watching as he dropped his hand back down onto the bed before opening his mouth.

“What do you think is gonna happen, Harry? What’s going to happen if I take her to the hospital tomorrow and run a bunch of tests and the same things come back? What if the tumor’s bigger?” Harry merely raised an eyebrow, propping himself up on his elbow, his head resting on his palm.

“And what if it’s smaller? What if the small amount of chemo it said she got helped?” Louis groaned again, rubbing his eyes and flopping down on his back, running his fingers through his hair as Harry’s voice grew more annoyed.

“Louis, just listen to me for a minute, okay? You’ve already made this big fucking decision that she’s gonna die from it, all from a bunch of pictures. You haven’t even seen the damn thing, has anyone even cut her head open to see it?” Louis ignored him, rubbing at the bridge of his nose as he felt Harry sit up beside him, the mattress squeaking in protest beneath them.

“What would’ve happened if Niall had decided not to come back and give me those drugs? What if he would’ve just let me die and not taken that chance?” Louis jerked his head sharply to the side, meeting his eyes and giving him a dark look, his stomach churning wildly.

“That was different.”

Harry narrowed his eyes, the light green color sending uneasy chills down Louis’ spine.

“How is it different at all? You’re sentencing Eleanor to death by giving up on her. Ignore the damn tumor for a moment; you’re still not giving her the proper care she came here for.” Louis clenched his teeth, turning his head to the side and Harry merely pressed harder, leaning forward slightly. “You know I’m right.”

Louis groaned again, pushing himself out of bed to stand on the hardwood floor before turning to face him, pointing an angry finger at him. “You don’t get to do that! You’re not a fucking surgeon, you don’t get it! I’m not going to run all of these tests and scans for it all to be a waste and for me to have the same heartbroken, crying girl at the end of the day! All it does is give false hope! I’m not going to be the reason she flies back home to die!” If Harry was taken aback by Louis’ sudden yelling he didn’t show it at all; in fact, his face had become expressionless and stony and it made Louis’ blood boil even more, clenching his hand into a fist and dropping it back to his side before storming to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

He took a shaky breath, squeezing his eyes shut and tried to calm down, willing the stinging tears in the corners of his eyes to go away, running his hands across his face. His chest gradually slowed its rapid up and down movements, swallowing thickly before making his way to the sink, turning on the cold water.

He heard Harry’s heavy footsteps approach the door and the childish part of him turned the water up more, the noise sure to muffle anything he wanted to say. He splashed his face with water, running his hand on the back of his neck before burying his face into a towel for a moment, inhaling the scent of his detergent before drying his skin off, blinking up at his puffy eyed reflection in the mirror.

He looked tired, more than likely due to jetlag but it felt like he’d aged 10 years in the past few hours alone. He ran his fingers along the stubble of his chin, up to his lip where he’d been biting the skin off without realizing it. It was rough against his touch and he dropped his hand back down, turning off the water slowly.

A long bit of silence followed, his heart aching for how he’d raised his voice at Harry. At the same time, though, he felt stubbornly content with it because Harry really didn’t understand. He didn’t know Eleanor, he didn’t know anything about being a doctor. At the end of the day, it was Louis’ decisions that happened, not his.

He braced his palms against the top of the granite counter, leaning against it at an angle before sighing, closing his eyes and mentally preparing an apology. He began to stand up, sniffling a bit before Harry’s soft voice finally broke the silence, muffled through the closed door.

“You talk about these tests like they mean nothing and call them a waste...just remember that the medicine Niall gave me could’ve been a waste too.”

Louis felt bile rise into his throat, swallowing thickly as his stomach lurched suddenly. He opened his mouth to respond but no words came out, and he felt as if his ears were ringing with the truth behind his statement. Louis felt physically sick thinking about a world where he didn’t have Harry Styles in it, didn’t have Harry Styles to wake up to every morning and to dance with in the shower when he knew he was running late for work but didn’t care. The same Harry Styles whose parents he had just met, who sang to him when they cooked in the kitchen and who knew exactly where to massage him after a hard day at work. The same Harry Styles with the dark pink lips that kissed him to sleep every night, and then suddenly it hit him out of nowhere.

Eleanor was probably that for someone else, back home in London.

Louis wanted to cry all over again, shaking his head and burying his face into his hands for a moment. He hadn’t asked her about anyone she was seeing; the topic hadn’t necessarily come up amongst other pressing matters. But it made sense; why wouldn’t he give her the same chance Harry had gotten? She needed someone to fight for her.

And, of course, Harry had been right.

He dropped his hands and turned for the door, pushing it open with an apology already on his lips before he was met with a very empty bedroom. He blinked slowly, staring at Harry’s side of the bed before internally kicking himself, sighing softly and shutting the bathroom door. He was still upset with him; and yeah, Louis had yelled, he knew it. He frowned, rubbing at his palm with his thumb like he always did when he was nervous before walking across the room to the door, making his way into the hallway towards the kitchen. He peeked briefly into the hall bathroom, then at the bottom of the guest room door where Eleanor’s light was already off, biting his lip.

He turned the corner, meeting the bright red color of Harry’s pajama pants and white t-shirt, his back turned to him as he faced the stove. Louis eyed the box of tea on the counter beside him before nervously shuffling inside, the two of them separated by the massive granite island.

“Harry, I’m sorry...you’re absolutely right, everything you said…” His voice was soft and Harry showed no sign of hearing him, busy with the kettle in front of him as Louis’ heart continued to sink.

“She deserves a fighting chance...deserves someone to fight for her, and I get that now. She...she hasn’t had that yet…” Louis kept rubbing his thumb into his palm, pressing harder into the skin before sighing. “I’m gonna try and do everything I can for her...if it were you, you know I’d do the same thing…” He froze suddenly, seeing Harry finally turn around to meet his gaze, holding two mugs of tea in his hands and wearing a smirk on his face.

“I’m always right, you’d better learn that now or else this relationship won’t work out.” Louis blinked at him, watching him blankly as Harry walked around to meet him, shoving a mug into his hand and planting a kiss onto his nose. “Don’t worry about yelling at me; I was being stubborn. It was kinda hot, actually.” Louis was still shell shocked, staring at him in disbelief before Harry started walking back towards the bathroom, blowing on the top of his tea before calling out behind him.

“Made it with two sugars, just how you like it!”

And yeah, he guesses that was the first fight he ever had with Harry Styles.

The next morning (after a long night filled with lazy makeout sessions instead of sleep due to wonderful jetlag), Louis found himself picking at his breakfast, running his fingertip along the rim of his coffee mug as Harry and Eleanor chatted happily about something Louis had no idea about, home decor or something along those lines. He looked down the hallway towards the front door, where his bag was hanging on a hook beside it, the manila color of Eleanor’s scan envelope poked out the top. He grimaced slightly, turning back down to face his plate of eggs and forced himself to eat a couple more bites before Harry walked over, dangling his keys in front of his face.

“You’re gonna be late, love…” he murmured, leaning against the island as Louis watched Eleanor slip on her coat out of the corner of his eye, making her way to the front door before he sighed softly, meeting Harry’s eyes.

“Okay…’m gonna be late tonight probably, I’m pushing a couple surgeries to get her tests done…” Harry nodded sympathetically, dropping the keys into Louis’ waiting hand as he stood up.

“Don’t worry about it...just text me when you leave, I’ll order us Chinese or something tonight…” His voice was oddly quiet, a sense of uneasiness in his tone and Louis forced a small smile.

“Thanks, Curly…” Harry cracked a grin at that, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Call me at lunch, okay? Well, if you’re not too busy…” And Louis could tell by the way his voice trailed off that he meant, “if he felt like talking at lunchtime.”

Louis merely nodded, flashing another soft smile before turning, clutching his keys in his hand and walking towards the front door, grabbing his coat on the way out. Eleanor avoided his eyes, shoving her hands into her pockets before murmuring a goodbye to Harry before following him out, and when the door shut behind them Louis knew it was going to be a very long day.

The ride to Mercy Hospital was painful, to say the least. Neither of them knew what to say, and Louis realized that this was the first time they’d seen each other in years, ever since they’d run away from their potential engagement. When they reached a red light, Louis took a deep breath and turned to face her, smiling as much as he could muster.

“I’m sorry I sprung Harry onto you like that...he’s a talker, but I think you two hit it off quite well, from what I could tell from this morning.” Thankfully, Eleanor flashed him a sincere grin, nodding quickly before sitting up a bit in her seat.

“He’s really lovely Louis, I adore him.” she replied, still fidgeting idly with her hands in her lap. Louis tapped his thumb against the steering wheel for a moment, an awkward silence falling between them again before he chewed on the inside of his cheek, looking back over.

“Do you...do you have anyone back at home?” Louis watched as her cheeks flushed a bright red color, meeting his eyes with a fond scrunch of her nose.

“Yeah...her name is Sophia…” Louis’ heart fluttered a bit, a smile creeping upon his lips without even realizing it as Eleanor began to mess with a charm bracelet on her wrist. “We’ve been together for almost 2 years now…” Louis merely stared at her, a warm feeling filling the inside of his chest before a loud honk behind him interrupted his thoughts, turning back to face the new green stoplight and hitting the gas abruptly, Eleanor giggling softly before relaxing back into her seat and Louis tried to ignore the way his stomach was flipping nervously now. His smile slowly faded, sneaking glances at the woman beside him now with a newfound feeling of fear. Now that he actually knew she had someone back home, had her own Harry...well, it just set the stakes even higher now.

Louis had paged Zayn that morning, insisting that he get together a specific group of surgeons along with Liam in the neurological ward. When he and Eleanor finally made their way there he was met with Niall and Zayn in the doorway, along with Liam, Arizona, Mercy’s other neurosurgeon Amelia Shepard, Meredith Grey, Alex Karev, Miranda Bailey, Owen Hunt and Richard Webber. Louis felt Eleanor stiffen up at his side and he immediately flashed her a smile, struggling to maintain his calm demeanor before turning to Niall and Zayn.  
“Okay you two, this is Eleanor Calder. She’s a good friend, more like family and I need you to run a full workup on her. Don’t skip anything, and make her top priority. As soon as you get the results bring them to me.” Niall nodded eagerly, Zayn looking a bit disgruntled at the fact that he wasn’t going to be here for the discussion but nodded nevertheless, leading the trio out the door before shutting it behind him.

Arizona immediately bounded over, giving him a hug and smiling brightly. “How was London? Did Harry like your family?” Louis smiled a bit, admiring Arizona’s cheerful mood before setting his bag down on the table, pulling out the envelope from it.

“It went very well, thank you…” he mused, walking towards the huge wall in front of him before he slowly began to pull out all of his scans. Meredith leaned against the opposing wall, still looking a bit sleepy with a cup of coffee while muttering something to Alex beside her. Owen bounced on his feet, probably eager to get back down to the trauma ward while Miranda and Richard were chatting about something on the other side of the room. Amelia, however, remained still and silent at one end of the table, sitting in a chair and watching Louis with expectant eyes. Louis swallowed thickly, flashing her a look that he hoped showed her the mess she was about to see.

Liam cleared his throat suddenly, stepping forward into the middle of the room as everyone fell silent. Liam rubbed his hands together, gesturing towards Louis briefly.

“Dr. Tomlinson has a patient that came to him for help just yesterday, and he was hoping you’d all help him out with his consult, hence why we called this meeting together.” Louis blanched a bit, feeling all of the eyes in the room suddenly turn to face him, blinking rapidly.

“Yes, well...let me just, show you…” He quickly turned, grabbing the scans from his envelope and pinning them to the wall. He could hear uneasy chatter start up behind him, ignoring the way his heart was pounding against his ribcage before he finished, turning on the light to shine beneath them before stepping back.

The deafening silence that suddenly filled the room was not what Louis was expecting. He scanned their faces briefly, taking in all of their expressions; Meredith’s hard and stony one, Richard and Miranda’s dumbfounded, Arizona’s sympathetic and Alex and Owen’s uneasy. Amelia’s face remained blank, her arms folded across her chest, still in her seat at the table.

Liam looked nervous, frowning slightly at the scans in front of him as Louis opened his mouth.

“Look, I know it’s bad. It’s the biggest butterfly tumor I’ve ever seen, taking up so much of her brain. She’s got limited time before it starts taking her vision.” Again, silence rang in his ears.

“She came to me for a last chance, something new to give her. She had limited chemo treatments, but I don’t know if those did anything to help. I’m waiting on new scans to see.” He eyed all of them uneasily, fighting the urge to wipe his now sweaty palms on the sides of his scrubs. “I just...I need to try something. Anything, really. I just don’t know where to start.” He finished speaking, wringing his hands in front of his body for a moment before Alex finally spoke up.

“Louis...that’s huge. You said it yourself...I don’t think there’s anything left to be done. All that you’d do is damage every other part of her brain in the process.” Meredith shuffled uneasily at his side, still clutching her coffee cup before frowning at him.

“I agree. You could try, cut her open and see but...it wouldn’t do much.” Louis ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach as Meredith pressed on. “Derek would’ve done some chemo, and then let her be if that didn’t work. Sometimes you can’t work around these things.” Louis nodded once, meeting their eyes briefly before turning to face the rest of the room.

They all said the same things; the tumor was enormous (like he didn’t know that), if her vision was being threatened, she was too far gone, the only option was chemo, he heard it all. Half an hour later he watched all of them make their way out of the room except for Amelia, who was still frozen in her chair, still staring down the scans. She hadn’t said a word the entire time, not even reacting to anyone’s comments.

Louis heard the door close behind them, finally turning to face her fully and walked over, sitting down beside her quickly. He was surprised at the amount of strain his voice held, of pure desperation and the hope of any good news he could possibly give Eleanor later on.

“Amelia...what do you think?” he murmured, already chewing on the skin of his lip as she merely stared in front of her, her eyes narrowed in silent concentration.

She finally turned to face him, blue eyes meeting blue as her long brown hair bounced off her shoulder, her face looking slightly pained.

“I think that it’s a monster tumor,” she replied, and Louis suddenly felt sick, sinking back into his seat before she stood up out of hers.

“It’s true, my brother would’ve given her chemo and left, but…” Louis blinked at her, watching as she walked over to a particular picture, staring at it for a moment before turning to Louis with a weak smile. “But I’m not my brother.” Louis felt blood rushing in his ears, his heart suddenly pounding again before he leapt up from his chair, making a beeline for her.

“Are you saying that you have a plan?” he pressed, Amelia pursing her lips slightly.

“I’m saying that I tackled a tumor like this a couple years ago, at a different hospital. Same placement, same structure. I removed the entire thing but the process damaged her optic nerve and she lost her sight.” Louis’ blood froze for a moment, his mind immediately reminding him that Eleanor worked in fashion and that loss of her sight would devastate her. He shook his head quickly, opening his mouth to speak before Amelia held a hand up, raising an eyebrow.

“Listen, Louis. I saw what I did wrong that time, and now...I’m not promising anything, but...we could tackle this together and just maybe...she’d have a chance. Maybe.”  
And really, that was good enough for Louis. The mere thought of having something good to tell Eleanor today was enough to melt away the icy cold feeling he’d had inside of his chest all day and he grinned at Amelia, nodding quickly.

“I’ll take whatever I can, Amelia.” She smiled happily at him, touching his arm for a moment before turning on her heel and walking towards the door.

“I’ve got a nerve repair in half an hour, page me when you get the results and we’ll look over them at lunchtime, alright?” Louis beamed happily and nodded again, thanking her over and over before she made her way out of the room and Louis turned back towards the pictures hanging on the wall.

The small, grey butterfly shape in the center of Eleanor’s brain didn’t look so scary anymore. He preferred to think of it as just that, a butterfly; the name glioblastoma had a sickening connotation to it, making him uneasy and nervous when he saw the word come up over and over again in her papers. He walked over to a particular picture in the middle, yanking it from its spot and squinting at it for a moment. His blue eyes traced around the dark frame of the tumor, already visualizing ways to get it out completely with Amelia’s help and he couldn’t stop the smug smile that suddenly appeared on his lips.

‘Inoperable tumor’ were words no longer in his vocabulary.

Eleanor’s tests were finally completed just as Louis was finishing up a quick surgery later that morning, his phone buzzing with a page that his nurse promptly read as Louis was closing up.

“From Dr. Malik: tests are done, have the results ready for you in the meeting room” she read out, Louis’ stomach flipping a bit but he nodded anyway, setting down his tools.

“Thank you...can you finish this up? It’s only a few more sutures…”He flashed her a grateful grin as she nodded quickly, Louis stepping back and making his way into the scrub room, stripping off his bulky scrubs and gloves before washing his hands rather roughly. He wondered idly if Zayn had peeked at the scans; wondered if he was solemnly waiting downstairs with an armful of results that were way worse than before, or if by some miraculous reason the thing had shrunk from chemo. He shook the water off of his hands, reaching for paper towels to dry them off before pulling off his mask, throwing them all in the trash and walking out the door.

The walk to the elevator seemed a mile long; he received a sympathetic look from Meredith Grey on the way there, and once inside he could feel Alex Karev’s eyes boring into the back of his skull, probably still wondering why he’d ever imagined he could operate in the first place. Louis messed idly with his hands, staring at the ground before the doors opened with a loud beeping noise and he rushed out of there, making a beeline for the room at the end of the hallway. His phone bounced against his thigh in his pocket and he had the strange urge to suddenly call Harry. He nearly did it too, if not for the sudden interruption of his thoughts from Zayn yanking the door open, his eyes wide with excitement and a huge grin before he pulled Louis in, shutting the door quickly.

“About time, I’ve been waiting to open this for hours now!” He held up a huge manila envelope and Louis swallowed thickly, taking it gently from him as Zayn nearly bounced around him in circles.

“Niall’s still with her; she thinks he’s hilarious. They’re in her own room, probably talking up a storm but I told them I was gonna stay and see the scans with you first…” He raised an eyebrow at Louis, as if expecting him to protest or tell him he had to leave but Louis merely nodded once in response, half listening and still staring at the envelope in his hands before glancing over at Zayn.

“You haven’t looked at all?” Zayn shook his head quickly, gripping onto the back of one of the chairs as Louis chewed on his lip.

“No, not at all...I figured you should see them first, you know?” His tone was a bit uneasy now, still bouncing around nervously and it was making Louis more and more uncomfortable with each passing moment. He ran his thumbnail along the pads of his fingers for a moment before clearing his throat and opening the top of the envelope, yanking out the first scan he touched.

Zayn straightened up immediately, rushing to his side just as Louis was holding it in front of him, and then a terrible, awful silence filled the room.

All Louis could hear was his own heart beating against his chest, his arm shaking slightly as he stared almost blankly at the scan in front of him, Eleanor’s once perfectly shaped butterfly tumor now a huge mass of grey in the middle of her brain. He felt immediately sick, the contents of his small breakfast threatening to come back up as he felt Zayn visibly cringe beside him.

“Jesus Christ, it’s...it’s huge now, it’s got no shape to it anymore…” Louis gritted his teeth, a strange feeling of anger flaring up inside of him. He wasn’t fucking blind, he thought bitterly, quickly setting the photo down on the table before yanking out another, this time a side view and his throat was burning with bile now. It looked even worse from this angle, a massive array of blobs and shadows taking up nearly a fourth of her brain space, and Louis squinted closer, sucking in a breath suddenly.

“Look how close it is to her optic nerve now…” Zayn sighed loudly beside him, flopping down into one of the chairs in defeat as Louis shakily set it down, along with the rest of the envelope, not bothering to look at the rest.

Yeah, he definitely needed to talk to Harry now.

And really, it wasn’t his fault that Amelia walked in on him half an hour later, in tears on the phone with his boyfriend, sitting on the floor in front of the wall covered with scans of Eleanor’s brain, wasn’t his fault that the damn chemo hadn’t worked and now he couldn’t stop crying because she was gonna die anyway.

He could barely hear Harry’s voice in his ear, sniffling loudly as Amelia quickly shut the door, setting down the apple she was in the middle of eating before rushing over to Louis, kneeling down.

“Stop that. Right now.” she demanded, grabbing ahold of his arm and yanking him up. Zayn had left right before Louis had started crying, mumbling something about going to help Niall before Louis had pulled out his phone and attempted to tell Harry what the scans had shown before he couldn’t hold it in anymore. Louis blinked rapidly at her, nodding quickly and wiping his eyes.

“Harry, I gotta...I gotta go…” he managed out, watching nervously as Amelia backed up a bit, standing in front of the scans with her arms crossed and her face stony.

Harry sighed on the other end of the line, Louis listening to the crackle in his ears as he moved the phone. “Okay, love…” he mused, Louis sniffling again before running his fingers through his hair with his free hand. “Please text me before you leave today, and don’t stress yourself out. You tried your best for her, you can’t help this. Things happen out of our control sometimes.”

Louis felt himself nodding along and then suddenly realized Harry couldn’t see him, clearing his throat suddenly.

“Thank you, Curly…” he murmured, staring down at the floor for a moment before sighing softly. “I love you…”

“I love you too, Louis.” Harry answered back, and then the next moment Louis was met with a dull ringing noise in his ears. He pulled his hand down slowly, hitting the lock button with one of his fingers before lifting his head back up, Amelia still standing in the same spot and position. Her silence was expected, obviously, but Louis still felt his blood running cold as she made no effort to move, merely staring at the complete and utter mess that was now Eleanor Calder’s brain, and Louis ran his hands across his face, wiping the rest of his tears away before throwing them up in slight annoyance.

“Say something, Amelia. Anything.” She ignored him, tapping her fingertips gently against the side of one arm before she took a step closer, squinting her eyes slightly. Louis sighed, leaning against the edge of the table and for a moment, neither of them said a word. Louis felt too emotionally drained to even move at this point, staring blankly at a stain on the floor before Amelia turned to face him once more, dropping her arms.

“We’re still going to operate,” she stated simply, and Louis frowned, looking up at her suddenly in disbelief.

“We’re what? I’m sorry, are we looking at the same fucking scans?” he snapped, and Amelia winced a bit at that, jutting her chin out in defiance.

“You heard me right. Just hear me out, if we can cut her open and see the thing directly, I’m sure something can be done…” Louis shook his head quickly, turning away and rubbing at his temples as Amelia barrelled on.

“I’m completely serious about this, Louis! We have to try something, and frankly there’s not much to lose here if we don’t get it! She’s got MAYBE a month before her sight goes with how fast that thing is growing!” Louis felt his chest tighten up at her words, grimacing before turning to meet her determined eyes once more, watching her sadly.

“Amelia, I get it. I really do. But...look, she’s one of my best friends. She’s the closest thing I had ever had to loving someone before I met Harry. All we’re going to do is...experiment on her,” he spat out, the sudden reality of his words hitting him before he continued on. “She’s not a dummy for us to try things out on. She’s still alive, still here; not a corpse down at the morgue.” Amelia sighed a bit, tilting her head and giving him a sympathetic look before placing her hands down on the table.

“I understand where you’re coming from,” she mused softly, watching Louis closely before pursing her lips. “But think about it; wouldn’t you want her to live even a little bit longer? I know that this is almost impossible and that the entire thing is extremely difficult to take out but wouldn’t she want was to take that chance?” Louis eyed her briefly, pressing his thumb into his palm before Amelia crossed over to his side.

“Worse comes to worse, it doesn’t work. Her sight is taken, and then later on she dies. The same thing WILL happen if we don’t do anything. Why can’t we at least try?” Louis stared at her for a moment, his heart still aching but she did have a point. She flashed him her best attempt at a smile, taking his hand suddenly.

“We can do this, Louis. We have the capability to at least try. We need to convince her to take this second chance.”

For a moment, he said nothing. His mind was racing, seemingly trying to analyze everything that could happen with this surgery. If he was being realistic, he knew for a fact that there was no possible way to accurately predict outcomes of surgeries. Too many things could go wrong, there were too many variables to take into consideration...and that was terrifying to him.

But, of course, he’d seen miracles happen. He played nervously with the fabric of his scrub leg, recalling Harry’s words from last night about how Niall had taken a chance with him and he’d survived. He could feel Amelia’s eyes boring a hole into the side of his face, and he sighed heavily, finally meeting her gaze.

“Fine. I’ll do it,” he muttered, watching her miserably as she bounded over and enveloped him into a hug, already smiling.

“Fantastic! We just need to ask her...do you think she’ll be willing?” Louis snorted, shoving his hands into his pockets and already walking out the door.

“Willing? You won’t even be able to get the words out before she says yes. She’s always been like that; a fighter.”

Sure enough, Amelia had all of Eleanor’s consent forms signed within the next hour and Louis texted Harry to come pick her up while he finished work. Amelia was already in the lab on the neuro floor, hard at work while Louis leaned against the wall outside of the front doors, Eleanor a few feet beside him, running the toe of her black heels against the sidewalk while they waited for Harry.

Louis could sense her gazing at him every couple of minutes, then look back down at the ground. He really didn’t have it in him to talk right now; he had stayed mute the entire time Amelia explained the surgery, the risks involved, the fact that neither of them had a surefire plan yet and still she agreed without any hesitation. Frankly, it made Louis feel extremely nauseous.

Louis watched as Harry pulled up and Eleanor stepped forward, taking her seat inside as Harry got out, standing beside the car for a moment and shooting Louis a hesitant look, tapping his fingers on the top of the door. Louis bit his lip for a moment, before pushing himself off the wall and walking over.

Harry shut the door quickly, casting a glance at Eleanor through the window before turning back to face Louis, immediately reaching up to touch his arms gently, running his hands up and down soothingly. “Are you alright?” Louis didn’t even realize he was twisting away from his touch, taking a step back before he caught sight of Harry’s face, weary and a little bit hurt.

“I’m fine…” he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his palms for a minute as Harry dropped his hands again, watching him silently. Louis looked back up at him, forcing a smile before biting his lip. “Just have to go figure out what the fuck I’m gonna do.”

Harry kept quiet, watching him intently. For a moment, the only sound between them was the car running, and Louis looked back towards the doors.

“I uh...I’ll probably be late tonight, I don’t know…” Harry nodded quickly, tilting his head to the side.

“Yeah yeah, I get it...don’t worry about it…” His voice trailed off and Louis was itching to get back inside, desperate to try and figure something out and Harry was just...here, and it was so tempting to just go home and lay in bed and cry some more with him.

Louis tapped his finger nervously against the hood of the car, staring off at nothing in particular and barely heard Harry sigh in front of him.

“Well, I love you.” Louis swallowed thickly, closing his eyes for a moment. He hadn’t felt this stressed out in so long, and it was so weird to have someone here for him to help. He wasn’t complaining; Harry was great to talk to, but at the same time he felt a new sort of pressure not only to help Eleanor, but not to let Harry down either. He felt sick thinking about what Harry would think if the surgery failed, or if it ended up killing her anyway.

Louis opened his eyes, turning to look at him once more before nodding a bit, walking over and sliding his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

“I love you too…” He rested his head against his chest and Harry seemed surprised at first, but quickly hugged him back tightly, resting his cheek on his hair and rubbing his back for a few moments. Louis buried his face into his shirt briefly, taking a deep breath and inhaling the strong scent of his cologne before standing back up, reluctantly letting go of his waist. Harry watched him glumly, slowly dropping his hands back down.

“Text me when you leave? Tell me if you’re hungry then. I’ll grab dinner…” Louis smiled a bit, nodding.

“I will…” He looked down at his pager, sighing at the time and turned to leave before Harry’s hand was around his wrist, swinging him back around gently and leaning down, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Louis blinked in pleasant surprise, kissing him back briefly before Harry pulled away, flashing a cheeky grin at him. Louis smiled despite himself, watching as Harry got back into the car, pulling away and driving off. Heart still fluttering slightly, he made his way back inside, smiling down at his shoes as he did.

The few hours he spent in the lab with Amelia felt like days to Louis. They spent their time walking in circles around the room, all of Eleanor’s scans hanging from the wall in front of them. Niall and Zayn occasionally popped inside with stacks of research all regarding glioblastoma, and Louis watched with dismay as the table in the room got more and more cluttered with things that weren’t actually helping them at all. Louis found himself shuffling through paper after paper, slouched down in his seat around 10 that night, while Amelia kept pacing back and forth across the wall, tapping her mouth with a pen as she did.

“I know that I can get most of it out if start with a simple craniotomy on her skull…” She took a step forward towards one of the pictures, squinting at it for a moment. “But it’s so...big, and it wraps itself around healthy tissue so easily…” She sighed a bit, stepping back again, clicking her pen nervously in her hand. “There’s no way to tell what’s good and what’s not…”

Louis tapped his finger against the wooden desk, staring blankly at an ink stain on one of the papers in front of him. They had decided on a technique, a game plan for the actual surgery...but neither of them knew what to expect from a tumor like this. The longer they waited, the shorter time Eleanor had at all.

For a moment, a tense silence filled the room, and Louis wanted nothing more than to escape and go home. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, sitting up a bit and shoving a stack of papers out of the way. One of the folders sitting on the top slid to the side and fell into his lap, and he picked it up before suddenly freezing up, his eyes widening slightly.

Amelia, turned to face him, blinking slowly before walking over tentatively. “Louis?” She waved her hand in front of his sightline, sounding confused, but Louis ignored her completely, his eyes scanning the piece of paper that was now being held in his eyes, standing up quickly.

“Light! That’s what we need!” Amelia jumped slightly, taken aback with his loud voice as he ran over to her, shoving the piece of paper in her hand. “I remember this! Doctors at Columbia have been doing it since last summer!” Amelia slid her pen back into her pocket quickly and snatched the paper from him, blinking rapidly as realization struck her face.

“Oh my God…” she murmured, looking up at Louis with her mouth slightly agape. “Of course! She gets an intravenous injection of this sodium fluorescein through the bloodstream, the dye goes straight to the cancer cells in the brain-”

“And once we take out what we can see, we turn on a fluorescein light on the microscope and everything left glows blue!” Louis’ heart was pounding against his chest and the two of them stared at each other in pure shock for a moment, their eyes wide. Amelia immediately threw his arms around him, squeezing him into a tight hug.

“I can’t believe we didn’t think about that! Louis, you’re a genius!” Louis let out a strangled sort of laugh, unable to get any actual words out, hugging her back just as tightly, a grin spread across his face. Relief spread across his body like warm water; no longer did he feel as afraid and cold like he had a few minutes ago. Sure, they were still going to have a hell of a time removing the tumor, but for now all he knew was that he could go home to Eleanor and Harry with some good news, some good plans; just some hope in general.

Amelia and Louis threw themselves into further research regarding the dye and all of its surgeries for the next hour, even leaving a message for the neuro department at Columbia for further questions before Amelia realized how late it was.

“Owen’s blowing up my phone...I said I’d be home soon an hour ago.” She smiled at Louis, setting down a couple of files as Louis closed his laptop, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“I think we’ve done all we can tonight…” he agreed sleepily, running his fingers through his hair as Amelia stood up.

“You can tell her our plan for now; I looked over my schedule, we can fit her in on Tuesday.” Louis blanched for a moment, blinking slowly.

“Three days? Are you sure?” Amelia gave him a weary smile, grabbing ahold of his shoulder gently.

“The longer we wait, the worse it gets. We have a solid plan; there’s not much more we can research anyway. We’re gonna tackle this as soon as possible so she can get back to her normal life, Louis.” He thinks he remembers nodding at her, the room seeming to spin slightly for a moment and he barely realized she was gone until the door closed behind her, leaving him alone and surrounded by Eleanor’s scans. His hand was still raised in a weary goodbye, and he dropped it back into his lap, looking around him for a moment before standing up. His legs ached painfully, sighing softly before stretching for a moment, glancing down at his scrubs in sleepy dismay.

Five minutes later found Louis in his car, too tired to even change into his regular clothes as he shot Harry a quick text before pulling out of the parking lot to get back home. The sound of his car running and the tires against the road was all he could hear for awhile, his mind racing at the various outcomes of the surgery.

It could go horribly wrong; the dye could end up not working, or her pressure could drop during surgery or she could start hemorrhaging. On the flip side, he and Amelia could manage to get the entire thing out. Louis swallowed thickly, gripping the steering wheel a bit too tightly at a red light as his stomach churned nervously. He remembered how eager Eleanor had been for this, how she had patiently listened to all the possible disasters that could happen and how she signed the consent forms without hesitation. She’d flown all the way here to seek Louis’ help; she had so much trust in him. There was absolutely no way he could fuck this up.

When Louis finally arrived home, he trudged slowly to the elevator and up to the top floor, walking down the hall and unlocking his door before going in. The kitchen light was still on, as well as the living room one but he couldn’t see anyone. Dropping his bag down on the floor beside the door, he slid off his coat and walked slowly around the room, making his way into the empty kitchen before frowning. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he saw a text from Harry informing him that he’d gone to get food and Louis relaxed a bit. He dropped his keys onto the granite countertop along with his phone before glancing down the hallway, seeing Eleanor’s door wide open and the light on as well. He realized sadly that the two of them had barely spoken to each other since her arrival two days ago, and he chewed on his lip briefly before walking towards her room, peering inside.

The door to her bedroom’s little patio was open, and Louis could see her curled up in one of the chairs, her arms wrapped around her knees and facing the beautiful view of Seattle in front of her. Her back was turned away from Louis and he tiptoed his way across the room, around her scattered suitcases and belongings before knocking lightly on the doorframe.

Eleanor looked over quickly, relaxing and shooting him a small smile. “Hi, Louis…” she murmured, turning back to face the city as Louis sat down in a chair beside her still quiet. “Seattle is beautiful, really...people don’t give it enough credit.”

Louis smiled at that, nodding in agreement with her. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool…” He folded his hands into his lap, following her gaze for a moment and they sat in a peaceful silence, occasionally being interrupted by a stray siren or honking from a car below.

After a few moments, Louis turned his head slightly to face her, clearing his throat a bit. “So, Amelia and I...we’ve got a plan for your surgery, and we want to do it on Tuesday.” Eleanor glanced at him quickly, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“Really?” Her voice was slightly unsteady and Louis nodded quickly, turning hit body completely to face her.

“Yes, and we’ve thought it through a lot, this is really the only option we’ve got…” He explained in detail everything Amelia and he had discussed earlier, from the very beginning up to the removal. “And then, in order to make sure everything’s out, we’re going to use something called sodium fluorescein to light up the spots we didn’t catch before.” Eleanor gaped at him, her eyes wide in shock.

“What do you mean light up?” she asked, but to Louis’ surprise it wasn’t out of fear. She sounded genuinely interested, more concerned about what exactly it was instead of what it was going to do to her brain. Louis fought back a grin before continuing.

“It’s a dye that we inject into your veins before surgery. It directly attacks cancer cells, and in this case your tumor. Once we get what we can, we turn on a special light and the spots we didn’t get light up.” He looked up briefly at the skyline again before pointing towards it. “Think about it like this; if one of the lights in the huge buildings went out right now, in the dark, you’d be able to clearly see it, right? All defined and what not?” Eleanor nodded slowly, realization spreading across her face.

“Oh, wow...that’s amazing!” She turned back towards Louis, a grin spread across her face. “I’ve never heard of that before…” Louis couldn’t help but smile back, pulling his hand back down.

“I’ve got a really good feeling about this, El...I really think we can get it all out.” For a moment, she didn’t do anything but blink at him, looking a bit dazed for a moment before her smile turned reminiscent.

“No one’s ever called me El besides you. Not even Sophia calls me El.” Louis blinked, leaning against the back of his chair for a moment before smiling slightly.

“Force of habit, I suppose…” he mused, watching her quietly. “You’ve always been El to me.” She grinned happily at that, looking down at her hands briefly. The cold Seattle breeze ruffled Louis’ hair and he shivered slightly, but for some reason neither of them motioned to get up.

“How’ve you been, El?” Eleanor looked up at his words, watching him intently for a moment with her big brown eyes. She chewed her lip briefly, before shrugging a bit and smiling wearily.

“Same as you, I suppose. Out in the world, doing my own thing,” she replied, still watching him carefully as she rubbed her hands together. Louis was quiet, tapping his fingernail on the armrest of his chair, no longer smiling.

“But it’s not the same,” he mused, still staring her down and Eleanor shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, looking back down at the ground and sighing softly. Louis’ heart ached painfully, frowning to himself before he got up slowly, still watching her. He tentatively made his way over to her, kneeling down beside her before Eleanor’s arms were wrapped around him, nearly knocking him to the ground as she pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Louis, God I’ve missed you so much…” Louis was shocked for a moment, freezing up as she buried his face into his scrub shirt, sniffling. “I’ve missed talking to you, and seeing you and being your friend...God, we ran away from each other without saying goodbye and both of us were too stupid to pick up a phone…” Her voice was cracking and Louis could feel hot tears falling onto his shirt. His chest felt strangely tight, as if his heart was in the process of breaking, and all he could do was sit on the patio tile and hug her back, pulling her close and began rubbing her back.

“I know...I’m so sorry, El…” he muttered into her hair, feeling her start to cry against him.

“We were friends for so long, you k-know? And then we both got s-s-scared and just...dropped each o-other…” Louis bit his lip, listening to her talk and remained silent.  
“And now w-we’ve got new lives, new b-boyfriends and g-g-girlfriends but we don’t t-tell each other about them because we d-don’t talk…” Louis sighed, shaking his head.

“Eleanor, it’s okay. That’s all over, we can be friends again. I promise you that…” Eleanor sniffled louder, fighting back another cry.

“I know it s-sounds fake and s-s-selfish of me to say that because I flew a-all the way here for your help but I m-m-mean it, I promise…” Louis quickly looked down at her, lifting her face up with both of his hands and shooting her a dark look.

“Eleanor, don’t. I know that you mean it, you don’t need to say that.” He gently wiped away her tears with his thumbs, cutting her off before she could keep talking. “We were stupid before, okay? We had a great friendship and we threw it away because we were young and dumb. But now I’m here, and you’re here, and I swear to God I’m going to do everything I can to get that damn tumor out of your brain so you can go back to London and to Sophia and get married and have babies that I can spoil rotten during holidays.” Eleanor laughed a bit at that, giving him a watery smile before nodding. Louis grinned, pushing her hair behind her ear gently. “Does that sound like a plan to you?”

Her smile widened quickly and she nodded again, throwing her arms around his neck once more before they heard the front door open and Harry’s heavy footsteps come inside, pulling away and wiping her face once more. She grabbed ahold of Louis’ hand as he helped her up, planting a quick kiss on his cheek before murmuring a relieved “thank you” in his ear before walking back inside.

Louis found himself curled up in bed half an hour later, poking absentmindedly at a mostly empty carton of Chinese food in his lap as Harry laid beside him, messing with the wrapper of a fortune cookie rather aggressively.

“My stupid fingers are too slippery for this…” he mumbled angrily as Louis smirked at him, setting his carton down on his bedside table before reaching over and taking it from him.

“Relax, Curly. I’ve got the steady hands of a surgeon, remember?” He opened the wrapper in one swift move, receiving a dirty look from Harry before he giggled and handed it over, relaxing back down against his pillow. “What’s your fortune tonight?”

Harry cleared his throat dramatically, earning another giggle out of Louis before reading out from the tiny piece of paper.

“Love is in the air; don’t ignore it.” Louis blushed bright red, shaking his head quickly.

“Don’t be a liar!” he exclaimed playfully, reaching over to yank it from his hand as Harry twisted out of his way, grinning.

“I’m not, I swear!” he retorted, holding Louis down with one hand as he shoved the fortune in his face. “Even the Chinese restaurant downtown wants us to be together forever.”

Louis scanned it quickly, realizing he wasn’t lying before blushing some more, sticking his tongue out in a last ditch attempt to mess with him before Harry smiled happily, leaning down and giving him a long, deep kiss. Louis felt his eyes flutter shut, his body relaxing against the sheets as he felt Harry turn his body towards him, flipping himself over Louis and holding himself above him with his hands, his palms pressed into either side of his head as he deepened the kiss even further. Louis groaned a bit, opening his mouth slightly before arching his back towards him, eager to make contact with his skin. He threw his arms around his neck, pulling himself upward before Harry suddenly pulled away, lifting his head up.

Louis opened his eyes quickly, displeased with his sudden stopping and frowned. “Harry, come on!” he moaned in protest, jutting out his bottom lip as Harry grinned cheekily, reaching over with one hand and dangling a fortune cookie in front of Louis’ face.

“You haven’t opened yours yet,” he stated simply, smirking as Louis shot him an evil look, shoving him out of the way before sitting up and yanking the plastic wrapped thing from his hand. Harry flopped onto the bed on his back, giggling to himself as Louis fumbled with the wrapper for a moment, pulling it out and cracking it open before pulling the small paper out.

“Don’t underestimate your talents; they will reward you this week.” he read out, and Harry raised an eyebrow at him before letting out a low whistle.

“The cookies don’t lie, Lou. They must really be on your side this week.” Louis stared at it for another moment, blinking rapidly before setting it down on his side table, turning to face Harry.

“Yeah well, we’ll see what happens…” He rubbed the back of his neck absentmindedly for a moment, folding his legs criss cross on the mattress. Harry watched him quietly, one arm resting above his head and the other against his tummy before sliding his leg over gently, tapping his knee with the side of his thigh.

“You’re going to be absolutely fine, I know it.” Louis stared at his hands in his lap, slowly clenching and unclenching his fingers as Harry reached over suddenly, wrapping both of his big hands around Louis’ wrists gently and pulling him down beside him. He gave in, immediately laying on his side and curling up against Harry’s warm chest, sighing contentedly as he began to scratch his back delicately, his other arm draped protectively around his waist.

“It’ll be okay…” he murmured to himself, sleep already clouding his brain as his eyes began to droop shut. He felt a delicate kiss being placed on the side of his head, right above his temple. He opened his mouth to thank him, but the stress of the surgery as well as the lack of sleep from the past few nights finally got to him and he was unconscious before Harry could pull the covers up over them.

The next three days flew by way too quickly for Louis’ liking, and before he knew it the day of Eleanor’s surgery had come. He had done his best to ignore the hype surrounding it, but the whispers and pointing fingers and stares every time he walked down the hallway were getting to be a little too much. Liam had informed him happily in the morning that every medical journal in the country was going to be writing about this, and despite the fact that Zayn kept shooting him panicked glances, urging him to shut his mouth, it was too late. Louis felt immediately nauseous, merely nodding at him in response before turning the opposite direction in search of Amelia.

Harry hadn’t acted much different before he left; he helped Louis with his jacket and asked for clarification on how long the surgery would be.

Louis had messed idly with his watch, nervously running his fingers through his fringe. “I’m not sure...aiming for probably ten hours, I suppose.” Harry had nodded once, handing him his keys before giving him a hesitant smile.

“Sounds good, Lou. Call me if you need anything.” Louis barely remembered saying goodbye, his mind already a jumbled mess and he didn’t even remember the journey to the hospital either.

Eleanor had been checked in the day before, making sure she was in the perfect condition to operate on. She was as calm as ever, listening contentedly as Amelia explained the sodium fluorescein to her one more time.

“We give it an hour before we take you into the OR...should be working just fine once we get you opened up and everything.” Louis was silent, watching intently as Zayn administered the dye through her IV, Niall fidgeting with a razor in his hand, waiting to shave off parts of her hair for the procedure. Eleanor nodded, shooting her a happy grin as she finished.

“Sounds perfect. I’m just ready for all of this to be over.” She turned her gaze to meet Louis’ eyes and he shifted in his spot against the wall, slowly dropping his folded arms down from his chest before giving her what he desperately hoped was a reassuring smile in return.

Amelia smiled happily and nodded towards Niall, Zayn and the nurses. “Have her prepped and ready in an hour in OR three. Dr. Tomlinson and I will meet you there then.” Louis blinked once, watching as she turned and walked out of the room with her tablet down the hall. He quickly followed suit, jogging a bit to catch up to her before hissing in her ear.

“How are you so fucking calm? I haven’t stopped shaking since last night,” he breathed into her ear, dodging around a supply cart as Amelia turned a corner, giving him a relaxed smile.

“Why wouldn’t I be calm? We have our plan, we know what we’re doing. It’s going to be fine.” Louis let out a childish, frustrated groan as she pressed an elevator button, the two of them stepping inside before the doors shut.

“There’s still a lot that could happen, Amelia…” he retorted, gripping the bar on the wall behind him as she shrugged a bit.

“Yeah, you’re right. But we can’t focus on that, only the job at hand. Besides, Owen and I had some great, stress relieving sex last night.” Louis grimaced, making a dramatic and disgusted face as Amelia grinned at him.

“I really never needed to hear that,” he groaned, closing his eyes and laying his head back against the wall.

“Oh, come on now!” Amelia barged on, the doors opening as the two of them began their trek down a hallway again. “I’m sure Harry took great care of you last night too, Louis.”  
His cheeks flushed wildly and he stared fixedly down the hall, clearing his throat and ignoring her as she giggled softly beside him.

“That’s none of your business, nasty.”

Liam had been right; there was a LOT of hype surrounding this surgery. He found himself shaking hands with different neurology doctors and professors from around the country as he and Amelia got closer and closer to their surgery time. He blanked out momentarily when the entire neurology department from Columbia walked over to wish him good luck on the procedure, his stomach sinking somewhere below his feet when he watched them leave.

No longer was this something he and Amelia were discussing; this was happening, for real, within the hour. He’d have Eleanor’s brain cut open soon, would be completely in charge of whether she lived or died and the entire fucking country was going to be watching him while he did it.

Frankly, he wasn’t sure if he could handle it, but it was too late to back out now.

Before he knew it he and Amelia were dressed in their proper scrubs, scrubbing away at their hands with thin, white masks covering their mouths. Meredith had lent Amelia her brother’s old scrub cap, covered in multicolored ferryboats, for good luck. Louis was wearing a simple green one, the same one he had met Harry in. He looked up through the window in front of the sink, watching silently as the OR team swirled around Eleanor on the table, busy attaching various things to her body and checking on machines surrounding her. He couldn’t see her face, but figured she was still as calm as ever.

He sighed deeply, switching off the water with his elbow and shaking off his hands as Amelia did the same thing, turning to meet his eyes for a moment.

“Just follow the game plan, alright?” she said simply, reaching for a paper towel and drying off her hands. “You’ve got a beautiful one, and if anything goes wrong we can handle it. We’ve got a huge team in there, very capable hands.” She smiled faintly at him, dropping her arms as Louis finished drying his hands silently. “We’ve got this.”

Louis dropped his towel in the trash can, finally standing up straight and looking her directly in the eye. She was right, of course; their plan had been discussed over and over for the past two days, constantly running through different scenarios in their heads and finding solutions for each one. There was really nothing else either of them could do anymore.  
He took another deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment and just breathing. He heard Amelia do the same thing in front of him, and then after a minute they both opened their eyes again, Louis flashing her a small grin.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

When they finally stepped inside, everything seemed a bit surreal. He scanned the room briefly, watching as the OR staff stopped what they were doing and turned to face the duo, looking a bit nervous but ready all the same. He gave them a warm smile, walking closer.

“Good morning everyone. Are we ready to get started on one of the most grueling surgeries of your lives?” He grinned as they all giggled softly around him, relaxing a bit before finally looking down to see Eleanor.

She was still awake, looking absolutely terrified in the harsh, white light of the room. Louis frowned, looking up and shooting Amelia a glance. She nodded once, seeming to understand before turning to the rest of the staff and giving them one last rundown of the procedure.

Louis quickly yanked over a chair with his foot, sitting down besides Eleanor’s head while she turned slightly to face him, forcing a nervous smile.

“I’ve got an audience today, don’t I?” She nodded up towards the gallery above them and Louis followed her gaze, glancing at the huge crowd of doctors gathered inside through the windows before looking back down.

“Eh, forget about them. They’re here to watch me, not you.” Eleanor grinned a bit at that, tearing her gaze away from them to meet Louis’ eyes.

“Of course, my mistake…” Her smile faded away rather quickly, chewing on the skin of her lip for a moment before taking a shaky breath. “I know I acted like I wasn’t scared and all, but...once I got in here, reality set in...and now I feel like I’m gonna puke everywhere.” Louis watched her closely for a moment, scanning her face before reaching up and pulling his mask off his face, setting it to rest against his neck.

“I know, El. And it’s perfectly okay to be scared, this is all really overwhelming for you.” Eleanor remained quiet, watching him with sad eyes.

“This is really stupid and very bad timing, but…” She laid her head back against the bed for a moment, blinking back tears as she stared at the ceiling. “But I wish Sophia was here with me…”

Louis’ heart ached painfully at her words, frowning at her before he immediately reached over and pushed her hair from her eyes, not caring that he’d have to rescrub.

“You’ll be able to call her as soon as we’re done, I promise you that,” he assured her quickly, swallowing thickly as she sniffled, a couple stray tears falling down her cheeks. “You’ll be able to hear her voice and you won’t feel so alone anymore. But until then…” He dropped his hand and grabbed ahold of one of her small hands in his own, encapsulating them tightly in his. “You have me. And I’m going to take the best care of you, Amelia and I both. That I swear.”

Louis didn’t even realize Amelia had stopped speaking, the entire OR silent around them. Eleanor stared fixedly at him for a minute, studying his face and then she was nodding slowly, giving him a watery but genuine smile in response.

“Thank you, Lou…” she managed out, and Louis smiled sadly to himself, holding onto her hands as the anesthesiologist slowly but surely put her to sleep.

After a hasty rescrub, Louis found himself standing above Eleanor’s head, Amelia right at his side, staring forward at a clock in front of them.

“Start a timer, please.” she stated simply, the two of them looking forward as the digital clock beeped faintly and started counting. She turned to face Louis, giving him a soft smile before Louis bit his lip, looking forward at one of the nurses.

“Ten blade, please.”

Louis had done some pretty long surgeries before, but this one was by far the longest ever. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault but his own; once he had Eleanor’s brain open he had stared down at her tumor for a good minute or so, trying to visualize the entire thing before Amelia had cleared her throat and brought him back to his senses. The two of them worked meticulously together, switching off occasionally so one could hold the scope and the suction to rest their fingers while the other worked.

Louis glanced up at one point during the surgery at the clock, letting out a low whistle as he read it aloud.

“Rounding in on eight hours…” he mused, looking down at Amelia’s hands briefly. “How are we doing?”

Amelia remained silent, not seeming to hear him at all. Louis’ heart stopped for a moment, immediately glancing up to the side of her face as he pulled the scope back slowly. “Is everything okay?”

She ignored him once more, carefully pulling her hands back before turning her head upwards to face him, blinking slowly. “I’ve gotten all I can see...I think it’s time for the light.”

Louis could see a slight movement in the gallery from the corner of his eye, heard the low murmur of his OR staff around him as he gave her a short nod.

“Right, sounds good…” The air was tense and silent as the two of them switched spots, a nurse taking Amelia’s scope and replacing the top of it with a small blue light. Louis stared forward at the timer for a moment, his hands held outstretched in front of him before he took another deep breath, turning and nodding towards a nurse. “Lights, please.”

The room was suddenly cast into a dim light, the harsh whiteness of before now gone and leaving him feeling strangely lost for a moment. He turned his head down, feeling Amelia appear back on his side and she shone the light onto the operation site.

Louis couldn’t help but smile with joy as he saw the bright, neon green spots appear on Eleanor’s brain. Amelia audibly sighed in relief beside him, the staff around them all collectively gasping in shock around them as Louis immediately got to work, maneuvering his way around the delicate tissue.

And really, Louis was so, so close. He was almost there, just a couple hours later, the last couple of green spots in his line of vision when the machines around him started beeping loudly.

“Her pressure’s dropping, and it’s dropping fast…” Louis looked up in alarm, his eyes wide in surprise and Amelia turned her head to the side, glancing at the machine.

“Jesus, he’s right Louis…” She turned to meet his eyes once more. “She can’t stay under anesthesia any longer, we’ve gotta stop and close up.” Louis blinked rapidly, shaking his head quickly.

“Amelia, I’m so close, there’s just a couple of spots left…” The beeping got louder and louder, the anesthesiologist jumping from his chair quickly.

“She’s been under too long, we HAVE to stop now before it’s too la-” Louis immediately turned his back, cutting him off with a loud shushing noise as he leaned in closer towards Eleanor’s head, Amelia yanking the light back quickly.

“Louis, stop! We already discussed what would happen if her pressure dropped, now stop and close up!” Her voice was growing more and more annoyed but Louis merely ignored her, delving deeper and deeper into the pink tissue of her brain as he squinted his eyes through his glasses.

“Just...a couple more spots…” The noises were deafening now, but he could still see the faint green spots in front of him.

Amelia was at a loss beside him, bouncing back and forth nervously on her feet. Louis knew that she’d never try and yank his arm back in fear of his blade cutting into healthy tissue, and she leaned forward quickly and hissed in his ear.

“If this girl dies, it’s all on you, Louis.” she spat out angrily, and Louis suddenly felt sick. She was right, of course; but how could he stop now when he was so close?

As the timer passed the 11 hour mark a few moments later Louis was suddenly stepping back quickly, his hands held in the air in front of him. “Done!” he exclaimed loudly, watching with a panicked stare at the staff swarmed around Eleanor’s body, getting immediately to work on her. His chest rose and fell rapidly, staring forward blankly with his mouth slightly agape behind his mask. Amelia shot him a sour look, dropping her light and stepping forward to help, but all Louis could do was stand frozen in place.

He felt...strange, to say the least. His entire body ached horribly, his arms and legs and even his head was pounding slightly. He dropped his arms slowly, placing his scalpel and tools onto the metal table in front of him, his hands shakily slightly as he did. The machines were louder than ever, drowning out any other sort of noise in the room and causing the pounding in his head to get worse. His heart was beating against his chest like a snare drum, swallowing thickly as he squeezed his eyes shut, whispering faintly to himself.

“Please, please let the beeping stop…”

A few moments later, it did.

When Louis found himself walking down the hallway an hour later, he felt strangely inhuman. His thoughts were blank, his mind an empty void of feelings as he stepped into the hallway, blinking slowly at the bright lights as he did. Everything seemed to be in slow motion for a moment, hearing nothing but his own blood pumping through his ears, until he suddenly felt someone’s body collide into his, their arms wrapping around his chest.

“You did it, Louis! You fucking did it!” Zayn’s voice swam into his ears, and then suddenly he could hear the loud noises of people clapping and cheering around him. He looked around quickly, suddenly distinguishing the huge amount of people standing in the hallway, all rushing over to congratulate him.

His shoulders were being grabbed constantly, his back being patted with each step he took. He looked around idly, slowly coming to terms with the fact that, yeah, he had just kicked this brain tumor’s ass. He felt a faint smile appear on his lips, finally opening his mouth to speak as the crowd got even louder, the applause almost deafening. Zayn let him go and immediately the crowd seemed to swallow him whole, all of them calling his name and shouting out compliments as Louis’ head spun, taking it all in.

He caught sight of Amelia’s brunette head in front of him, watching her grin happily at him through the mass of bodies before she gave him a thumbs up. “Told you you could do it!” she called out loudly, and Louis barely had time to grin back before he was swept away down the hall.

The surgery was nothing short of a success; Eleanor’s blood pressure had gone back up as soon as they began closing, and she was already tucked away in the ICU, a group of nurses patiently awaiting for her to wake up. Louis was finally able to escape the loud crowd a couple hours later, after answering as many questions as he could before Liam had hastily informed them that Louis was exhausted and would answer any other questions at a future time.

He found himself at the front of the hospital, yawning and rubbing his eyes for a moment before feeling a large pair of arms grab him from behind, lifting him up and pressing a huge, wet kiss on his cheek.

“There’s my rockstar surgeon of a boyfriend!” Louis immediately grinned, grabbing ahold of Harry’s arms as he twirled him around briefly before setting him back down. Harry smiled happily down at him, his long hair pulled up into a bun and his cheeks red from the cold Seattle air outside as he rubbed at his arms gently. “What did I say? I knew you’d make this surgery your bitch.”

Louis snorted, shaking his head as Harry pulled him closer, wrinkling his nose at his boyfriend. “Very tasteful words there, Curly,” he teased, humming contentedly as Harry gave him a soft kiss on the lips, pulling away after a brief moment. “You picked her up from the airport, right?”

Harry rolled his eyes dramatically, clucking his tongue at him. “Of course I did! What do you take me for, an idiot?” Louis shrugged a bit, tilting his head to the side.

“Ehh…” he replied, giggling loudly as Harry swatted him on the back of the head.

“Oh, fuck off. Niall already brought her down to the ICU; she’s there for her when she wakes up.” Louis beamed happily, immediately stepping back and grabbing ahold of his hand before tugging him towards the elevators.

“Come on, then! I wanna watch this happen.”

When Eleanor awoke half an hour later to the sight of Sophia at her side, Louis was so beyond thankful that he had agreed to do the surgery. She gasped loudly, her hands flying to her mouth as quickly as they could in her groggy state and Louis grinned to himself as he watched Sophia lean forward, immediately grabbing onto them and shushing her quietly, giving her a sweet smile as Eleanor’s cheeks began to shine with tears. Forget all of the medical journals and news reports; this was all he needed.

Her reports came back perfectly fine; vitals all normal, sight still intact and from the looks of it the tumor was completely gone. Louis found himself sitting down beside her once more later that evening, watching amusedly as Harry and Sophia chattered away about something.

“You know, our significant others are getting along quite well,” he remarked, dropping his bag down on the floor for a moment. He was finally out of his scrubs, dressed in a pair of joggers and a sweatshirt as Eleanor smiled gently at him.

“It’ll make Christmas a little more bearable, eh?” she remarked, getting a laugh out of Louis. “Did you really call her yourself and fly her down? Harry was telling me about it…”

Louis rolled his eyes, leaning against the back of his chair. “That ass. I told him not to say anything about it…” Eleanor giggled a bit as Louis shrugged in response. “I might have, I suppose.” He tapped his finger against the edge of her bed, watching the two of them talking for another moment before looking back over at her. “Didn’t seem very fair to me that you had to wake up without her.”

Eleanor’s cheeks flushed, giving him a heartfelt look as she scanned his face. “Unbelieveable. It’s like you knew I was gonna ask for her, and sure enough I did before surgery.” Louis smirked, reaching down and poking her nose playfully.

“I still know you like the back of my hand, El. You’re brave and all, but it’s gotta end at some point. Besides, you haven’t seen her in days. Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.” Eleanor rolled her eyes at him, tilting her bandaged up head to the side slightly.

“Just shut up and take my thank you, okay?” Louis laughed loudly, leaning down and kissing her forehead before standing back up.

“Fine, fine…” he muttered, smiling as Sophia came back over to sit on the edge of her bed, Harry appearing at his side.

“Ready to go home?” he murmured into his ear, sliding his fingers in between Louis’ own and he nodded in response, flashing Eleanor another grin.

“I’ll be back in the morning; don’t miss me too much, alright?” Sophia giggled at him as Eleanor waved her hand groggily at him.

“Go home, Louis!” she retorted, and Louis smirked to himself before turning and walking out. Harry swung their hands back and forth together playfully for a while, the two of them taking an elevator back downstairs to the main floor as they approached the hospital’s huge front doors.

“So Lou...now that this is all over, and you’re no longer stressed out…” Louis smiled to himself, feeling his cheeks heat up as he looked down at his feet as they walked.

“Yes, Harry?” he mused, looking up suddenly as Harry stopped in front of the doorway, immediately reaching with his free hand to tilt Louis’ face up, his thumb pressed gently against the bottom of his chin.

“What do you want to do when we get home?” Harry’s breath was hot against his face, his tone sending goosebumps down his spine. Louis blinked slowly at him for a moment, reading his face before flashing him a weary grin, leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss to his nose.

“Sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for finishing! i can't believe people still genuinely read this fic; i have so much fun writing it and i'm really glad people still enjoy it. as always, please leave kudos and/or comments telling me your opinions. any criticism is welcome. :) 
> 
> all the love as always. x


	10. and pain gets hard, but now you're here and i don't feel a thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt Harry appear behind him for a split second before he ran out the doors, where it was now steadily drizzling outside. Leave it to Seattle to switch weather patterns completely within the hour. He scanned the lot quickly, the flashing lights of the ambulances in the bay hurting his eyes for a moment before he spotted them. 
> 
> A man with brunette hair, dressed in a dark green jacket and jeans, a black beanie on top of his head, was slowly but surely limping over. Louis spotted a bring pink jacket in his arms, clutching the child close to his chest to shield her from the rain. A sea of paramedics was swarming him, trying to speak to him and toting a gurney behind them, but he was all eyes for Louis. 
> 
> “Dr. Tomlinson!” Louis blinked, still frowning, before shaking his head and running over, meeting him in the middle of the lot as the rain continued to poor. 
> 
> “Sir, you’ve got to lay d-” His voice cut off immediately, his eyes widening slightly as he stopped, recognizing the man in front of him. 
> 
>  
> 
> an old patient comes back and asks something huge of louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, it's been awhile. i am so sorry this took so long, i took a bit of a break from larry fics after johannah passed, especially since she's such a huge part of this fic. it just took me a bit to get back into the groove of things.  
> this is slightly shorter than what i usually post, but i hope you all enjoy it.   
> (i originally started this in early december, hence the holiday theme. better late than never!)

November was always the bleakest time of the year for Louis. Despite the shift into cold weather (which meant he was able to break out his extensive collection of coats and his hefty winter wardrobe), there was nothing really for him to look forward to. Thanksgiving traditions had ended once he’d left England; he hadn’t had the energy or time to fly back just to eat dinner with his family, and he hadn’t found a need to do anything special in Seattle. In fact, he was pretty positive that the past 3 Thanksgivings had been spent waking up in 3 different guys’ apartments, and then proceeding to sneak out before they woke up. 

This year, however, he woke up in his own bed, in his own apartment, with a guy he wasn’t even slightly repulsed by sleeping soundly at his side, his dark curls a tangled mess against the porcelain white pillowcases and a large comforter pulled up to his chin.

His mouth was slightly open, and Louis could see a bit of drool forming in a small puddle beside his lips. His long, feathery eyelashes cast slight shadows along his cheekbones, his shoulders rising and falling slightly with every breath he took. He was laying on his side, facing Louis, and even though it was a particularly sunny morning in Seattle, the light didn’t seem to bother him. 

Louis yawned quietly, sitting up slowly and rubbing his eyes, pushing his covers down gently. He ran a hand along the side of his neck, wincing a bit in pain as he felt around for any damage Harry had caused last night. He smiled a bit, only taking note of a couple hickies on his neck before he carefully slipped out of bed, shivering a bit as the cold air chilled his bare naked body a bit, padding his way to the bathroom to shower. 

Ever since Eleanor’s surgery, things had been looking up. She recovered extremely well and had left to go back home with Sophia a few days ago, and Louis was simply relieved to not have Sophia staying at their flat anymore. It wasn’t that she was impolite or a problem; it was just hard to have sex with his boyfriend when there was a girl whom neither of them knew well at all sleeping in the room next door to them. But they were both safely back at home, and Louis had now developed a habit of calling Eleanor at least once a week and he was speaking to his mother now more than ever since his trip back home. 

Even Harry seemed happier; even after Louis insisted that he really did not need a job, Harry had perused the streets of Seattle searching for something to do, and Louis slowly realized he was probably bored to death at home all day while Louis was at the hospital. After a week or so, he’d landed himself a job at a music shop, where he was teaching kids how to play guitar 4 days a week. It didn’t seem like much to Louis, but Harry hadn’t stopped gushing about it for weeks. He’d been there almost a month, and with a sheer stroke of luck they’d found out that they both had Thanksgiving off and had the entire day to themselves. 

Louis finished showering and stepped out, drying his hair with a stray towel before wrapping another around his waist. From his bathroom window, he could spot crowds of people beginning to gather on the sides of the street, eager to watch a portion of the Thanksgiving parade that was going to take place soon. He finished drying his hair, tossing the towel onto the floor before stepping out and making a beeline for his closet. 

Harry was awake, stepping into the room just as Louis was walking across, two large mugs in his hands. He grinned happily at Louis, dressed in a terrible, bright blue fuzzy bathrobe, walking over slowly so as not to spill their tea. Louis giggled softly, meeting him in the middle and taking it. 

“Good morning, cookie monster,” he remarked nonchalantly, and Harry wrinkled his nose at him fondly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and cupping his mug in both hands. 

“Morning, Lou…” His voice was still thick with sleep, and Louis’ heart swelled a bit as Harry took a sip of his tea, rubbing at his eye with one hand before setting it down on the table beside him. “Are we going to watch the parade?” 

Louis set his own mug down after taking a sip, walking into the closet and keeping the door open as he changed so as to reply to Harry. “If that’s what you want, love. Today’s up to you…” 

He quickly slipped on a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt before stepping out, taking his mug back and walking to sit down beside Harry. “This is your Thanksgiving.” 

Harry merely gazed at him for a moment, his green eyes scanning Louis’ face briefly before he immediately leaned forward, closing up all the space between them and kissed him gently, intimately before pulling away, giving him another cheeky grin. 

“Parade it is.” 

Louis found himself curled up on the floor of his bedroom half an hour later, the two of them wrapped in a blanket and facing the huge window that took up an entire wall of his room, a perfect view of the parade below. Harry had showered and his hair was now pulled up into a damp bun, the smell of his body wash and deodorant filling Louis’ nose and he really couldn’t remember a time he had felt more at peace, more in love and happy than he was right now. 

But of course, as they say, all good things must come to an end. 

And really, Louis should’ve realized that this lucky streak was going to run out. Never in his life had things decided to go his way for so long and not ended up with something terrible happening in return. 

That just wasn’t him; that wasn’t his life. 

It was never going to be that easy. 

Halfway through the parade, Louis heard his phone ringing faintly from the kitchen down the hall, and he was planning on ignoring it until Harry had nudged rather hard at his side, giving him a cross look before Louis huffed loudly and jogged to the kitchen, grabbing it as it was on it’s last ring and answering it. 

“Hello?”

“Louis! Why haven’t you been answering your pager?!” Liam’s voice was loud and panicked sounding on the other end of the line and Louis quickly jerked the phone away from his ear, wincing. 

“It’s probably in my bag in the living room...Liam, it’s my day off, I didn’t think to h-” 

“OBVIOUSLY you weren’t thinking, Louis!” Liam barked loudly, cutting him off, and Louis rolled his eyes, stifling a sigh. 

“I apologize. Now, what’s the matter? You sound hysterical.” Faintly, in the background, Louis heard the loud noises of sirens and Liam groaned loudly. 

“There’s been a huge car wreck, a pile up downtown. I’ve got loads of victims coming in by the second, and too many traumas to deal with. Half of the surgeons are out of town, and I know you’re off today but there’s just no w-” 

Louis heard a terrible, awful scream in the background, followed by Zayn’s inappropriately excited voice. 

“Her leg’s broken!” he exclaimed gleefully, and Louis nearly laughed out loud at that before the phone began to rustle, Liam obviously escaping to another room before he sighed again, the noise much quieter now. 

“Look, I know this is yours and Harry’s first proper...holiday, I suppose, but I wouldn’t ask this if I wasn’t drowning.” Louis considered this for a moment. He was right, of course. Liam was the type of doctor that had to be forced into asking for help, and the sheer fact he was calling in the first place said a lot. 

Louis sighed a bit, glancing at Harry down the hallway, where he could see his messy bun silhouetted against the hazy Seattle sky in the window before replying. 

“Yeah, of course Liam. Give me 10 minutes, I’ll see you soon.” 

At the end of the day, he was still a doctor and always would be. 

Harry, of course, was rather displeased, but understood nevertheless. 

“Nah, I get it...gotta get out there and save lives…” Louis had smiled and promised him that he’d repay him back tomorrow, and had nearly gotten out the door before Harry ran to the front door suddenly. 

“Let me go with you!” he exclaimed breathlessly, and Louis raised an eyebrow at him, taking his hand off the doorknob.

“Why would you want to come with me? You’d be sitting in a waiting room all day, watching people come and go…” Harry shrugged quickly, blinking at him. 

“Beats sitting here. No offense or anything, I just get bored.” Louis snorted, shaking his head before scanning his face. 

“You’re serious? Christ, we’ve got to get you a hobby, Curly.” He waved his hand impatiently at him and Harry’s face broke out into a huge grin like a child at Christmas before turning on his heel and running out to change. 

They got to the hospital a couple minutes later than Louis had promised Liam, and after giving his boyfriend a hasty kiss at the front doors he’d immediately ran around the building and towards the trauma center, stepping into a picture of absolute chaos. 

This was where Louis was in his element; he could see a group of crying kids on one side of the room, where Arizona was speaking to them in hushed but cheery tones, urging them to calm down. On the other side, he saw Owen and April filtering different patients into trauma rooms, the rest of them being swept into beds lining the walls, where all of the interns were busy working. Louis could spot Niall and Zayn’s heads amongst the madness, bobbing in and out of his peripheral vision for a few moments before Liam suddenly appeared in front of him, looking visibly distraught and flustered, panting slightly. 

“There you are! Come on, there’s a head trauma in room 8…” 

Louis worked diligently throughout the morning; a few people coded, but they all managed to bring them back and keep them alive, and by the time 2 o’clock rolled around things were much calmer and the staff all seemed to take a collective breath of relief. 

“Jesus, that was rough,” Arizona mused, tossing her gloves into a trashcan as Louis stretched out his arms, rolling his head around gently to pop his neck.   
Zayn still seemed excited; he bounced back and forth on his feet, glancing out the clear front doors as if waiting for another ambulance to round the corner. Niall looked tired, rubbing at his eyes and Liam gave them all a warm smile. 

“Great job, everyone. We should be in the clear now…” Louis watched amusedly as Zayn made a beeline for Liam’s side, blabbering on excitedly about all the things he had accomplished in the past few hours before turning his heel, making his way back to the trauma room to gather his things. He glanced down at his phone, frowning a bit when he didn’t see any missed texts, then turned and began to round the corner before he ran head first into Harry. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, don’t do that!” he hissed loudly, and Harry merely blinked at him with wide eyes, looking a bit sheepish. 

“Sorry…” he whispered back, and Louis narrowed his eyes a bit, grabbing his shirt and yanking him back into the room before shutting the door. 

“Harry, what did I say? I told you to stay in the main building!” Louis glanced out the small window briefly before shutting the blinds, turning to face him. “I don’t want either of us getting in trouble!” 

Harry merely gazed at him, his lips pursed slightly as if he were thinking. He leaned against the small bed, crossing his feet at his ankles and resting his hands on either side of his body before tilting his head slightly. 

“But what if I’ve got an emergency?” he asked seriously, and Louis fought the urge to roll his eyes, sighing a bit before crossing his arms. 

“Well, given that this is the emergency room, I suppose it would be alright then.” Harry nodded curtly, a smile appearing on his lips, and for some reason Louis very much wanted to reach out and strangle him. Instead he merely huffed loudly in annoyance, rubbing at his forehead with his palm. 

“Aw come on, Louis...no one saw me, I was just trying to have a little fun on Thanksgiving…” Harry’s voice was pouty and Louis melted a bit, much to his regret. He hadn’t realized how much of a hold this man had on him; he wasn’t even looking at Harry and yet he was already forgiving him. Bit idiotic, he thought solemnly. 

Before he knew it, Harry’s hands had found their way to his waist, his thumbs finding the waist loops of Louis’ jeans easily, jerking him forward gently so that he was pressed up against Harry’s abdomen. 

“You said today was up to me...that I could do whatever I wanted to do…” Louis nearly blanked out, feeling Harry’s hot breath fan across his face and neck and suddenly his arms were uncrossed, his hands wanting nothing more than to be touching Harry’s skin. His knees felt weak as he slipped his hands feverishly beneath Harry’s sweater, his breath hitching slightly as Harry moved his mouth to hover above his ear, his lips nearly touching his skin as his mind raced.

“Harry, come on...you know what I meant…” Even he didn’t believe himself, his voice was trembling and breathy. Harry merely hummed in response, pressing a delicate kiss to one of the bruises on his neck and Louis gasped loudly, nearly falling forward before he heard a panicked noise from outside. 

“Wait, there’s one more! Someone, help!” Louis frowned, immediately straightening up as Harry blinked, dropping his hands. The voice was unfamiliar, sounded like a patient, and Louis made a beeline for the door, yanking it open. 

The emergency room doors were wide open, one of the patients from before sitting in a wheelchair near them and pointing frantically. She looked around wildly and spotted Louis from across the room, eyes widening in panic. “Out there! He’s got a baby in his arms!”

He felt Harry appear behind him for a split second before he ran out the doors, where it was now steadily drizzling outside. Leave it to Seattle to switch weather patterns completely within the hour. He scanned the lot quickly, the flashing lights of the ambulances in the bay hurting his eyes for a moment before he spotted them. 

A man with brunette hair, dressed in a dark green jacket and jeans, a black beanie on top of his head, was slowly but surely limping over. Louis spotted a bring pink jacket in his arms, clutching the child close to his chest to shield her from the rain. A sea of paramedics was swarming him, trying to speak to him and toting a gurney behind them, but he was all eyes for Louis. 

“Dr. Tomlinson!” Louis blinked, still frowning, before shaking his head and running over, meeting him in the middle of the lot as the rain continued to poor. 

“Sir, you’ve got to lay d-” His voice cut off immediately, his eyes widening slightly as he stopped, recognizing the man in front of him. “Gavin?!” 

And yes, it was Gavin. Gavin with a beaten up face and a blood soaked shirt beneath his jacket. He looked paler than a sheet, his eyes unfocused as he sighed in relief. 

“Here, take her…” He shoved forward his daughter immediately, and Louis barely took her in time before he collapsed onto the concrete. 

“Oh, God…” The medics began to swarm once more and Louis stepped back, his breathing having sped up as the baby squirmed in his arms. He looked down at her, his heart aching in his chest as he recognized her from months before, same sparkling brown eyes and dark hair that she’d been born with. 

He quickly held a hand up to guard her face from the rain, and he heard the doors of the ER swish open along with a crowd of heavy footsteps behind him. 

“What happened?! Where did he come from?!” Arizona’s shrill voice rang out in his ears and Louis watched Owen immediately run to his side as one of the medics began to speak. 

“We barely saw him in time, we nearly left the crash site and I saw his arm poking out from beneath one of the cars.” Louis winced, his grip on the baby tightening a bit. 

“He got hurt bad, his daughter seems perfectly fine, just a few cuts. But as soon as we got here he refused to stay in the bed, he was begging to see Dr. Tomlinson…” Louis felt himself blanch, staying silent as Arizona glanced at him, then down at the patient.

“That’s...that’s Gavin Jones, the miracle baby’s dad…” Louis felt sick, his arms suddenly shaky as he pressed the baby tighter to his chest.

So much for a happy Thanksgiving. 

They rushed Gavin inside and immediately went in for scans, having not regained consciousness at all. Owen paged Liam and disappeared with April, while Arizona lagged behind, glancing at Louis carefully. 

“I need to take her for a checkup…” Louis remained silent, looking down as the baby gazed up at him, chewing on her hands in her mouth. He spotted a couple cuts on her face, as well as a small bruise on her forehead, and he felt his stomach churn even more. 

Arizona shoved her hands in her pockets, looking solemn as Harry peeked his head around the corner on the other side of the room. Louis met his eyes and gave him a look, and he immediately disappeared again before he turned to face Arizona, sighing a bit. 

“Okay...just, please page me when you’re done. I feel...responsible for her,” he admitted uneasily. Gavin had been adamant on giving Louis to her...but why?

Arizona nodded quickly, taking her with a smile. “Of course…” She grinned at the baby and set her on her hip, turning and walking away, cooing loudly at her as she did. 

Louis felt his shoulders sink immediately, suddenly feeling exhausted. He absolutely hated this place sometimes, how one patient could come in and ruin his entire day, his entire mood. It just reminded him of how unfair life was. 

He looked around quickly, all of the patients being attended to by interns and other doctors. He glanced back up on the other side of the room and spotted Harry’s green eyes staring at him from in between the blinds now, still in the room he’d left him in. He sighed a bit and rubbed his eyes, walking over towards him. 

The door was flung open as Louis approached it, Harry standing there and staring at him, his brow furrowed in concern. 

“Are you okay?” he asked slowly, brushing back a piece of hair that had fallen from his bun. Louis swallowed thickly, his heart aching some more. 

“You’re not gonna believe who just came in.” 

When Louis saw his brain scans half an hour later, he wondered idly if God was punishing him in some way. He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong, at least lately; maybe this was karma for his shitty past. Brain bleeds littered the black and white picture, like tiny fireworks in his brain. It was sickening. 

He’d sent Harry home, and for good reason; the poor guy had turned a nasty shade of green and gone silent once Louis had finished telling him the story. There was no reason for him to stay here and further torture himself...he didn’t deserve that. Besides, Louis had some extensive work to do. He just hoped he could keep his baby daughter’s face out of his vision while he worked. 

The surgery took 8 long hours, but Louis managed to drain all of the hematomas. His brain was horribly swollen and it became very difficult at times, but somehow he got them all. Liam had joined in with him, helping when he could but Louis was keen on working alone, at least on him. He felt...guilty, almost. Like he owed him his life back. 

They took Gavin into post op and Louis lingered behind, scrubbing his hands rather harshly as he waited for everyone to leave. His skin was red and raw but he couldn’t even feel it at this point, staring pointedly at the sink below him as Liam walked inside. 

“Louis...you’re going to scrub your skin clean off,” he joked halfheartedly, but Louis merely ignored him, running his hands beneath the water. 

He heard Liam sigh a bit and walk over to stand beside him, turning on the sink to his right as he began to scrub out too. They stood in silence for a moment, Louis now intensely scrubbing his fingernails before Liam turned slightly towards him. 

“You did all you could. You got all of the bleeds out. Now it’s up to him to wake up.” Louis huffed a bit, shaking his head. 

“I should’ve been able to do more. I couldn’t save his wife and now I...I can’t save him either,” he spat out bitterly, falling silent as Liam turned off his faucet. 

“Louis, stop. You know his wife dying wasn’t your fault. And neither is this. Christ, you haven’t even given him a chance to wake up!” Louis shook his head slowly, rinsing off his hands. 

“It’s bad, Liam, you know it. You saw his brain, it’ll be a goddamn miracle if he wakes up.” Liam reached over and turned off his faucet, staring intently at him before Louis finally gave in and turned to his side, meeting his eyes. 

“Stranger things have happened, Louis. You know this.” Louis’ heart skipped a beat, like it always did when Harry was mentioned, the two of them staring at each other for a moment before Louis sighed. 

“I know,” he mused, grabbing paper towels to dry off his hands before tossing them along with his mask into the trash and stalking out without another word. 

Arizona had paged him earlier, assuring him that the daughter (Scarlett, was her name) had checked out perfectly fine and would be staying with a CPS worker for the night. Gavin was still unconscious when he left an hour later, after slowly but surely getting dressed and gathering his things before making his way to the main floor and front lobby. 

He saw the unmistakable mop of curly brown hair right as he got off the elevator, sighing in annoyance as Harry made a beeline for him. 

“I told you to go home!” he snapped loudly, and if Harry winced at that Louis elected to ignore it. 

“I did go home, I swear! But you don’t have a car to get home, I came to pick you up…” Well, that made sense. Louis immediately felt a cold rush of guilt flow through him, watching Harry wearily as he messed with the shoulder strap of his bag. 

“Thanks…” he mumbled stoically, and Harry simply frowned at him, jingling the keys nervously in his hand before turning and walking back towards the parking lot, Louis in tow. 

The ride home seemed to take ages, even though it was nearly midnight. Louis rested his elbow on the edge of the passenger car door, rubbing his eyes tiredly with his fingers as they drove in silence. Harry was still uneasy, his fingers tapping nervously against the wheel. 

“Are you hungry?” Louis shook his head, closing his eyes as he leaned his head against the back of the seat.

“Just tired.”

Another short silence, then Harry spoke yet again. “Is the baby alright?”

Louis held in a loud sigh, rubbing his eye again rather agitatedly before nodding. “Yes, she’s alright. Staying with a social worker.” 

Pause. Louis really wish he’d stop, his head was pounding. 

“Is Gavin alright?” 

Louis groaned loudly, throwing his hands up in protest and saw Harry flinch from the corner of his eye. For some reason, he couldn’t find himself to care. 

“I don’t know, Harry. I did all I could and I have no fucking idea if he’s going to wake up.” His voice was loud and harsh and he could see Harry sinking lower and lower into his seat. “I don’t want to talk about this so please, just drive so I can go home and go to bed.” 

This time, the silence was empty, and Louis closed his eyes once more as Harry didn’t say another word. 

They got home and Louis got out quickly, probably slamming the door behind him but it didn’t matter. His mind was a frenzy of emotions, wreaking havoc inside his brain and he needed to relax before he exploded on Harry once more. It wasn’t his fault, he knew that. But he felt like a fucking grenade about to go off at any moment, and he wasn’t intent on destroying everything in his path. 

He made a beeline for the bathroom as soon as they got in, dumping his stuff in its usual spot on the chair beside the door before locking himself inside. He sat down on the ground, staring at nothing for a brief moment before pulling his phone out of his pocket, glancing at the time. He really hoped his mum was awake. 

An hour and a half later found Louis leaning against the bathroom door, murmuring a tired but happy goodnight to his mother before he hung up the phone, dropping it with a clatter to the floor on his side. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes before rubbing at them for what seemed like the millionth time that night. He was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, but speaking to Johannah had helped immensely. She always knew the right thing to say, even in regards to the world of medicine and surgery that she knew nothing about, and Louis admired her for that. 

He wondered idly for a moment if Harry was still awake, and his stomach sank immediately. That was something he’d do; stay up and wait to make sure Louis was okay, even after he’d snapped at him in the car. He pressed his palms to the cold tile, pushing himself up to stand after sliding his phone back in his pocket. He opened the door slowly, peering around the corner carefully to look in the bedroom. 

Harry was curled up in bed, his back facing away from him and towards the window. Louis took a step forward, turning off the bathroom light and making his way into the room. He heard Harry’s light snoring fill his ears, smiling a bit to himself. He set his phone down silently on his bedside table before tiptoeing to the closet to change. 

Harry stirred slightly as Louis climbed into bed, mumbling in his sleep but not waking up. Louis bit his lip, the guilt seeming to pool in his stomach and make him feel nauseous as he watched his boyfriend sleep. 

He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, brushing part of his curls back as he murmured into his ear. 

“I’m sorry, Harry...I didn’t mean to yell, it just…” He frowned, his fingers lingering against his hair. “It was a shit day and that’s no excuse, and I’m just sorry…” He rolled onto his back, sighing softly and staring up at the ceiling, resting his hands on his stomach. 

There was a short period of silence, and then Harry’s deep, sleepy voice mumbled back at him. 

“I forgive you, Lou.” 

The holiday season had always been hell for Louis, but it was especially bad this year. Every day Louis came to work and made a beeline straight for Gavin’s room, only to find that he was still unconscious and comatose. And everyday it got harder and harder for Louis to send his routine text to Harry, telling him once again that no, he wasn’t awake yet. 

He wasn’t sure he’d ever be. '

Before Louis knew it nearly a month had passed, and Christmas season was in full swing. The hospital was decorated with trees and gaudy tinsel and fake presents and while Louis didn’t particularly care for it, Harry did. Of course Harry did. 

His flat had been transformed into some sort of winter paradise, complete with colored lights encircling the railing of his balcony and a huge, messy and tacky Christmas tree in their living room. Harry had even taken the time to go out and buy horribly ugly sweaters and paraded around the house as well as the hospital in them, getting lots of smiles and laughs out of everyone. Louis pretended to hate them, but he honestly couldn’t keep the fond smile off of his face even if he tried. 

Louis’ Christmas trip back home on Christmas Eve had ended up being cancelled due to the awful weather that had taken over Seattle, grounding every flight out of the airport. Johannah had been disappointed, but Louis assured her that he’d be out there as soon as the ground thawed. 

“Is Harry coming too?!” Louis grinned at Daisy’s voice in the background, rolling his eyes. 

“Of course Harry’s coming, don’t worry. Your presents will just have to wait a couple more weeks, sorry love.” Harry looked up at him, his cheeks flushing a light pink color as he smiled happily from the kitchen. 

Louis got through all of his goodbyes before hanging up the phone, getting up from his spot on the couch and making a beeline for his boyfriend, snaking his arms around his waist from behind. “What’re you doing?” 

“Finishing your birthday cake.” Louis smiled, resting his head against Harry’s back and falling silent, feeling Harry move slightly beneath him as he worked. He’d been woken up just a couple hours before with some absolutely fantastic morning sex, just “the start of his perfect birthday”, as Harry had put it. He was reveling in the moment; after all, it was the first birthday he hadn’t spent alone in some number of years. Now here he was, with his gorgeous boyfriend decorating a cake he’d baked him from scratch. Life was strange. 

“All done!” Harry clapped his hands together and Louis let go of him, stepping to the side to examine it. It was a simple two layer cake, chocolate with chocolate frosting, as Louis had insisted on having. It was decorated with little red frosting hearts around the edges, along with bright green letters that read “Happy Birthday Louis” in the middle. 

“It’s beautiful, Harry…” And it was. Simple as it was, Louis was positive he’d not seen a cake more spectacular in his life. Harry blushed some more, setting his frosting down. 

“Ah, whatever. It’s a cake.” He smiled as Louis pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips, watching as he slid his finger along the bottom of the cake quickly, gathering a dollop of the frosting on his finger. “Oi! Hands off, not until tonight!” 

Louis rolled his eyes, popping his finger into his mouth. “My birthday, my rules.” Harry pouted playfully at him and Louis giggled, reaching forward with his free hand and snaking his arm around his boyfriend’s waist, yanking him forward quickly. “Can I have another one of my birthday presents now?” 

Harry blinked rapidly at him, seeming to forget how to breathe for a moment and Louis merely watched him, still sucking absentmindedly on his finger as he gazed at Harry intently. Louis took his hand on Harry’s back and slowly began to dip his fingers beneath the waistband of his pants. 

That seemed to knock some sense into him, and Louis found himself giggling loudly, being lifted off the floor and carried to the bedroom. “Hey, I got this present earlier!”   
Harry dropped him onto the bed and Louis bounced on his back slightly, blinking up at him as Harry yanked his long sleeved pajama shirt off over his head, an intense sort of look in his eyes. 

“You thought that was a present earlier? Please, that was nothing.” Louis’ stomach did a flip and he swallowed thickly, already feeling himself getting hard as Harry smirked at him, placing his knees on either side of Louis’ slender waist, leaning down and pressing his lips to his. 

Louis had just snaked his arms around Harry’s neck and hoisted himself upward slightly when his phone began ringing loudly in his pocket. Harry groaned loudly into his mouth, Louis sighing and falling back onto the mattress, reaching wildly for his pocket. 

“Who the fuck is it?!” he complained loudly, holding it up and glancing at the caller ID. “What does Liam want?” It was probably another birthday wish; Zayn had been a dick and called him right at midnight to wish him a happy birthday, much to Louis’ dismay.

Harry merely hummed, already kissing down Louis’ jawline and neck. Louis shivered a bit, squirming beneath Harry’s large frame before he impatiently slid his finger across to answer the call. 

“Hello?” He struggled to keep his voice from trembling; Harry was sucking at his collarbone now. 

“Louis? You need to get down here now.” Liam’s voice was almost breathless; he sounded genuinely distressed. Louis frowned, blinking a bit. 

“Liam? What is it, what’s wrong?” He felt Harry pull his lips away, the mattress moving slightly as he sat up beside him, his gaze boring holes into the side of Louis’ face.

“It’s Gavin. He woke up, he’s asking for you.” Louis’ heart was suddenly pounding against his chest, and he sat up immediately. 

“You’re not serious!” Harry was frowning now, staring fixedly at Louis with concern. 

“I am, Louis. You need to get down here, quick. He’s insistent on talking to you, and only you.” Louis pushed himself out of bed quickly, booking it for the closet as he began to grab the nearest clothes he could find. 

“Right, okay, I’m on my way!” He moved the phone to end the call but Liam’s voice got louder in his ear. 

“Louis, wait!” Louis paused, pulling one of his shirts off the hanger before frowning slightly. 

“What is it?” He heard Liam’s exasperated sigh on the other end and his stomach sank. 

He already knew the answer. 

“This isn’t going to last. He’s about to die, I can tell. It’s his...his last burst of energy. You know how it goes.” Yes, Louis did know. It happened with a lot of people; kids, adults, the elderly. 

It was strange, but somehow you could tell when someone who was sick or severely injured was about to die. They took on a sudden happy persona, one that hadn’t been seen in months or sometimes years beforehand. They were smiling and attentive and wanted nothing more than to see their family, to talk and laugh and enjoy themselves. Hours later, they were gone. 

Louis was silent for a moment, the reality of the situation hitting him like a truck. He heard Harry open the closet door behind him, biting his lip before sighing softly. 

“Understood. I’ll be there in 20.” 

Louis had managed to explain the whole situation while hurriedly getting dressed in the closet and of course, Harry had insisted on coming. As awful as it sounded, Louis was relieved to hear him say that. As morbid as this entire thing was, he knew he’d feel better walking through those doors with Harry at his side, knowing he was in the hospital with him, even if he was unable to do anything and had to stay in the waiting rooms the entire time. 

Louis drove as fast as he could without risking death on both of them and was jogging through the hospital doors exactly 20 minutes later, hastily hitting an elevator button before turning to Harry. 

“I’ll be back down as soon as I can, okay?” Harry nodded quickly, leaning forward and kissing him deeply, holding him close before pulling away. 

“I’ll be here.” He gave him a soft smile and Louis’ heart swelled with love, managing a grin back before stepping inside the elevator, watching Harry’s face disappear as the doors closed shut.

His mind had been racing the entire way to the hospital. He had no idea why Gavin had asked specifically for him, just like he still had no idea why he’d given Scarlett over to him immediately after his accident. It had been weighing on Louis’ conscience for almost a month now, eating away at him but he hadn’t been able to figure anything out with Gavin still in a coma. 

Louis wrung his hands nervously, stepping off the elevator and stalking towards the back of the hall, where his room was located. Liam spotted him immediately, waiting as Louis quickly made his way towards him.

“He’s still awake?” Liam nodding, jutting his chin towards the doorway as Louis peered inside. Gavin was very much awake, sitting up in his bed and leaning against the pillows, Scarlett babbling happily in his arms. He was smiling, looking better than he had before but Louis was all too familiar with the facade. He chewed on his lip, glancing up at Liam. “He wants to talk to me?”

Liam nodded once more, turning slightly to meet his gaze fully. “You’re all he wants to talk to. I don’t know what about, but it seems very urgent.” Louis shifted uncomfortably beneath his gaze, turning back to Gavin briefly. 

“Right…” he breathed slowly, his stomach sinking at the sight. Who knows how much time he had left with his daughter? Louis was suddenly very nauseous. 

Gavin caught sight of him after a moment, his facial expression shifting slightly for a moment to something Louis didn’t quite recognize. Fear? Remorse? 

“Louis!” His happy facade was back in an instant, and Louis suddenly realized Arizona was there too, still dressed in a tacky Christmas sweater from home, watching Louis intently. 

“Gavin, it’s so nice to see you awake and talking…” Louis tried his best to keep his voice from faltering, plastering on a fake smile that he hoped wasn’t transparent. He stepped inside, watching as Gavin turned to Arizona. 

“Can you take her? I need to speak with Dr. Tomlinson privately for a moment…” Louis tried to ignore the feeling of Liam’s eyes staring into the back of his head, waiting patiently as Arizona took his daugher carefully, making her way out of the room before shutting the door behind them. 

A heavy sort of silence filled the room, and suddenly the air was stifling. Louis swallowed once more, unsure of what to do as Gavin’s smile slowly faded. 

“I know what’s happening. I’m about to die, I feel it.” His voice was strangely calm, his hands resting on either side of his body as he spoke. “I saw it happen with friends in the army.” 

Louis shoved his hands into his coat pockets, sighing softly before meeting Gavin’s dark brown eyes. 

“You’re right...you’re dying.” Louis didn’t know what else to say. What do you say in a situation like this? He felt like he should be better prepared; he’d told plenty of patients they were dying before. 

Gavin gave a sort of halfhearted laugh, shaking his head before staring down at the pattern on his blanket. “It’s not fair. One minute I’m on my way to take Scarlett to the parade, the next I’m on the side of the highway with my car on top of me, all because some asshole decided he needed to send out a text.” Louis slowly made his way over to the chair at his bedside, sitting down as he spoke. 

Gavin stared at him intently once more, waiting for Louis to look back up before speaking again. “It’s not fair to her, to Scarlett,” he continued. Louis nodded once, still not sure of where this conversation was going, but he wasn’t about to interrupt a dying man. 

Gavin’s face changed once more, first uneasiness spreading across his face, before being replaced with a sort of solemn and calm demeanor, much like a soldier’s. He pressed his lips together briefly, looking torn for a moment before taking a deep breath. 

“Louis, I…” He closed his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh and suddenly Louis was reaching out towards him, grabbing a hold of the man’s hand immediately. He was right; there was nothing fair about his situation, nothing at all. All he could do was sit here and listen to his words, reassure him in any way that he could, and he was going to do just that.

“Whatever you need to tell me, go ahead.” Louis stared at him carefully, watching Gavin’s face contort slightly with fear before he nodded, swallowing thickly. 

“Okay, well…” He took another shaky breath, closing his eyes briefly as if to gather some courage, before squeezing his hand and opening his eyes once more. 

“I need you to adopt Scarlett.” 

Louis’ entire being froze; his body, his breathing, his brain. He stared at Gavin blankly, frowning in confusion as Gavin barrelled on, barely taking a breath. 

“I know it’s a lot, good God I know that. But...I can’t leave her alone, I can’t. And I’m going to fucking die any moment and I know this and I can’t stand the thought of her being stuck in the foster care system for the rest of her life.” Louis absolutely couldn’t breathe; he was barely registering his words at this point. 

“You saved her life. You saved my daughter’s life and you did all you could to save my wife, my poor Addie, and you did all you could to save me.” Louis’ brain seemed to snap back into action at that, Gavin’s voice suddenly shaky and watery. Louis could see the tears beginning to pool in his brown eyes. 

“I don’t usually believe in fate, or anything like that. But you’ve been here for us, every step of the way, and I never thought I would ask this of anyone but she’s got no one left. Christ, Addie’s family disowned her and mine are all dead. There’s no siblings, no grandparents, nothing.” Gavin’s face was shining with tears now, and Louis bit his lip, his stomach churning. His mind was drawing a blank; he didn’t know what to say. 

Gavin reached up with his free arm to wipe his face with his sleeve, sniffling slightly before looking back at him. “I know it’s a lot, I understand. And if it’s impossible, and you can’t do it...I get it.” He swallowed thickly, falling silent for a moment. “Just...make sure she gets to a good home.” 

Louis found himself nodding before he even registered what he was doing, giving his hand another reassuring squeeze. “Y-yeah, of course…” He blinked slowly, his mind still processing everything that had just happened. Gavin gave him a watery smile. 

“You save lives for a living. I’m just asking you to save one more.” Louis felt his throat tighten at that, falling silent for a moment as his own eyes began to sting with tears. 

“Of course, G-” The sudden rapid beeping of a machine broke his stunned reverie and interrupted his response, standing up suddenly. “Gavin…” He blanched suddenly, feeling the limpness of his hand in his own, his eyes fluttering shut. “Gavin?!”

Louis barely heard the door open behind him; it was slow motion now. The noises around him were faded and slow as he leapt onto the side of the bed, yanking the pillows out from behind his head to lay him down. 

“His heartbeat’s stopped…” Liam’s voice sounded almost foreign, and Louis placed his shaky hands on Gavin’s chest, beginning to pound against it rhythmically. 

“Gavin, come on! Wake up!” Time began to catch back up with him again, the beeping suddenly getting louder and shrill and he was suddenly aware of the onslaught of nurses that had swarmed the room. 

“Goddammit,” Liam hissed beneath his breath, injecting drug after drug into Gavin’s IV. Louis was shaking badly now, his heart pounding like a drum against his ribcage. He felt like he might vomit at any moment yet he kept pounding on his chest, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. 

After a few minutes, Liam tried the shock paddles. After that, more drugs. And after half an hour, the flatline still beeping shrilly in Louis’ ears, Liam turned and looked at him solemnly. 

“Time of death, 12:42 pm.” Louis closed his eyes slowly, his knees shaking. 

Happy birthday to him. 

Louis kept his mouth shut, opening his eyes after a few moments before turning abruptly and walking out the door. He scanned the hallway carefully, spotting Arizona at the end of it, sitting in a chair bouncing Scarlett in her lap. He made a beeline for her immediately, swallowing down the bile in his throat before leaning down and picking the baby up quickly. 

“Louis…” Arizona frowned at him, raising an eyebrow as Louis turned and stalked down the opposite end of the hallway. “Louis! Bring her back, right now!” Louis ignored her, his ears still ringing with the sound of the Gavin’s flatline and he brushed past Liam’s large frame, ignoring his loud calls as well. 

He made his way to the stairwell in the back, flinging open the door and taking in a deep breath of the cold air. He looked around for a moment, contemplating where to go, before taking off up the stairs. Scarlett kept quiet, holding onto his coat tightly as she bobbed with every step he took. He made it up a few flights of stairs before opening the door to a random floor, panting slightly and jiggling the handle of the first room he saw, stepping inside and shutting it behind him. 

It was a dark patient room, the bed clean and unoccupied. He shakily reached out and flipped the lightswitch on, swallowing thickly. Keeping his tight grip on Scarlett, he walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, feeling the waves of pure panic finally starting to hit him like a tsunami. Tears began to fall as he reached into his pocket quickly, pulling out his phone and unlocking his phone before typing out a text with one hand to Harry. 

‘Room 918. Come now.’ 

His fingers were trembling and he dropped his phone onto the floor after he sent the message, the loud clatter on the tile floor making him jump. Scarlett looked down below her in confusion, before turning her head back up to face Louis. He met her gaze slowly, taking his first good look at her for the day. She looked a lot like her mom now, same big, dark eyes but she had Gavin’s nose. Louis’ lip trembled, a sort of strangled sobbing noise escaping his lips before he pulled Scarlett to his chest tightly, holding her close as he began to cry. 

Louis didn’t even hear Harry open the door a few minutes later; his crying was drowning out everything. Scarlett was wriggling in his arms, trying to break free from his grip, and Louis faintly heard the door shut once more before Harry’s large hands were on his shoulders. 

“Louis? Baby, it’s okay, breathe…” Louis whimpered, feeling as Harry pried his arms gently from around Scarlett, pulling her from his grasp. 

“Hi sweetheart…” Harry murmured to her, and Louis immediately buried his face into her hands, feeling as his breathing sped up once again. 

“Christ, Louis…” Harry’s hand was on his back again, doing as much comforting as he could while he had a baby in his lap. “Deep breaths, in and out…” He sounded scared almost, his hand reaching over to grab a hold of his hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m right here, I’m here, Lou…”

It took Louis several more minutes along with more deep breaths to finally stop his crying, his chest still tight with worry and fear. Harry never let go of his hand once, pressing himself into Louis’ side for some sort of reassurance as he finally calmed down. He lifted his face up slowly, his head absolutely throbbing as he met Harry’s gaze.   
He looked distressed, fear etched upon his brow and green eyes filled with worry. Scarlett was sitting in his lap, one large arm wrapped around her front as she kept quiet, chewing absentmindedly on her hand. Harry tilted his head to the side, frowning. 

“What happened?” Louis was nauseous again. 

The door slammed open then, Arizona and Liam barging in along with two or three security guards, looking furious. 

“Louis Tomlinson, what is the matter with you?!” Liam barked loudly, stepping aside as Arizona stalked over to him. 

“You took this baby out of my care and you ran, do you understand that that constitutes as kidnapping?!” Louis merely stared at her, watching as she snatched Scarlett up from Harry’s lap as Liam crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I understand that Gavin just died, but that does NOT give you an excuse to act this way!” Louis felt Harry stiffen up at his side, saw his head turn towards him in his peripheral.   
“Gavin’s dead?” Louis gave him a short nod, staring at nothing in particular in front of him as Harry sighed, falling silent. 

A long, awkward silence filled the room; no one knew what to say because really, what was there to say? Louis didn’t much feel like talking. He kinda hoped he could just disappear into the floor. 

Arizona was still glaring daggers in Louis’ direction, balancing Scarlett on her hip before Liam broke the silence with a clear of his throat. “What did he tell you, Louis?” 

Louis closed his eyes, remaining silent. He felt Harry’s long fingers slide themselves in between his own once more, giving him a gentle squeeze. Louis took a deep breath, opening his eyes slowly. 

It all came tumbling out. 

After Louis’ emotional and somewhat messy explanation, a tense silence filled the room. Liam and Arizona were staring blankly at him, and Harry had gone somewhat pale at his side. Louis could feel how sweaty his palm had suddenly become against his hand, and he glanced over at him briefly, scanning his face. 

“Harry…” Harry remained silent, now taking his turn to stare stoically at nothing in particular.

Arizona shifted in her corner of the room, clearing her throat nervously. “Louis, it’s…” Her voice faltered a bit before she spoke back up again. “This is huge. A baby is...a huge ordeal-”

“I’m well aware, thank you,” he snapped coldly, shutting her up immediately. Scarlett watched Louis for a moment, looking curious, before Liam spoke up. 

“This is...well, this is a lot,” he stated slowly. Yeah, no shit Sherlock, Louis thought to himself, rolling his eyes before turning his head back down. He heard Liam sigh once more, shifting his feet. “Give it time, Louis. Scarlett is in good hands here. Think it over before you decide anything.” Louis kept silent, staring at his shoes and giving them the cold shoulder. After a moment, he and Arizona both took the hint and filed out of the room, taking the guards with them and shutting the door behind them. 

Louis was suddenly aware of a clock ticking in the room; he hadn’t noticed it when he first walked in. He listened to his noise for a long while, still keeping his fingers intertwined with Harry’s. 

After some time had passed (Louis’ not sure how much; could’ve been 5 minutes or 5 hours for all he knew), Harry let out a slow and shaky breath, his shoulders slumping a bit. Louis turned his head up, staring at the side of his face intently. Harry kept quiet, still staring at the wall in front of him before he finally turned to meet Louis’ gaze, his green eyes swimming with tears. 

“Louis…” he began carefully, his voice cracking, and Louis immediately sat up, wrapping his arms around Harry’s body. Harry followed suit, snaking his arms around his lower waist and resting his chin on his shoulder, sniffling a bit. Louis closed his eyes, inhaling his scent for a moment, calming himself down even more. They sat like that for a few minutes, before Harry mumbled into Louis’ neck. 

“We’ve got to take her, Louis.” 

And, somehow, for some reason...that didn’t sound completely crazy to him anymore. 

Louis completely relaxed into him, letting out a deep breath he felt like he’d been holding in for hours. Harry held him tighter, running his hands through Louis’ hair as they both began to process what was happening. Louis slowly pulled away, sitting back up straight and glancing at Harry seriously, scanning his face. 

“Are you completely sure about this? I mean...good God, we’ve been together for what, a few months?” Harry watched him very carefully, letting him speak. “I know this is...it’s a lot, and he asked me to do this for him and you don’t have to...you don’t have to stay with me just because of her…” Harry frowned at him, opening his mouth to speak but Louis shook his head. 

“Hear me out, Harry.” He sighed shakily, running a hand across his face before continuing. “I’m going to do this for her, I..I have to do this for her. For Gavin, for Addie.” Harry’s face looked slightly pained but he kept silent. “You don’t have to, not at all. This entire situation is...it’s ridiculous and cruel and unfair and I just...I can’t force you into this. I won’t.” Louis felt hot tears begin to spill onto his cheeks once more and he looked down at his lap. “If you want to break this off, please...please do it now. Before I do this.” 

The silence that followed filled Louis with absolute dread. He could almost hear the gears in Harry’s head turning, contemplating this new life with a baby and Louis just knew it was going to end here. 

He felt Harry’s large, warm hands cup his face suddenly, turning it upward to face him. Louis opened his eyes quickly, staring directly into Harry’s sudden very serious, very stony face. 

“Louis William Tomlinson,” he began slowly, running his thumbs along his cheeks. “I intend to marry you. I intend to marry you and build a house with you and grow old in that house and die with you.” Louis stared blankly at him, his entire body going numb. 

“I knew all of these things when I first met you. Hell, I knew it when I first saw you.” Harry kept talking, never breaking eye contact. “This isn’t a normal situation, but absolutely nothing about us is normal. We were not made to be a normal couple, and that’s okay.” Louis’ eyes were filling with tears once more. 

“Gavin asked you to do this, and you want to keep your promise. I respect that. But don’t you think for one goddamn second that I’m not going to be there at your side every step of the way, because I’m here to stay. I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon, Louis. I’m here for the long run, I’m here to stay.” Louis felt his cheeks growing wet once more, sniffling slightly as Harry wiped his tears away. 

“You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid. I love you too much to let you go.” Louis stared at him, his face swimming slightly in his vision as more tears fell out, and he was suddenly aware of the smile upon his own lips. He sniffled slightly, blinking a few times to clear his eyes before he caught sight of Harry’s own soft grin, still watching him intently. 

“It’s going to be okay, Louis. We’re gonna get through this.” 

And somehow, as Harry wrapped his arms around him once more, holding him close to his chest, Louis knew he was right. He was always right. 

They could get through anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! if you've stuck with me for this long, i absolutely adore you. as always, leave comments/kudos. i love all types of feedback, and i promise the next chapter won't take as long!  
> all the love. x


End file.
